My inside blew to ash/ so slow
and blew away as I collapsed/ so cold
Staring at the floor is an interesting pastime.
I should do it more often.
You'd think I- we- would have abandoned this place by now.
Well you were wrong. I'm still here.
"Sirius?"
There's that voice again. I'll just ignore it.
It doesn't exist.
"Sirius, it's Remus."
What am I supposed to say? That I mistook you for a voice in my head?
No, not tactful.
"Yo," I say. It's a good alternative. I make a mental note to use it whenever
Remus greets me- that way I'm not… speechless. Well, usually I'm not
speechless when he talks- which is the problem, because I almost always
say something stupid instead.
"Hello. Have you got any info? The Order's plans are failing, and we need
new recruits."
"Nope, I've got nothing," I say bitterly, and then start. I had talked normally!
Amazed and proud of myself, I hardly hear Remus's next words.
"Will we ever defeat him?"
Not wanting to spoil my moment of brilliance, I simply shrugged.
"I hope so. Oh, and Agnes and I are coming over tomorrow for lunch, here, if that's alright for you. We'll pack, but could you try cleaning up kitchen again. It
looks dreadful."
"You know fixing up this place is useless," I laughed.
It sounded unnatural, like a recording. I wasn't feeling too friendly towards this Agnes
girl, and was on the verge of think 'I hate Agnes,' when Remus said something I hadn't
anticipated-
"Be careful around that Agnes. She isn't the nicest wolf in the pack." His voice was cold, not humorous. "Well, if that's settled," and then he left the room without a single 'goodbye,' or 'see you later.'
I stood frozen, dejected, as the door swung closed behind him. And that sent me wandering about absentmindedly, thinking of things like wolves, picnics, and Agnes. Did Remus really not like her? But when he had spoken first of her he had sounded so passionate…almost loving… But then why had his voice become so cold when she had second been mentioned?
I had assumed…but that was sensible, any man in his right mind would…but…
"Ok get a hold of yourself." I grimaced. Had I, in my desperation, already resorted to talking to myself? No, it's just a piece of rational encouragement; I'm not crazy or anything…well, at least not yet.
There goes the doorbell again. And my mom. Bother. Just when I needed a bit of
peace and quiet. And in comes Tonks. She's got long black hair and black eyes today.
I like her that way, it's rather pretty. But her face is red and tears leek from her eyes- it is immediately apparent that something serious has happened.
"What's wrong?" my attempt at a comforting voice just makes her cry harder.
Oh, how I hate the sadness of others. The sound of it reminds me of the crying of my own soul as it is stretched and ripped into a million tiny pieces.
"I- I, it's my mom. The death eaters came in the night- no one could've expected them- but Hestia and Arthur happened to be over for dinner. They managed to fend off most of them, but Dickon Downey- that man from the Defense Department- obviously imperiused- cast some spell at my mom. W-well, we don't know if she'll live."
Ok. I cant say I expected this.