Clearing the Air
Summary: Beckett takes Castle to therapy with her.
Acknowledgements: Thanks as always to Luv2sk87, you are my sounding board and make my stories better.
Disclaimer: As always I do not own anything except the story.
Dr. Burke stood beside his chair and watched the pair come into the room. So this was the infamous 'Castle'. He watched closely as the writer held the door for the detective and trailed her into the room, the tall man's eyes following her every move as she slipped off her ballet flats and curled up in the chair.
"Mr. Castle, I presume." Dr. Burke held out his hand and gestured toward the empty chair to Kate's left. "Thank you for joining us today."
"Rick, please call me Rick." He shook the doctor's hand and sat in the chair, fidgeting uncomfortably.
"Have you ever been to a counseling session in the past?"
"Yes, fifteen years ago, during my first divorce." Rick answered matter of factly.
He nodded at Rick and turned to the detective. "So, Kate, would you like to start?" The doctor asked, lowering his tablet onto his lap and pulling a pen out of his chest pocket.
"First, I want to thank Rick for coming. I know he didn't really want to…"
"Stop, Kate…I never said I didn't want to come. Just I didn't know why you would want me to. Okay?" He said slumping in the chair.
"Kate, why did you ask Rick to come today?" Dr. Burke asked
"I…I was hoping that you could help me talk with him about what happened this summer and…and other things," Kate said, biting down on her lower lip.
Rick looked at her, noticed her discomfort and spoke up. "Kate, there's really nothing more to say…"
Kate jumped up out of her seat and turned to look at her partner, "Yes, there is. These last three weeks, the way you've been acting…you couldn't have understood what I was saying on the swings. I thought you did but ..."
"I didn't at first but I got it now." Rick grimaced and looked down at his hands.
A look of confusion covered her face as her hands fisted at her side, "What? I don't even know what you're talking about. All of a sudden you're got a blonde bimbo plastered to your side, you're running off to Vegas for the weekend and coming back looking like hell, making snide remarks…damn it Castle, you can't even look me in the eyes any more. Please…it's time to cut the riddles and just tell me what's got you so pissed at me because I can't take much more of this." She walked behind the chairs and started to pace.
Dr. Burke looked at the detective, "Kate, can you tell Rick why you are so upset."
She stopped her pacing and looked at the doctor with wide eyes and groaned, "I'm so frustrated; I've been racking my brain to try to figure out what's changed…what I did to make him hate me."
"Kate, I'm not the one to ask, talk to Rick." The doctor said calmly.
She nodded and came around the chair to stand in front of him. "Please, Rick, tell me what I did so I can fix it. I can't lose you. Please tell me…" She held out a hand, a single tear sliding down her face.
Rick stared at her open-mouthed. He shut his eyes for a moment and then mumbled, "I heard you in the interrogation room."
She stared back at him, confusion all over her face. "What?"
He let out a breath and looked her directly in the eyes, "During the bombing case, I was watching you interview the kid with the backpack. You told him you remembered." He paused for a moment a sneer covering his face, his lower lip trembling, "You told a suspect in the interrogation room before you told me…you lied to me for months." He dropped his head in his hands and then looked up and sighed, "I got the message, Kate, loud and clear. You don't feel the same and you didn't want to hurt me. Well, you don't need to keep up the act. I get it!"
"Act…what act?" She threw her hands in the air and started pacing again. "Yes, I lied to you but it wasn't because I didn't love you. I love you so much it scares me to death you jackass. I wasn't ready for you then. I had just been shot…you tried to stop me but I wouldn't listen and I said awful things to you. I got the Captain killed and I couldn't get the picture of him lying on that hanger floor out of my head…" She stopped directly in front of him and looked him in the eyes, "and yes, I lied to you but I thought you would wait for me. I've spent the last seven months here with Dr. Burke trying to figure out how to make things right, trying to make myself someone worthy of your love."
Noticing the shocked expression on Castle's face, she sucked in a deep breath, a defeated look washing over her face. Mistaking his silence for indifference, she dropped down in her chair and ran her hands through her hair. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know it's too late, I…I know that you've moved on. It's just I've been…healing and I wanted…needed you to know how I felt." She said with a look over at the doctor.
"Rick, how does this make you feel?"
Rick looked first at Dr. Burke then turned toward Kate. He stood up and walked over to her chair. Silently he reached out taking her hands into his and pulled her up out of her chair. He let go of her right hand and put his index finger under her chin then tilted her face up to his. Looking directly into her eyes, he smiled softly. "I love you Kate. You, the cop I work with everyday who challenges me to be a better man. You, the partner who doesn't put up with my crap and isn't afraid to tell me when I'm being a jerk. You, my best friend, the woman who cares about the real me, helps me with my kid…hell, you even get along with my mother."
"Rick…"
"Shhh," he said moving the finger from her chin up to her lips. "My mother told me that I couldn't switch off my love for you. But I was so hurt, I didn't listen…I'm sorry that I went a little crazy. I haven't slept, I can't eat…hell, I can't even drink enough scotch to make myself stop thinking about you. I thought I knew why you lied. I tried to move on but I couldn't. Then the whole death wish thing with Slaughter. It just made everything crystal clear. If I can't have you, I don't want anyone. I love you, Kate." He sighed finally running out of words as leaned down to rest his forehead on hers. "I just love you."
"I love you too." Kate whispered moving her arms up around his neck and pulling him into a hug.
"I think that we are finished for today. I will just leave you too alone a moment." Dr. Burke said as he stood up and walked out of the room, a smile of satisfaction on his lips. "Have my secretary schedule you both to come back in a week," he called to them, the door shutting behind him.
Rick dropped a gentle kiss onto her lips. "I think that I like therapy," he said his blue eyes sparkling. "Hey, can you not tell my mother about me admitting she was right about the whole not being able to switch love off thing."
Kate laughed and nodded her head, "Yeap…as long as you shut up and kiss me."
"My pleasure…" he said as he leaned down and kissed her.