This is a rather liberal elaboration on two scenes from the fourth book in
Aubrey/Maturin series. I have quoted quite a bit from the book, which is
obviously owned by Patrick O'Brian and their respectable publishers.
* * * *
"- Jack, what are you about?"
Captain Aubrey glanced at surprised Stephen and stated the obvious:
"- I am taking off my shirt".
Stephen's surprise was partially the consequence of his medical concern for his friend, but seeing Jack undress invoked the memories of last night's dream. Dream which disturbed him for in that dream Stephen was with Jack in one bed and not just sharing it: he was committing a sin known to everyone as sodomy. And he remembered it being so pleasurable. He brushed off all the memories and to stop Jack from undressing any further he started preaching him a sermon, that listed all his ills with a scornful voice.
"- To swim so soon after dinner, and such a dinner? I cannot advise it. You are very corpulent" – as he said it he remembered how in the dream he enjoyed being held against Jack's big, warm body, - "full of gross, viscous humours after these weeks and months of Poireir's cooking... a brutish vice, inductive mainly to the sin of Eve... bulimy, bulimy... dinners have killed more men than ever Avicenna healed...".
Once he was talking as a professional, all the personal feelings were forgotten for a moment and Stephen prosed away while Jack – not paying any attention to doctor's words – took off his trousers. Stephen – still in his professional mode – looked at him with slight annoyance.
"– So you are determined on your bathe?" he said, looking at his naked companion, suddenly realising that Jack was now indeed fully naked. Stephen had seen him in such a state many times, but that disturbing dreams... They just would not leave his mind, causing him for the first time to feel hotness of desire wash over him when he looked upon his naked friend. He was good at disguising his feelings – and he succeded this time – but he reached out for Jack.
"– Will you let me see your back, now?"
He ran his fingers over the dull blue-scar, thinking for a moment that this was more of a caress than just a professional touch. He frowned, taking his fingers away from Jack's back, knowing that his feelings were absurd, they were because of the dream. "But what is the reason for this dream?", - the question was quickly formed and left answered. Stephen was afraid of the answer he might get.
"– Do you feel it these days?" he asked hoping, that Jack did not feel anything strange about the behaviour of his ship's surgeon. The only thing Jack felt was the desire to plunge into the water and warm tenderness that Stephen's touch left on his skin.
"- Just trifle this, morning", - said Jack. He was lying: this morning the old wound did trouble him, but he did not want to worry Stephen. After all from all his exparience he knew that an old wound cannot be easily cured, especially while at sea.
"– But otherwise" – he added, - "from the time we cleared the Channel until yesterday, never a twinge. A swim", - he said, slipping over the side of the boat and plunging deep into the pure blue water with his long yellow hair streaming out behind him, "is the very thing for it', he continued, rising to the surface and blowing hard.
Stephen looked upon his dearest friend with strange sadness that disappeared almost as soon as Jack was on the surface again, but this time the hidden feeling did not escape his attentive gaze, altough he did not know what it should be attributed to. He tried to persuade Stephen to take a swim with him, but his friend refused. Jack was quite surprised for he knew that Stephen rather liked showing off his relatively recently acquired skill.
Doctor Maturin most desperately wanted to join his friend in the warm water, but suddenly he was shy to be naked in front of Jack. He was afraid of being unattractive: something that happaned to him very rarely. He ignored all of Captain's arguments and stay fully dressed in the boat.
Suddenly, Jack pulled himself back into the boat, stood up naked and we, with his long hair streaming over his shoulders. He was smiling mischiveously at his confused friend.
"– Well, Stephen, my dear, if you refuse to cooperate..." – with these words he upon doctor, holding him down with his sheer weight and using one had to take off first Stephen's shoes, then stockings and the shirt. He did not bother with the breeches and lifted Stephen holding him close to his chest.
"– In the name of God, Jack! What are you doing? Put me down!"
"– As you wish, sweetest heart" – with this he dropped Stephen over the board and jumped after him.
When they both were on the surface doctor's face was red with indignation despite water's cooling qualities, and Jack was lauphing out loud, thinking again and again of Stephen's facial expression when he was being stripped.
"– Jack, you are.. you are...." – Stephen could not find a right word, and using this delay Jack clapped a hand over friend's mouth and said quietly:
"- How did you blush when I took off your clothes. One might think that..." – the same sadness quickly followed by anger flushed in doctor's eyes. Jack took off his hand from Stephen's wet lips and swam even closer to him, pulling doctor into embrace.
"– I am sorry joy, I am just a silly child, but you looked so out of spirits... Sorry...", - he whispered again, placing a light kiss on Stephen's forehead: a thing he did to his wife whenever he begged for forgiveness. Stephen sighed and embraced Jack in return. Their naked bodies pressed against each other and the dream in doctor's dream was as vivid as ever, and the first waves of arousal ran through him, forcing him to push Jack away and try to pull himself back into the boat – a task he did not succeed at accomplishing. Jack climbed into the boat and helped Stephen. His face was grave and as they dressed not a word was uttered, but finally Jack broke the silence.
"– Listen Stephen I am sorry...."
"- Oh, forget it Jack. As you rightly put it I am feeling rather out of spirits lately, but I would rather not discuss it", - he added hastily seeing the question form itself in captain's mind. Jack fell silent and took up the oars. The swim was over.
* * * * * Weeks passed and Jack was made the captain of large ship that until recently was under Admiral's command. The spacious ship had offered much more ares for the captain. Fact upon which Stephen once remarked.
"- The great advantage of these ark-like vessels", - observed Stephen, "is that one can can at least speak in privacy". It what was very true, but Stephen' mind immediately conjured up the images of what might be done in privacy in these vast cabins.
The dreams still haunted him, becoming more and vivid all the time. It was hard to supress the desire that now became a reality, but Stephen would not be Stephen if he did not manage it. He came to regard this desire without the dread of commiting sin, afterall he saw a rathee big number of people succumbing to this desire without much consequence. However, he was sure that Jack would never be able to accept such a desire. They never spoke of sodomy with him, but Stephen was sure of Jack's naval outlook on things.
Jack – though never considered by others a good observer of human emotions – has noticed that something was disturbing Stephen, and that were not the thoughts of his espionage, nor of any dying sailor, nor of that woman Diana Villiers. So when he finally managed to devote some of the time to their music, Stephen was questioned but no coherent reply was given.
"– Stephen, I beg you to tell me!", - the Captain was raging now pacing around the cabin. Silence was the reply, for Stephen was tired and afraid of uttering the much sought after confession. Jack was having nome of his excuses, and that disturbed him.
Jack abruptly stopped, turned towards Stephen and grabbed him, pulling his friend up from the chair.
"– Please! I just want to help...." – the voice was begging, and Stephen gave up: seeing his friend in such a troubled state was more than he could bare.
"– Promise that you shall forget whatever I say now", - Jack readily nodded still not easing his hold on Stephen's arms, "– I think about you all the time... Think of you in a most inappropriate way", - after a moment a realization of what Stephen was saying seemed to dawn on Jack, and Stephen added, "I love you Jack...as I should not love you...". Stephen felt the hold of the fingers ease, but the hands did leave him. Instead they slid onto his back, pulling him closer to the wide chest of his gold – mained lion. He rested his cheek against it, hearing the slightly speeded heartbeat.
"– Stephen...If only I knew...It would have been so much easier...".
"– No Jack, it would not. You can do nothing about it".
"– Oh, I think I can."
"– What do you mean?"
A reply was a light kiss on the forehead, then on the nose and the lips.
"– No Jack, no, it is inappropriate..."
"– Listen. Love can never inappropriate or unnecessary...It cannot be thrown away, if it can be indulged".
"– But what about the Navy, the Bible after all?"
"– I am not a theologist, but did not Jesus teach us to love one another? Well, I guess I am ready to love you..."
Deep kiss made Stephen feel as though he died and was in heaven for suddenly the only thing he felt was Jack' love around him and his body next to him. Stephen sighed and plunged into another kiss. If he had to go to hell for what he doing he didn not mind, for he will go there with Jack.
* * * *
"- Jack, what are you about?"
Captain Aubrey glanced at surprised Stephen and stated the obvious:
"- I am taking off my shirt".
Stephen's surprise was partially the consequence of his medical concern for his friend, but seeing Jack undress invoked the memories of last night's dream. Dream which disturbed him for in that dream Stephen was with Jack in one bed and not just sharing it: he was committing a sin known to everyone as sodomy. And he remembered it being so pleasurable. He brushed off all the memories and to stop Jack from undressing any further he started preaching him a sermon, that listed all his ills with a scornful voice.
"- To swim so soon after dinner, and such a dinner? I cannot advise it. You are very corpulent" – as he said it he remembered how in the dream he enjoyed being held against Jack's big, warm body, - "full of gross, viscous humours after these weeks and months of Poireir's cooking... a brutish vice, inductive mainly to the sin of Eve... bulimy, bulimy... dinners have killed more men than ever Avicenna healed...".
Once he was talking as a professional, all the personal feelings were forgotten for a moment and Stephen prosed away while Jack – not paying any attention to doctor's words – took off his trousers. Stephen – still in his professional mode – looked at him with slight annoyance.
"– So you are determined on your bathe?" he said, looking at his naked companion, suddenly realising that Jack was now indeed fully naked. Stephen had seen him in such a state many times, but that disturbing dreams... They just would not leave his mind, causing him for the first time to feel hotness of desire wash over him when he looked upon his naked friend. He was good at disguising his feelings – and he succeded this time – but he reached out for Jack.
"– Will you let me see your back, now?"
He ran his fingers over the dull blue-scar, thinking for a moment that this was more of a caress than just a professional touch. He frowned, taking his fingers away from Jack's back, knowing that his feelings were absurd, they were because of the dream. "But what is the reason for this dream?", - the question was quickly formed and left answered. Stephen was afraid of the answer he might get.
"– Do you feel it these days?" he asked hoping, that Jack did not feel anything strange about the behaviour of his ship's surgeon. The only thing Jack felt was the desire to plunge into the water and warm tenderness that Stephen's touch left on his skin.
"- Just trifle this, morning", - said Jack. He was lying: this morning the old wound did trouble him, but he did not want to worry Stephen. After all from all his exparience he knew that an old wound cannot be easily cured, especially while at sea.
"– But otherwise" – he added, - "from the time we cleared the Channel until yesterday, never a twinge. A swim", - he said, slipping over the side of the boat and plunging deep into the pure blue water with his long yellow hair streaming out behind him, "is the very thing for it', he continued, rising to the surface and blowing hard.
Stephen looked upon his dearest friend with strange sadness that disappeared almost as soon as Jack was on the surface again, but this time the hidden feeling did not escape his attentive gaze, altough he did not know what it should be attributed to. He tried to persuade Stephen to take a swim with him, but his friend refused. Jack was quite surprised for he knew that Stephen rather liked showing off his relatively recently acquired skill.
Doctor Maturin most desperately wanted to join his friend in the warm water, but suddenly he was shy to be naked in front of Jack. He was afraid of being unattractive: something that happaned to him very rarely. He ignored all of Captain's arguments and stay fully dressed in the boat.
Suddenly, Jack pulled himself back into the boat, stood up naked and we, with his long hair streaming over his shoulders. He was smiling mischiveously at his confused friend.
"– Well, Stephen, my dear, if you refuse to cooperate..." – with these words he upon doctor, holding him down with his sheer weight and using one had to take off first Stephen's shoes, then stockings and the shirt. He did not bother with the breeches and lifted Stephen holding him close to his chest.
"– In the name of God, Jack! What are you doing? Put me down!"
"– As you wish, sweetest heart" – with this he dropped Stephen over the board and jumped after him.
When they both were on the surface doctor's face was red with indignation despite water's cooling qualities, and Jack was lauphing out loud, thinking again and again of Stephen's facial expression when he was being stripped.
"– Jack, you are.. you are...." – Stephen could not find a right word, and using this delay Jack clapped a hand over friend's mouth and said quietly:
"- How did you blush when I took off your clothes. One might think that..." – the same sadness quickly followed by anger flushed in doctor's eyes. Jack took off his hand from Stephen's wet lips and swam even closer to him, pulling doctor into embrace.
"– I am sorry joy, I am just a silly child, but you looked so out of spirits... Sorry...", - he whispered again, placing a light kiss on Stephen's forehead: a thing he did to his wife whenever he begged for forgiveness. Stephen sighed and embraced Jack in return. Their naked bodies pressed against each other and the dream in doctor's dream was as vivid as ever, and the first waves of arousal ran through him, forcing him to push Jack away and try to pull himself back into the boat – a task he did not succeed at accomplishing. Jack climbed into the boat and helped Stephen. His face was grave and as they dressed not a word was uttered, but finally Jack broke the silence.
"– Listen Stephen I am sorry...."
"- Oh, forget it Jack. As you rightly put it I am feeling rather out of spirits lately, but I would rather not discuss it", - he added hastily seeing the question form itself in captain's mind. Jack fell silent and took up the oars. The swim was over.
* * * * * Weeks passed and Jack was made the captain of large ship that until recently was under Admiral's command. The spacious ship had offered much more ares for the captain. Fact upon which Stephen once remarked.
"- The great advantage of these ark-like vessels", - observed Stephen, "is that one can can at least speak in privacy". It what was very true, but Stephen' mind immediately conjured up the images of what might be done in privacy in these vast cabins.
The dreams still haunted him, becoming more and vivid all the time. It was hard to supress the desire that now became a reality, but Stephen would not be Stephen if he did not manage it. He came to regard this desire without the dread of commiting sin, afterall he saw a rathee big number of people succumbing to this desire without much consequence. However, he was sure that Jack would never be able to accept such a desire. They never spoke of sodomy with him, but Stephen was sure of Jack's naval outlook on things.
Jack – though never considered by others a good observer of human emotions – has noticed that something was disturbing Stephen, and that were not the thoughts of his espionage, nor of any dying sailor, nor of that woman Diana Villiers. So when he finally managed to devote some of the time to their music, Stephen was questioned but no coherent reply was given.
"– Stephen, I beg you to tell me!", - the Captain was raging now pacing around the cabin. Silence was the reply, for Stephen was tired and afraid of uttering the much sought after confession. Jack was having nome of his excuses, and that disturbed him.
Jack abruptly stopped, turned towards Stephen and grabbed him, pulling his friend up from the chair.
"– Please! I just want to help...." – the voice was begging, and Stephen gave up: seeing his friend in such a troubled state was more than he could bare.
"– Promise that you shall forget whatever I say now", - Jack readily nodded still not easing his hold on Stephen's arms, "– I think about you all the time... Think of you in a most inappropriate way", - after a moment a realization of what Stephen was saying seemed to dawn on Jack, and Stephen added, "I love you Jack...as I should not love you...". Stephen felt the hold of the fingers ease, but the hands did leave him. Instead they slid onto his back, pulling him closer to the wide chest of his gold – mained lion. He rested his cheek against it, hearing the slightly speeded heartbeat.
"– Stephen...If only I knew...It would have been so much easier...".
"– No Jack, it would not. You can do nothing about it".
"– Oh, I think I can."
"– What do you mean?"
A reply was a light kiss on the forehead, then on the nose and the lips.
"– No Jack, no, it is inappropriate..."
"– Listen. Love can never inappropriate or unnecessary...It cannot be thrown away, if it can be indulged".
"– But what about the Navy, the Bible after all?"
"– I am not a theologist, but did not Jesus teach us to love one another? Well, I guess I am ready to love you..."
Deep kiss made Stephen feel as though he died and was in heaven for suddenly the only thing he felt was Jack' love around him and his body next to him. Stephen sighed and plunged into another kiss. If he had to go to hell for what he doing he didn not mind, for he will go there with Jack.