It had been nearly two months since the destruction of the Reapers and Shepard was beginning to think her body would never be the same again. The scars were healing and the bruises were nearly gone, but her bones and her muscles felt wrong and she didn't know if they'd ever be right again. She put on a good face, though, never showing the chinks in her armour when she was around her friends and teammates. But when she was alone in her apartment she used the cane Chakwas had given her and, though she was reluctant to admit it, it made getting around much easier.
To say things had been awkward since she'd woken up would be the understatement of the galaxy. Joker would barely look her in the eye for the first week, and while he had come around eventually, she still didn't feel she deserved his forgiveness. Garrus had stood by her like he always did, though even he seemed shocked when she told him about the decision she had been forced to make. Ash - well - Ash had basically been avoiding her, and while Shepard couldn't blame her - not exactly - it hurt to not have her around. So when the door to her apartment slid open and Ashley strode in like a woman on a mission, Shepard had to blink a couple times to make sure she wasn't seeing things.
For her part, Ashley was equally surprised at the sight of her Commander leaning against the wall by the stairs while holding herself upright with a metal cane. Whatever words she had prepared on the tip of her tongue were swallowed back and Shepard could actually hear the gulp in the other woman's throat. Fantastic, she thought, not only was she angry with her but now she was pitying her. Shepard couldn't have that.
"Spit it out, Ash." she said, the impatience evident in her voice and the other woman looked up from where she was staring at the cane and met Shepard's eyes with some kind of apology. "Don't, you came here to say something. You were ready for a confrontation when you got here, don't give me that pitying look now. Say what you have to say." she finished her command and leaned more heavily against the cane so she could use her other hand to press against her amp jack, a migraine was fluttering to life and she hoped she could suppress it before it took what little energy she had left right out of her.
Ashley hesitated before walking slowly toward Shepard, approaching her warily. When she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Shepard's waist with more force than was absolutely necessary, Shepard's back seemed to erupt in burning pain, all of her muscles reacting to being jostled. She winced.
"Oh God, I'm sorry,Skipper." Ash exclaimed, jumping back with a horrified expression on her face. Her eyes went back to the cane. "I just - I didn't realize. I mean I see the cane and - " she looked back to Shepard's face "I just didn't realize how bad it was, I've never seen you like this, not even after Eden Prime.. or Despoina... I'm sure after the Collector's attack..." she trailed off, a pained expression on her face. Shepard turned to make her way up the stairs.
"Yeah, Ash, well you'd have realized it if you'd been around." she spat the words out and then immediately regretted them. She could hear the sad sigh that came from the woman behind her and she was ready to turn and apologize when she felt an arm encircle her waist. This time the touch was gentle - still strong enough to support her weight, but gentle enough that her muscles didn't scream at the touch. Despite her attempted anger, Shepard found herself leaning into Ashley's support, grateful to not have to climb the stairs alone. It was a chore on her best days, and today was not one of them.
"I know, Shepard." Ash whispered from her post at Shepard's side. "I didn't know what to say, or how to deal with seeing you hurt. I was so afraid you weren't going to make it at first that I was... preparing myself for the worst." Shepard thought she could hear Ash's voice cracking at the end but she didn't dare meet her eyes for fear of her own emotions coming through. "I wanted to be here," Ashley sighed. "I just wasn't strong enough to be here for you."
That was the breaking point for Shepard. She wasn't in front of all of her friends now, or Chakwas, or the Psychologist that had been assigned to clear her for duty. This was her friend Ashley, someone she'd shared more than a few emotional nights with back on the SR-1 and someone she'd shared more than a few intimate nights with on the SR-2. She wasn't afraid of letting her see her vulnerable side, and so when she felt the tears stinging the corners of her eyes, she just let them fall. She still wasn't looking at her, but she knew Ash had seen the change because she squeezed her just a little bit tighter around the waist.
When they got to the top of the stairs and Shepard felt that she could support herself without Ashley's help, she finally met the other woman's eyes.
"Look, Ash, I'm sorry." she said honestly, she was sorry for lashing out, it wasn't Ashley's fault that she was in this situation, it was no one's fault but her own. "The truth is, I wouldn't have wanted you to see me like that anyway. I'm just glad you're here now." that earned her a small smile and since Shepard really was happy to have her there, she smiled back. But as they walked back toward her bedroom her muscles started to ache in protest and she found herself wincing again. Ashley didn't miss it.
"You know, Skipper" Ash said, back to her usual light tone "I'm not always so abrasive, I can be gentle too." she persuaded, brushing the hair out of Shepard's eyes pointedly while she fixed a smirk on her face. Shepard made a show of rolling her eyes, because she couldn't remember a single time with Ash that she would categorize as 'gentle.'
"Mhm... I bet you can." she drawled at her, lowering her voice to the timbre she knew drove the other woman crazy, and she saw the remembrance flash over her eyes at the sound. She chuckled at Shepard, a sound that would never not affect her deep in her core, before taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom.
"I meant - ma'am -" she emphasized the word to tease her, and Shepard knew it but groaned at the sound of it anyway, "that I could do a number on those sore muscles for you," she cleared her throat "a massage I mean." Ash said with a laugh, and then at the sight of Shepard's raised eyebrows she explained: "Sarah's new boyfriend is a masseuse. He taught me some things that are meant to help heal injured muscles - said they'd come in handy while I'm helping the recovery effort here." she said, casually, as if she was telling Shepard what she'd had for lunch that day.
Shepard felt herself swelling with pride. She had heard about Ash's efforts with the cleanup and recovery teams on the Citadel. There was still so much to do, and while Shepard was confined to her apartment and allowed only small journeys through the parts of the Citadel closest to it, her friends were doing their best to cleanup and rebuild. Ashley had come a long way since being Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. She had grown to appreciate different species that she had once been not-so-accepting of, she had been promoted to Lieutenant Commander, joined the Spectres, and now she was helping these aliens rebuild their homes and places of business and Shepard couldn't have been prouder of how far she'd come.
She was momentarily distracted from her train of thought when she realized she was being led to the bathroom. She cast a glance back toward the bed that seemed to be calling her name.
"Ash, if you're going to give me a massage, don't you think the bed would be a good place to be?" she asked, hearing the plea in her voice. She really was exhausted and the bed looked so inviting.
Ashley sighed at her the way she imagined she would sigh at a child that was causing her patience to wear thin and Shepard pouted.
"Shepard, where's your sense of adventure?" she mocked, leaning down to test the water in the hot tub and Shepard arched an eyebrow again when she straightened so they were eye to eye. "The hot water will relax your muscles, making the massage more effective. Now strip." she commanded, and Shepard felt compelled to follow orders.
She carefully pulled down her shorts and Ash helped her out of her t-shirt. She left her bra and underwear on, not quite ready for Ashley to see the gash across her hip or the puckered scar under her left breast. Something in the woman's face said she understood and wasn't going to push it, and she held her hand out to help Shepard sink into the water.
It was amazing, just enough heat to make her skin flush but not enough to be unbearable. She could feel the effect it had on her muscles almost instantly, felt so much more relaxed and wondered why she hadn't been doing this everyday. You wouldn't be able to get yourself out without falling. A voice in her head chided. She sighed, someday she'd be back to normal - hopefully.
"Scoot." Ash said as she waited to step into the water, she had shed her clothes and was standing in her underwear as well - an Alliance-blue bra, with matching panties.
It was like reading your favorite book. You knew how the story went, but you still enjoyed seeing and understanding the words over and over again. Ashley's body was gorgeous, tiny freckles and scars painted on a tan and muscular canvas. Shepard could remember every second of the story of their time together, but looking at the way her muscles flexed under the curves of her body as she stretched her leg impatiently, waiting for Shepard to make room, she wanted to read that book over and over again.
Shepard tore her eyes away and shifted so that Ashley could settle down behind her. From a bag that she hadn't even seen Ashley carrying, she supplied some sort of oil.
"Don't worry, Commander" she emphasized the rank, always teasing her superior officer "it's just massage oil" she purred as she smoothed it over her hands before laying them against Shepard's shoulders. Whatever was in the oil caused her skin to heat under Ashley's touch, a tingling sensation that was not the least bit unpleasant. And once Ash had coated Shepard's shoulders, arms, and upper back with the liquid and pushed her thumbs into the sensitive muscles under the base of her neck, Shepard let out an involuntary moan.
"Now, now, Shepard - none of that, it'll go to my head." Ash said, laughter highlighting her voice and Shepard felt like she was right where she belonged in that moment. As the skilled hands moved from her neck to her shoulders, down her arms and across her back - applying just the right amount of pressure where Shepard sorely needed it, she felt her muscles responding - at first with a tinge of pain, but then it was as if they were noticeably relaxing under Ash's ministrations. Every once in awhile, she'd hit a muscle that was in worse shape than the rest, and Shepard would moan again as she worked it. She wasn't meaning it to sound sexual, but there was no denying that it did and the tingling of the oil mixed with the feel of Ashley's skin on hers was starting to shift the atmosphere from one of a friend helping another friend relax, to one of two former lovers touching each other for the first time in months.
Feeling bold, Shepard let her hands fall to her sides and against the inside of Ash's legs that were pressed against her. She slid her fingertips from knee to thigh and felt the hands against her back still momentarily. Nothing was said, and when Ashley's fingers began working her muscles again, Shepard took it as a cue to continue. When her skin grazed the top of Ashley's thighs and she heard the hitch in the other woman's breath she braced herself for a rejection. She hadn't seen her since before approaching the beam in London, she had heard Ash had visited her when she was still unconscious, but she was sure she wouldn't want this, sure Ash wouldn't be willing to fall back into old habits and was waiting be pushed away now. To her surprise, there was some shuffling behind her and she heard Ash set something on the floor next to the hot tub before her hands returned to Shepard's back.
Shepard relished in every sensation as the hands slid from her back to her sides, over her stomach and down her legs. She was trying to reach back to touch Ashley more, but the position they were in did not lend for much maneuvering on her part. She turned her head, planning to request a shift in position, when Ash moved a hand back up against her ribs and swiped her thumb under the fabric of her bra and over her nipple. Whatever words she had been meaning to say died on her lips in a gasp and moments later Ashley's lips were against hers, her other hand against her jaw.
While her mouth molded to the familiar contours of Ashley's, the hand under her bra slipped down to her hip. She felt herself arching her back to the touch, trying to encourage the hand lower. To her great disappointment, the hand disappeared completely and she whined into Ashley's mouth.
"Don't worry," Ash chuckled against her lips, "I have a surprise for you."
With her head turned now, Shepard saw what had been set down next to the hot tub, and realization dawned on her when she heard the faint click followed but a low hum. Her eyes widened.
"It's waterproof, and I promise you'll love it." Ash mumbled, never fully separating her lips from Shepard's.
She had always been the bold one, Shepard mused. Ash was always trying to force her out of her comfort zone. Convincing her to borrow a pair of heels for a night out, convincing her to let Ash do her makeup, convincing her to let Ash tie her up... the heat curled in her belly at the thought of that incident. She had been resistant, but it was about trust and she trusted Ashley completely, and it had been amazing. She was holding her breath when she saw Ash's hand disappear under the water and the humming sound became muffled. She tried to focus on the kiss but when she felt Ash tug at her underwear, sliding it down over her ass and legs while the little vibrator brushed against her skin she felt a mixture of anxiety and pleasure and she wasn't sure which would win.
When Ashley broke the kiss and moved her other hand to lift Shepard's leg over her own, spreading her open in the tub, Shepard leaned her head back against her shoulder and closed her eyes, resigned to allow herself to feel for the first time in a long time.
Ash's hand curled around the underside of her left thigh as she slid the toy up her right one. She felt her own body shudder when it reached the apex before moving to the other leg, purposely ignoring the place between them. Shepard sighed in frustration, and was met with teeth against her bared neck, causing a yelp to take the sigh's place. Ashley kissed and sucked down her neck and jaw, and Shepard was sure there would be little bruises there later but she was too elated by the return of her lover to care. The toy was against her core now, teasing the outside of her slit, but not quite pressing into her folds, and she was trying to arch into it when Ash took her earlobe between her teeth.
"See... and you were afraid you wouldn't like it." she whispered before sliding the toy against her slit up to her clit and moving it in an agonizingly slow circle around it. Shepard could feel her body react in a desperate need for release. She hadn't so much as touched herself since waking up from her coma, disgusted with the deteriorated shell of her former self. With Ashley's hand massaging her thigh while the other worked a tortuous rhythm against her with the toy she wanted nothing more than to be fucked by her. She would have said as much, but words escaped her when Ash palmed the little toy, holding it against Shepard's bundle of nerves with the heel of her hand as she slid a finger inside of her.
This time, when Shepard's hips bucked against Ashley's hand they were met with no resistance and after a minute, another finger slipped into her and she cried out. There wasn't a place in the galaxy that she would have rather been than in her apartment at that moment, water swirling around her while Ashley coaxed her body to climax, whispering into her ear something that sounded like 'I love you' and maybe 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm here now' and 'I'm not letting you go again' but Shepard wasn't sure of any of it. When she started to slip over the edge, she felt the toy press into her harder and her muscles contracted around Ash's fingers as she flared for the first time since the battle in London, blue energy sparking over their bodies as she came - hard - against her lover's hand.
Minutes later, she was turning to face Ash as the toy was placed back on the floor next to the tub. She felt safer than she'd felt in years when she was wrapped in the other woman's arms. Shepard gasped into her mouth while Ashley traced lazy circles against her cheek with her thumb, comforting her. She was holding back sobs of relief, not from the orgasm - though she had most certainly needed that - but from the realization that she wasn't alone, Ashley wasn't angry with her, she was here with her arms wrapped around her like she never wanted to let go, and Shepard never wanted her to.
Shepard pulled away from the kiss to look in Ashley's eyes and smiled, turning to face her fully before straddling her lap in the tub. Her muscles didn't protest from the movement, and Shepard made a mental note to congratulate her fully on her massaging technique later. But now, as she reached around to release the hooks of Ashley's bra and slid it down her arms, taking in every inch of her bared skin before she claimed a nipple in her mouth - heat pooling between her legs again at the moan coming from Ash's lips, she thought she had something more important to share with her old friend.