***Zabuza bloopers. NEW SCENES IN CAPS. Please enjoy***
ZABUZA DRAMATIC APPEARANCE – TAKE 1
Kakashi: Get down!
(a huge meat sword flies over their heads and lands in a tree with a satisfying **clunk**)
Zabuza: (stands on his sword). I am Momochi Zabuza (blah blah blah). I will kill you. (tries pulling out his sword but it's stuck in the tree, fast)
Director: Cut! Zabuza, what do you think you're doing?
Zabuza: The goddamn thing's stuck!
Kakashi: (sigh)
ZABUZA DRAMATIC APPEARANCE – TAKE 2
Kakashi: Get down!
(a huge meat sword flies over their heads and thunks into a tree)
Zabuza: (appears) I am Momochi Zabu...woah!!
(the entire top of the tree topples over)
Zabuza: Fuck! (crashes down onto the ground in a tangle of tree branches)
Kakashi (to his students): Don't...say...a word.
ZABUZA DRAMATIC APPEARANCE – TAKE 3
Kakashi: Get down!
Zabuza: (in complete anger with cuts and bruises all over him, hurls the sword, HARD)
(it flies to the tree and lops off the top...then keeps going. Far off, the sound of a dead bird cawing in the distance....)
Zabuza: God! That felt good!
Director: CUT!! Zabuza! You are THIS close to being fired! Now fetch your sword!
Zabuza: I don't want to do it! Haku!
Haku: (buffering his fingernails) I only do your dirty work on-screen, not in real-life.
Zabuza: Graaaawwrrr!!
ZABUZA'S 1ST DEFEAT
Zabuza: (is paralyzed by Haku's needles) Uggghhhh....
Haku: (tries to lift Zabuza up but fails miserably) Goddammit, Zabuza, lose some weight why don'tcha?
Zabuza: (was really paralyzed so is unresponsive) Uggghhhhh....
Haku: Zabuza?...Zabuza!
Director: OK, who replaced the fake needles with real ones?
Sasuke: (holding up an empty bottle) Woah. 200mg, sir? That's enough to knock out a herd of cows.
Zabuza: Zzzzzzzzzzzz....
PREPARATIONS....
Haku: (steps out of his dressing-room trailer wearing a pink kimono)
Sasuke: (snickers)
Haku: Shut the fuck up.
HAKU CROSS-DRESSING SCENE
Haku: (is in a grove picking flowers) I can't believe they make me do this like I care. Who THOUGHT up this character anyway?
Director: At least wait till you're OFFSCREEN to say it!
Haku: Oh.
HAKU MEETS NARUTO – TAKE 1
Naruto: Hi! I'm Uzumaki Naruto and when I grow up, I'm gonna be the Hokage!
Haku: Yeah? Tough shit, kid.
Director: Haku....
Haku: Well, he knew he had it comin'!
HAKU MEETS NARUTO – TAKE 2
Naruto: I'm Uzumaki Naruto and when I grow up....
Haku: You're gonna be the next Hokage, right?
Naruto: (in awe) How did you know?
Haku: :::I can hear your voice from 5 continents over....::: I'm psychic.
Naruto: Really?
Haku: No. Not really.
Director: CUT! Haku, stop messing around!
Haku: But he's just so innocent....
Naruto: ???
PREPARATIONS....
Zabuza (back after sleeping for about a week): Why must I wear this unflattering vest? You can't even see my sexy muscles!
Haku (in background): (gags)
Director: We need this for your cut scene. And besides, all the better nin countries got to pick vest designs first so you should be lucky you even got one.
Zabuza: (in anger, rips apart the vest with his teeth)
Director: Ooookay, no vest for the next scene.
THE PAST – WHEN ZABUZA MEETS HAKU – TAKE 1
Zabuza: (appears in the snow in his topless uniform) ....AAAAAAACCHHHOOOO!
Kid Being Little Haku: Ewwww. He got boogers all over me!
Director: What did I tell ya?
Zabuza: Just give me the goddamn vest!
THE PAST – WHEN ZABUZA MEETS HAKU – TAKE 2
Zabuza: (in FULL ninja garb. Glares down at the little mutt that is Haku)
Little Haku: (starts peeing his pants) Waaahh!! Zabuza is scaaaaaryy!
Zabuza: C'mon, sir, this is the 5th one today.
Director: Well, maybe if you glared LESS evilly...or maybe....
THE PAST – WHEN ZABUZA MEETS HAKU – TAKE 3
Zabaza: (glares down at the kid that is Haku)
Little Haku: (stares up monotonously)
Zabuza: (glares even harder)
Little Haku: (no response)
Zabuza: Okay, kid, you passed the test. Let's go.
Director: Hey...that's not part of the script....
NARUTO LENDS ZABUZA HIS WEAPON – TAKE 1
Zabuza: (both his arms are broken) Lend me your kunai, kid.
Naruto: (throws it at Zabuza)
Zabuza: (misjudges the timing and it **thwocks** him in the forhead. Is royally pissed). Do it again!
Naruto: (throws it again. It again hits Zabuza in the head).
Zabuza: Again!
Naruto: ??? (throw. **Thwack!**)
Kakashi: It's almost like he likes being hurt or something.
Haku: (yawn) Tell me about it.
Zabuza: Again!
Naruto: **thwack!**
NARUTO LENDS ZABUZA HIS WEAPON – TAKE 2
Naruto: My arm is getting tired....
Zabuza: (face completely covered with bruises) I'm gonna get it right this time!
Haku: Zabuza, you're missing your front tooth.
Zabuza: Shut up!
Naruto: (doesn't even look this time, just tosses it to Zabuza like he's a dog)
(kunai overshoots and flies over the bridge)
Zabuza: (staring after it in slow-motion. Jumps)
Haku: (also in slow-mo) Nooooooooooooooo....
Zabuza: (trips over the bridge railing and falls into the river in one gigantic belly-flop)
Sasuke: Ooooh, that was nasty.
Naruto: Baka.
NARUTO LENDS ZABUZA HIS WEAPON – TAKE 3
Naruto: (bored) You sure you want to go through with this?
Zabuza: I'm...sure....
Naruto: (walks up to Zabuza until he's about a foot away. Stretches his arm up and tosses)
Zabuza: (catches it)
Naruto: Okay, can we just use that shoot?
Director: No!
Naruto: Baka.
(In the end, this simple scene was completed using lots of special effects and computer graphics)
ZABUZA KILLS GATOU
Zabuza: (holding the kunai with his teeth, is about to go head-on with Gatou's gang)
Kakashi: What are the odds of a crippled armless ninja defeating an army of well-equipped criminals using only a kunai in his mouth?
Haku: 30 to 1, against.
Sasuke: Make that 40.
Kakashi: Hey, who else wants to bet? (is chipping his dollars in)
Director: Hey, you can't do that on set! (whispers) By the way, here's my 50.
Kakashi: Natch ^_~
ZABUZA DEATH SCENE
Kakashi: (shakes his head) I can't believe the bastard won. (will be sleeping in a shack tonight)
Sasuke: At least he'll be dying so we'll never see him again.
Zabuza: I heard that!
BONUS FOOTAGE – SAYING FAREWELL
(Sasuke and Haku shake each other's hands)
Sasuke: I'm surrounded by idiots.
Haku: I have Zabuza.
(Kakashi and Zabuza are discussing)
Kakashi: Look... I'm sorry about the dog thing.... I mean, biting your crotch and all.
Zabuza: Yeah, well.... I've been through worse (is staring at Naruto's kunai).
BONUS FOOTAGE – ZABUZA'S TRAILER
Naruto (has stolen the director's mic): And here we are at Momochi Zabuza's trailer! Let's see what he's doing inside!! (walks up to the door and, without knocking, swings it open)
Zabuza: !!
Naruto: !!! (slams the door) Okay, ne-never mind! (runs up to Sakura) Sakura-chan, what does it mean when someone is ripping pieces of tape stuck with hot honey off their ass?
Sakura: Uh...they're waxing their butt?
Naruto: And here we have it! Zabuza is waxing his butt!
Sakura: Oh, ewww! Naruto, that is so gross!
Kakashi: Who's waxing their butt? Who's waxing their butt?
Zabuza: You get the hell off my property you little runt! (is waving a piece of tape around...with what looks like animal hairs stuck on it)
Sakura: Eeeeeeeekk!!!
Kakashi: This should not be a sight for human eyes.
ZABUZA DRAMATIC APPEARANCE – TAKE 1
Kakashi: Get down!
(a huge meat sword flies over their heads and lands in a tree with a satisfying **clunk**)
Zabuza: (stands on his sword). I am Momochi Zabuza (blah blah blah). I will kill you. (tries pulling out his sword but it's stuck in the tree, fast)
Director: Cut! Zabuza, what do you think you're doing?
Zabuza: The goddamn thing's stuck!
Kakashi: (sigh)
ZABUZA DRAMATIC APPEARANCE – TAKE 2
Kakashi: Get down!
(a huge meat sword flies over their heads and thunks into a tree)
Zabuza: (appears) I am Momochi Zabu...woah!!
(the entire top of the tree topples over)
Zabuza: Fuck! (crashes down onto the ground in a tangle of tree branches)
Kakashi (to his students): Don't...say...a word.
ZABUZA DRAMATIC APPEARANCE – TAKE 3
Kakashi: Get down!
Zabuza: (in complete anger with cuts and bruises all over him, hurls the sword, HARD)
(it flies to the tree and lops off the top...then keeps going. Far off, the sound of a dead bird cawing in the distance....)
Zabuza: God! That felt good!
Director: CUT!! Zabuza! You are THIS close to being fired! Now fetch your sword!
Zabuza: I don't want to do it! Haku!
Haku: (buffering his fingernails) I only do your dirty work on-screen, not in real-life.
Zabuza: Graaaawwrrr!!
ZABUZA'S 1ST DEFEAT
Zabuza: (is paralyzed by Haku's needles) Uggghhhh....
Haku: (tries to lift Zabuza up but fails miserably) Goddammit, Zabuza, lose some weight why don'tcha?
Zabuza: (was really paralyzed so is unresponsive) Uggghhhhh....
Haku: Zabuza?...Zabuza!
Director: OK, who replaced the fake needles with real ones?
Sasuke: (holding up an empty bottle) Woah. 200mg, sir? That's enough to knock out a herd of cows.
Zabuza: Zzzzzzzzzzzz....
PREPARATIONS....
Haku: (steps out of his dressing-room trailer wearing a pink kimono)
Sasuke: (snickers)
Haku: Shut the fuck up.
HAKU CROSS-DRESSING SCENE
Haku: (is in a grove picking flowers) I can't believe they make me do this like I care. Who THOUGHT up this character anyway?
Director: At least wait till you're OFFSCREEN to say it!
Haku: Oh.
HAKU MEETS NARUTO – TAKE 1
Naruto: Hi! I'm Uzumaki Naruto and when I grow up, I'm gonna be the Hokage!
Haku: Yeah? Tough shit, kid.
Director: Haku....
Haku: Well, he knew he had it comin'!
HAKU MEETS NARUTO – TAKE 2
Naruto: I'm Uzumaki Naruto and when I grow up....
Haku: You're gonna be the next Hokage, right?
Naruto: (in awe) How did you know?
Haku: :::I can hear your voice from 5 continents over....::: I'm psychic.
Naruto: Really?
Haku: No. Not really.
Director: CUT! Haku, stop messing around!
Haku: But he's just so innocent....
Naruto: ???
PREPARATIONS....
Zabuza (back after sleeping for about a week): Why must I wear this unflattering vest? You can't even see my sexy muscles!
Haku (in background): (gags)
Director: We need this for your cut scene. And besides, all the better nin countries got to pick vest designs first so you should be lucky you even got one.
Zabuza: (in anger, rips apart the vest with his teeth)
Director: Ooookay, no vest for the next scene.
THE PAST – WHEN ZABUZA MEETS HAKU – TAKE 1
Zabuza: (appears in the snow in his topless uniform) ....AAAAAAACCHHHOOOO!
Kid Being Little Haku: Ewwww. He got boogers all over me!
Director: What did I tell ya?
Zabuza: Just give me the goddamn vest!
THE PAST – WHEN ZABUZA MEETS HAKU – TAKE 2
Zabuza: (in FULL ninja garb. Glares down at the little mutt that is Haku)
Little Haku: (starts peeing his pants) Waaahh!! Zabuza is scaaaaaryy!
Zabuza: C'mon, sir, this is the 5th one today.
Director: Well, maybe if you glared LESS evilly...or maybe....
THE PAST – WHEN ZABUZA MEETS HAKU – TAKE 3
Zabaza: (glares down at the kid that is Haku)
Little Haku: (stares up monotonously)
Zabuza: (glares even harder)
Little Haku: (no response)
Zabuza: Okay, kid, you passed the test. Let's go.
Director: Hey...that's not part of the script....
NARUTO LENDS ZABUZA HIS WEAPON – TAKE 1
Zabuza: (both his arms are broken) Lend me your kunai, kid.
Naruto: (throws it at Zabuza)
Zabuza: (misjudges the timing and it **thwocks** him in the forhead. Is royally pissed). Do it again!
Naruto: (throws it again. It again hits Zabuza in the head).
Zabuza: Again!
Naruto: ??? (throw. **Thwack!**)
Kakashi: It's almost like he likes being hurt or something.
Haku: (yawn) Tell me about it.
Zabuza: Again!
Naruto: **thwack!**
NARUTO LENDS ZABUZA HIS WEAPON – TAKE 2
Naruto: My arm is getting tired....
Zabuza: (face completely covered with bruises) I'm gonna get it right this time!
Haku: Zabuza, you're missing your front tooth.
Zabuza: Shut up!
Naruto: (doesn't even look this time, just tosses it to Zabuza like he's a dog)
(kunai overshoots and flies over the bridge)
Zabuza: (staring after it in slow-motion. Jumps)
Haku: (also in slow-mo) Nooooooooooooooo....
Zabuza: (trips over the bridge railing and falls into the river in one gigantic belly-flop)
Sasuke: Ooooh, that was nasty.
Naruto: Baka.
NARUTO LENDS ZABUZA HIS WEAPON – TAKE 3
Naruto: (bored) You sure you want to go through with this?
Zabuza: I'm...sure....
Naruto: (walks up to Zabuza until he's about a foot away. Stretches his arm up and tosses)
Zabuza: (catches it)
Naruto: Okay, can we just use that shoot?
Director: No!
Naruto: Baka.
(In the end, this simple scene was completed using lots of special effects and computer graphics)
ZABUZA KILLS GATOU
Zabuza: (holding the kunai with his teeth, is about to go head-on with Gatou's gang)
Kakashi: What are the odds of a crippled armless ninja defeating an army of well-equipped criminals using only a kunai in his mouth?
Haku: 30 to 1, against.
Sasuke: Make that 40.
Kakashi: Hey, who else wants to bet? (is chipping his dollars in)
Director: Hey, you can't do that on set! (whispers) By the way, here's my 50.
Kakashi: Natch ^_~
ZABUZA DEATH SCENE
Kakashi: (shakes his head) I can't believe the bastard won. (will be sleeping in a shack tonight)
Sasuke: At least he'll be dying so we'll never see him again.
Zabuza: I heard that!
BONUS FOOTAGE – SAYING FAREWELL
(Sasuke and Haku shake each other's hands)
Sasuke: I'm surrounded by idiots.
Haku: I have Zabuza.
(Kakashi and Zabuza are discussing)
Kakashi: Look... I'm sorry about the dog thing.... I mean, biting your crotch and all.
Zabuza: Yeah, well.... I've been through worse (is staring at Naruto's kunai).
BONUS FOOTAGE – ZABUZA'S TRAILER
Naruto (has stolen the director's mic): And here we are at Momochi Zabuza's trailer! Let's see what he's doing inside!! (walks up to the door and, without knocking, swings it open)
Zabuza: !!
Naruto: !!! (slams the door) Okay, ne-never mind! (runs up to Sakura) Sakura-chan, what does it mean when someone is ripping pieces of tape stuck with hot honey off their ass?
Sakura: Uh...they're waxing their butt?
Naruto: And here we have it! Zabuza is waxing his butt!
Sakura: Oh, ewww! Naruto, that is so gross!
Kakashi: Who's waxing their butt? Who's waxing their butt?
Zabuza: You get the hell off my property you little runt! (is waving a piece of tape around...with what looks like animal hairs stuck on it)
Sakura: Eeeeeeeekk!!!
Kakashi: This should not be a sight for human eyes.