Special Agent Natara Williams

Weddings. As a female, I'm guilty of planning mine since I was five years old. And of course, like every other girl, I wanted a beautiful, all-white gown, stunning, vibrant flowers, and prince charming waiting for me at the end of the aisle.

Prince charming, I guess in my case was District Attorney Oscar Santos. Oscar was definitely a prince charming, was he mine? I didn't really know. Sometimes love takes a while to develop, and I definitely didn't want to keep Oscar on pins and needles waiting for me to finally accept his proposal. Besides, what could go wrong? He was cute, charming, and I knew he was going to be a pretty good husband. He had been a pretty good boyfriend, and I knew that eventually I might get that weak in the knees, head over heels, butterflies in my stomach feelings over Oscar. Maybe. Maybe not. But then again, maybe real love isn't like that. High school, summer romances are like that. But I needed to face the music, I was not in high school anymore. Maybe this is what mature, big-girl love was like.

At the end of the day, I guess that's all I can expect, anyways.

I briskly followed my little sister Neha around the boutique. "Oh my god! This one! Please wear this one!" She said for what had to have been the hundredth time that hour.

"Add it to the pile." And that wasn't an exaggeration. There was a pile a mile high in the dressing room waiting for me.

Shopping for my wedding dress with my mom and sister should have been very exciting, but it just wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I never really liked being in the spotlight. Especially while I tried on my wedding dresses. Especially under a time limit.

"Either way, I do have to be back at the precinct in like an hour and a half. So I should probably start trying them on, right?"

Neha rolled her eyes. Picking another one from the shelf, she handed it to my mother, who followed behind us both as if she were the wedding planner. In a sense, she kind of was. "Come on! Don't be the buzz kill! Work can wait for now, this is a huge part of your life that will only happen once."

"Yeah? So is money. And if the feds decide to can me, I guess I won't have any more of that, will I?"

She paused, sighing and seeing my avoidance of the entire 'wedding' issue, she finally spoke. "… Fine. But come on!" She pushed me playfully. "This is your big day. Try to be excited about it a little!"

It was easier said than done, and I shuffled my way through the mountain that Neha and my mother had made, as I tried on only the ones that really caught my attention. But after another hour of Neha loving every single one, me hating every single one, and my mom being Switzerland, I was on the verge of giving up.

"I really like that white and baby blue one with the lace! What's wrong with that one?" She hollered from the other side of the door.

"Too much blue."

Then my mom spoke up, "What about that gorgeous all white with the pearls around the top? I thought it was very unique. It looked good on you."

I ignored their banter from the other side, and tried to dig into my own mind. Being a profiler, you'd be surprised how difficult it is for me to figure myself out. I had to think, I have to like it, Oscar has to love it, the guests have to like it, and Mal. Mal…

I froze when the name entered my mind. Mal and I hadn't really been all that close since he found out I was marrying the handsome District Attorney. There was that constant tension. And ignoring it was another battle. But Mal and I were friends, good friends, best friends. That wasn't ever going to change.

"Natara? Are you okay in there?" Neha shouted.

I was startled, but regained composure. "Fine. But hey, can we maybe postpone this whole dress thing? I really have to get back to the precinct. I have a mountain of paperwork and the Captain will kill me if it isn't done in time. "

I finished putting on my work attire again, and exited the fitting area. "It's okay Natara, we're going to find the perfect wedding dress for my big sister."

After departing from both my mom and sister, I made my way back towards the precinct. It was roughly one thirty when I crashed into my tall, brick-bodied partner, Mal. I usually was pretty coordinated. But for whatever reason. Mal knocked me right over. "Whoa there, partner. Steady now, steady now. Where do you think you're going?" He chuckled, placing his hands on my waist, and effortlessly lifting me back to my feet.

After fully experiencing the pain of my butt hitting the concrete, and the pain of feeling stupid, I replied. "Thanks, I'm fine. But… Yeah, I was just going to work on some paperwork. I really don't have any other time to do it."

He frowned a little "Well, do you think you could spare a half hour or so? I was going to ask if you maybe wanted to get some lunch? We can do your favorite, Chinese?"

I was torn. Lunch with Mal, when I'm supposed to be engaged to another man. Was it a good idea? I knew what I wanted to say, and what I had to say. I just didn't know what I was going to actually say.

Detective Mal Fallon

Her dark brown hair, barely passing her tiny shoulders. Her breathtaking eyes, and that smile she carried. Her intelligence about every possible thing she's ever encountered. Well, I'd be a fool not to be at least a little interested…

Stop it Mal.

Natara is engaged. Taken. Off the market. So stop. Your advances are only making her uncomfortable. Look at her.

"Mal, I want to but…. Paperwork, and you know, planning the.. "

I watched her, biting her bottom lip, looking everywhere but at my eyes. The ground was where her vision was primarily fixed. I tried to follow it, but then I realized what she was really staring at. My hands, they were still fixed delicately on Natara's perfect hips. I froze, realizing my mistake, I instantly pulled them away. "S- Sorry. Um.. So, rain check?"

I watched her steady her footing, and take a breath. "Sure… Raincheck."

And just like that, she stood up, and walked right in the direction where she was originally headed, away from me. I sighed.

Natara was just different. But before I explain her so easily, allow me to explain that first of all, she's not easy in any sense of the word.

I've been with plenty of women, and it was never really difficult to hook them. To be honest, and I know it sounded cocky, but it was true. But ever since I met Natara, things were just different…

Even after I started seeing Tasha, and developed small feelings, she passed away. All I needed was someone to be there for me, and Natara was, but as a friend. And as much as I cared for Tasha, I loved Natara. It was hard to admit to anybody, even myself. But being open at least made me feel better than keeping it inside, and manifest there. I wanted Natara to know, believe me, but it was simply too late. She was engaged. I lost my chance.

I tried to blow it off, and I made my way down the street towards the only person I really wanted to spend time with, besides Natara. Ken Greene.

The cemetery was just outside of the city, and I didn't mind the walk, I needed it. I needed to talk to Ken. There was a question nobody else could answer.

I let the California wind smack me across the face, waking me up, making me alive again. With everything I lost, between my best friend, a wife, a girlfriend, and my own father. I didn't want this awkward sexual tension to cause Natara to write me off, too. But I didn't know what to do.

Approaching the stone, I felt chills. I knew he was there, and he had to have heard me. "Ken, I need a favor, man. Please help me."

I waited, but realizing that the dead don't really pop out of their graves to talk to people, I kept going. "You know, Maria probably knows, Amy and Kai know, and I think, even Natara knows. You know the woman I'm in love with is about to marry another man. I just want her to be happy. I know she's not. She just wants to be loved and.. The thing is, despite our partnership and us having a strictly professional relationship that we have to maintain, I know I could love her way more than Oscar could. Help me. What do I do?"

I knew he couldn't speak, or probably hear me at all, but I kept going. "I remember the retreat, all those things that I said to save Natara and Kai.. And everybody else… I… I meant them all. And I lied right to her face about the validity of it. She asked me if it was a ruse. I said no. I should have been honest then, maybe. Maybe I should have told her before that. Maybe I should…"

After saying it out loud, I looked around, feeling foolish. Maybe I was making something out of nothing. Maybe this entire dilemma was something I created. Natara wasn't very great at expressing emotions. Maybe she did love Oscar, and maybe all I was doing was justifying my inappropriate feelings for her.

I looked up at the sky, and then closed my eyes, waiting for Ken to give me the cold truth, and then, something unexpected happened. Ken told me something that made me change my entire line of thinking. I knew exactly what I had to do.

You are now District Attorney Oscar Santos.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. Seeing the name, I smiled. It was from Natara. "Hey babe! Sorry but I don't think I can do dinner tonight. After I get out of here I promised Neha I would pick my dress! So sorry! Raincheck?"

I sighed, and began typing my reply. "It's okay. Call me later. I love you."

After sending it, I waited for about ten minutes, just staring at the time on my phone as it changed with each minute. No replies. Those three powerful words, she couldn't ever say them. But I was supposed to be the one. I was supposed to be marrying her in only a week, but she still couldn't tell me she loved me.

I sighed again, sighing off the questions, the concern, the worry. Natara loved me. She had to. Or else she wouldn't have said yes, right?

I glanced back at the liquor bottle on my desk, and felt the effects starting to kick in. "Oscar, what are you doing, man?"

My phone was suddenly in my hands, and I instinctively went to my contacts and dialed the letter, "N". I gave it one last shot, I hit the dial button.

After five or so rings, "You've reached Natara Williams and I'm not available right now to take your call. Call me back later, I don't like voicemails." Then it beeped.

You are now Special Agent Natara Williams.

The clock struck midnight. I had to do something. I had to.

I couldn't stop thinking about everything. The past year and a half that I had spent with Mal, fighting crime, putting away the bad guys, and becoming great friends, all was flashing through my mind. I definitely loved Mal. But I didn't know how I loved him. I knew I would take a bullet for him, and sacrifice my entire life for him. But I didn't know what that really meant. I knew that Mal also had been seeing Blaise, and I knew that my only chance to have confessed anything was gone because of that.

I sighed, and rolled over in my bed. My eyes got caught on my engagement ring, sparkling in the bright moonlight. That's when it hit me. Every tear I had held back recently came oozing out my eyeballs like a river. And I was sobbing like a bafoon. I tried to control it, wiping tears away, burying my face into my pillow, and ruining the white pillowcases with my black mascara, but I couldn't do anything. I lost control.

I thought about everyone. First about Mal of course, and the awkward sexual tension that had been upon us from the very beginning. And how I secretly had some sort of feelings for him, but I never really did anything about it. But then I thought again about Oscar, and how everybody else expected me to marry that man. And that the wedding was less than a week away. I thought about my family. My dad, my mom, and Neha. I wanted nothing more than to make them all happy, but that my father never really approved of my choices to begin with. And I thought about Ken and Amy, how Ken had been killed, and how it completely threw Amy over the edge- enough to run away completely. I even thought about Kai, and how innocent of a person he was when it came to everything, and how caring he was, but that nobody really gave him the time of day. And I thought about the Captain, and how much me and Mal pissed her off, but how she did everything she could to keep us as a team in San Fransisco. And Shawn. Shawn Mallory. The craziest freaking psychopath in the world, and my ex-partner and ex-boyfriend. I missed Shawn.

That's what hurt me the most. I never could get over Shawn because I never wanted to come to terms with what happened to him. If he wouldn't have hopped on the crazy train, I would have married him. He had done so much for me, and what happened? He lost his mind. Thanks to Genevieve. But that- that was a completely different story. And all of this made me realize one thing, that I didn't think about me until the very end. Natara. Natara never came first. What about what I wanted? What if I don't want to marry Oscar? What if I broke off the engagement? The local media would flip out, my family would flip out, Mal would flip out. But maybe I shouldn't care about any of that.

Maybe I just needed to make a decision based off of Natara.

I flushed out a few more pathetic tears, long enough to open up my ears to a noise I definitely hadn't expected.

A knock.