I'm gonna be home soon
I'm kinda awkward and afraid
Time has changed your point of view
How You Gonna See Me Now- Alice Cooper
Chapter 1
Berlin-1956
He hated Christmas, the whole peace on Earth and good will toward men, what a lode of crap. He'd seen the worst humans could do to one another, hell he'd even done his share of unspeakable acts. Oh don't get him wrong, he hated war and the atrocities it brought, but this season…this was a glaring reminder of what he'd lost. What he'd been foolish enough to let slip away.
Taking a deep breath he allowed himself to relax against the railing as he waited for his train. He'd come into the city today just to get away from the mundane routine he'd fallen in to; now he was regretting it. Now he felt stifled by all the people, he needed peace and quiet…and a very strong drink.
Trying to pull his thoughts away from the dark corner they were headed for, he suddenly felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up, he was being watched. Glancing around he didn't see anyone in the immediate area, but when he looked across the tracks that's when he saw her.
Every muscle in his body locked and he felt that he couldn't get a deep breath. There was no way it could be her, she'd been dead for twelve years, yet there was no mistaking those eyes. He couldn't see what color her hair was, but those crystal green eyes seemed to glow with a strange intensity as they stared at him from across the way.
Her head was cocked to the side and a frown marred her smooth face. When he moved to start walking around the tracks her eyes never left his. He could almost see her thinking she was concentrating on him so hard.
The whistle from the incoming train broke his stare and he realized he was going to have to move faster or she would board the train and he would lose her. Turning his gaze away from her he stared to run. It was going to be close but he thought he could just make it in order to catch her.
As he rounded the end of the track he knew he wasn't going to make it. A taller man had stepped up beside her and was pulling her by the arm toward the train. He noticed she was still concentrating on him and ignoring the man pulling her. They were almost on the train and he had to take the chance. Stopping he called her name. For one brief moment her face scrunched up in thought, but then she lifted a hand to her head to rub at her forehead like she was in pain.
The man pulling her had stopped when he'd called her name and now was staring at him with a look of fear. Yet when the man saw that she was rubbing her head, he bent and swept her up in his arms carrying her onto the train.
At this point there was nothing he could do; he was going to lose her again. As the train started to pull out he glanced at the destination and was relieved to see that is was a local train that serviced stops here in Berlin. He still had a chance.
She laid her head on Gunter's shoulder. The migraines came every time she tried to remember something. Today the man on the train platform had seemed too familiar; where did she know him from? Then he'd called a name and the pain had exploded inside her skull.
Sighing she squeezed her eyes shut trusting that Gunter would get her home safely where she could rest.
Gunter looked down at the woman leaning heavily on his shoulder. Today had scared him deeper than anything before. The American soldier had known her that much was clear and she'd been close to remembering, he could only pray that the migraine would stop her from any further memory searching. He was also praying that whomever that man was that he would search for her no further. But deep in his heart he knew this was a prayer that would never be answered.
By the time he made it home, he was tired, wet and annoyed. The checkpoints had taken longer to clear than normal and the snow that had been falling had suddenly turned into sleet mixed with rain.
Sighing as he sank down into his chair and sipped at the whiskey in his hand. He had to think about what his next move should be. Finding one woman in the middle of Berlin was going to be like trying to find a needle in a stack of needles, however the unusual eyes might help. He had friends that worked at the embassy, he would ask them to do a little searching for him. They owed him and besides, as the liaison officer he kept the Russians off their back.
Closing his eyes he thought about her. Kellie. Today had been the first time he'd spoken her name aloud in over twelve years. Smiling into the dark, he finally let himself remember….
Tocca
Smiling she dropped her head and pretended to be working on something as she watched him out of the corner of her eye. He'd been coming in almost every day, sometimes just to look or occasionally he'd buy something, but she could tell there was something different about today.
All they ladies had noticed him the first time he came in. They'd made a game of trying to determine who if anyone he was interested in, but when his attention continued to focus in her direction, the rest had become jealous. He was handsome, taller than most and an officer, that made him a very rare treat.
Lifting her head she turned to find him staring at her. Hmm, now that was new. Before if she ever caught him looking her way he'd turn away, but not today. Smiling at him he reached up to brush her hair back and then turned back to the sheet of paper in front of her.
Ron couldn't help but smile back. Today was going to be his lucky day. Normally this place was packed with people but today there were very few around and there was no one at her counter.
He could still remember the first time he'd ever seen her. She had been standing with the other ladies waiting for the bus as his company ran past. He'd almost tripped trying to get a better look at her, her hair catching his attention first. The dark auburn color had appeared black with red highlights. It had taken him a few days to actually find her and she her up close, that he saw those eyes. They were crystal green and full of life, especially when she smiled. The kind of eyes you could lose yourself in.
Today was his chance and he was going to ask her out, or at least talk to her. Moving with a purpose he walked up and leaned against the counter, "hi I'm Ron."
Lifting her head she gave him a shy smile, she cheeks blushing. "I know. I'm sorry but I couldn't help but ask about you."
This time he could feel his face heat, "took me too long to speak to you didn't it?"
Laughing she pushed her hair back, "maybe just a little."
"Ok then, well since you know my name, want to tell me yours."
"I'm Kellie."
The months at Tocca had passed quickly, especially when he spent every free moment with Kellie. She'd become so much more than he'd hoped for. She was smart, funny and a very passionate lover.
She wanted so much more from life and had worked hard to complete her nurses training and was looking forward to do something other than working in the commissary. She was going to make a wonderful wife, he was just sad that it wouldn't be with him.
He knew he could ask her to marry him, but he was going to war and the last thing he wanted was to leave behind a wife for who knew how long, while she waited and worried.
They'd both known their time was growing short and Ron knew more than he was willing to say, the company he was with would be leaving in the next few days. The rational part of him told him to let Kellie go, make a clean break. The part of him that was in love with her, wanted just one more day.
In light of that thought he now found himself standing outside her room waiting for her. Even though he knew that nothing good would come from tonight, he wanted her just one more time.
When Kellie stepped outside and shut the door behind her the smile she gave him told him more than words would ever say. Kellie Macintyre loved him and to his shame he knew he would have to use that love against her to save her.
The sun was peeking through the curtains stinging his eyes. He knew it was time to get up, but he wanted to cherish this last few minutes before it all went to hell. Turning to his side he smiled at the sight that greeted him. The messy auburn hair, creamy pale skin marred only by the red places his stubble had rubbed.
Smiling, he softly ran his finger down the hollow of her spine loving the feel of her body. Her soft sighs in even sleep making him hard again. Easing closer to her he slid his hand across her side to her stomach pulling her body in closer contact with his. As his hand continued down her stomach to stroke her softly he felt her breathing change.
"Well good morning to you too." Her soft chuckle followed by a sharp intact of breath told him he'd hit the right spot.
Pushing her hair aside he kissed her neck as he continued to stroke her. "Yes, well I couldn't think of a better way to start the day than inside you."
"Ah, didn't you get enough last night?"
Laughing he lifted her leg and slid into her from behind. "I can never get enough of you."
Reaching back she wrapped her hand around his arm. "Well I'm glad you feel that way, because I can't get enough of you either."
As she came he felt her nails dig into his arm and his name called in a soft voice. He hated not being able to finish inside her but with the unknown facing him, there was no way he could risk her getting pregnant.
Pulling her close again he closed his eyes for just a moment. This would be their last time together. He'd not told her that, his selfishness winning out over the need to make a clean break, but when he left this morning he'd say good-bye.
When she called his name and rolled to face him he lifted an eyebrow in question. He could see that she was nervous, so whatever she was about to say must be important. He was afraid he knew what it would be. They had been seeing each other for several months and been intimate for the last month. He'd been the one to pursue her, so yeah that just proved what a selfish bastard he was.
"Ron have you heard a thing I just said?"
Smiling he kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry baby; I must have let my thoughts wonder for moment."
Her crystal green eyes sparkled in amusement. "Yes, well you never let your thoughts wonder so how about you just tell me what's wrong?"
Frowning he released her and pushed up to lean against the headboard. "What makes you think that something is wrong?"
Pushing her hair back she sat up and pulled the sheet around her. Shaking her head she had to wonder exactly how dumb he thought she was. "Ron, I'm not stupid and considering where I work, I hear soldiers talk. I know you are leaving this week, or sooner. So please just let me say this."
Taking a deep breath she reached for his hand and grasped it. "I know that we've only been together for a few months and I know that you will be going to either one theater or the other. I also know that there is something between us more than sex."
Smiling she cocked her head to the side. "Why else would you have found and excuse coming to the commissary every day to see me." She laughed at the faint blush that covered his cheeks, "oh I noticed and I'm just glad you finally decided to ask me out. But that's not what this is about."
Swallowing she decided that like ripping a band aid off it was time to get it out in the open. "I love you Ronald Speirs and I want to know what you feel for me. If you feel the same I could wait forever but if you don't I think it's only fair that you say that to me now."
When she'd finished she sat silently watching his face. For the first time in his life he was thankful that he could keep his emotions hidden. She'd humbled and pleased him with her admission; however he knew that he had to let her go and this was going to be the most painful thing he'd ever done. More was the pity she'd opened the door for him.
Smirking he pulled his hand away and got out of the bed. "Oh babe, I'm sorry if you misunderstood hell I was just looking for a good time." Reaching for his pants he made sure to keep his back to her. Sometimes she saw too much and he couldn't afford for her to see through his bluff.
Behind him he heard the sounds of sheets rubbing against one another and the sound of the silk robe he'd bought her being put on. Closing his eyes he tried to brace himself for what was about to happen, he could only hope to hold this heartless façade long enough to escape.
"Ron. Ron, I want you to look me in the face and tell me that I was nothing more that some woman you just wanted to screw."
Slowly lifting his head he steeled himself, yet it almost wasn't enough when he saw the tears shimmering in her eyes. Frowning he tensed his body and blurted out the biggest lie ever. "Fine, you were nothing more to me than an interesting fuck. Took me way too long to get you into bed…"
He never finished his sentence because her hand had connected with his jaw. The tears that were shimmering were now silently streaming down her face.
"Fine then, get out and I can only wish you the best. But know this, I'll always love you Ron, no matter how bad you've hurt me. Guess that's something I'll have to live with. You figure out what you'll have to live with."
Turning she went into the bathroom and he heard the lock turn. Sighing he rubbed his jaw and hated himself. Quickly he finished dressing and turned to leave but not before he wrote down his parents address and a short note to let her know that just in case there was an unfortunate outcome of their time together he'd like to know.
Inside the bathroom she heard the door close and when she thought he was really gone, she screamed in pain and allowed herself to cry. She'd given everything to this man and he'd looked her in the face and not only lied but hurt her intentionally. She had no idea how long she'd sat on the floor of that bathroom crying, but it was time to stop. Picking herself up, she washed her face and unlocked the door. Today she would take control of her life and she would move on without him.
Berlin-1956
Gunter hadn't slept, the nausea he'd felt at the train station had stayed with him all night. He'd shuffled Renee off to bed, closed all the blinds and then spent the night staring off into space. He knew that he had a fifty-fifty chance that she would wake this morning and everything would be normal, or she could start asking questions.
When he heard her bedroom door open, he quickly got up poured her coffee and resumed his seat. He was pleased to see she was dressed for work, even if her face showed the lingering effects from the previous day's migraine.
"Ah she lives. How do you feel this morning?"
Shrugging she picked up her coffee and sipped at the brew. "I've felt worse, but I must go to work. Keeping a normal schedule after what happened yesterday is important."
Gunter nodded and took a deep breath. He loathed asking the question but he needed to understand what had caused yesterday's episode. "So do you want to tell me what happened yesterday?"
She really wasn't sure what had happened and told him as much. The man she'd seen caused something in her to tremble. Without thinking about it too hard she knew in her heart that she knew him.
"Gunter, tell me again about the day you found me?"
Looking up he sighed, "we've been over this darling. I found you frozen in my barn, alone, bloody, and with no winter clothes on. It took days before you even remember your name."
He watched as she unconsciously reached up and rubbed the scar he knew was hidden by her hair. When he saw her frown he reached for her hand. "Don't do this to yourself. Maybe that man could have reminded you of someone, but you've said it yourself, if there had been someone who loved and took care of you they would have come for you then right?"
Smiling she nodded her head and stood. "You're right as always." Leaning down she kissed his cheek. "Have a good day and I'll see you tonight. Maybe we could go out to dinner."
He forced the smile and watched her leave. The minute the door shut the smile fled his face. He'd not lied to her; he'd just left out some details about finding her. He'd known based on her clothing that she had belonged to the Americans, but when he'd found her there, dying and alone…it was like God had given him another chance.
But he knew deep in his heart that the man they'd seen yesterday was not going to rest and he probably was the person who loved and cared for her. The question remained, why did he not come for her then?
Okay so a little different and I only own Kellie/Renee, Gunter and other characters you don't recognize. No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Band of Brothers. Hope everyone enjoys the story.