I had a sudden urge to write this... I'm expecting flames just because of the sheer stupidity of it all. Please read to the end, I promise to make it all worth it.
THE BESTEST HARRY POTTER FIC EVER!
Once upon a time there was a wonderful girl named Mary-Sue. Mary-Sue was perfect in every single possible way. She had perfect hair, perfect teeth, and of course, she was white.
The author pauses her narration to allow those of other skin types to scream in outrage. But one must remember, all perfect girls are white, at least if you are a Mary-Sue.
One day she was saved from an evil lord, Lord Voldemort. Later on she would discover herself to be related, be it his daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, step-daughter, fifth cousin ten times removed, or in some other nonsense way that tied him to her.
Continuing on with the narration, the boy who saved her was none other than Harry Potter. Oh course Harry Potter immediately fell in love with Mary-Sue, for she was so perfect and now having discovered her magic, she was exceedingly powerful, rivaling his own power and Hermione's form even though Mary-Sue had never touched a wand before in her life.
All of Harry's friends loved Mary-Sue, for she was the most perfect girl in the entire world and no one could hate her. Even Professor Snape was hopeless to her charms, rewarding her points even though she was in Gryffindor, because no one as perfect as Mary-Sue could ever be in another house, for they were all icky and bland.
Now one day Mary-Sue found herself cornered by the vile, but devilishly sexy, Draco Malfoy. He professed that he had conspired with his evil father to capture Mary-Sue in an attempt to lure her boyfriend, Harry Potter, into their evil clutches. But he confessed to Mary-Sue he could not do it, for he had fallen madly in love with her!
But of course someone like Mary-Sue could never possibly be seen with someone as roguishly handsome and wicked as Draco Malfoy, so when those with less sense than her would have fallen, she flung herself into her Harry's arms after convincing Draco to turn himself in for conspiracy against someone more perfect than him.
Now, during all this, the evil Lord Voldemort appeared with strange new helpers. They called themselves MSE, or reasons that shall be explained later.
Mary-Sue was very happy with her constantly being saved by Harry, while saving him in a manner of ways throughout the year. Then came the end of the year, which all JK readers know signifies some life or death struggle relating to Lord Voldemort in a variety of ways.
One day, near early June, Mary-Sue suddenly found herself being captured by despicable death eaters. They told her that instead of just being related to Lord Voldemort, she was also related to James Potter/Lily Potter/Harry Potter/Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/ect. ect. In some combination or what have you. Mary-Sue was of course shocked to realize that her parents were fierce fighters for Dumbledore and that he had taken many precautions to insure her safety.
On time, Harry Potter burst in, professing his love in a most eloquent manner that caused Mary-Sue's heart to swell with joy! However...
The MSE burst into the room. They were in a variety of colors, shapes, sizes, genders, ages, and what have you, all decked with pride in their chosen house. One infuriated red head pulled out a flame thrower and cackled manically as she burned Mary-Sue to the ground, screaming:
"THE MSE HAS STRUCK AGAIN! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
With that, they calmly tipped their hats, and left the fic, never to be seen again. Harry Potter walked over to where there was what seemed to be a business card on the ground. He was horribly broken up by Mary-Sue's death, but for the sake of the punch line, he picked up the card. It said as such:
The Mary-Sue Exterminators, available at all hours. You write 'em, we flame 'em
Fin
Well, I hope you all enjoyed that, I know I sure did. Now, if you must flame, flame... but remember, The MSE is out there... and you never know where they're strike next!
P.S. I'm sorry for the repetition, it's supposed to make it funnier and stay true to "Mary-Sue Form"