Suicide Note
Chapter One Autumn Brings No Joy, only cold...
"The trees are so very colorful this time of year... Wouldn't you agree Raito-kun?"
Lawliet meandered down the little paved pathway through the park, gazing up at the beautiful orange and yellow leaves of all the trees that curved together to make something of a tunnel. It was like something out of a movie, so uniquely beautiful that you almost feel it isn't meant for human eyes. Almost surreal. New York was always so pretty this time of year. Lawliet like his comfortable ability to move where ever he chose, when ever he chose, without question or consequence from anyone. Well... Save for one man in particular. His closest friend and colleague, Yagami Raito, who scolded him often about wasting away money on a new home somewhere else in the world when he grew tired or bored of the one he was living in. This always made Lawliet chuckle, knowing full well that Raito was anything but frugal. The man had spent three thousand dollars on a suit that Lawliet had only seen him wear once, and that occasion had been his Miss Misa Amane's wedding to Matsuda over four years ago. Either way, it was safe to say that Raito wasn't really worried about Lawliet's financial state, more or less, he just wanted something to argue about.
Lawliet had found it interesting for certain, that Raito was perfectly happy to move with him where ever he did, and soon it became financially bothersome for Raito to keep buying and selling his homes, so Lawliet opted for them to buy very large houses and live together... For "frugalities sake". That alone had made Raito laugh, and it still did. Though he'd never admit to Lawliet of such things. Lawliet was just happy to have a partner worthy of him. Shortly after he had closed the Kira case finding a certain Takada Kiyomi guilty of being the First Kira, and Mikami Teru, a prosecuting attorney being the second, he asked Raito to join him as his new partner. He quite enjoyed the views the young man had on the case, and knew that having him around could only be beneficial to his future cases, if only to have another mind that came to his same conclusions just as quickly as he did, or simply some one to entertain him intellectually.
Raito, having decided to retire from being Kira after getting off scot free thanks to some well placed evidence and some sneaky bargains with a certain joker faced Shinigami decided to cleanse the world in a much more intellectually stimulating, if not more fun, way. He was pleased to find that way was solving case after unsolvable case by L's side for the past ten years. He had yet to learn the man's real name, and he doubted he ever would, and he knew for a fact that he would never get it out of that damned Shinigami. Ryuuk had been less than helpful when he was around and the chances of him seeing the Shinigami again were slim. He had not relinquished ownership of the note book, so the Shinigami was still visible to Raito, in the off chance that he did show up. The note book had simply been destroyed. Burned, put in a box, and then into a black plastic bag with a brick, and dropped into the Ohio River shortly after the solving of the "Louisville Lecter" case in Kentucky eight years ago. Raito was finding that America was a very strange, but pleasant place to live, and it, though a very mixed up country at times, was stable enough for his tastes. Not to mention how at home L seemed. It made for a much more relaxed environment. And if you could be relaxed around L in any way, it was something you should definitely take advantage of.
"Yes... They are always like this in Autumn." he replied with a small knowing smile, barely noticeable to anyone who didn't know Raito well. Lawliet knew this smile. It was one of the few genuine expressions that Raito ever made. He always hid behind a mask of some sort, as if his emotions would betray him. And Lawliet completely agreed with that. Thus why he remained dry and clinical, very blunt, and without emotion as well. It was easier that way.
"Fascinating, isn't it? How everything just seems know exactly when to happen... Nature is always one hundred percent sure on everything it does... So unlike human beings..." Lawliet drawled, more to himself than to Raito. Raito some times had a difficult time telling when the words were meant for him to reply to or not. It always seemed to make him look foolish. Though, at the ripe age of 31, he was able to redeem himself almost instantly. L, now 39, was sharper than ever. Even without Watari, he managed to live life as well as he always had. Raito found the other man truly fascinating. He could behave so childishly, yet he was always able to handle life as it came and be an adult without actually being an adult.
Lawliet sighed softly. Raito could hear the sigh, barely audible, but full of depression. Perhaps the detective was bored with life again. He reached out and grasped his friends shoulder.
"Ryan is something troubling you?" he asked. Lawliet found that he did not much care to hear that silly pseudo spoken aloud by Raito, but they were necessary for men like them. Many people wanted them both dead, thus why they wore ambiguous clothes and sunglasses when they were in public during the day light hours.
"Nothing Luke..." he said softly. He shook his head, his now shoulder length raven mane flopping with the gentle side to side motion. Raito flinched, not caring for that name anymore than L cared for his. Lawliet looked up at the trees, sunglasses down on the end of his slim nose.
"Tomorrow is my fortieth birthday is all... I don't much care for that reminder that I am, in fact, mortal... Though I daresay, Justice will always prevail and live through the name of L."
Smug as always. Raito couldn't help but appreciate that about the man now that he'd worked with him for so long. A decade of "L is Justice" makes you start to believe it after a while. Raito nodded.
"Yes. I understand how you feel. I experienced that last year when I turned thirty..." he said with a small sad smile. Not genuine. Lawliet knew. He could tell. It was normal, and he didn't mind. At least Raito showed emotions with his mask. Lawliet's was perpetually calm, uninterested, and flawless... Admirable in a way, and scary in many others.
"I do recall such a thing... though, I do not believe I will be purchasing a red sports car to compensate for my age, only to put a brick on the gas and drive it into a lake, then have it hauled out and sell it to a used car dealership for thousands less than I purchased it for... All for... Frugalities sake..." he said in that same bored drawling monotone. The amusement was barely visible, but Raito could see it in those wide deep dark eyes of L's.
"Indeed... I should think re-enacting said fiasco would be quite ridiculous..." Lawliet continued. Ratio merely shrugged it off and gave L a flawless fake smile. Lawliet saw through it, knowing the embarrassment that those sunglass covered eyes held. Lawliet stopped walking suddenly and looked out over the near by lake, seeing leaves dancing in the wind, skirting over the top of the water in some sort of beautiful last dance before they would drown. Raito stopped as well, looking back at the other male.
"Ryuuzaki?"
"Raito."
Raito smiled and motioned for Lawliet to hurry up and walk.
"Let's go home. Anette must have dinner ready for us by now. You know how she frets when we're late." he said with a small laugh. Lawliet looked over, bored and uninterested.
"Yes... We should return. I hope she didn't make meat again..." he said softly, his thumb going strait to his mouth in quiet contemplation.
"Honestly Ryuuzaki... I really liked your sweets fixation a lot better than this new vegetarian obsession..." Raito said shaking his head.
"Hm. Yes. A piece of strawberry short cake does sound nice..." he said, a reminiscent light formed in his pale features. That light was Lawliet's love for sweets.
"Shall we pick some up on the way home?" Raito asked, his hands going into his pockets. Lawliet smiled. Raito flinched.
"Yes. Lets."
Raito nodded and extended his hand to L. Lawliet walked up to Raito and looked down at the extended hand.
"Why are you extending your hand to me Raito-kun?" he asked, examining the now quickly retreating hand. He chewed his thumb lightly, contemplating what such a gesture meant. Often times couples would hold hands. Certainly Raito did not consider them a couple... Did he? Hm. There was a point six percent chance of such a thing, the rest of the ninety-nine point ninety-four percent was that Raito simply did not think about it before he committed this strange action.
"Sorry. I guess I wasn't really thinking about It." he said scratching the back of his head, his shaggy honey locks framing his slightly reddened face. Lawliet gave an inward nod.
Precisely as I deduced.
Raito quickly regained his composure and thought he might get a hair cut tomorrow; his hair certainly was getting a bit shaggy. He twirled a thick lock of it around his finger and scowled, wrapped up in his own thought process about looking presentable, even though now a days he never was presented to anyone due to the pure danger of said act. But there was no need to look quite as unkempt as L. Even if it was rather becoming on the detective. That would not suit Raito one bit. Oh no no. Now that would just be a sin in and of it's self.
Silly L... Wearing the same garments day in and day out. All his outfits looking the same. Even if the shaggy black hair and lose fitting clothes had varied slightly over the past decade to a more suitable collection of burgundy button downs and more well fitted black slacks, the man had only cut his hair once since the Kira case, and it was simply because it had been getting to hard to manage for him to concentrate properly. It had been down to the middle of the middle of the mans back, and he chopped it off to his shoulders.
It looked cleaner than it had before. And Raito was thankful for that indeed. Lawliet had even gained some shape over the past decade. His muscles a bit more toned, and he didn't slouch quite so much as he used to, though he still hated shoes and socks and sat awkwardly... Raito found himself staring absent mindedly at the detective, taking in all the details of his physique. The strong angular jaw that seamlessly curved into a perfectly sized neck, which jointed gracefully with his barely viable collar... Raito's mind wandered, and his eyes stayed trained on the second button of L's shirt, which was undone. Lawliet hated buttoning the top two buttons. He said having his collar rubbed against was harmful to his concentration and productivity.
"Raito... "
"Hm."
"Though I do not mind the attention, as I am a very prideful and self centered person... It is impolite to stare."
Raito's eyes widened.
"I wasn't staring."
"Just like you weren't Kira..." Lawliet retorted.
"Ryuuzaki... That was over a decade ago. And I was cleared of all charges." he said wiping his hand over his face and groaning quietly.
"Yes. That is true. But you and I both know that it was just because you were able to place evidence that convicted those two. And I am, albeit unhappily, beaten. Kira got away. So I will just have to make up for such a failure with future successes." Lawliet replied, a faint twitch in his face signaling Raito to change the subject.
"Hm... You know. I think some chocolate might be nice too..." Raito said as he began walking again. Lawliet's eyes lit up at the thought of Chocolate... And that led to strawberries... And then a monotonous ongoing thought process of lists of sweets.
"Yes... Chocolate... Hm. I wonder if I have my wallet with me or just loose cash..." he mumbled to himself. He generally kept about a grand in his wallet, but only carried maybe fifty in loose cash on him. He dug into his pants pocket, his hand hitting the smooth leather. A small genuine smile crept over his face. Raito knew that look.
"Come Raito-kun. Let's hurry back to the car so we can get to the sweets shop." he said walking at a quicker pace. Raito rolled his eyes and had to jog to catch up with the other male. Tonight was going to be a loooooong night.
…………………..
"Do try and keep up Raito-kun!" Lawliet called, his arms full of sweets as he walked up the front steps to their lovely home just out side of New York City. It was a tall building, four floors with a balcony and estate columns on the front porch, with a red door. Raito had picked this home because of it's historic beauty. Lawliet had picked it because it was big. He liked having his own space. His own floor. His own buildings. His own personal jon. He was a very private person after all.
"I'm coming..." he growled, boxes of assorted chocolates stacked high in his arms. He was, annoyed, at best, with L, but he found the sudden need for sweets reminiscently endearing. It reminded him of the young L he had met a decade ago... A clinical, dry, uninterested, attractive, mess of a man in a beat up pair of baggy jeans and a plain white long sleeve shirt who was addicted to sweets... And the L now, who was a clinical, dry, uninterested, attractive, slightly less messy man in a pair of tailored black pants and a burgundy button down who was a vegetarian... And now apparently, once again, addicted to sweets... Was some how just as endearing and annoying as ever... Raito was staring again.
"Put those on the dumbwaiter and I'll... Raito-kun? What is the problem? Is there something on my face today that has hypnotized you into a staring contest with it?"
Raito snapped back to reality, yet again embarrassed as he set the hefty pile of sweets on the dumbwaiter and closed the door, pushing the button that sent it up to the third floor where the study and a small second kitchen where Lawliet kept his snacks were.
"I'm fine Ryuuzaki... Really. I'm just..." Just what? Enamored? Entranced? Captivated? Because he was at that moment. "Bored..." he said finally. "We haven't had a case in ages."
There. That sounded... Believable...
"I feel your pain Raito-kun..." he replied in a slightly less bored, slightly more saddened tone. Raito nodded. The look on L's face was the picture of familiarity. All knowing, and still so tender... Like the day they sat on the steps after being soaked in the rain... The day Ryuuzaki was supposed to die... The day Ryuuk decided he wanted the entertaining L to live, and so, stole Rem's Note Book, destroyed it, and then laughed at the now useless Shinigami, who out of spite, took a note book from another Shinigami and gave it to Kiyomi Takada, hoping she would kill L, but all that got muddled up when Misa's car was hijacked by a crazed fan and she sacrificed herself for the young woman.
Oh the drama... But... Life goes on. Alls well that... Ends... in general...
"Masters! Ya're home at last! I made a lovely meal for the pair of ya!!"
Lawliet and Raito looked up in unison as their slightly eccentric house keeper waddled up to them. She was a short and curvy young woman with an unruly mop of blonde hair that was always in a messy bun. She was maybe twenty-seven, but she behaved like an overly protective grandmother.
"Oh! And there was a call from a man from the Japanese Police force. Some man who called himself Aizawa. He says he has a case that may interest ya two." she said thoughtfully. Lawliet's eyes lit up.
"Aizawa?" Raito inquired. "I wonder how he even got this number. We haven't been in touch with anyone in Japan in ages... Except for... Misa. Of course. Matsuda must have gotten it from her and given it to him."
"Indeed. We should give him a call then... Come Raito. To the study." he said motioning for him to follow as he quickly made his way to the staircase, heading up as quickly as possible. Raito was, yet again, jogging to keep up. He didn't mind though. There was likely a good case in this chase, and a good case in Japan... It would be something of a home coming after many long years... He could visit his Mother, and Sayu, and his fathers grave... And perhaps even run into Ryuuk... Wait. No. This was not a social call. This was a case. This was business. And visiting anyone would be dangerous if they were on a case. Very, very dangerous...
Lawliet was already dialing the cell phone number he knew far too well by heart by the time Raito was up the second flight of stairs. Once Raito was in the room, Lawliet was deep in conversation.
"Really... Indeed... That is... very interesting. So, no physical evidence, no signs of struggle or drugs... But they're... Hm... Yes... We will be on the first flight over tomorrow to look at this a bit closer before we agree to take the case, I believe Raito would like to... Oh!" he stopped once he noticed the man entering the room. "Here he is now. Ah yes... Visit. That was what I was going to say. No. I do not believe we could be convinced to move back to Japan. But maybe we shall visit more frequently in the future... Of course Aizawa." he said nodding before he extended the telephone in his finger thumb gramophobe grip. Raito took the phone.
"Yagami-kun?"
"Aizawa-san."
Raito could hear the small happy exhale.
"I can tell he's as difficult as ever." Aizawa said softly.
"Yes. I have learned to tolerate it now adays. It's familiar. So what's the news on this case?" Raito said, skirting the subject of L altogether and getting strait to the point.
"Well, there have been some really strange suicides of late. The first was a group of two hundred and fifty girls who jumped from a subway platform in front of a train. All were going to different schools, it seemed unlikely that it was a cult but it was a possibility. There were no signs of drugs of any kind in any of the blood samples. No signs of a struggle or anything, and they all looked positively euphoric upon death. The next were random suicides. Two nurses doing paper work at a hospital, both jumped from a sixth story window. The only evidence that could be found was a white duffle bag, and you would not believe what we found in it. It's confidential at the moment, but if you come down here and sign on I can tell you more." Aizawa explained.
Raito felt sick to his stomach at the thought of it. Mass suicides? So strange...
"Well... Then we will definitely be down there as soon as we can..." he said. "Well... Uh. I'm going to talk this over with Ryuuzaki now. We'll keep in touch." he said quickly, and with that, he dropped the phone back onto the receiver.
"What do you think Raito-kun?"
"I think we have ourselves a new case..."
Lawliet gave Raito his trademark small smile. It was creepy on many levels, but at the same time, Raito couldn't help but find it cute.
Wait... What!?
Raito shook his head. No. No that was weird. He didn't find L cute... That was absurd! Ridiculous! Preposterous! It was another synonym for outrageous that he didn't -and neither did I apparently- know! He bit his lip and turned on his heal.
"I'll tell Anette we'll be moving to Japan and to pack our things." he said, wanting an excuse to leave.
"That wont be necessary Raito." Lawliet said softly, "Our stay their will not be permanent, and we shall just purchase new clothes when we get there. We haven't the time to pack anything. I am going to purchase our tickets online for the first flight out of here to Japan. I want to get there as soon as possible."
"Ryuuzaki! That's ridiculous! We can't buy whole new wardrobes just so you can save some time." Raito countered. There L went again. Spending and talking about spending ungodly amounts of money for stupid reasons. This was out of the question.
"I'm packing my things." he said with a huff, and with that he deserted L to go pack his suitcase. Lawliet watched him go and made sure h was well out of ear shot before he chuckled softly to himself.
"Raito-kun... You make it far too easy... Flustering you is not nearly as fun as it used to be... Where is the spark and challenge that you once held..." he said, his smile only growing. "I suppose that this case is going to be very good for the both of us..."
Talking to yourself again Lawliet?
He nodded.
"Always."
………………………..
Raito neatly folded his shirts and pants and undergarments, packing them neatly into his suitcase, each article seeming to relieve his frustration with L's infinite pushing of his "frugality button".
"I swear Ryuuzaki... I think you really just do this to make me crazy..." he said to the man who he knew could not hear him. He sighed dropping down on his bed face first and screaming into the mattress. It was muffled and no one but Raito heard it, but it was only meant for Raito. So that was just fine. He propped himself up on his fore arms and looked over at the digital clock on his night stand.
8:28
"I wonder if he's going to find a flight for tonight... Hm. He'll probably want separate seats so as not to draw attention or be seen together. Damn is he paranoid..." Raito mused.
"Why did I ever agree to this stupid job..." he groaned.
"Because ya love him." a small female voice said from the open doorway.
"No I don't! He drives me insane! Everything about him bothers me! And at the same time totally confuses and intrigues me! He's a never ending paradox! A Rubix Cube! A frustrating... little... gah! Why would you even say that!?"
Anette entered the room and sat down on the bed.
"Master Raito, I have been watching ya'll two interact for the past seven years. Even though he frustrates ya and tries your patience... Pushes your buttons... Confuses ya... Well. Ya still stay faithfully by his side. And well. That's love. Love isn't hearts and roses and romance. It's tolerance. It is staying by some one's side and caring about them, and tolerating all their flaws, and taking care of them no matter what." Anette explained.
That did sound like he and L... A whole stinking lot like he and L... He groaned. There was no way he loved L... That was so... Well... It just wasn't logical. First off, even if Raito had never been particularly fond of women, he sure as hell wasn't going to admit to being a homosexual. Second. L was a hellish person to live with. Raito could do so very much better than the unkempt and annoying detective. Third, it was stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. Nonsensical! Foolish! JUST PLAIN DUMB.
"Anette... That's ridiculous." he said softly. Anette giggled.
"Master Raito is in denial. But I think that yill find this all to be very true. Just give it some thought. Ya could perhaps be much happier with him if he gave ya some ass now and again." she said with a knowing smile.
"What!? That's just not a possibility Anette! Even if I was in love with him... Which I assure you, I am not by any stretch of the imagination... We could never be together. He isn't going to want a relationship with another man!" Raito defended. Anette broke out in laughter at this retaliation.
"Oh ho ho... Poor Master Raito... Ya've been working with him for ten years and ya don't even know his sexual orientation!? Oh ho ho ho... ho... That's... ah... That's funny." she gasped between fits of giggles. Raito's jaw dropped. He was in awe.
"HE'S GAY!?"
High pitched girl giggles echoed all through the large house.
Poor Raito... He was so very bright but he was not very observant in his "old age".
……………………………….
Lawliet sighed softly to himself. It really was a shame to have to be leaving New York. Especially this time of year. Autumn was best in New York. All the trees in Central park... Unfortunately, they were leaving for Osaka tomorrow, and from there they were going to Tokyo... All buildings and noise... It seemed that this year, Autumn would bring him no joy... Only cold...
He clacked away at the keys on his laptop, typing out some information in an e-mail to his Japanese contacts, preparing a hotel floor for them for when they arrived. It certainly would be nice... A new case... Lots of uninterrupted time debating with Raito... Wait... Where was Raito? Oh yes. Packing. That's right... How silly. Raito would end up buying new clothes anyways. He did every time they moved. Purely for the fact that "styles differed geographically"... Whatever that meant. Lawliet chewed on his thumb, deep in though, when his train of thought was interrupted by high pitched girly laughter that could only have come from Anette.
"What's she laughing about?" he wondered aloud. He rose from his crouch in from of his lap top gracefully and swept out of the room, heading down the hall to the stair case. He padded softly up the stairs, stopping just a few meters away from Raito's open door to listen in on the conversation.
"Ah... Ha ha ha... Yeah. Oh Master Raito... How could you have not known that he was that way?" Anette asked, still giggling on occasion.
"Well, I guess I never noticed. I mean. If he doesn't want me to know something he doesn't tell me. Maybe I wasn't supposed to find out. It makes sense. If I had known he was gay a few years ago when he asked me to live with him when we moved around during cases I would have turned him down. It could have just been for over all comfort's sake." Raito explained, his voice was flustered, though it was hard to tell unless you listened very closely.
Lawliet swallowed hard and a frown pulled at his lips. So Anette had told him... Well that was just fantastic... Now the comfort level around Raito was going to drop by at least seventeen percent. At the most forty-six... Lawliet did not like dynamics of things to change.
"Well Master Raito. Now that you know..." Anette trailed off, her tone was hinting at something. Lawliet couldn't quite place it without being able to see her eyes.
"No." Raito said firmly. "I would never try and do something like that. Initiating a relationship with Ryuuzaki is just... Out of the question. I am not in love with him. I don't care what you think."
Lawliet decided he'd best cut in now and walked up staring off into space, knocking on the door frame absently as he entered. Raito's eyes widened and became full of fear and discomfort. Lawliet knew Raito knew he'd heard their conversation, but where was the fun in admitting to that.
"Anette. There is something wrong with my ear. I can't hear out of it properly. Please come with me down to the bathroom and help me clean it out." he said extra loudly, pointing to his ear with one finger, his arm brought up level with the "injured" orifice. Anette blinked a few times.
"Alright." she replied softly, not really certain as to how having a hard time hearing was possible for such a person as Master Ryuuzaki, who cleaned out his ears regularly.
"What was that!?" Lawliet asked, in an even louder tone than before, cupping his hand around his ear and leaning in towards the woman.
"I SAID ALRIGHT MASTER RYUUZAKI!"
Satisfied with his ruse he motioned for her to follow. And Follow she did, winking at Raito before heading down the stairs with Ryuuzaki. Raito groaned and smacked his hand to his face. L had heard something. He just knew it. He knew that ear problems like that were practically impossible for L. He was very thorough with his cleaning and health habits. Especially his ears and teeth. He slumped down onto the bed again, giving the mattress another angry scream before regaining his composure and finishing his packing. If L was going to pretend that he hadn't heard anything, so was Raito. That was the best way to deal with this right now. Pretend it isn't there and maybe it will go away.
Lawliet pulled the young woman into the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind him.
"Anette darling. Why on Earth would you feel the need to tell Raito I am a homosexual?" he asked in a perfectly even and bored tone.
"Well Master Ryuuzaki, he seems to have a thing for ya. I think he's in love with ya." she replied sheepishly. "I was only trying to help is all. Ya'll been living together for years and I know ya'll have feelings for each other. I just know it!" she protested.
Lawliet snorted and shook his head.
"No. That is not possible. Raito and I are from two different worlds. He is neat and clean and organized and frugal, he dislikes sweets, and he finds no joy in strange methods of interrogation." Lawliet explained. "We are far too different."
"But ya put up with each other. And don't act like becoming a vegetarian and giving up sweets wasn't to gain Raito's favor!"
Lawliet felt himself caught in a trap. She was right. That was not fair. Lawliet shook his head.
"Even so. He finds me thoroughly annoying and frustrating. And it is simply not possible for two such egos as we to form a relationship. It would only end badly."
Anette huffed and crossed her arms.
"Admit ya love him and I'll drop It." she said firmly.
"I will admit to no such thing."
"But you aren't saying it isn't true Master Ryuuzaki?"
"I will not speak further on that subject Anette. Now. Please understand that I cannot take you with us on this next case due to this little session of match maker that you have so generously initiated. It would be far too distracting for you to be there and would reduce productivity by thirty-three percent." he said, his expression never once changing. Lawliet knew he'd have to do some damage control later if this little situation was to start affecting either man's thinking process on the case ahead of them.
Anette pouted but nodded.
"Yes Master Ryuuzaki..."
It was going to be a long night... A long and cold autumn night...
……………………………………….