The Laws of Laughter
Author's Note: If you have not seen episode four of season nine this may not make sense. But there is a scene where Sam tells a couple of guys that they are violating some code to get them to leave. Then Dean gives him a WTF look but they move on without a word. That scene had so much potential and their expressions…It felt like something had been cut. So here. Have a deleted scene. Or whatever.
Also, this is my first time writing for this fandom. So tell me if I got the boys right.
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Dean looked over at Sam after the workers left. "What the hell is Penal Code 8.14?"
Sam looked at Dean. "I have no idea."
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Dean wandered into the kitchen holding a thick book and leaned against the doorframe. "According to this book, Penal Code 8.14 is….nonexistent. California has a Penal Code 814 or something." Dean went and grabbed a beer from the fridge before flipping a few more pages in the book.
Sam looked at Dean strangely. "Did you seriously look it up? I can hardly get you to do research for cases and then you spend three HOURS looking up something that I made up to get rid of some civilians?"
Dean froze mid sip and looked at Sam. "I was curious, okay? I mean, what if it did exist and was about…I don't know, illegal phone sex or something."
Sam pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes tightly. "Do you know ANYTHING about laws?"
"Hey, that's your forte, Mister Stanford." Dean shrugged and chugged the rest of his beer. "But hey, did you know that in Texas up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos?" He grinned. "And that it's illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing?"
Sam gave Dean one of his classic bitch faces. "Now you're just making things up to be ridiculous."
Dean laughed as he got another beer. "Nope. I found this site that had lists of dumb laws in each state. Texas was hilarious. Dude, in one city, it's illegal to throw confetti."
"You're kidding." Sam stood up to get a beer of his own, leaning against the counter to drink it.
"I'm not." Dean chuckled as he sipped his beer. "Apparently in Dallas it's illegal to possess realistic dildos. Man. What is up with Texas?"
Sam laughs. "What about here in Kansas?"
Dean grins before ticking off a quick list. "Rabbits can't be shot from motorboats, you can't catch fish with your bare hands, and you can't use mules to hunt ducks. You can't sing the alphabet on the streets at night in Topeka. And in Lawrence? All cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the horses of their arrival and no one can wear a bee in their hat."
Sam is clutching his stomach, having put his beer down so as not to drop it. "You have got to be kidding. Mules to hunt ducks? And I wonder what happens if you get caught not honking your horn, cause I know we broke that law."
Enjoying his brother's laughter, Dean continued listing crazy laws that he had found. "In Hawaii, billboards are outlawed and you can be fined for not owning a boat. In Indiana a man can't be turned on in public, liquor stores can't sell cold soft drinks or milk, drinks can't be on the house, grocery stores can't sell any type of cold liquor, you have to pour your drink in a glass, you can't sniff glue, and smoking is banned in the state legislature building unless the legislature is in session." He pauses to let his little brother catch his breath a bit before continuing. "In Oklahoma, bar owners can't allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo, anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their name and picture shown on TV, females can't do their own hair without a license from the state, dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to be in groups of three or more on private property, you can't take a bite of someone else's hamburger, and you can't wear your boots to bed. Oh, and my personal favorite Oklahoma law? Cars must be tethered outside public buildings."
"Stop." Sam's breathless voice tried to cut Dean off. "Dean, please—I can't…"
Sam's laughter bubbled uncontrollably out of him again, causing Dean to smile happily, having not heard his brother laugh like this in a long time. Dean pulls out a chair and shoves his brother into it before Sam fell onto the floor.
Dean downed half his beer as he moved Sam's next to him. "And in Florida, apparently they accidently banned computers and smart phones in internet cafes, it's considered an offense to shower naked, if an elephant is tied to a parking meter the parking fee has to be paid just like for a car, no singing in public while wearing a swimsuit, and men can't be seen publicly wearing any kind of strapless gown."
"Oh God." Sam gasped out between his laughs "Please…"
Dean grins, wondering how long he can keep his brother laughing. "No taking pictures of rabbits from January to April without a permit in Wyoming."
One of Sam's hands is clutching his stomach while the other grips the table tightly as he tries to gulp air around his laughter.
"Then in Alaska, moose aren't allowed to be viewed from an airplane, you can shoot bears but you can't wake one up to take a picture, and it's illegal to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. In fact, in Fairbanks, Alaska it is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose." Dean tilts his head thoughtfully. "You know, maybe you shouldn't go to Alaska. You could get in trouble."
A groan worked its way into Sam's laughter as he got the reference to Crowley's nickname for him, but didn't do anything to stave off the laughter.
"Pennsylvania has some interesting ones. It is illegal to have over sixteen women living together because apparently that constitutes a brothel, illegal to sleep on top of a fridge outdoors." Dean finished his beer and braced himself against the table as he watched his brother laugh. "Motorists driving along a country road at night must stop every mile to send up a rocket signal and wait ten minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock before continuing. Housewives are banned from hiding dirt and dust under rugs in a dwelling. You are not allowed to sing in the bathtub. Firework stores can't sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents, explain that. You can't catch fish with any body part except the mouth, dynamite can't be used to catch fish- you know there are a lot of laws in all the states about catching fish." Dean thought for a moment before deciding which state's laws he thought would make his little brother laugh some more.
"Utah. Birds have the right of way on all highways. It's illegal not to drink milk. It is illegal to cause a catastrophe."
"Maybe…" Sam gasped for air and tried to talk between each burst of laughter. "Maybe we should avoid Utah."
Dean blinked for a moment before his laughter broke free as well and the brothers just sat there laughing uncontrollably.
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Author's note: There is an actual site. It is where I got all of these laws. There might be a Penal Code 8.14 but I googled it and found none, so I looked up crazy laws instead. And then ended up writing this story that I had meant to be a short little drabble thing. How did this happen? But I'm glad it did. The brothers needed a good laugh.
The site used to spawn this story: www dumblaws com/laws/united-states/ (insert state name)
Replace spaces with periods and change the last bit and there you go. Or you can just google crazy laws and have fun with all the sites. It's what I did.
I am not a writer! I am a puppet controlled by fictional characters!