"One Good Day to Let Go"
By C.K. Blake
How would Spike react if Buffy died in his arms? Touching idea of Buffy dying because of him. Inspiration. Full of Grace.
Right after "Fool For Love" AU, Buffy didn't go home.
The stars silently watched the scene unfolding in the dark garden of stone. The stars could see what the girl felt drawing near her. The girl was a petite attractive blonde, she didn't look so threatening, but to the demonic she was death. The girl had power; she was the slayer. She was the boogeyman's boogeyman. She looked up at the sky and let her breath out in a sigh. She still felt bad about what she'd told her peroxide abusing fangy informant. She liked hitting him, but ripping apart what little humanity he possessed was another story altogether. She owed him an apology, and she wanted to know what that slight lunge had been about, it was almost like he'd wanted to kiss her.
"Great, Buffy, just what you need, another smitten vampire. At least the first one had a soul. What am I even doing here? I'm going to apologize to Spike? What's wrong with me? I should probably be looking for Riley or going home to yell at Dawn about breaking stuff. She'll have at least three things broken by the time I get home and God forbid if she goes into my room," the slayer scolded herself.
She picked up her pace and immediately regretted it as a pang in her side stopped her breath short. Spike had poked her wound. She again found herself wondering why she was seeking out the former 'Big Bad' of Sunnydale. What did his feelings matter anyway? He was just someone, no something; she hadn't gotten around to staking yet.
She felt the presence of a vampire as she headed toward the familiar crypt, but unfortunately she was so lost in her train of thought, she wrote it off as being her favorite informant. The slayer had let her guard down, and the blonde vixen that was rooming with Spike saw her advantage and decided to take it. She also smelled the dried blood of the wound on the slayer's side. Luck was on the vampire vixen's side tonight. The slayer didn't even look armed.
The vampire put a cool hand on the slayer's shoulder and spun her around. Buffy's eyes widened as she cracked a smile at the vampire that had spun her around. Of all the times she could run into Cordelia's running mate for high school bitch of the year.
"Hi, Buffy, you remember me? I owe you a little introduction to your death," the vampire said.
"Wow, Harmony, did you think that up all on your own," Buffy tried to suppress a giggle.
Harmony looked confused for a moment, "Well yeah. You got a problem with that?"
"No I'm just surprised you can think. What are you doing here anyway? I thought you liked the sewers."
"Yeah, well. I could ask the same thing. What are you doing here? Going to pound on Spike some more?"
"No, I just came to talk to him. Hey, how is that any business of yours anyway? Go play dress up or whatever you do nowa days. You're not worth the effort of a staking," Buffy spoke tiredly.
Harmony's eyes flashed in anger as she vamped out and grabbed the slayer by the throat. It was obvious that Buffy wasn't at her best if Harmony could take her on. Harmony threw the slayer as far as she could in anger. Spike's crypt and the broken handle of a discarded rake absorbed the impact of Buffy's body. She screamed as the broken handle went through stomach. She knew the injury wasn't good. Her blood was thicker, darker at her wounded stomach and she'd felt the ripping and shredding of what could be considered important body parts.
Harmony strode over to the crypt to get a good look at her handy work. She smiled at the sight of agony on the slayer's features, but that smile didn't last long. Buffy looked up into the eyes of her killer and smiled in satisfaction as she watched the stake descend upon Harmony from behind. Buffy's mouth fell open when she noticed that Spike was holding the stake that was responsible for Harmony's dusting.
"Always meant to stake that bloody bint. God pet, I should have done it sooner. Buffy what has she done to you?" Spike asked, his voice a torrent of emotion as he took in the site of the broken handle sticking out of Buffy's body.
Buffy managed a weak sarcastic smile. "I guess you were right. You said the second I had a death wish you would be there. You just weren't the one to deliver the blow. I'm sorry it wasn't you. Slayer's strength and healing powers or not, I can't survive this. I know it, and you know it. Today is your one good day. I feel like letting go. Do you have a knife?"
"What? No love. You can't die. Not you. You're super slayer. What do you need a bloody knife for?" Spike sounded strange to Buffy.
"So you can have a taste. You can't bite me, but if I make the cut, you can have the last say in the kill. It's what you've wanted since you came to Sunnydale. I guess I owe you that much after what I said to you tonight. I'm just sorry we couldn't have danced longer. It was always fun with you," She whispered weakly.
He gathered her up into his arms, as gently as he could, carried her into his crypt and laid her on the stone sarcophagus he often slept on, "I can't let you go that easy. Not when you don't know. With the way your blood smells I haven't got long. Now listen. You make that cut and I drink, and then I make a cut. That is what you owe me for all the trouble you've been."
Buffy's eyes widened, "No, you can take my blood, but you won't have my soul."
"Fine, then give us a taste," Spike said as he put on his vamp face and handed her a knife from a pocket in his duster jacket.
She drew the blade across her throat, making a small face from the pain. Spike licked the fresh wound, the chip hadn't gone off, and so he made his decision then. He drank the blood that pumped weakly through the slayer's body, almost to the point of her death, and then he jerked the broken handle from her stomach. Pain shot through his head as the slayer screamed, but that seemed unimportant to him. He wouldn't let her go without her knowing how he felt. He'd let Cecily go, and he'd let his old life go, he'd be damned if he let a stubborn Valley Girl vampire slaying bitch like Buffy go. He drew the knife across his throat and held her mouth close to the wound. He could sense her smelling the blood.
"Drink you daft bint before the wound closes up. You're not going anywhere until I tell you a few things. Now drink you stubborn bitch. DRINK!" He shouted.
The smell of his blood and the desperation in Spike's voice was too much for the dying slayer to resist. Her lips closed over the gash in the vampire's throat and the blood slipped down her throat in huge desperate gulps. Survival instincts had kicked in. Get right down to it and very few humans were willing to die if they had a choice, although technically she would indeed be dead. As he pushed her away, the slayer wondered what it would feel like to lose her soul.
Spike watched the slayer; he shook his head in self-loathing. He was disgusted with himself. He was in love with her, and he'd done the most selfish thing he'd ever done in his entire existence. He'd killed his third slayer, his Buffy. He walked out of the crypt to sit in the doorway that led into it. He shook as he tried to fight back the tears. Why was it that women always seemed to make him cry?
He couldn't stand to look at her right then, not after what he'd done. The tears trailed his cheeks at the thought of how much she would hate him now. He'd taken away the Scoobies, her life, and her family. He'd destroyed her, and that was the worse thing he could have done to anyone he loved. Why had she even been in the cemetery so late at night, what with that wound and all?
He inhaled a deep shuddering breath, not that he needed it, and jumped when he felt a cool strong hand on his shoulder. Despite his fear he looked up and was met with greenish-hazel eyes, Buffy's eyes. She looked down at him, her hand wandering over her smooth stomach, where there had been a gaping hole only a few minutes before. She took a seat beside him in the doorway, careful not to touch him. He didn't take that as a good sign.
She turned her head upward to look at the stars and then took a deep breath, although in her new physical condition she really didn't need to breathe. Spike cautiously put his hand on Buffy's shoulder, not sure whether she'd rip it off, stake him, or kick the unliving shit out of him. She scarcely moved at his touch.
"I'm sorry it came to this Buffy. If you want to you can stake me, I'm completely useless as a vampire, and I've taken everything away from you, but first I want to say something to you. You don't have to listen, God knows I don't deserve the chance to say anything else, but consider it one of those last word deals. Will you at least give me that?" Spike spoke softly, shame thick in his voice.
Buffy turned her head toward him, and he noticed again how beautiful she was, and found that he was shocked by what she had to say.
"I don't feel any different. Well there's the quicker healing, the extra strength, this craving for the red stuff, but I still want to go out and kick some demon ass. I can't see myself killing people either. Because it's wrong."
"Buffy?" Spike was bewildered.
"What?"
Spike's mouth opened and closed a couple of times like he was about to say something until finally the words came out, "It can't be."
He leaned into her, smelling her, and then his clear blue eyes met her greenish-hazel ones and he felt his undead heart leap to his throat.
"Bloody hell, Summers, welcome to the world of the crippled vampire," Spike said with a grin.
Buffy put on her confused expression, "Huh?"
"Well I have this chip in my head, so killing is out of the question for me, just drinking from you gave me a headache. I feel like I got a hangover. Oh, and Peaches can't kill for the same reason you can't," Spike said with a dashing smirk.
"And what reason is that?"
"My blood didn't steal your soul. I guess you're still the slayer, just a little fangy now," Spike said in awe, too shocked to give a rat's arse about his reputation as the 'Big Bad'.
Tears welled up in Buffy's eyes, "So you killed Harmony, and made me into a vampire? Isn't that ironic? I thought you wanted me dead, not undead."
"Bullocks! You're too good a dancing partner. Trouble is, you're immortal now and with the whole soul thing on top of it. You better make a note of that for ol' Specs. That watcher of yours will want to know all about this, once he gets used to the idea of your new liquid diet," Spike grinned, feeling comfortable now that he knew he didn't have much to worry about anymore. She was still his slayer.
"Giles has some extra blood stored in the refrigerator in his office at The Magic Box, it was incase you came by to help with my training. We could go there for the night, or day," Buffy looked at her watch, five- thirty. The sun was due to rise at five minutes after six. They still had a little time left to get there. "Hanging out in a crypt all day gives me the wiggins. If we hurry we can make it before the sun comes up."
"Fine, but let me get a couple of blankets just in case," Spike said and with that they were dashing to the Magic Box.
Luckily Giles had given her a key. She locked the door behind them as Spike headed straight for the training room. The windows were high up, and had blinds, so that sun wouldn't be a bother. Spike wanted to make sure that he and his fangy slayer would be safe there. Once the training room had his smirk of approval he went into Giles' office, got a couple of mugs and heated up some cow's blood that he found in the mini fridge. It was a good thing Giles was so thoughtful. Buffy was sitting at the research table when he came out of the office. Luckily the window display blocked out most of the sunlight. Spike got to the table where Buffy was sitting and handed her the mug that read "Let your Watcher be Your Guide". Buffy grimaced and took a sip. Then she took a look at the contents of Spikes mug and couldn't hold back the giggle. A handful of mini marshmallows floated in his cup of blood.
"What? It's like hot chocolate, just a little richer in flavor. It's not half bad is it?" He asked.
Buffy had to admit; the blood drinking part wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. She actually liked the coppery taste of the rich red drink. She wasn't exactly thrilled to be a vampire, but it wasn't completely Spike's fault, she'd chosen to drink his blood, given into the temptation of avoiding death. She was no better than Spike.
Eventually the pair found themselves sprawled out on one of the mats in the training room. They were side by side, neither touching, just laying together, fully aware of the other's presence. Buffy couldn't stand it anymore. She rolled onto her side and stared at her peroxide crazy sire.
"Why didn't you just let me die?" She asked.
Spike smirked, "Would have been a terrible waste of perfectly good blood. Funny, you never ask the right questions. It's not why I didn't let you die, it's why did I change you."
"Okay then, I'll play your game. Why did you change me?"
"Harm sucker punched ya, couldn't let you go out that easy by something that bloody pathetic. You had too much to go on for too. You got the Scoobies to take care of, mini slayer, Joyce, even the retired librarian. Couldn't let you die when I could have saved you."
She shook her head, "That wasn't what I asked. I want to know why Iyou/I changed me."
"You won't let it rest until you know. Is that it?"
She nodded.
"Oh bloody hell, why can't you just sod off. Fine I'll tell ya. Even if you think I'm beneath you, I'm not!" He snapped, then he sat up, grabbed her by the shoulders and his lips met hers in savage need. It was the kiss he'd wanted to give her after their lesson. The kiss that she had shrank away from.
When he finally released her from the kiss she pulled back her fist and let him have a good punch square in the jaw. "Next time warn me so I can get a stake ready!"
Then before he could come up with a witty reply she had him by the shoulders and was kissing him in a way that made him forget how to think. She drew back after a few minutes, wide eyed, and in wonder. Had she just kissed Spike, her new Isire/I?
Spike's eyes were closed, he was still caught up in the moment as the words fell from his mouth; "I love you."
Just then the door of the training room swung open along with a startled, "Oh God!"
Both Buffy and Spike turned to the doorway to see a shocked Xander standing there with his mouth hanging open, and Anya poking her head around him to see what was going on. She had an expression on her face that said, 'I knew it! Slayers must get better orgasms from vampires. All that star crossed forbidden love passion sex.'
Xander turned to walk away. Buffy rushed after him without thinking and as soon as she stepped out of the training room Xander opened the door of the Magic Box, letting the sunlight in, and Buffy was standing in the sunlight's path. Buffy screamed as the sun touched her skin and she started to burn, it felt like she was paralyzed. Something ran into her and pushed her into the safety of the shadows.
"You bloody git! You almost dusted your slayer. What in the bloody hell is wrong with you? Chip or no chip I could beat you to a bleedin' pulp!" Spike snapped as he looked over Buffy making sure she was all right.
Xander again looked like he was in shock as he stumbled over to one of the chairs at the research table and took a seat. He stared at Buffy cradled protectively in Spike's arms, fear and revulsion reflecting in his brown eyes. Buffy pushed herself out of Spike's arms and walked over to Xander. He seemed to shrink away, but recognition flashed in his eyes, she was still Buffy.
"What happened to you, Buffster? I'll stake him for you," Xander offered.
Buffy couldn't stop the smile that played on her lips, "That's not necessary. He saved me; I guess you can call it saved. You know how I got hurt the other night; well Harmony caught me off guard and managed to throw me onto a broken rake handle. Spike staked her and then."
"I seduced her to the dark side. That's all you need to know. Now sod off wanker," Spike stepped in.
Anya narrowed her eyes, "Hey, you don't talk to Xander that way! Just because you love the slayer and changed her doesn't give you the right to talk to my Xander like that. Oh if I still had my powers!"
"What?" Xander looked at Anya. "Where did you get an idea like that?"
Anya rolled her eyes, "Really Xander, for a demon magnet you sure are human. He's been lusting after her for weeks at least. I'm sure he's dreamed of the many orgasms he could give her. He's probably thinking of having sex with her right now. Besides he's started changing the way he acts, and those pink panties hanging out of his coat pocket aren't his I would wager."
Buffy's eyes widened and her jaw set in anger as she snatched her panties from Spike's pocket, "How did you get these?"
"Well the laundry basket is in the basement where I've been salvaging things and." he blushed, vampires could blush, "I had to check out your room one night."
"YOU WERE IN MY BEDROOM? You went through my dresser? Did you take my blue cashmere sweater? Oh God, can vampires get sick?"
"Now, Pet, really it was all for the best. Now look at you. Oh all the things I could teach you now." Spike actually sounded giddy.
"Looks like you had an undead stalker and now he has you where he wants you. Sure you don't want me to stake him for you?" Xander offered again.
"Xander!" Buffy snapped followed by Spike's repertoire of, "Sod off!"
Just then the phone rang. Buffy answered it because she was the closest one to it.
"Hello, The Magic Box, our hours are from nine to eleven." She paused at the sound of the anxious voice on the line.
"Buffy, thank God. Mom went to the hospital. They had to run tests on her. Giles drove her and I've been at home all night, Giles came home this morning to check on me and now I'm at the hospital. Where have you been? I want to see mom now but the doctors won't let me," Dawn said.
Buffy dropped the phone. Spike picked it up and then said, "Don't worry Nibblet, we're on our way. Big sis'll be there to stake all those medical baddies."
When Spike hung up he turned to Buffy, "We can take the sewer to the hospital. I think we should go now to check on your mom and the Nibblet, she sounds worried."
Buffy nodded and followed Spike to the storeroom of the magic shop where the sewer entrance was located. Soon Buffy and her new sire were traveling the Sunnydale underground, while Xander made an anxious phone call to one Riley Finn, to tell him that Buffy was at the hospital.
Spike walked into the waiting room where Dawn was curled up in one of the chairs, fast asleep. He took off his jacket and covered her with it. He pushed her long silky brown hair out of her face and looked at her, a smile tugging at his lips. Buffy's kid sis really was something, even if she had a reputation for breaking things just by looking at them. She looked so innocent, like she glowed with an inner light. Spike gave her a chaste kiss on the forehead and was startled when a gruff voice growled, "Get away from her!"
Spike looked up and saw Captain Cardboard, Buffy's little college commando. He wondered how long that would last since Buffy was now a vampire. He hoped he had the upper hand there. He glared at Riley as Riley pulled a stake from his jacket pocket.
"Hey, I was only making sure the Nibblet was warm, no use in breaking out the dust buster yet mate. I'm the one that brought Buffy over here. Why don't you go put on some camouflage and sod off?"
"What are you talking about? Buffy wouldn't have gone anywhere with you! You're beneath her," Riley snarled.
Spike smirked, "That's what you think. I told you once before. You're just a human. She needs a little monster in her man. You don't have the monster. Give up. You're beneath her now."
"What are you talking about?"
Before Spike could explain Buffy walked into the waiting room, she acted tough, but beneath the exterior Spike could see how shaky she was. She'd already been through the ringer, what with dying and all, now she had to deal with a sick mom and a worried little sister, not to mention one pissed off commando boy. Spike felt bad for his childe, but nothing could be done. What had happened had happened. At least one good thing had come out of it; Harmony was gone with the wind.
"Riley?" Buffy asked, confusion in her voice.
"Good morning Buffy. Xander called and told me where you were. I got here as soon as I could. Let's go take a walk outside, looks like you could use the fresh air."
Buffy shook her head, "I can't. I should be here for Dawn."
"She'll be fine. Spike's harmless with that chip and we need to talk. Let's go outside where he can't follow."
Spike smirked, "Just a minute ago you were telling me to get away from mini slayer or you'd stake me."
"I can't Riley," She insisted and gave Spike a reprimanding look.
Then Riley noticed her appearance, the torn and bloody shirt, her hair all disheveled, "Did he do this to you? Did he hurt you? I'll dust you leech!"
Buffy stepped in front of Spike to protect him, "Then you can dust me too Riley. I can't let you kill my sire. At least not until I get some answers first."
"Your sire?" Riley asked and then fell back into one of the waiting room chairs, all the fight gone out of him.
"Oh cool. Buffy, you're a vampire?" Dawn said as she jumped awake.
"Hey, Nibblet, how long you been listening?" Spike asked.
"Long enough, I'd say. Wow, my sister the slayer is now my sister the vampire! Does this mean I get your room?"
Buffy made an annoyed face, "No, I have heavy curtains. It's still my room."
"Who else knows?" Riley asked as he looked up at Buffy, all hope in salvaging any kind of relationship between them gone.
"Xander and Anya. Spike and I were in the Magic Box and Xander opened the door and the sunlight kind of fell on me. You wouldn't believe how painful that is," Buffy said.
Riley shook his head, "He did this to you and you haven't killed him yet? That's not the Buffy I know."
"Well, I guess you don't know me. Obviously I disgust you now. Look, if you can't take me with the fangs then go. I can't change what's already been done," She said.
"I can't believe you, Buffy. How could you sink to his level? Let one vamp stake you and you go and join them!" Riley snapped.
Buffy had enough, as she got angry her face vamped out. She grabbed Riley by the throat and pinned him against the wall, "This is what I am now. Look at me. You can't want me anymore. Now just go!"
With that she released Riley and retreated to a remote corner of the waiting room. She curled up on the chair and sat there, kind of vacant expression on her face. Riley looked at Spike and spat, "Are you proud of yourself? Look at what you had to do just to say you have her. You're disgusting. I should have dusted you myself instead of listening to her. Guess you were right. She needed a little monster after all."
Dawn had pulled Spike's jacket tighter around her and looked in the corner where Buffy sat. Buffy really was a vampire, from the fang face to the actual fangs. How were they going to hide this from their mom? Buffy's life was basically over.
Buffy's body trembled with her sobs. Dawn watched as Spike went over to her sister. He knelt down on his knees to be closer to her level and wrapped his arms around her, saying soft soothing things, trying to stop her from crying.
"Now where's my brave slayer? Come on. One commando boy isn't worth all this fuss. Later on tonight we'll go out and beat us up a couple of big bad nasties and have at it until you feel better. Think you're up for patrolling with me tonight?" Spike spoke gently.
Dawn watched in fascination as her sister, the tough as nails slayer turned vampire looked at the vampire that was kneeling by her and made an attempt at a smile as she sniffled. Spike raised his hand and wiped at the tear trails running down Buffy's face. He acted so gentle toward Buffy, that Dawn almost didn't believe that it was Spike.
A few minutes later the two vampires walked out into the hallway. Dawn didn't want to follow and intrude on what could have been the makings of a personal moment, so she stayed curled in her chair, with Spike's duster jacket covering her. The faint scent of peroxide, cigarettes, whiskey, and a scent oddly Spike surrounded Dawn. She felt safe beneath the jacket, while her sister and Spike talked out in the hall.
"What's wrong Buffy?" Spike asked.
"They did a biopsy, and they found something. They have her scheduled for surgery in two days. This is so much right now. I'm a newly made vampire, my mom could be dying, my boyfriend just dumped me, Dawn God what she must think, and I have to tell Giles, Willow, and Tara about this too. This couldn't have happened at a better time," Buffy sighed and ran a hand through her disheveled hair.
Spike looked at her with guilt in his eyes, "Do you blame me luv?"
"You could have let me die. At least I still have my soul. I made the decision to drink. I could have dusted you if I wanted to. I can still fight the good fight," She managed a weak smile.
"What in the bloody hell were you doing in the cemetery that late with that wound anyway?"
"I was doing the John Wayne thing," Buffy said and then shrugged that off knowing he wouldn't accept that as an answer. "I wanted to apologize to you. You're not beneath me. All the times I violently disliked you I couldn't ever kill you. Everything that I've ever killed has been beneath me. So you see, if you were beneath me you would have been a huge pile of dust a long time ago. You proved last night that I'm no better than you. I was dying and I took the choice you gave me. I died once; I didn't want to die again. Wait I did die again. You know what I mean."
"You don't have to explain your motives. You were desperate. I was seduced. There's our difference. So beauty, am I your beast?" He asked, almost afraid that he sounded hopeful.
"Did you really say 'I love you' in the training room?"
"What can I say Pet? There's no lying to ya."
She took in a shuddering breath, "I was hoping I hadn't heard that right. I'm not ready for this any of it. Why couldn't I have been some nice normal kid past the age of fifteen? Oh no destiny comes knocking and the next thing I know I'm hanging out in cemeteries with a handful of friends and a stuffy watcher. Then another little twist, one known as Spike. I don't think anyone could have seen you coming and pulling the fangy thing on me. Not even Angel had the guts to try, even when he didn't have a soul. How does it feel? How does your one good day feel? Dammit, I hate being bitter!"
"I'd say it was the best day of my life, but that would be selfish of me. Tell me what I can do to make it all right. You want me to be Mr. Huge Pile of Dust then I'll leave this hospital right through the front bloody door, and there will be no more Spike, but first you have to admit one thing. Say that you don't need a little monster in your man. Go on! Tell me and I'm gone. Poof, just like that," He finished with a snap of his fingers.
She grabbed the front of his shirt and stared straight into his eyes, "How is it that someone like you can know everything about me? Why can't I lie to you? Stop being melodramatic. Since you're all I've got then I'm keeping you for as long as I can."
"Oh yeah," He growled and then leaned down pressing his lips against hers. He could hardly believe that he was kissing her. What made it even more unbelievable was when she opened her mouth, an invite for him to escalate the kiss.
"Oh dear lord," A time weathered voice spoke in shock and the kissing pair shot apart, Buffy looking up guiltily at Giles as he continued, "Does anyone care to explain what is going on? I just came from the shop and Xander and Anya were having a free for all and Xander said I should come here to talk to you Buffy. And please explain why you're kissing Spike. No. Wait. I really don't want to know."
"Oh come off it Giles, you'd love to know why your good little slayer goes for the big bad vamps," Spike said as he turned to face Buffy's former watcher.
Giles was already cleaning his glasses on his shirt, awaiting Buffy's answer. Buffy's mouth opened and closed a few times without words coming out. Dawn walked out of the waiting room, clutching Spike's jacket and curious about what was happening. She'd caught what Giles said and took it upon herself to answer.
Buffy's younger sister looked up at Giles with a wide grin and then spoke words that filled former watcher and slayer with shock and mortification, "Isn't it cool Giles? Buffy's a vampire! Spike brought her over. She's like super slayer now. Talk about some good news, now all we need to hear is that mom is going to be fine."
With that being said, Buffy handed Dawn some money and sent her off to the vending machines.
"OH DEAR LORD!" Giles looked from Buffy to Spike and walked into the waiting room to have a seat. His world was spinning out of his control.
"Bloody hell! If it makes you feel any better she still has a soul. You would think this were the end of the world or something," Spike commented.
Buffy glared at him, "Will you shut up? You're not helping! And incase you can't remember I've stopped a few of those. Don't jinx us!"
"Fine, Slayer, whatever you say. I love it when you yell at me. It's almost like when you hit me. Say are you up for a little boxing later?" Spike said with a wink.
Buffy sent a glare his way and he laughed, bent down to her ear, and whispered, "Nothing like a good spot of violence to warm up the blood. Now you can't tell me that won't be fun."
"Right. Now stop that. Do you have any idea how seriously disturbing this is? Oh, why can't I go blind again?" Giles said to no one in particular.
Spike shot a slightly annoyed look in Giles' direction followed by a smirk that twisted the corner of his mouth, "Come on Rupert, you know you'll want to play twenty questions later. Just be glad she isn't dead."
"Well technically."
Buffy glared at the both of them, "Will you stop talking about me like I'm not here. Look, I'm dead, my mom could be dying, and the two of you are making matters worse. Dammit leave me alone!"
Buffy had had enough. She took the stairs down to the basement of the hospital and was in the sewer system halfway to the magic shop before she stopped and leaned against a wall for support. Her sobs rang through the system as she hit the wall and tried to get some kind of grip on her new existence. What had happened to her? What had been done to her?
She felt a hand on her shoulder and her head snapped up. Her eyes grew wide as she stared into the deep brown eyes of Angel. Her unbeating heart leapt into her throat. She knew that he would know in an instant what happened; well more or less he'd know what she was.
"Buffy? What are you doing down here?" He asked.
Buffy looked around nervously trying to think of an excuse when a thought occurred to her, "Why are you questioning me? I'm the slayer here. What are you doing here in Sunnydale? Los Angeles run out of demons for you to chase?"
"Hey, that's not fair. You always seem to be attacking me. Look, Cordy had a vision. Before you say anything about grave danger, I'll just tell you. She saw you dead. I had to warn you. I might not be able to have you, but I lo. like the living, breathing Buffy still the same," He said and then his nose twitched and he took a step closer to her.
Buffy took a step back, pressing her back closer against the sewer wall. Angel loomed over her, his eyes growing darker as the look of horror set in. Buffy's eyes filled with tears. He of all people, or vampires rather, knew what it was like to hate what he was.
"Oh God. I'm too late. Tell me now. Who did this?"
Just then the familiar voice of a certain British vampire with a liking for peroxide spoke up from the shadows, "I did, you big poof. Look is there a reason for your visits or are you still into that whole self torture thing?"
Angel charged Spike and pinned him against the wall, a stake in his hand. Angel must have had one hidden in the pocket of his jacket. Spike nodded and rolled his eyes, "Is this the part where you finish me off Peaches? Really this got old the first hundred times you did this to me. Now get off. You know I won't tell you again."
Angel put his vamp face on, "You know I'm older and stronger than you Spike. Now give me one good reason why I shouldn't dust you? You made a monster of the only woman I've ever loved. Does that make you happy?"
"I'll give you the reason," Buffy said as she grabbed Angel's shoulder and pulled him off of Spike.
Angel looked at her in shock and Spike was just as surprised as Angel. They were both staring at her like she was a new person.
"Well, Pet, I'd like to hear this reason myself. You just pulled Peaches off of me. You want to stake me yourself or somethin'?"
"No," She shot a glare at Spike and then she looked at Angel, "Angel, look into my eyes. I'm still the same Buffy. I have my soul. I don't know how or why, but Buffy is still intact, well as far as the soul thing, now the body thing and the hunger thing, that's new, but at least I'm not a monster right? I chose this. I was dying and Spike gave me the choice and I took it. It was a stupid moment of that human weakness thing, and I gave in. I'm not some super strong slayer even I give into weakness. When you're staring in the eyes of death you tend to want to live in one form or another. He gave me that form. I know you probably won't understand, but I was desperate. Don't hate Spike for this. Hate me. Hate me like you should hate me for everything, for stealing your soul, sending you to hell, and torturing you night after night. Say why we're at it, let's get everyone else to hate me too."
Tears streamed down her face. Angel couldn't bring himself to look at her, let alone comfort her. He loved her so much, he hated seeing her like this, but there was nothing he could do, nothing she would let him do. Spike put his arms around her, drew her close, and comforted her. Angel looked up as he noticed her cries dying down.
"Get away from her. Haven't you done enough?" Angel snapped.
Spikes eyes flashed angrily to gold as he vamped out, "What? I didn't see you making any moves to comfort her. This is new territory. You can't even show compassion and you're the one with the soul. Go back to where ever it is you call home. Sod off. She doesn't need you anymore. Go brood or do whatever it is that makes you so miserable."
Angel turned his back to leave. Buffy's quavering voice stopped him, as she weakly called his name he turned around.
"Can you forgive human weakness?" She managed.
Angel did his best to put on a weak smile, "It's not you that I have to forgive. I'll be there for you when you need me, and I'll have a stake ready for him whenever you want me to use it. I love you Buffy, it doesn't matter what you are. I need to go back to L.A. though. I just didn't get here in time. I'm sorry."
Angel left that time. Spike looked at Buffy, still in awe of what she'd said. She'd practically told the poofter that she didn't blame anyone for what happened. Spike was free and clear in her eyes. There was so much he didn't know about her.
"Well, Pet, where are we goin? Back to the hospital, to the magic shop, or my crypt? We can't very well stay in the sewers. The smell only gets worse. I'm sure the Nibblet might want some company. You just sort of stormed off without a word."
"Take me to the hospital. It's as good a place as any. My mom and Dawn are there. Not to mention Willow and Tara will probably stop by after classes. They need to hear what's happened, if Xander doesn't tell them first."
So there they sat in the hospital awaiting Willow and Tara. Occasionally Buffy sent Dawn to the snack machine and Spike even took a trip to the blood bank downstairs and brought back a meal for himself and Buffy. She took the blood from him and thanked him as she bit into the bag and drained it. The blood was delicious, perfect for ebbing the demands of her new hunger. Just as she was licking the blood from her lips the door of the waiting room opened and Willow walked in followed by Tara. Spike looked up from his own bag of blood and then at Buffy.
Both of the witches' eyes widened in shock as they stared at Buffy. Dawn just managed to squeeze in an "eww!" that died in the uncomfortable silence.
"Fine, I'll go to the machine. Anybody want anything?"
Everyone shook their heads as she left the room. Willow and Tara took a seat in a couple of chairs. Neither of them sure of what was going on.
"Please, tell me that was hot chocolate. What's going on, where's Riley, and why is Spike here? I mean there's nothing wrong with Spike, but shouldn't you have supportive people around you?" Willow asked.
"Well thanks Red. You know speakin of hot chocolate; some marshmallows would have been nice in the mix. I wish I'd asked a nurse for some before drinking it all," Spike said.
Willow made a face, "Gross. Now I can never eat marshmallows again."
"Um, Will. As you can see I'm on a new diet. Spike please, don't mention marshmallows for a while."
"How did this happen? You kill vampires, you don't become one. Goddess! You didn't lose your soul?" Willow asked as Tara took her hand and gave it a squeeze.
Buffy smiled a little, "No, soul still there. I don't think I can lose that. A slayer has a soul despite the vamping out. Harmony killed me; well more like wounded me to the point where I was dying. Spike kind of made me an offer and I didn't refuse. Oh and Riley is."
"He couldn't deal with a fangy girlfriend so I got dibs on the Slayer," Spike cut in.
Willow nodded. The conversation continued on a lighter note, and later on included Xander and Anya when the Magic Box closed. Eventually visitors were allowed in Joyce's room, Buffy went in first, and then Dawn. Dawn stayed with their mother while Buffy went out to patrol with Spike. It had been a unanimous decision to tell Joyce about Buffy when she was out of the hospital and doing better.
The night was dark and soothing to the new vampire's soul. She looked up at the sky and finally felt like she belonged somewhere. It was a good feeling, to belong. Spike put his arm around her shoulder, then thought the better of it and removed it.
"What a great night for a good spot of violence. Let's go kick some demon ass!" Spike said enthusiastically.
Buffy grabbed his arm, pulled him close against her, and smiled, "I have a better idea."
He lowered his head hesitantly until their lips met and he let her elevate the kiss. When the kiss ended a sly smirk played on Spike's lips as his husky voice gave life to words that sent a shiver up Buffy's spine. "Come on Slayer. You know you wanna dance."
By C.K. Blake
How would Spike react if Buffy died in his arms? Touching idea of Buffy dying because of him. Inspiration. Full of Grace.
Right after "Fool For Love" AU, Buffy didn't go home.
The stars silently watched the scene unfolding in the dark garden of stone. The stars could see what the girl felt drawing near her. The girl was a petite attractive blonde, she didn't look so threatening, but to the demonic she was death. The girl had power; she was the slayer. She was the boogeyman's boogeyman. She looked up at the sky and let her breath out in a sigh. She still felt bad about what she'd told her peroxide abusing fangy informant. She liked hitting him, but ripping apart what little humanity he possessed was another story altogether. She owed him an apology, and she wanted to know what that slight lunge had been about, it was almost like he'd wanted to kiss her.
"Great, Buffy, just what you need, another smitten vampire. At least the first one had a soul. What am I even doing here? I'm going to apologize to Spike? What's wrong with me? I should probably be looking for Riley or going home to yell at Dawn about breaking stuff. She'll have at least three things broken by the time I get home and God forbid if she goes into my room," the slayer scolded herself.
She picked up her pace and immediately regretted it as a pang in her side stopped her breath short. Spike had poked her wound. She again found herself wondering why she was seeking out the former 'Big Bad' of Sunnydale. What did his feelings matter anyway? He was just someone, no something; she hadn't gotten around to staking yet.
She felt the presence of a vampire as she headed toward the familiar crypt, but unfortunately she was so lost in her train of thought, she wrote it off as being her favorite informant. The slayer had let her guard down, and the blonde vixen that was rooming with Spike saw her advantage and decided to take it. She also smelled the dried blood of the wound on the slayer's side. Luck was on the vampire vixen's side tonight. The slayer didn't even look armed.
The vampire put a cool hand on the slayer's shoulder and spun her around. Buffy's eyes widened as she cracked a smile at the vampire that had spun her around. Of all the times she could run into Cordelia's running mate for high school bitch of the year.
"Hi, Buffy, you remember me? I owe you a little introduction to your death," the vampire said.
"Wow, Harmony, did you think that up all on your own," Buffy tried to suppress a giggle.
Harmony looked confused for a moment, "Well yeah. You got a problem with that?"
"No I'm just surprised you can think. What are you doing here anyway? I thought you liked the sewers."
"Yeah, well. I could ask the same thing. What are you doing here? Going to pound on Spike some more?"
"No, I just came to talk to him. Hey, how is that any business of yours anyway? Go play dress up or whatever you do nowa days. You're not worth the effort of a staking," Buffy spoke tiredly.
Harmony's eyes flashed in anger as she vamped out and grabbed the slayer by the throat. It was obvious that Buffy wasn't at her best if Harmony could take her on. Harmony threw the slayer as far as she could in anger. Spike's crypt and the broken handle of a discarded rake absorbed the impact of Buffy's body. She screamed as the broken handle went through stomach. She knew the injury wasn't good. Her blood was thicker, darker at her wounded stomach and she'd felt the ripping and shredding of what could be considered important body parts.
Harmony strode over to the crypt to get a good look at her handy work. She smiled at the sight of agony on the slayer's features, but that smile didn't last long. Buffy looked up into the eyes of her killer and smiled in satisfaction as she watched the stake descend upon Harmony from behind. Buffy's mouth fell open when she noticed that Spike was holding the stake that was responsible for Harmony's dusting.
"Always meant to stake that bloody bint. God pet, I should have done it sooner. Buffy what has she done to you?" Spike asked, his voice a torrent of emotion as he took in the site of the broken handle sticking out of Buffy's body.
Buffy managed a weak sarcastic smile. "I guess you were right. You said the second I had a death wish you would be there. You just weren't the one to deliver the blow. I'm sorry it wasn't you. Slayer's strength and healing powers or not, I can't survive this. I know it, and you know it. Today is your one good day. I feel like letting go. Do you have a knife?"
"What? No love. You can't die. Not you. You're super slayer. What do you need a bloody knife for?" Spike sounded strange to Buffy.
"So you can have a taste. You can't bite me, but if I make the cut, you can have the last say in the kill. It's what you've wanted since you came to Sunnydale. I guess I owe you that much after what I said to you tonight. I'm just sorry we couldn't have danced longer. It was always fun with you," She whispered weakly.
He gathered her up into his arms, as gently as he could, carried her into his crypt and laid her on the stone sarcophagus he often slept on, "I can't let you go that easy. Not when you don't know. With the way your blood smells I haven't got long. Now listen. You make that cut and I drink, and then I make a cut. That is what you owe me for all the trouble you've been."
Buffy's eyes widened, "No, you can take my blood, but you won't have my soul."
"Fine, then give us a taste," Spike said as he put on his vamp face and handed her a knife from a pocket in his duster jacket.
She drew the blade across her throat, making a small face from the pain. Spike licked the fresh wound, the chip hadn't gone off, and so he made his decision then. He drank the blood that pumped weakly through the slayer's body, almost to the point of her death, and then he jerked the broken handle from her stomach. Pain shot through his head as the slayer screamed, but that seemed unimportant to him. He wouldn't let her go without her knowing how he felt. He'd let Cecily go, and he'd let his old life go, he'd be damned if he let a stubborn Valley Girl vampire slaying bitch like Buffy go. He drew the knife across his throat and held her mouth close to the wound. He could sense her smelling the blood.
"Drink you daft bint before the wound closes up. You're not going anywhere until I tell you a few things. Now drink you stubborn bitch. DRINK!" He shouted.
The smell of his blood and the desperation in Spike's voice was too much for the dying slayer to resist. Her lips closed over the gash in the vampire's throat and the blood slipped down her throat in huge desperate gulps. Survival instincts had kicked in. Get right down to it and very few humans were willing to die if they had a choice, although technically she would indeed be dead. As he pushed her away, the slayer wondered what it would feel like to lose her soul.
Spike watched the slayer; he shook his head in self-loathing. He was disgusted with himself. He was in love with her, and he'd done the most selfish thing he'd ever done in his entire existence. He'd killed his third slayer, his Buffy. He walked out of the crypt to sit in the doorway that led into it. He shook as he tried to fight back the tears. Why was it that women always seemed to make him cry?
He couldn't stand to look at her right then, not after what he'd done. The tears trailed his cheeks at the thought of how much she would hate him now. He'd taken away the Scoobies, her life, and her family. He'd destroyed her, and that was the worse thing he could have done to anyone he loved. Why had she even been in the cemetery so late at night, what with that wound and all?
He inhaled a deep shuddering breath, not that he needed it, and jumped when he felt a cool strong hand on his shoulder. Despite his fear he looked up and was met with greenish-hazel eyes, Buffy's eyes. She looked down at him, her hand wandering over her smooth stomach, where there had been a gaping hole only a few minutes before. She took a seat beside him in the doorway, careful not to touch him. He didn't take that as a good sign.
She turned her head upward to look at the stars and then took a deep breath, although in her new physical condition she really didn't need to breathe. Spike cautiously put his hand on Buffy's shoulder, not sure whether she'd rip it off, stake him, or kick the unliving shit out of him. She scarcely moved at his touch.
"I'm sorry it came to this Buffy. If you want to you can stake me, I'm completely useless as a vampire, and I've taken everything away from you, but first I want to say something to you. You don't have to listen, God knows I don't deserve the chance to say anything else, but consider it one of those last word deals. Will you at least give me that?" Spike spoke softly, shame thick in his voice.
Buffy turned her head toward him, and he noticed again how beautiful she was, and found that he was shocked by what she had to say.
"I don't feel any different. Well there's the quicker healing, the extra strength, this craving for the red stuff, but I still want to go out and kick some demon ass. I can't see myself killing people either. Because it's wrong."
"Buffy?" Spike was bewildered.
"What?"
Spike's mouth opened and closed a couple of times like he was about to say something until finally the words came out, "It can't be."
He leaned into her, smelling her, and then his clear blue eyes met her greenish-hazel ones and he felt his undead heart leap to his throat.
"Bloody hell, Summers, welcome to the world of the crippled vampire," Spike said with a grin.
Buffy put on her confused expression, "Huh?"
"Well I have this chip in my head, so killing is out of the question for me, just drinking from you gave me a headache. I feel like I got a hangover. Oh, and Peaches can't kill for the same reason you can't," Spike said with a dashing smirk.
"And what reason is that?"
"My blood didn't steal your soul. I guess you're still the slayer, just a little fangy now," Spike said in awe, too shocked to give a rat's arse about his reputation as the 'Big Bad'.
Tears welled up in Buffy's eyes, "So you killed Harmony, and made me into a vampire? Isn't that ironic? I thought you wanted me dead, not undead."
"Bullocks! You're too good a dancing partner. Trouble is, you're immortal now and with the whole soul thing on top of it. You better make a note of that for ol' Specs. That watcher of yours will want to know all about this, once he gets used to the idea of your new liquid diet," Spike grinned, feeling comfortable now that he knew he didn't have much to worry about anymore. She was still his slayer.
"Giles has some extra blood stored in the refrigerator in his office at The Magic Box, it was incase you came by to help with my training. We could go there for the night, or day," Buffy looked at her watch, five- thirty. The sun was due to rise at five minutes after six. They still had a little time left to get there. "Hanging out in a crypt all day gives me the wiggins. If we hurry we can make it before the sun comes up."
"Fine, but let me get a couple of blankets just in case," Spike said and with that they were dashing to the Magic Box.
Luckily Giles had given her a key. She locked the door behind them as Spike headed straight for the training room. The windows were high up, and had blinds, so that sun wouldn't be a bother. Spike wanted to make sure that he and his fangy slayer would be safe there. Once the training room had his smirk of approval he went into Giles' office, got a couple of mugs and heated up some cow's blood that he found in the mini fridge. It was a good thing Giles was so thoughtful. Buffy was sitting at the research table when he came out of the office. Luckily the window display blocked out most of the sunlight. Spike got to the table where Buffy was sitting and handed her the mug that read "Let your Watcher be Your Guide". Buffy grimaced and took a sip. Then she took a look at the contents of Spikes mug and couldn't hold back the giggle. A handful of mini marshmallows floated in his cup of blood.
"What? It's like hot chocolate, just a little richer in flavor. It's not half bad is it?" He asked.
Buffy had to admit; the blood drinking part wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. She actually liked the coppery taste of the rich red drink. She wasn't exactly thrilled to be a vampire, but it wasn't completely Spike's fault, she'd chosen to drink his blood, given into the temptation of avoiding death. She was no better than Spike.
Eventually the pair found themselves sprawled out on one of the mats in the training room. They were side by side, neither touching, just laying together, fully aware of the other's presence. Buffy couldn't stand it anymore. She rolled onto her side and stared at her peroxide crazy sire.
"Why didn't you just let me die?" She asked.
Spike smirked, "Would have been a terrible waste of perfectly good blood. Funny, you never ask the right questions. It's not why I didn't let you die, it's why did I change you."
"Okay then, I'll play your game. Why did you change me?"
"Harm sucker punched ya, couldn't let you go out that easy by something that bloody pathetic. You had too much to go on for too. You got the Scoobies to take care of, mini slayer, Joyce, even the retired librarian. Couldn't let you die when I could have saved you."
She shook her head, "That wasn't what I asked. I want to know why Iyou/I changed me."
"You won't let it rest until you know. Is that it?"
She nodded.
"Oh bloody hell, why can't you just sod off. Fine I'll tell ya. Even if you think I'm beneath you, I'm not!" He snapped, then he sat up, grabbed her by the shoulders and his lips met hers in savage need. It was the kiss he'd wanted to give her after their lesson. The kiss that she had shrank away from.
When he finally released her from the kiss she pulled back her fist and let him have a good punch square in the jaw. "Next time warn me so I can get a stake ready!"
Then before he could come up with a witty reply she had him by the shoulders and was kissing him in a way that made him forget how to think. She drew back after a few minutes, wide eyed, and in wonder. Had she just kissed Spike, her new Isire/I?
Spike's eyes were closed, he was still caught up in the moment as the words fell from his mouth; "I love you."
Just then the door of the training room swung open along with a startled, "Oh God!"
Both Buffy and Spike turned to the doorway to see a shocked Xander standing there with his mouth hanging open, and Anya poking her head around him to see what was going on. She had an expression on her face that said, 'I knew it! Slayers must get better orgasms from vampires. All that star crossed forbidden love passion sex.'
Xander turned to walk away. Buffy rushed after him without thinking and as soon as she stepped out of the training room Xander opened the door of the Magic Box, letting the sunlight in, and Buffy was standing in the sunlight's path. Buffy screamed as the sun touched her skin and she started to burn, it felt like she was paralyzed. Something ran into her and pushed her into the safety of the shadows.
"You bloody git! You almost dusted your slayer. What in the bloody hell is wrong with you? Chip or no chip I could beat you to a bleedin' pulp!" Spike snapped as he looked over Buffy making sure she was all right.
Xander again looked like he was in shock as he stumbled over to one of the chairs at the research table and took a seat. He stared at Buffy cradled protectively in Spike's arms, fear and revulsion reflecting in his brown eyes. Buffy pushed herself out of Spike's arms and walked over to Xander. He seemed to shrink away, but recognition flashed in his eyes, she was still Buffy.
"What happened to you, Buffster? I'll stake him for you," Xander offered.
Buffy couldn't stop the smile that played on her lips, "That's not necessary. He saved me; I guess you can call it saved. You know how I got hurt the other night; well Harmony caught me off guard and managed to throw me onto a broken rake handle. Spike staked her and then."
"I seduced her to the dark side. That's all you need to know. Now sod off wanker," Spike stepped in.
Anya narrowed her eyes, "Hey, you don't talk to Xander that way! Just because you love the slayer and changed her doesn't give you the right to talk to my Xander like that. Oh if I still had my powers!"
"What?" Xander looked at Anya. "Where did you get an idea like that?"
Anya rolled her eyes, "Really Xander, for a demon magnet you sure are human. He's been lusting after her for weeks at least. I'm sure he's dreamed of the many orgasms he could give her. He's probably thinking of having sex with her right now. Besides he's started changing the way he acts, and those pink panties hanging out of his coat pocket aren't his I would wager."
Buffy's eyes widened and her jaw set in anger as she snatched her panties from Spike's pocket, "How did you get these?"
"Well the laundry basket is in the basement where I've been salvaging things and." he blushed, vampires could blush, "I had to check out your room one night."
"YOU WERE IN MY BEDROOM? You went through my dresser? Did you take my blue cashmere sweater? Oh God, can vampires get sick?"
"Now, Pet, really it was all for the best. Now look at you. Oh all the things I could teach you now." Spike actually sounded giddy.
"Looks like you had an undead stalker and now he has you where he wants you. Sure you don't want me to stake him for you?" Xander offered again.
"Xander!" Buffy snapped followed by Spike's repertoire of, "Sod off!"
Just then the phone rang. Buffy answered it because she was the closest one to it.
"Hello, The Magic Box, our hours are from nine to eleven." She paused at the sound of the anxious voice on the line.
"Buffy, thank God. Mom went to the hospital. They had to run tests on her. Giles drove her and I've been at home all night, Giles came home this morning to check on me and now I'm at the hospital. Where have you been? I want to see mom now but the doctors won't let me," Dawn said.
Buffy dropped the phone. Spike picked it up and then said, "Don't worry Nibblet, we're on our way. Big sis'll be there to stake all those medical baddies."
When Spike hung up he turned to Buffy, "We can take the sewer to the hospital. I think we should go now to check on your mom and the Nibblet, she sounds worried."
Buffy nodded and followed Spike to the storeroom of the magic shop where the sewer entrance was located. Soon Buffy and her new sire were traveling the Sunnydale underground, while Xander made an anxious phone call to one Riley Finn, to tell him that Buffy was at the hospital.
Spike walked into the waiting room where Dawn was curled up in one of the chairs, fast asleep. He took off his jacket and covered her with it. He pushed her long silky brown hair out of her face and looked at her, a smile tugging at his lips. Buffy's kid sis really was something, even if she had a reputation for breaking things just by looking at them. She looked so innocent, like she glowed with an inner light. Spike gave her a chaste kiss on the forehead and was startled when a gruff voice growled, "Get away from her!"
Spike looked up and saw Captain Cardboard, Buffy's little college commando. He wondered how long that would last since Buffy was now a vampire. He hoped he had the upper hand there. He glared at Riley as Riley pulled a stake from his jacket pocket.
"Hey, I was only making sure the Nibblet was warm, no use in breaking out the dust buster yet mate. I'm the one that brought Buffy over here. Why don't you go put on some camouflage and sod off?"
"What are you talking about? Buffy wouldn't have gone anywhere with you! You're beneath her," Riley snarled.
Spike smirked, "That's what you think. I told you once before. You're just a human. She needs a little monster in her man. You don't have the monster. Give up. You're beneath her now."
"What are you talking about?"
Before Spike could explain Buffy walked into the waiting room, she acted tough, but beneath the exterior Spike could see how shaky she was. She'd already been through the ringer, what with dying and all, now she had to deal with a sick mom and a worried little sister, not to mention one pissed off commando boy. Spike felt bad for his childe, but nothing could be done. What had happened had happened. At least one good thing had come out of it; Harmony was gone with the wind.
"Riley?" Buffy asked, confusion in her voice.
"Good morning Buffy. Xander called and told me where you were. I got here as soon as I could. Let's go take a walk outside, looks like you could use the fresh air."
Buffy shook her head, "I can't. I should be here for Dawn."
"She'll be fine. Spike's harmless with that chip and we need to talk. Let's go outside where he can't follow."
Spike smirked, "Just a minute ago you were telling me to get away from mini slayer or you'd stake me."
"I can't Riley," She insisted and gave Spike a reprimanding look.
Then Riley noticed her appearance, the torn and bloody shirt, her hair all disheveled, "Did he do this to you? Did he hurt you? I'll dust you leech!"
Buffy stepped in front of Spike to protect him, "Then you can dust me too Riley. I can't let you kill my sire. At least not until I get some answers first."
"Your sire?" Riley asked and then fell back into one of the waiting room chairs, all the fight gone out of him.
"Oh cool. Buffy, you're a vampire?" Dawn said as she jumped awake.
"Hey, Nibblet, how long you been listening?" Spike asked.
"Long enough, I'd say. Wow, my sister the slayer is now my sister the vampire! Does this mean I get your room?"
Buffy made an annoyed face, "No, I have heavy curtains. It's still my room."
"Who else knows?" Riley asked as he looked up at Buffy, all hope in salvaging any kind of relationship between them gone.
"Xander and Anya. Spike and I were in the Magic Box and Xander opened the door and the sunlight kind of fell on me. You wouldn't believe how painful that is," Buffy said.
Riley shook his head, "He did this to you and you haven't killed him yet? That's not the Buffy I know."
"Well, I guess you don't know me. Obviously I disgust you now. Look, if you can't take me with the fangs then go. I can't change what's already been done," She said.
"I can't believe you, Buffy. How could you sink to his level? Let one vamp stake you and you go and join them!" Riley snapped.
Buffy had enough, as she got angry her face vamped out. She grabbed Riley by the throat and pinned him against the wall, "This is what I am now. Look at me. You can't want me anymore. Now just go!"
With that she released Riley and retreated to a remote corner of the waiting room. She curled up on the chair and sat there, kind of vacant expression on her face. Riley looked at Spike and spat, "Are you proud of yourself? Look at what you had to do just to say you have her. You're disgusting. I should have dusted you myself instead of listening to her. Guess you were right. She needed a little monster after all."
Dawn had pulled Spike's jacket tighter around her and looked in the corner where Buffy sat. Buffy really was a vampire, from the fang face to the actual fangs. How were they going to hide this from their mom? Buffy's life was basically over.
Buffy's body trembled with her sobs. Dawn watched as Spike went over to her sister. He knelt down on his knees to be closer to her level and wrapped his arms around her, saying soft soothing things, trying to stop her from crying.
"Now where's my brave slayer? Come on. One commando boy isn't worth all this fuss. Later on tonight we'll go out and beat us up a couple of big bad nasties and have at it until you feel better. Think you're up for patrolling with me tonight?" Spike spoke gently.
Dawn watched in fascination as her sister, the tough as nails slayer turned vampire looked at the vampire that was kneeling by her and made an attempt at a smile as she sniffled. Spike raised his hand and wiped at the tear trails running down Buffy's face. He acted so gentle toward Buffy, that Dawn almost didn't believe that it was Spike.
A few minutes later the two vampires walked out into the hallway. Dawn didn't want to follow and intrude on what could have been the makings of a personal moment, so she stayed curled in her chair, with Spike's duster jacket covering her. The faint scent of peroxide, cigarettes, whiskey, and a scent oddly Spike surrounded Dawn. She felt safe beneath the jacket, while her sister and Spike talked out in the hall.
"What's wrong Buffy?" Spike asked.
"They did a biopsy, and they found something. They have her scheduled for surgery in two days. This is so much right now. I'm a newly made vampire, my mom could be dying, my boyfriend just dumped me, Dawn God what she must think, and I have to tell Giles, Willow, and Tara about this too. This couldn't have happened at a better time," Buffy sighed and ran a hand through her disheveled hair.
Spike looked at her with guilt in his eyes, "Do you blame me luv?"
"You could have let me die. At least I still have my soul. I made the decision to drink. I could have dusted you if I wanted to. I can still fight the good fight," She managed a weak smile.
"What in the bloody hell were you doing in the cemetery that late with that wound anyway?"
"I was doing the John Wayne thing," Buffy said and then shrugged that off knowing he wouldn't accept that as an answer. "I wanted to apologize to you. You're not beneath me. All the times I violently disliked you I couldn't ever kill you. Everything that I've ever killed has been beneath me. So you see, if you were beneath me you would have been a huge pile of dust a long time ago. You proved last night that I'm no better than you. I was dying and I took the choice you gave me. I died once; I didn't want to die again. Wait I did die again. You know what I mean."
"You don't have to explain your motives. You were desperate. I was seduced. There's our difference. So beauty, am I your beast?" He asked, almost afraid that he sounded hopeful.
"Did you really say 'I love you' in the training room?"
"What can I say Pet? There's no lying to ya."
She took in a shuddering breath, "I was hoping I hadn't heard that right. I'm not ready for this any of it. Why couldn't I have been some nice normal kid past the age of fifteen? Oh no destiny comes knocking and the next thing I know I'm hanging out in cemeteries with a handful of friends and a stuffy watcher. Then another little twist, one known as Spike. I don't think anyone could have seen you coming and pulling the fangy thing on me. Not even Angel had the guts to try, even when he didn't have a soul. How does it feel? How does your one good day feel? Dammit, I hate being bitter!"
"I'd say it was the best day of my life, but that would be selfish of me. Tell me what I can do to make it all right. You want me to be Mr. Huge Pile of Dust then I'll leave this hospital right through the front bloody door, and there will be no more Spike, but first you have to admit one thing. Say that you don't need a little monster in your man. Go on! Tell me and I'm gone. Poof, just like that," He finished with a snap of his fingers.
She grabbed the front of his shirt and stared straight into his eyes, "How is it that someone like you can know everything about me? Why can't I lie to you? Stop being melodramatic. Since you're all I've got then I'm keeping you for as long as I can."
"Oh yeah," He growled and then leaned down pressing his lips against hers. He could hardly believe that he was kissing her. What made it even more unbelievable was when she opened her mouth, an invite for him to escalate the kiss.
"Oh dear lord," A time weathered voice spoke in shock and the kissing pair shot apart, Buffy looking up guiltily at Giles as he continued, "Does anyone care to explain what is going on? I just came from the shop and Xander and Anya were having a free for all and Xander said I should come here to talk to you Buffy. And please explain why you're kissing Spike. No. Wait. I really don't want to know."
"Oh come off it Giles, you'd love to know why your good little slayer goes for the big bad vamps," Spike said as he turned to face Buffy's former watcher.
Giles was already cleaning his glasses on his shirt, awaiting Buffy's answer. Buffy's mouth opened and closed a few times without words coming out. Dawn walked out of the waiting room, clutching Spike's jacket and curious about what was happening. She'd caught what Giles said and took it upon herself to answer.
Buffy's younger sister looked up at Giles with a wide grin and then spoke words that filled former watcher and slayer with shock and mortification, "Isn't it cool Giles? Buffy's a vampire! Spike brought her over. She's like super slayer now. Talk about some good news, now all we need to hear is that mom is going to be fine."
With that being said, Buffy handed Dawn some money and sent her off to the vending machines.
"OH DEAR LORD!" Giles looked from Buffy to Spike and walked into the waiting room to have a seat. His world was spinning out of his control.
"Bloody hell! If it makes you feel any better she still has a soul. You would think this were the end of the world or something," Spike commented.
Buffy glared at him, "Will you shut up? You're not helping! And incase you can't remember I've stopped a few of those. Don't jinx us!"
"Fine, Slayer, whatever you say. I love it when you yell at me. It's almost like when you hit me. Say are you up for a little boxing later?" Spike said with a wink.
Buffy sent a glare his way and he laughed, bent down to her ear, and whispered, "Nothing like a good spot of violence to warm up the blood. Now you can't tell me that won't be fun."
"Right. Now stop that. Do you have any idea how seriously disturbing this is? Oh, why can't I go blind again?" Giles said to no one in particular.
Spike shot a slightly annoyed look in Giles' direction followed by a smirk that twisted the corner of his mouth, "Come on Rupert, you know you'll want to play twenty questions later. Just be glad she isn't dead."
"Well technically."
Buffy glared at the both of them, "Will you stop talking about me like I'm not here. Look, I'm dead, my mom could be dying, and the two of you are making matters worse. Dammit leave me alone!"
Buffy had had enough. She took the stairs down to the basement of the hospital and was in the sewer system halfway to the magic shop before she stopped and leaned against a wall for support. Her sobs rang through the system as she hit the wall and tried to get some kind of grip on her new existence. What had happened to her? What had been done to her?
She felt a hand on her shoulder and her head snapped up. Her eyes grew wide as she stared into the deep brown eyes of Angel. Her unbeating heart leapt into her throat. She knew that he would know in an instant what happened; well more or less he'd know what she was.
"Buffy? What are you doing down here?" He asked.
Buffy looked around nervously trying to think of an excuse when a thought occurred to her, "Why are you questioning me? I'm the slayer here. What are you doing here in Sunnydale? Los Angeles run out of demons for you to chase?"
"Hey, that's not fair. You always seem to be attacking me. Look, Cordy had a vision. Before you say anything about grave danger, I'll just tell you. She saw you dead. I had to warn you. I might not be able to have you, but I lo. like the living, breathing Buffy still the same," He said and then his nose twitched and he took a step closer to her.
Buffy took a step back, pressing her back closer against the sewer wall. Angel loomed over her, his eyes growing darker as the look of horror set in. Buffy's eyes filled with tears. He of all people, or vampires rather, knew what it was like to hate what he was.
"Oh God. I'm too late. Tell me now. Who did this?"
Just then the familiar voice of a certain British vampire with a liking for peroxide spoke up from the shadows, "I did, you big poof. Look is there a reason for your visits or are you still into that whole self torture thing?"
Angel charged Spike and pinned him against the wall, a stake in his hand. Angel must have had one hidden in the pocket of his jacket. Spike nodded and rolled his eyes, "Is this the part where you finish me off Peaches? Really this got old the first hundred times you did this to me. Now get off. You know I won't tell you again."
Angel put his vamp face on, "You know I'm older and stronger than you Spike. Now give me one good reason why I shouldn't dust you? You made a monster of the only woman I've ever loved. Does that make you happy?"
"I'll give you the reason," Buffy said as she grabbed Angel's shoulder and pulled him off of Spike.
Angel looked at her in shock and Spike was just as surprised as Angel. They were both staring at her like she was a new person.
"Well, Pet, I'd like to hear this reason myself. You just pulled Peaches off of me. You want to stake me yourself or somethin'?"
"No," She shot a glare at Spike and then she looked at Angel, "Angel, look into my eyes. I'm still the same Buffy. I have my soul. I don't know how or why, but Buffy is still intact, well as far as the soul thing, now the body thing and the hunger thing, that's new, but at least I'm not a monster right? I chose this. I was dying and Spike gave me the choice and I took it. It was a stupid moment of that human weakness thing, and I gave in. I'm not some super strong slayer even I give into weakness. When you're staring in the eyes of death you tend to want to live in one form or another. He gave me that form. I know you probably won't understand, but I was desperate. Don't hate Spike for this. Hate me. Hate me like you should hate me for everything, for stealing your soul, sending you to hell, and torturing you night after night. Say why we're at it, let's get everyone else to hate me too."
Tears streamed down her face. Angel couldn't bring himself to look at her, let alone comfort her. He loved her so much, he hated seeing her like this, but there was nothing he could do, nothing she would let him do. Spike put his arms around her, drew her close, and comforted her. Angel looked up as he noticed her cries dying down.
"Get away from her. Haven't you done enough?" Angel snapped.
Spikes eyes flashed angrily to gold as he vamped out, "What? I didn't see you making any moves to comfort her. This is new territory. You can't even show compassion and you're the one with the soul. Go back to where ever it is you call home. Sod off. She doesn't need you anymore. Go brood or do whatever it is that makes you so miserable."
Angel turned his back to leave. Buffy's quavering voice stopped him, as she weakly called his name he turned around.
"Can you forgive human weakness?" She managed.
Angel did his best to put on a weak smile, "It's not you that I have to forgive. I'll be there for you when you need me, and I'll have a stake ready for him whenever you want me to use it. I love you Buffy, it doesn't matter what you are. I need to go back to L.A. though. I just didn't get here in time. I'm sorry."
Angel left that time. Spike looked at Buffy, still in awe of what she'd said. She'd practically told the poofter that she didn't blame anyone for what happened. Spike was free and clear in her eyes. There was so much he didn't know about her.
"Well, Pet, where are we goin? Back to the hospital, to the magic shop, or my crypt? We can't very well stay in the sewers. The smell only gets worse. I'm sure the Nibblet might want some company. You just sort of stormed off without a word."
"Take me to the hospital. It's as good a place as any. My mom and Dawn are there. Not to mention Willow and Tara will probably stop by after classes. They need to hear what's happened, if Xander doesn't tell them first."
So there they sat in the hospital awaiting Willow and Tara. Occasionally Buffy sent Dawn to the snack machine and Spike even took a trip to the blood bank downstairs and brought back a meal for himself and Buffy. She took the blood from him and thanked him as she bit into the bag and drained it. The blood was delicious, perfect for ebbing the demands of her new hunger. Just as she was licking the blood from her lips the door of the waiting room opened and Willow walked in followed by Tara. Spike looked up from his own bag of blood and then at Buffy.
Both of the witches' eyes widened in shock as they stared at Buffy. Dawn just managed to squeeze in an "eww!" that died in the uncomfortable silence.
"Fine, I'll go to the machine. Anybody want anything?"
Everyone shook their heads as she left the room. Willow and Tara took a seat in a couple of chairs. Neither of them sure of what was going on.
"Please, tell me that was hot chocolate. What's going on, where's Riley, and why is Spike here? I mean there's nothing wrong with Spike, but shouldn't you have supportive people around you?" Willow asked.
"Well thanks Red. You know speakin of hot chocolate; some marshmallows would have been nice in the mix. I wish I'd asked a nurse for some before drinking it all," Spike said.
Willow made a face, "Gross. Now I can never eat marshmallows again."
"Um, Will. As you can see I'm on a new diet. Spike please, don't mention marshmallows for a while."
"How did this happen? You kill vampires, you don't become one. Goddess! You didn't lose your soul?" Willow asked as Tara took her hand and gave it a squeeze.
Buffy smiled a little, "No, soul still there. I don't think I can lose that. A slayer has a soul despite the vamping out. Harmony killed me; well more like wounded me to the point where I was dying. Spike kind of made me an offer and I didn't refuse. Oh and Riley is."
"He couldn't deal with a fangy girlfriend so I got dibs on the Slayer," Spike cut in.
Willow nodded. The conversation continued on a lighter note, and later on included Xander and Anya when the Magic Box closed. Eventually visitors were allowed in Joyce's room, Buffy went in first, and then Dawn. Dawn stayed with their mother while Buffy went out to patrol with Spike. It had been a unanimous decision to tell Joyce about Buffy when she was out of the hospital and doing better.
The night was dark and soothing to the new vampire's soul. She looked up at the sky and finally felt like she belonged somewhere. It was a good feeling, to belong. Spike put his arm around her shoulder, then thought the better of it and removed it.
"What a great night for a good spot of violence. Let's go kick some demon ass!" Spike said enthusiastically.
Buffy grabbed his arm, pulled him close against her, and smiled, "I have a better idea."
He lowered his head hesitantly until their lips met and he let her elevate the kiss. When the kiss ended a sly smirk played on Spike's lips as his husky voice gave life to words that sent a shiver up Buffy's spine. "Come on Slayer. You know you wanna dance."