(Tori's POV) Hollywood Arts*
Friday afternoon, I walked down the school hallway toward the stage room with my friend Cat. I listened to my red-headed friend babble as she went on and on about the play we were both going to audition for.
6 Months to Live and Love. Some play by a lonely German dude who based it off some time in his life. The pretense of the play I wasn't really concerned about. Zit was being in the lead. Big shot Hollywood producers were coming down to see this one. This could be a make it or break it moment.
I wasn't even really listening to Cat. I was too busy trying to push that anxious feeling in my stomach down.
Cat jumped in front of me, her red hair flying as if her excitement sent shockwaves through it. "When I was telling Jade about it, she said it sounded really sappy. But I think it's very romantic."
"Sounds like it is," I replied. "Do you think I'll get the lead role?"
"I'm sure you will," Cat said. "And it'll be even better if I get the role of Corrina, her number one supporter," she said while twirling in her red dress. Her matching red and black heels clacking on the floor.
I couldn't help but laugh a little at Cat while she continued to frolic and twirl as we entered the stage room. My friend could act like such a kid sometimes.
That's when I noticed Cat heading straight into someone who was looking in the opposite direction. "Cat watch ou-" the words had barely left my mouth before Cat ran into him. A flurry of red hair and papers flew upward as they headed downward with a thump.
I'm over there in a second, kneeling down as Cat rolls onto her knees. The guy, who looked slighty familiar, sat up rubbing the back of his head. "OW!" They both said. I knelt down beside my friend and helped Cat up. The boy followed. "That really hurt," he mumbled.
"Oh my gosh," Cat said. "I'm so, so, so sorry."
"You have to excuse my friend Cat," I said. "She's a klutz."
Cat looked at her confused. "I'm not a bird."
I let out a sigh and he laughed. "No problem. I don't think anything's broken. I'm Mitch," he said, smiling. "And I agree that your friend Cat doesn't look like a bird." This put Cat into a fit of little giggles as she clutched onto my arm.
That's when I noticed how handsome he was and where'd I had seen him before. He was in my math class next semester. We'd never really talked because while I tried to focus on exponents, he had his face down on the desk fast asleep. Mrs. Render was always complaining, but didn't even attempt to wake him up. "Hi, I'm Tori," I said. Was that a blush creeping on my cheeks?
Just then, Mr. Klein, the play director, came over. He was a young and had a five o' clock shadow. "Mitch, I saw you fall. Are you alright? I can't have one of my stars getting an injury."
"I'm fine," he said, fixing his dark brunette hair to lay flat in the back. Mmm he was yummy.
"So you're in the play?" I asked casually as we started walking toward the front of the classroom where all the other kids auditioning were.
He nodded. "Yep. I play the bartender, Jackson," he said.
Some of the words that didn't completely fly over my head that Cat had said was something like "Bartender" and "one true love,". Yeah something like that. Close enough.
"Okay everyone," Mr. Klein called out, clapping small dainty hands in the air. Kinda adorable. Would never say that out loud, though. I heard the last play participant who pissed him off got booted to Area 51 or something like that. Rumors, you know?
"We're starting auditions now for the part of Annie so get ready!"
I looked at Cat who had finally released my arm. "That's me. Wish me luck."
Mitch nudged me a bit. I turned to see him close to my face and I blushed, harder. "I hope you get the part of Annie," he said and walked over to the stage. He was definitely flirting.
I smiled to myself. All I could think about was getting my lips on his. Suddenly, I felt uncomfortable. Not that uncomfortable feeling when you talk to a guy then realize you weren't looking good or that you should've said something different. It felt like someone was watching me all of the sudden. Over by the stage steps, I noticed Jade glaring at me. Her eyes were cold and hateful, something not uncommon, but I hadn't talked to her or Beck all day. But this glare caused shivers. Ones that all vibrated my spine out of my back.
"A glare that could scare the hell out of Big Foot," I mumble to myself.
"What was that?" Cat asked. Two big brown eyes that read confusion and child-like interest. If I wasn't so used to it, it might border on creepy-cute.
"Nothing," I say, waving my hand dismissively. "Come on, I gotta get on stage."
Break
"No, Annie," Mitch said, deep into his Jackson role. "I won't let you leave me."
Everyone in the audience was quiet, looking interested. Especially Mr. Klein. He was hunched over in his director's chair, assessing me with the upmost interest as a walked close to Mitch.
"I'm sorry, Jackson," I said dramatically, letting my voice quiver. "But we can't be together. I don't have much longer to live so you should just forget about me." I turned away.
He walked up to me, turned me around swiftly, the stage lights are beating down on us, causing some sweat to drip down his forehead. "I'll leave now but I will never forget about you Annie." I felt her cheeks blush slightly. He leans down, and his lips press against mine.
I really hate to say it, but damn. I felt that anticipation. Those feelings you get before you're about to kiss someone. The build-up. When those thought "Does my breath smell good?" and "Tori your head right" or "don't look to desperate" and other crap like that. Then, your lips are supposed to meet and you're supposed to bust with butterflies on the inside. But nope.
Nothing.
I forced myself more into the kiss. But this time all that went through my head was the frustration. I wanted to feel like this was it. Some hot guy comes out of nowhere and we meet so romantically and then once we kiss we know it's love and nothing else. But of course I'm not so lucky. It's empty. There's nothing there. No butterflies, no racing heart, no thoughts for something more. Just a kiss. A nice kiss, but just a kiss.
He pulls me closer. All I can think is "Let me go! I can't Breathe! I want more! I need something better from you!" But no such luck.
"And CUT!" Mr. Klein yelled. We pull apart. He's smiling at me. And I force on Tori Vega smile at him. One of those fake ones I keep in my pocket for times like this. For a split second, I wondered if I was going to run out of them. "Great job the both of you. Let's take a break everyone."
Mitch took a step back and smiled. "You were awesome," he said.
"Thanks, you too," I replied. I'm sure he was expecting more, but by the grace of someone in the universe Mr. Klein called Mitch. He gave me a nod and headed toward the play director.
"I think he likes you," Cat said, skipping over to me.
"I think he does too." I thought about going out with him. He seemed nice enough. But that kiss. For me, so much disappointment. He definitely wasn't the one. Maybe he'd be a good distraction, but no. I didn't use people. I didn't want to. I just… wanted to know why it was so hard to find someone I liked. It'd been so hard to get interested in someone. I couldn't even find a reason why.
I sound stupid. I should go out with him. But the thought was starting to make my stomach hurt.
Just then I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard arguing. I looked over and saw Beck trying to calm down a very pissed of Jade.
"Come on Jade, just talk to me," he said calmly. Beck, always the calm one. I don't know how he does it.
"I don't feel like talking," she said, pushing past him and heading backstage.
Beck rolled his eyes and headed over to me and Cat. "I expect you both heard that."
"Wow," I mumbled. "She's pissed off." I started to remember earlier. Maybe it hadn't been me she was angry with?
"Why is she so mad?" Cat asked.
He shrugged. "I have no idea. She's been acting so weird for the past two weeks and now she snaps at everything I do." He stopped and gave me a quick, meaningful smile that told me exactly what was going to come out of his mouth next.
"No," I said firmly, cutting him off. "Jade is already angry at me for something I did and I do not feel like dying today."
"Oh, Please, Tori. She won't talk to me and something is really bothering her," he said. "Maybe she'll talk to you."
I couldn't help but wonder what gave him the idea that Jade, of all people, would talk to me about her personal problems. I sighed. "Why is it always me that's fixing your relationship?"
Cat gasped excitedly and smiled. "Maybe, you're some kind of Relationship Fairy that was sent here to Hollywood Arts to fix Jade and Beck's relationship!"
Beck nodded. "She makes sense, Tori."
Yeah, as much sense as a talking orange, I thought. But I was born with a very crippling disability. My drive to help people. It was like some supernatural being that took over my body. The word 'no' was always in the back of my tongue, but it never came out. Something I could say I'm very jealous Trina didn't have the same problem. "Okay, I'll talk to her. But if I'm not back in five minutes, call the police."
Wanting to get this over with, I left them and headed backstage and started searching for who would most likely be the cause of my death at the age sixteen. I found Jade angrily going through backpack's probably looking for her own bag. Mr. Klein had asked the students to put their belongings here to avoid clutter and any more accidents.
The walls back here seemed sort of suffocating. We were alone, and I was nervous. Jade probably wasn't going to do anything to me, but she didn't need to. She had this camouflage over her that made her just come off as the predator to anything on the top of the food chain. I'd seen her cry before. I've seen her be weak and in need. I knew her camouflage was just that. Lots of teeth and big talk while someone smaller and scared sat in the fetal position behind their barricade made out of straw, hoping you'd be so scared and run off before you noticed it was full of holes and close to tipping over. I found myself going from being scared of her, to pitying her to no end. And that scared me. Because pity meant that insatiable drive in me to help her wouldn't just let it go and have Jade get what she deserved. No, I would bend my back over to help. I was going to end up breaking my spine in the process.
R.I.P. Tori Vega. The girl who couldn't say no. Her backbone Non-existent yet managed to break it.
I cleared her throat loudly. "Um, Jade?"
Jade looked up at me with a glare. "What do you want, Vega?"
I hesitated for a second before answering. "Beck wanted me to come ask you if you wanted to talk to me about what's been bothering you."
"Well how very Relationship Fairy-like of you," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she continued to roughly throw other peoples' items around looking for her bag.
I started to think about the whole Relationship Fairy theory a little more seriously and sighed. Maybe that's the reason I couldn't find a boyfriend to stick. Maybe my sole purpose around here was to fix everyone else's problems.
Jade found her black Gucci bag and picked it up. "What gave him the idea I would talk to you anyway?"
I shrugged. "I have no clue. But if you want to talk to someone, you can try talking to me if you want."
Jade just stopped and stared at me. The walls shrunk a little bit. The floor underneath me felt a little unstable. There's something in the air. Some kind of tension? Like, heavy contemplation was coming from both sides, causing silence. But I wasn't sure what I was thinking. What I was supposed to be doing. And I sure as hell didn't know what Jade was thinking.
Jade moves closer to me. I want to move, but my feet are glued to the ground. She stopped only inches away from me. Blue eyes look straight into mine. For the first time since I met her, there's no glare, or hatred or disgust. They're just this pleading. Ask if asking permission from me without words. I don't know what for, but I can't force myself to respond.
"Tor-Tor!" Came Cat's sing-song voice. "Tori! Where are you?"
Jade quickly stepped aside and walked quickly past me in what could've qualified as being a sprint. I heard a clack sound and looked down to the floor. There was a black notebook near my feet. She picked it up and read the cover: Journal.
"Jade!" I tried calling out, but I already knew she was gone.
I still couldn't believe that I had Jade's journal. Suddenly, my interest peeked and I started to open the notebook.
"Tori, there you are!" Cat's voice rang out. I, in my panic, closed Jade's notebook and almost dropped it. Smooth. "What's that?" Cat asked.
"Um… Nothing… Just a notebook," I stuttered. "What are you doing back here?"
"Beck told me to come make sure Jade hadn't hurt you," she replied. "Did you find out what's bothering her?"
I shook my head. "No, she wouldn't talk to me either." But now that I had obtained Jade's Journal, I didn't need to talk to the cranky Goth. The only thing was is that I wasn't sure whether or not I was willing to risk my life reading it.
Jade's House* Recommended song ~Right thru me by Nicki Minaj~
You see right through me
how do you do that shit?
"DAMNIT!" Jade slams her bedroom door. The familiar scent of Black Apple Spice hit her as she landed on her bed. She comes her black fingernail through her hair. Her temples pulsed. All she could think about was her hatred. Her hatred for one person. One person that kept her lying awake at night, the one person that kept her head swimming, the person whose fault it was that she screamed at her boyfriend, the person who couldn't just disappear off this earth. The person that caused those fucking stupid butterflies to ripple like tidal waves through her stomach.
Tori Vega.
She rolled onto her black, staring up at the pictures she put on her ceiling of Rolling Stones and Pink Jerry. They smiled as the posed for shots. Some were drawn by her. Others were posters or cut out of magazines.
Hot shots. Guys like Mitch. Guys with perfect smiles and ways to woe girls like no other. She couldn't get Mitch out of her head now either. Standing around flirting with Tori like he knew her. Like he actually cared. He didn't. Not the way she cared. Nor the way Tori deserved to be cared about.
you let me rock, you let me slide
and when they looking you let me hide
defend my honor, protect my pride
"Fuck!" She screams, putting the pillow over her face. The black pillow case throwing her into deeper darkness, and maybe even a little bit more of agony and despair. That could just be her. She wasn't sure.
It shouldn't bother her this much. Crushes weren't supposed to take over your life. They weren't supposed to put you into a position to make a fool out of yourself consistently. It was just a crush. Small and innocent. It should be burnt at its bud. But she knew that was a lie. This was something so much more. Tori didn't quit. She wouldn't leave her alone. This feeling was a full grown weed, out of control. No amount of weed wackers or pesticides were going to get rid of it.
Why did she love her so much? She was nothing but whiny prep with perfect skin, perfect teeth and flawless hair and soft eyes and she was so damn nice! She was perfect and no matter how hard Jade tried she couldn't get her out of her mind. It was literally driving her insane. This wildflower was poison It was going to kill her.
But until recently, She'd been so good at keeping this a secret. She'd been trying to push her away and keep all her thoughts on Beck but every time she turned around, there was Tori. Smiling, laughing, happy. Always trying to be there for her friends. Caring about people. To some extent, Jade believed it to be fake. Nobody was that nice. But Tori made it so believable.
But did she figure it out today? Did she find out how she feel? She'd acted so obvious back there. She had come so close to telling her how she felt. Why the hell had she been so stupid? All these thoughts ran through her head. A mile a minute. She had to know now…
know when I'm lying, know when I'm crying
it's like you got it down to a science
why am I trying, no you aint lying
I tried to fight it, back with defiance
you make me laugh, you make hoarse from yelling at you
Then again, there was a chance she didn't know. Anyone else probably would have but when it came to Tori, she always was a little slow and oblivious to things. Maybe she hadn't figured it out.
Jade started to remember how close she'd been to her today. She even remember her blushing nervously. It was probably the closest she'd ever get to kissing her. She was straight, and Jade freaked her out. Tori'd never feel the same way about as she felt about her, so there no point in hoping she would, even if it was a nice thought.
Sighing she reached to the floor and picked up her black bag. She reached in the searched for her journal, but a cold, hard realization hit her when her hand didn't find it.
Trying not to panic, she began to dig deeper searching for her beloved journal. When she didn't see it, she started to panic. Bad. Se upturned it and all its contents fell out. Jade searched through the clutter of books and makeup but couldn't find it.
Where was it? She knew I had it when I went into the stage room, but… Then it hit her. It probably fell out when she ran from Tori. She remembered hearing Tori call out my name but Jade hadn't turned around. Did she see her journal or pick it up?
She hopped up and returned her items back into her bag and raced down the stairs. She couldn't take the chance that Tori picked it up. If she read it, she'd know everything…
Jade barely had her hand on the front door knob when she heard a harsh voice call, "Where do you think you're going?"
why are you speaking when no-one asks you?
Jade turned knowing exactly what she was going to face. She didn't give a fuck "I'm going out for a few minutes."
"No you're not," her dad said. He was wearing his favorite gray suite and that ridiculous pink tie she hated. Means he either had an important business meeting or he was going out for a date with some slut. "Don't think I don't know about you sneaking out last week."
She hated him. With something not even rivaled to that hatred felt for the Latina. Every word he said, every movement he made. It was literally killing her he hadn't dropped dead of a heart attack. He probably thought the same about her. "Yeah, but-"
He didn't let her finish. "I don't want to hear it Jade. You're grounded for the weekend. Now give me your cellphone and your keys."
"But just let me-"
"I mean it Jadelyn!" He said. Reluctantly, she handed him both her keys and cellphone. "Now go to your room."
She sighed in defeat and headed to her room, which in all honesty, was nothing but a dark cage. She hoped that if anyone had found her journal, it wasn't Tori Vega.
You see right through me
how do you do that shit?
*Tori's Bedroom*
Later that night, I sat at my desk in my room, trying my best to concentrate on my homework. But I was failing miserably. Jade's journal sat across from me and I looked at it about every three seconds.
I had tried to give it back to Jade, but after she left backstage in such a hurry, I couldn't find her. Not to mention she wouldn't answer her phone.
Finally giving up on my homework, I reached over and grabbed the journal. I couldn't just sit here and ignore the fact that I had most of Jade's thoughts right here for me to read. I didn't want to go through her personal thoughts, but it could explain why she hated me so much.
what are we doing
could you see through me?
I opened the back cover of the book and gasped. Jade had sketched a picture… of me! What made it so weird was that it wasn't like a doodle to make fun of me like she did in during their art class assignment, it literally almost perfect sketch of my face.
This is really good, I thought. But why? Jade hated me right? Why would she put so much work into this then?
always get the reaction you wanted
I'm actually frontin', I'm asking you something
That's when I decided that maybe if I read her journal I'd figure out what's up with Jade. But I didn't just want to go through the whole thing. I had seen her writing in it earlier today, so I decided just to read the last entry she wrote:
'There she is again, Tori Vega, sitting there like a perfect little princess. God, I can't stand her and perky attitude. She had a way of getting under my nerves in ways no one else could. It was SO annoying.'
Yo, answer this question, class is in session
Tired of letting passing progression
Ok you're right, just let it go
Before I played it, you knew my hand
N-gga got the peep hole to my soul
I stopped reading and thought about what it said. "I'm not that perky… am I?" I muttered to myself. I shook that out of my head and decided to finish reading:
'But I think the thing I hate the most about her is how oblivious she is to everything, especially me and how I feel. I know it's stupid, but I wish she could see me differently than she does.
All day I'd been thinking about Tori. I've been thinking about what it be like to kiss her. To taste her lips on mine and what it be like to hold her in my arms…
GOD, I hate Tori for making me feel this way! The worst part about it is that she'll never see me that way. I try so hard not to think about her because I don't want to feel this way. But I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop caring about her no matter what I do. I can't ever tell her, and that kills me inside. I just wish Tori knew that…'
Stop… stop…
Won't you just stop looking through me
Cause I can't take it
No I can't take it
I gasped at the last sentence, and in my shock read it over and over again. I racked my brain, thinking maybe I was reading this wrong. Maybe I wasn't understanding this correctly. But, even after reading it a hundred times, its meaning was clear and obvious:
'I love her.'
You see right through me
You see right through me baby
How do you do that?
Hey guys. This might irritate the hell out of you. I get it. But I stopped liking my own story. I can't write something if i don't even enjoy it. SO Im changing things a little bit. Its for the good. I promise.
Review to tell me what you think?