SO YOU WANT TO BE A DARK LORD?
Odd Quotes Challenge by ZooArmy...found on Adult Fanfiction.
#4: "That totally tastes like suntan lotion to me. But, in a good way."
Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy really do not need much of an introduction if you are part of the Wizarding world because you just know who they are. The two teenagers are probably the most talented, charismatic, and powerful wizards since Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin walked the hallowed halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. They are also very sexual creatures and adore shagging each other into complete exhaustion.
Today, however, they are not so much interested in shagging as they are getting ready to attend the first day of Career Orientation, a week long summer camp for young wizards and witches from around the world where you can learn about different career options, meet some of the leaders in your chosen profession, and complete a mini-course (for college credit).
Draco has always been in the groove when it comes to looking like a pure-blood wizard of the highest caliber. That is why he finally bowed to Harry's superior sense of fashion and is currently wearing a pair of low slung kahki cargo shorts on his tight little behind, a 'Counting Crows' T-shirt and a pair of leather sandals.
Harry didn't look too different from his bond-mate. He too wore the signature shorts and sandals, but his shirt proclaimed: GOD among us! complete with a picture of Severus Snape in all his greasy-haired, hook-nosed, yellow-teethed glory.
To check the reaction of his new shirt on Draco, Harry yelled, "Draco, darling, schnookums, cupcake, lover? Where are you?"
He received a nice grope to his behind from behind and immediately whirled around to fondle...(I mean identify)...the perpetrator of such a hineous act on his person. He went ahead with the fondle after watching the blond squeal excitedly over Harry's new T-shirt.
They did a bit of soul-mate bonding that involved sticking their tongues down each others throat then resumed preparing for the seminar's opening meet-and-greet.
Just as they were leaving their dorm, Harry looked down at Draco's wand which was sticking out of his pocket and said, "Dearest, did you forget to polish your wand again? It looks rather dirty."
Draco gave a quick glance down to the offending piece of wood tucked into a cargo pocket and nodded his agreement. "I will see if Dad or Uncle Sev has their cleaning equipment with them. We probably need to get to the Great Hall soon or we will be late."
Harry grinned. "Right you are, Luv."
They apparated away with a soft pop. A few seconds later the two boys were making their way into the lecture hall designated as the area to mingle in before breaking into smaller interest-specific groups.
It was amazing how much noise the hall could contain. Harry immediately pulled his ear plugs out of a lint infested pocket and inserted them. He sighed with pleasure as he looked around for the booths which the Hogwarts Potions Master and the Defense Against the Darks Arts professor were running.
Draco gave another squeal of excitement as he saw their quarry first. "Harry, there they are! Don't they look incredible?"
Harry grinned in anticipation as he looked over at the glowering Potions Master. He soon abandoned Draco and crossed the floor to give his evil git of a mentor a hug and a kiss. As he stepped back from Snape he was grabbed by Lucius and given another hug and a kiss on both cheeks Continental style.
Harry was soon immersed in a discussion with Lucius regarding the booth he was currently manning. The quirky title caught his attention immediately; asking only the question: So you want to be a Dark Lord? The syllabus description was slightly more forthcoming with suitable details. Harry had no doubts that if Lucius was teaching the seminar it would be good.
Dark Lord 101: taught by Lucius, Lord Malfoy. Professor Malfoy holds a Masters in Defense Against the Dark Arts, a Masters in Potions, and several financial degrees from muggle universities. His hobbies include counted cross stitch, extreme sports, and playing the cello with the London Magical Chamber Orchestra.
Description: An introduction to the Dark Arts with an emphasis on developing your personal psychosis. The three 'I's will be covered: Image, Intent, and Imagination.
As Harry and Lucius chatted and drew a crowd to that end of the room, Draco leaned in and whispered to Severus. "Sev, I need some help. Do you have any wand polish I could borrow."
Snape's eyes immediately darted to Harry Potter, but he nodded and discreetly slipped Draco a small bottle.
Draco nodded his thanks before stepping away to let others speak to Snape. He spoke briefly to his father before fishing his wand out of his pocket and and snagging a kleenex. As he stood there with Harry and his father, he opened the bottle and tipped some of its contents onto his wand.
Several people turned to see what he was doing as the smell of tropicana body lotion hit their olfactory nerves. Harry was the first one brave enough to ask what it was.
Draco continued to polish the wand. "Something Uncle Sev gave me to polish my wand with."
Harry looked over at Snape in confusion and noticed the horrified expression on the older man's face. Realization hit and rather than say anything about which wand Snape gave Draco polish for, Harry just winked at the man and innocently asked, "does it work very well. It smells really nice."
Lucius wasn't so subtle. Leaning forward, he grabbed the wand and gave it a nice long lick from handle to tip. Closing his eyes in ecstacy he breathed deep and enjoyed the taste before recalling himself to the present.
Draco looked at his father, "Well?"
Lucius smirked at the boys, "That totally tastes like suntan lotion to me. But, in a good way!"