Duo Points

Heero and Duo share a great many things, a home, a life... but can the perfect soldier master his emotions or will he go overboard?
Yes it's a Heero and Duo fic, traces of Trowa and Quatre...
Heero's POV

When we set out tonight, I had never intended for any of this to happen. Not a drink, a dance, and certainly not, the grubby hands of another man all over my boyfriend. But, what can I say, not everything happens the way you expect it to.

It was suppose to be my night, the big 2-0 Duo claimed as we left our one bedroom flat. It was a home we'd shared for going on a year now. Yeah, it'll be a just one year in a little over a month. I'll never forget the day we signed the lease. Duo and I have been together for longer then that mind, but we took the plunge just a month after I had turned nineteen, swallowed our pride and dynamic idiosyncrasies and found ourselves a home.

Yes, that's right, that flat, those four walls, sink, stove, fridge, bathroom... bed... it was our home. Well.. After this evening I'm not entirely sure, but for the past well, almost year now, it was the one place we were safe together. I could live in a cardboard box and still call it home so long as Duo's there. His heart keeps mine company, his body allows a shelter I never imagined possible.

Wait, does that mean... after tonight, our quaint loft won't be that home I described?

Hold on, I'm being scatterbrained. What do you expect, four rum and cokes, a shot of something Duo called liquid cocaine and a Cosmopolitan later and I'm not exactly in the best frame of mind. To be honest, I didn't even want to come out tonight, a quiet night at home with friends, some earth shattering, mind blowing sex and I would have been the happiest boy in the world.

Duo of course had other plans. He dressed me like a doll, fiddling with the way my pants fit, the snug way his shirt crept up over the slender dip of my torso. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't enjoyed it, those nimble fingers paying attention to every minuscule detail. It was like foreplay without the intention. This just wasn't my thing though, and he knew it.

Since the wars ended, Duo and the others had been trying their damnedest to open me up to the world of the living. I was yelled at, coddled and reprimanded all at the same time. They did everything short of beat that perfect soldier attitude out of me. In the end, it was Duo, it was always Duo, his smile, the way he walked, the way he smelled, the constant joke life became. He was carefree, as dangerous as a rampant wildfire, but uniquely captivating at the same time. I don't know how he did it, but he managed to open up Heero the stone Yue and give me a life he seemed to think I deserved.

Still, parties, clubs, anything too social, I found got a little weird. My first mistake came early on. Those fingers trailing down my spine, his lips lost upon my ear. God, what I wouldn't have given to stay in and shag him senseless. My crime? Self doubt.

It was, Duo said, the biggest turn off. It's not something I can help sometimes, those few little words uttered over my already loosened lips. "I don't know what you see in me..." I'd said.

That one earned me a hurt look, Duo gapping like a fish, mouth puckered in a sort of 'how could you' mixed in with the 'are you an idiot?' sort of stare.

Minus 10 Duo points.

Error number two, on the car ride down, Trowa had decided to stop at a local convenience store. He claimed he'd forgotten part of my birthday gift. Quatre was giggling something in Duo's ear at the time, my boyfriend lurched forwards on the seat so our blonde friend could whisper sweet nothings in his ear. In the beginning I was focussed solely upon the way Duo's shirt rode up in the back, small dimples just above where his pants fell demanding my attention. Then it was those arms, the way he casually draped them over the back of Quatre's chair, chin resting against his bicep as he giggled about something I couldn't comprehend.

To say I was jealous of their relationship might have been taking it a stretch too far. I just wasn't comfortable with how forward Quatre could be. I'd seen it one too many times, that twinkle in his eye, that god damn sparkle he got whenever he talked to Duo. I knew that look because I had caught myself looking that exact way. It screamed love sick puppy and I hated it. What then do I decided to do?

Claim my prize of course. Leaning forwards some, my body at Duo's back, I found his ear lost beneath the hair he's decided to leave down, loosely held together in a lame excuse for a ponytail somewhere around his mid-back. I know he was embarrassed, Quatre shut up the minute as I made my presence known. Funny how sinful their conversation became when I was fully aware of it. Quatre was pink, Duo, I could feel heating up as my hands wound their way beneath the tshirt he wore which was altogether too tight. But what started out as an innocent ploy for attention, turned into a dangerously intimate battle.

"Stop it, you're embarrassing Quatre." Duo had hissed leaning into my touches all the same.

I wanted to care about Quatre's feelings at that moment. I honest to god did, but the more I peered out beneath the shaggy fringe Duo had set in my line of view, the less I cared about the frail blonde and the more I cared about what was mine. Don't get me wrong, Quatre, well I have respect for him, you have to really, taking over your families company as if it were as simple as putting on your socks. Keep in mind, such a task was rather difficult for Duo, he doesn't really enjoy socks... but that's neither here nor there.

"Who cares..."

Duo froze up at that point, Trowa slid back in the car and Quatre began talking animatedly towards his lover. Duo and I on the other hand enjoyed an unhealthy silence in the back seat. Of course, I had to further the injustice by curling up at his side, to whisper in his ear, "please love, It would kill me if you left me..."

Minus 25 Duo points.

Now, now we're at the club, and my final bone head move has all but destroyed my birthday, my friendship with Quatre and quite possibly my relationship with the most wonderful person in my life.

He's shameless when he's angry, utterly shameless, the worst part of it, he knows Im watching. I catch those violet eyes nearly black as the pupils dilate trying to focus on what I assume to be my form slouched against the wall. Yep, that's me, the only one not on the dance floor. Sitting in the booth we had claimed at the beginning of our evening drowning my sorrows in... what was it Trowa ordered me... scotch?

I pick up the glass peering at it's contents through the dark glimmer in the room. The offish white liquid mingles with the ice and burns as it goes down. A feeling which doesn't last nearly long enough as I watch Duo's lips part. I can all but hear the moan ready to fall from those silky plump pillows of flesh as the skeezy blonde at his front allows his hips to role back into my Duo's groin.

Really all I want to do is scream and holler, but the liquor has me situated. I want to just claim my prize but I find myself unable to move, pinned by that icy stare. He's daring me to make a scene, wouldn't he just love that. A male cat fight all over little ol him. Well, I'm not going to give in. I'm not ready to give up my pride, what little I have left to step in and let him know he's won. I don't need him...

Funny, I can tell myself that all I can but even I have a hard time believing it. I wonder as I watch, is he having fun parading himself around like a whore? Is he enjoying the way all those men claim his body with their perverse touch, their demanding nature? Is he thinking of me at all as those hands round his middle to cup his crotch.

My stomach is turning upon itself thinking of Duo getting hot over a stranger. I feel the alcohol mingle with my emotional state of mind sending me off into a world of outlandish scenarios, each as unlikely as the next, but all the more real in my frame of mind. Would he really go home with someone else? Or worse would he take someone home with us?

Somewhere off in the periphery I catch glimpses of Trowa, his arms dangling around Quatre's waist. The two haven't been apart since the fight that started this whole thing. Even Trowa seems ridiculously uncomfortable which only furthers my aggravation. This is why it is easier to avoid emotions, this is why life was easier when it was all cut and dry, when I had been trained as nothing more then a machine. I didn't have to deal with this... the confusion... the torment...

Suddenly Im not alone... and my drink has been replenished. As I look up through my haze of stupidity, I notice Trowa slip in next to me, Quatre following unsuit. Foul acid lingers upon my tongue as I turn to the blonde, but Trowa is the first to my aid, his hand upon my shoulder.

"Some night out eh..." his awkward tones make his apathy hard to detect, but I know Trowa and he means well.

The only thing I think to respond with is a curt nod and a long sip of my drink.

Quatre was next, hesitant yet knowing as his sweet effeminate voice broke over the pounding bass which seemed to pick up a few notches as the song changed, "You need to let him live Heero..."

Trowa was nodding, but all I could do was scowl, "He loves you, he really really does, he just doesn't know how to take..." The pause made my heart stop, I found myself actually willing Quatre to continue, "everything."

Before I know it, words are spilling out of my mouth like bile, "thank's for cleaning that up, I don't think I could have figured that out on my own. Now I know exactly what I have to do to fix it... thanks Quatre..."

Trowa, I noticed, stiffened, naturally he'd side with his lover no matter how desperate I may have been for a team mate or two. I felt like I was paddling upstream with only one oar. It was worse then admitting I actually had an attraction to Duo. Life was much more simple when emotions weren't involved. I wasn't allowed to be jealous, nor was I permitted my frequent bout of Possessive tendencies. I couldn't worry in excess, nor was I allowed to dout on my love in anyway that might be considered extravagant. They wanted me to feel, and yet place restrictions on my emotions. Still, I venture through life, a doll, only now I no longer know myself.

"What he means is," Trowa burst in with an exasperated sigh, he too drawn to the sight of Duo and his entourage, "You're too intense Heero..." I found myself shamelessly loving the way my name fluttered off his tongue in the faintest of french accents. "I mean, Duo needs intense."

"More then anything!" Quatre piped up, hoping to get a few brownie points im sure.

"But you smother, you've found these emotions, you've discovered this new world and now you're becoming lost in it like you did your perfect Soldier... thing. It's like you can't manage normal Yue"

I flinch at the use of my sir name, turning to catch Quatre's wide helpless pools of brilliant baby blue. He's watching me, as if I'm about to break, willing himself not to speak. He knows I want nothing more from him this evening. It must be hard... Quatre's can sense the tension in the air. I can see the perspiration clinging to his brow that hadn't been there before. The club is hot, but the emotional trauma is crackling in the air is hellish.

"We want you to be happy, but it's like you're fighting us..."

I know Trowa is speaking, but Im too busy watching the quiver in Quatre's lip. It's become a game, counting down the minutes before I know he's going to break...

Three... two... one...

Oh there he goes, "For the love of Alah Heero Yue," he was bristling, clinging to Trowa's hand, "you are the most frustrating human being I know, Duo, he loves with all his heart, you, you are his heart, he's given it to you, and in turn he expects certain curtseys, as in all relationships, and what are you doing, sitting here like a bloody asshole." The group dancing closest to our table stopped to look. Our friends voice quivering as he stammered over his words tying desperately to curb his tone.

Duo's watching now, I think he's swatting away the hands which were once pawing at his body. He's watching and I feel ashamed.

"You doubt yourself, it reflects on Duo's ability as a lover, you crowd him, and he suffocates... then he feels guilty for wanting a breather. You're pushing him away and its tearing him apart. It's tearing the both of you apart. You obsess, you cling... lord above, Heero... live... treat his heart as if it were your own, let it breath. Do things on your own with the confidence you wont suffer some traumatic heart break..."

And now Im drowning, I'm the one who's suffocating. Duo's aura is all around me and I feel like Im about to die. Im ashamed, Im tired and suddenly, Im alone. There's no one to tell me my hands, these hands who have killed people, these hands soiled by war, are beautiful. No one to love the steely look in my eye when I concentrate, or the dead panned manner in which I joke. Duo's given me his heart and I've trapped it...

All I can think about is how much I've screwed up. The look on that young man's face when I threatened to knock him out for laying his hands on Duo. It was a harmless graze, and I flipped. I'd all but handed him his death warrant and well... Duo didn't like that. Hell I didn't like that but I couldn't think.

That had been my third strike, limiting Duo's activities, watching him like a hawk, never expressing it verbally, but accusing him with the faintest of scowls.

If ever anything had pushed Duo's buttons, that had been it, the final straw...

Minus 1 000 Duo points... end game, please hand over all rights to call yourself a decent boyfriend.

Now Quatre was crying, his delicate cheeks the faintest of pink, blue eyes rimmed with a puffy redness which soured my core. "I..."

"You love him, we know..." Trow finished for me, a quiet smile worn just for me.

"I.." I what? I don't even know what Im saying. I don't know how to be a good partner, a good lover, I don't know how to love. Have I ever really tried?

All this time I feel as though I've been mimicking what I've seen around me. I go through the motions and claim what I'm feeling is love. I pretend I know what Im doing, act cool and sophisticated, but all along I've been a terrified little boy. Maybe that was why I had such a hard time dealing with Quatre... he could sniff out my fallacy, he could expose my for the fraud I was.

He could take Duo away in an instant.

Now that aura is back, the scent of something like spiced chocolate and cinnamon mingling with the faintest hint of vanilla. A scent which is so undeniably Duo. I want to believe he's not there, he's not watching me make his best friend cry... he's not watching my walls crumble... but he is there, "What's going on guys?"

Trowa is forcing Quatre away suggesting Duo and I walk home. Next thing I know I've got my coat draped over my shoulders and Duo's fingers tugging meekly at my own.

We're outside and half way down the second block before either of us says anything. As per usual, it's Duo who cannot stand the silence. "Im sorry about that.. Whole... well you know.."

I want to be sick as I listen to Duo speak. He feels guilty while I feel angry... shouldn't it be the other way around?

Not if the heart I possess is not my own...

I opt for the trademark Heero Yue shrug grunting what sounds like 'whatever' but Duo has cut me off.

"Don't you whatever it you massive asshole, talk to me, stop shutting yourself inside this cacoon of unfeeling... " he's paused and clearly frustrated, "I don't know what!"

There's a thin layer of snow beneath my feet I can feel crunching beneath my shoes and the pavement, a chill in the air I can feel biting at my neck as I draw my scarf tighter. I can feel the pressure of his fingertips in my palm before he extracts his hand from my grasp and his palm against my cheek as well as the bitter sting which follows. I can feel all that, but for the life of me, I cannot feel anything real not annoyance, regret, anger, nothing. All I can do is stand there like a moron watching the tears linger upon Duo's lashes.

A car speeds by us, it's passengers singing Christmas carols loudly, the window down as someone tosses a cigarette into the street. The powerlines are humming above our head as they supply Christmas lights hanging on the telephone poles with electricity. Duo stands, breathing heavily as he waits for my answer.

"It's hard to feel when I'm with you..." I begin, taking full note of the look of astonishment and hurt which is now decorating Duo's fair features, but he lets me continue, "It's like everything happens at once and Im left to sort through a pile of emotions, half of which I cannot seem to name. You frustrate me, you drive me insane. You make me want to tear out my hair and scream so loud that people on L5 can hear me..." before I realize, I cannot stop, "But more then anything, you make me want to be this person, this strong, smart, kind person that I don't know if I can be. I feel bad, you deserve so much and I can't even comprehend the difference between happiness and excitement. I don't know anger from jealousy and half the time I want to hold you so close, to wind my arms around you so tight you might break. I see you and I get this overwhelming urge to feel your body pressed against mine and before you think it's sexual... I could lay naked with you in my arms and it would be ok if that was all we ever did. Duo... I want to be this smart, strong, kind person but instead all I can offer is... me... and it terrifies me..."

Honestly, I don't want to stop talking, the minute I stop, he can start, the minute he starts... I can feel my chest constrict just thinking about it.

Moments go passed, the lights over head twinkling, glittering off the soft coat of white covering the earth. Im so aware of the world around me its frightening. I feel the warmth of the alcohol leave my body, allowing me to fend for myself now. The courage to spout of pearls of wisdom is gone and I can no longer be strong.

When Duo's hands grasp for mine, I feel the tightness in my chest erupt in a glacial flow of terror and anticipation. He tries catching my eye but I haven't the courage the raise my stare from the ground. "There are things we need to work on as a couple. There are issues we have we need to talk about." I feel my arms swinging as I manage to peek past sweat laden bangs, "I need you to trust me... I need you to let me be me... when you don't... when you cling, when you hold me down, I feel like you're trying to control who I am... like you want to change something about me... like you don't love the person I am..."

It's official Im the worst Boyfriend known to man kind.

"I... I love everything about you... you're everything I wish I could be..."

Duo snorted, a soft laugh masking the tears he sniffled way, "Im glad you're not, the world couldn't handle another me, and I don't think I'd be able to love me... quite as much as I love you. But lord Jesus Heero, if I go to the mall, you don't need to come, specially when I know you hate it"

"You use to complain I never wanted to do the things you did..." I find myself protesting.

Duo's at least smiling now, "yeah, ok, got me there, but you don't need to be there all the time... I can do things on my own... I know you hate clubs, what if I wanna go out with Tro and Kitcat?"

He had to have sensed my apprehension right off the bat for he gave my hand a tender squeeze, "Quatre is madly in love with Tro-baby, not that they aren't both incredibly attractive, but darlin, the only person who occupies my thoughts is you, no matter who Im with.."

I don't think he understands what he's doing to me, I don't think he can grasp the struggle I feel in this very moment. L2 life for him was difficult, I know that, but he knew, he knows how to feel... this, this is foreign to me, I want him to know that, but I fear it makes me defective. If I were an animal, a dog, I would be the one left at the pound awaiting my euthinization. No one loves the defective pup, why should anyone love a defective soldier?

Duo does... I can see it in those eyes, that sparkle he gets when he's excited about something, when he knows what he wants and is just waiting to pounce on it. Soon I realise Im that object, his hands leave mine to find my cheeks again, this time, he's not slapping me, he's running his fingers along my jaw line. It's soothing, the way they dip into my hair giving the faintest of tugs before he cautiously brings his lips down upon mine.

It's the first time we've truly embraced all evening. His lips taste like liquor and cinnamon, sweet yet bitter in a way that makes me desperate for more. I was apprehensive at first, allowing my own lips to dust over his, but in a moment of sheer desperation I realize I can do this, I can be this person, because Duo has my heart.

His fingers tighten their hold on my hair, his kiss more forceful as I take the initiate to nip gently at the bottom, drawing away with his bottom lip between my teeth just slightly.

Heavy panting fills the air, his forehead finds mine and he smiles, almost sheepishly, "Happy Birthday Love..." he mutters on a quiet note, rubbing his nose to mine.

Heavens he makes me so happy.

"I think we should hurry home Heero..." Duo's fingers linger at the angle of my jaw slipping down my neck, lost beneath the scarf he had draped there, "it's been a long... bad night and nothing can rid the air of bad karma like wild hot make up sex..."

And I know he's not joking.

"Oh and your birthday present is there... Trowa gave me his gift too, said you could have it when we got home if you weren't being a fool."

"Am I?" I find myself laughing as we continue our walk home.

"Naw, I think you deserve it... my gift though... you have to unwrap very slowly..." Duo sang with a hint of seduction. He was smiling though and that was all that mattered, that adorable grin that simply screamed 'Im up to something.'

Score! Plus 1 000 000 Duo points!!

Maybe this birthday wasn't so bad after all. Im slowly beginning to understand these emotion things, Duo is at my side, and I know if I free his heart, he'll never leave me. He's never said it, but you can't see the look in his eye like I can.

So... how was it... too much feeling for our perfect soldier?
lemme know!