Everything was perfect. But then it happened and it was all gone. He was gone. Just like that.
Blaine pulled his coat tighter to him as he walked through the silent cemetery, leaves crunching beneath his feet, his wet face freezing against the wind. His heart was in his throat. If someone would have told him a month ago that he would be at this cemetery every day, he wouldn't have believed them. Along with being painfully sad today, he was angry. He alternated between being sad and being sad and angry, angry at himself, angry at Sebastian, angry at everything. He ran his hand through his hair un-gelled, gripping it tightly when he reached a stone that had his husband's name on it. He stared at it for a minute before shaking his head, placing the single red rose he brought onto the base of it. Something he never failed to bring. "This is ridiculous." He huffed. "How could you just leave me like this? I can't do this, Sebastian. I can't-I can't be without you. I don't know how to be without you. You told me, countless times that I wasn't going to lose you. And yet here we are. You're just gone!" He closed his eyes when he felt fresh tears starting to boil up. "How dare you." He whispered, opening his eyes and kneeling in front of the stone. "How dare you. I -I miss you." He softened, letting out a deep sigh, staying quiet for a long minute before speaking again. "The weatherman said it's supposed to snow, you know. It's been colder than usual. I should be used to it by now, though, not having you to cuddle with." He shook his head, whining softly. "But I'm not."
…
Mid February shouldn't be so scary. This isn't how it's supposed to be. They were supposed to be together forever. Longer than forever. He wasn't supposed to just leave him like that. Blaine knew it was wrong to be so angry at him, he didn't leave on purpose. It wasn't Sebastian's fault. He couldn't control the weather, or the patch of ice that was just waiting. He should be angry at the ice, at the tires that didn't grab the road properly, at the tree that was just waiting there, that was now damaged forever. All of those things were the reason. The reason Sebastian was gone. Just…gone. Never coming back. Ever. No. It wasn't true, right? That was all just a dream. The accident, the ambulance, the doctor telling him he would be okay but his husband didn't make it. Didn't make it. Those words still echoed in his head to this day. That wasn't real. It couldn't be real.
Wasn't everything just okay? He thought about Christmas, it was JUST Christmas! Everything was perfect! The smell of cranberry candles burning while pumpkin pies baked in the oven. Decorating the tree together dancing together to the Christmas music that was playing softly in the back ground. Just learning a few hours before that they would be daddies in nine months. It wasn't that long ago.
…
"I spent last night at home for the first time since you left." He sat back onto the ground, his hand still touching the stone. "It was awful." He shook his head. "I listened to a bunch of your favorite songs, our songs." He half smiled. "They made me feel a little better. I could hear you singing along with them." He wiped his tears with the back of his hand. The cold wind blew right through him; he shoved his hands into his coat pockets, sniffling. "Sebastian…how could this happen?" He whispered, chewing on his bottom lip. "We have a baby coming. How am I supposed to do this without you? "
….
He sat alone in their apartment. It was his first night alone there. He had stayed with Santana since it happened. Now here he was, alone. He lived alone now. He chewed on his bottom lip, looking around at the apartment. Their home wasn't warm, and loving, bright and full of life like it used to be. It was dark, cold and empty. Just…dead. He turned on some music before he sat on their couch, pulling his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs. The ache inside of him was so painful, it was a loud ache, you could almost hear it. His eyes burned, they were worn out. He had been crying for two weeks straight, it didn't seem that his body could produce anymore tears. Two weeks. He had been without Sebastian for two weeks. It seemed like years. How was he supposed to live the rest of his life without him? Without his person? He crossed his arms, hugging the Dalton Academy sweatshirt that he had been living in since it happened. It still smelled like Sebastian and he wasn't taking it off. He was just staring of into nothingness when the music started. He felt his stomach turn at first; he was going to be sick. But the more he zoned out, listening, the more he could almost hear Sebastian singing along. When Sebastian voice took over completely, he closed his eyes, listening to his husband singing in his head. He bit his lip, tears wasting no time coming back, they streamed down his face. Heartbreaking as it was, it was comforting. He felt like Sebastian was there. He opened his eyes, his breath hitching. He looked next to him, where Sebastian usually sat, where he'd cuddle up next to the taller man and they'd just be. He placed his hand on the soft cushion, rubbing his thumb against it. He didn't leave the living room that night. He couldn't stand the thought of sleeping in their bed alone.
…
He stared at the stone in front of him; he pulled his hand from his pocket, running his fingers along his husband's name. His stomach churned, he felt sick. "You know, sometimes I don't believe it." He shook his head. "Sometimes it feels like you're just at work, or you went out for something and you'll be back soon, or that you're in the other room. That any minute you'll come in and…" His breath hitched, another wave of sobs coming, he sighed "But it really sinks in when I come here." He whined before the tears started spilling over. "When I see it written in stone. It's all so real." He cried, before taking a deep, shaky breath, trying to calm himself a bit. "Everyone's telling me I'll be okay…but it's not true." He sniffed. " They don't know. I'll never be okay again. I'm not going to ever get over you. You are everything, Sebastian.." He said softly. He sat there quietly for a few minutes, just staring at it, in a daze, tears silently falling down his face. He finally got up after what seemed like hours, he brushed himself off. "I love you." He whispered, kissing his hand and placing it on Sebastian's name. He turned, making his way to his car, where he would sit for ten minutes before actually going home. Well, no. Home is where your heart is. His heart wasn't there anymore. Sebastian was his heart and now he was gone, his heart was gone. He didn't have a home anymore.