A Very Sensual Experience
Author's Note: Yeah, shut up, I'm deranged. I can't believe i am writing smut either. Its kinda just a thing i started when i was bored, and realized i had nothing better to do. (yes i know this is sad.) I hope you enjoy the randomly BOLDED words.
Disclaimer: I dont own the LOTR Characters ~ this is obvious. But sadly I must take claim for the sick and twisted Smut.
You strike a match and watch as the flame dances seductively in your hand. FUCK, you burn yourself. Determined to make tonight special, you cautiously wrap your finger in a cool towellete and light the rest of the candles. All around you the room flickers with shadows, as you distribute rose petals on the black satin bed. You want to fuck Gollum, as you stare at his picture, which you have secured in your heart shaped locket. In just a few minutes Gollum will arrive at your suite, you've been waiting for this night your whole life, when you finally would dial 1-800-Fuck-A-LOTR-Character and pay the much worthwhile cost. For awhile you had been debating which character you'd like to have paid services for. . .You considered orcs, and even hobbits. . .but as you browsed through an exclusive LOTR webpage, and saw those shimmering eyes of evil, and those gnarled teeth and chapped lips. . .you knew you had to have Gollum just for one night.
Nervously you slowly unzip a hideous orange jogging wind jacket that you are wearing, it once belonged to your cousin, Jerome. But you zip back up quickly, not to act as if you had been desperate. You'd rather have Gollum undress you. Any minute now. . .any minute and Gollum would be smothered in expensive champagne and your own saliva as you lick the his flaky skin and try to poke his nose with your grandmother's sewing needles. Soon, and very soon, you can serenade your precious with a Frank Sinatra song and entangle him in your arms, until wild passionate sex would insue. . .You pace back and forth the room, nervous, and wondering what Gollum would think when he saw you ~ How would Gollum react if you told him that you masturbate to the LOTR motion pictures during scence of major Gollum-ness? Would he run? Oh but what would you do if Gollum ran? Surely you would follow him and rape him. . .
Your thoughts cease as you hear a knock on the door. . .you yelp like a puppy that got its tail stepped on by an anxious five year old. Slowly, you find the energy to open the door and reveal a girl scout. . .you buy THIN MINT cookies. . . and slowly become dissapointed that it was not your precious. You notice a faint banging on your window, and look over on the balcony to see Gollum waiting, hoping you'd let him into the suite of the elegant hotel. You notice his lacy undergarments and realize that you have a pair just like that, you had brought them at Victoria's Secret during a Labor Day Sale.
"Hello, my precious," Gollum greets you, as he flicks his own genitals as a native mating ritual. Right then you know that Gollum has every intention of 'getting it on'. You just smile seductively as you ask Gollum if he would like to engage in kinky roleplay with a GREEN SQUASH. . . he smiles at this idea, and pulls a squash out from the Jansport backpack he carries, slinged across his shoulder. "Hello, my precious" Gollum says again, and begins to dance around with the squash, trying to shove it up your ass. You resist childishly, scared of intimacy, but eventually give in to his haunched over, frightening charm and make way for the ass-bound squash. Gollum is horny and replies "Hello My Precious". You begin to wonder if that's the only thing he says, but decide not to care, and enjoy a good shag for tonight. The Victoria's Secret thong hiked up his own buttox has grown tiresome, and you decide that it would look better around his ankles, so you jump him (squash still in ass) and try to maul him with much beastality. Scared for his life, Gollum replies with fright in his eyes; "Hello My Precious". . . you recongnize his fear and slowly make your way off his fragile form, and begin to remove the undergarment with your teeth.
He shivers, because you have BRACES and he secretly fears that the lace will get caught in them. . .His fears are confirmed, your braces get caught in the lacy material as you try to tug them off, you only get more entwined. He pulls at your head vigorously, and all you want to do is feel his strange looking hands on you. You want to be one with Gollum. You want to be dominated by Gollum. You want to be unattached from Gollum's underwear. You are in a dilemma.
On the count of three, you yank your head really hard away from Gollum, only to find that he is now stark naked, and his underwear are still hanging from your teeth. 'Ah', you think to yourself, 'Essence of Gollum!'. Gollum smirks at you and says "Hello My Precious" as he makes various sexual gestures towards you. You realize that Gollum wants to see you naked, and you want Gollum to see you naked. So you begin the slow and steady process of removing your clothing before his eyes. . .piece by piece. The pace quickens as each piece is removed. First the wind jacket, then the matching running pants are swung around in the air. Like a cowboy, you dance around your lover in circles – his eyes remained transfixed on your "Bob The Builder Briefs" that you hastily borrowed from your brother that morning. He is 8. Gollum does not seem to mind that you swap underwear with your brother, and still is interested in sex. Gollum, like most scary animated characters, loves a good romp in the bedroom. You wink, and Gollum trembles, as he crawls over to your mostly naked form. Gollum wants to please you. Gollum wants to hear your fantasies. Gollum wants to hear you scream his name in a lusty passion. Why not just fuck Gollum now?
Gollum, though not completely human, is like most human males: Obsessed with their own penises. But in such a category you are disapointed to see that Gollum's must have shrunk in some freak nuclear accident. Only about the size of a cocktail shrimp, you wonder why the ladies fawn over him. . . you wonder why you once fawned over him. He looks a bit nervous, as you send him repulsive glances. . .He pops a viagra, and pulls out a penis pump, hoping you won't notice. You sigh,a bit turned off, and excuse yourself so he can do "his buisness". . .but then you think, after all, size doesn't matter. You return to your thoughts and fantasies of Gollum, as you anxiously anticipate when you will return to the room to "get yo freak on".
Reaching into a small purse, Gollum pulls out a cherry flavored condom and dances around in attempts to turn you on. Realizing that Gollum had suceeded you begin to get on your knees and give Gollum oral sex. He moans softly "Hello My Precious" as you strategically nibble at him and threaten to kick his nuts in. Brutality turns Gollum on, and you feel him begin to get excited. The condom slips off of his shrimp like genetalia, and you discard it on the floor, willing to get an STD. As the sucking process continues, Gollum wishes you will never stop. "Suck harder, mother fucker" he says amist his bliss. You stop breifly in shock, at the mere fact he said something else other than "Hello My Precious", but soon continue back to your buisness. All of a sudden your circulation is cut shorter than usual, and it feels like you swallowed around 3 FRUIT MENTOS. . .You look up at Gollum and he looks terror stricken. You look down at Gollum, and his dick is no longer the size of a cocktail shrimp, but is non-existant. Congratulations, you are choking on Gollum's testicles.
You scribble down on a piece of paper for Gollum to call 911. . .Gollum does so, and explains the situation in a hurry, while calling the 911 operator "preciousss" sparatically. While in the ambulence, the paramedics are giving you both disgusted looks. Gollum looks over at your choking form and decides to cheer you up by returning the favor. Gollum gives YOU oral sex. . . However the sexual arousal is more than you can handle. . . and causes you to loose all coloration and collapse into a coma. The paramedics are not sure if you are to wake up, so they remove the penis from your throat and transport your unconscious state to the hospital. There Gollum steals your wallet, reattaches his cock and runs away into the night.
Author's Note: I had to end it there, i was even beginning to disturb myself. I hope you enjoyed/became repulsed really quickly. Feel free to flame my sorry ass, i didn't write this hoping for it to become a masterpiece. . .lol. . .i welcome flames as friends. Now where were we? Right, you are going to tell me how disgusting i am, and then you are going to leave and read a happy fanfiction about Salad forks and the Sailor Moon girls. . .
Have a nice day.