A/N: YOYOYOYOYO GUIZEEE. wossup? i haven't been at school since thursday, so moar time to write this fanfic hurhurhurrr.
i kinda dislike this one, and KUDODKUDODLKUDOS MEGA PROPZZZOORRSSS to Sethiaz for being a sexyass beta and writing the ending for me cuz i'm too lazy for my own good.
Uh, reviews? Critisism is nice, compliments are nicer and flames will make me laugh and beat you at the same time.
Happy reading, guys. ^_^;
PS- yeah, the title sucks. Any suggestions, my lovely readers? ^^
Pain.
Zelos Wilder has experienced all sorts of pain in his life. The pain of lying, he had experienced and got over. The pain of killing someone, he didn't feel much anymore. The pain of watching someone die, the pain of physical injuries? Zelos had been there, done that, and got the tight fitting t-shirt that made all the pretty girls swoon.
But the pain of love? The pain of betraying that love? The pain of turning your back on it? No, no, no, no, no.
He wasn't ready for it. He never was.
"Hey, Zelos?" Lloyd said. They were lying in a big, white room with a big white bed inside. Lloyd was facing the wall, and Zelos had his arms round Lloyd, his face buried in his soft pillow of brown hair. Zelos let out a 'mph?' of a response, and he let one of his slender white fingers trail meaningless patterns on Lloyd's arm, causing Lloyd to shiver slightly before he said what was on his mind at the time.
'...I trust you, you know. Even though...' His voice trailed off at the end, and it transformed into a sigh. Zelos buried his face into Lloyd's hair, and didn't move nor speak. What was he meant to say? He couldn't say anything; he didn't have the right to speak. He didn't have the right to Lloyd. How could he, with what he was going to do to him, to what he was going to do to them all? He didn't deserve him, didn't deserve him at all.
Lloyd noticed the pause and how he stiffened, but he wasn't worried. He was used to the red head taking time to contemplate things over, and although the pause unnerved him, it didn't strike him as serious. He was, however, happier when Zelos kissed the top of his head and continued to stroke his arm. He pushed his body back, making the space between their bodies pressed together almost microscopic. Lloyd revelled in the warmth he exuded, in comparison to his relativelycool body. 'The Chosen...' he idly thought, 'has chosen me. Me!' a small bubble of laughter escaped him, spilling over his lips and into the silence. Zelos didn't answer yet, instead continuing kissing his head. Lloyd smelt absolutely delectable. He smelled like any other warrior smelled of, wood, musk and the tangy smell of leather and metal.
If Zelos closed his eyes, which he did, and concentrated really hard, he could separate the normal smells of a normal warrior to the abnormal smell of Zelos' abnormal love.
Zelos moved his head to rest on Lloyds shoulder, and moved his t-shirt sleeve out of the way with his pearly white teeth, exposing a patch of slightly tanned skin. Lloyd's breath hitched as Zelos' lips, they were so soft, kissed the sensitive skin of his shoulder. Lloyd angled his head to see Zelos' expression, his eyes, his beautiful cornflower blue eyes were half closed and his red hair tickled his nose. Zelos stopped and blue eyes met brown, both seeming to dance in the soft white glow of the room.
"Even though I'm a stupid, idiotic fool, hm?"' Zelos finished, finally, lazily grinning at Lloyd. Lloyd just looked at him. He twisted himself round so he was facing Zelos, and he stroked the side of his face softly.
"Yeah. Yeah, Zelos. Even though you're all that, I trust you." He smiled slightly, a smile that made his brown eyes turn to liquid chocolate. Zelos looked... What did he look like? His face was on the border of confusion and happiness. He was disgusted with himself. He really didn't truly deserve him. He hated himself. He hated himself for loving Lloyd; he hated Lloyd for loving him back. He felt a weird sensation of discomfort on his heart, like it was in pain. It was almost as if a hand had grabbed his heart and now was squeezing it again and again.
He didn't like the feeling.
He didn't like it at all.
A ghost of a smile flitted over Zelos' lips, and the soft lips in question met Lloyd's own. Lloyd moved his lips against Zelos', taking in the whole sensation of it. No matter how many times he kissed Zelos, he would never get used to it. He would never get used to how delicious his lips tasted, how they moulded against his, and how, oh! How simply heavenly the whole experience was. He was cautious though, much more cautious than Zelos could ever be, in his mind.
As heavenly as the kiss was, a small part of his mind worried. Why was he kissing like that? So passionate, so feverish, so hurried. Although, Lloyd really wasn't complaining.
Lloyd opened his mouth, deepening the kiss, and placed one of his arms on Zelos' face and another in his red, red hair. He tugged slightly on the hair, and felt Zelos smile. He then felt Zelos' tongue in his mouth, mixing saliva with his own, but the sensation didn't cause him to cringe, like it used too. Now, now it made him giddy, to think that a small part of his beloved was always in him wherever he went.
His little secret.
Lloyd pulled his arm out of Zelos' hair and moved it downward, stroking Zelos' skin through his shirt. He felt Zelos shiver at the almost touch, and he broke the kiss to sit up in the bed.
He looked at Lloyd lazily, as he tugged his shirt of, revealing his stomach. He laid back down, cuddling close to Lloyd, trying to ignore the tightening feeling in his chest, and justifying the pain with the knowledge that this would most likely be their last time together.
"Who needs shirts?" grinned Zelos, his cornflower blue, eyes melting, and Lloyd smiled faintly. Zelos laughed, and then sighed, then pressed his forehead closer to Lloyd's.
Lloyd was silent as his arms wrapped around Zelos, hugging him, owning him.
He shook his head, red hair snaking into his eyes, and tried to lift the fog from his vision.
He put a hand into his pocket, pulling out a green circle -shaped gem, his very own Cruxis Crystal, and a scrunched up ball of paper and a pen.
He smoothed the paper out, and started writing on it. The frown lines on his forehead deepened with every word he wrote in his elegant script, and he almost snapped the pen from gripping it so tightly.
'Bud.
This is a symbol of my trust. Hang on to it for me, okay? I don't have the right to ask for your forgiveness, but I still want you to forgive me. Don't tell the others.
P.S - I love you, forever, 'kay?'
Zelos felt his eyes smart, and he braced himself for the tears. He opened his mouth to take a deep gulp of air to steady himself, and he laughed instead.
He laughed, hysterically, and he felt the tears flow down his face at the same time.
His life was a joke. A complete and utter joke.
'Pretty.. Iron..ic..' He gasped between his laughs.
Yeah, pretty fucking ironic, wasn't it? The first person to love him, the first person to really love him, beneath the money and the shallow facade, and he has to leave them, and destroy everything he had lived for?
He still wasn't ready for how raw, how, just how human and yet inhuman the pain felt, how his heart, his traitorous organ felt like it was exploding into a million bright, beautiful pieces and then wrapping itself back up in a cocoon of lies and a shallow mask.
When he'd finally gotten himself under control, he took a glance over at Lloyd. "How does he manage to sleep through so much?" he muttered under his breath, a fond glace capturing his eyes. The brunette could jump up at the first sign of trouble when they camped out, but with someone laughing hysterically in the same room? Nope. Not Lloyd Irving.
Sighing contently, he looked back down at the note beneath his fingers, debating for the seventh or so time since he wrote it just crunching it back in to its ball and burning it. But that... no, he had to do this. He couldn't back out again. In the long run, he was once again only thinking for himself. He would still be putting Lloyd through the pain of betrayal, even if he ended up being the surprise hero. Whereas he... he would just be vanishing off, getting his own way, returning to Lloyd and expecting hugs and kisses. Lloyd would once again be harbouring his burdens.
Mentally hitting himself, he pocketed the pen, and jumped at Lloyd's groan. He'd wake soon. Groaning and shifting Lloyd meant "I'm going to wake up in ten minutes." Only an expert could truly know that. He took one last glance at the man, stepping over to brush away some strands of hair to lay down a kiss, before he exited the room quickly, closing the door quietly behind.
Back to the flamboyant Chosen and the passionate idealist.
The redhead leaned his back to the wall of the room he had left Lloyd in, tipping his head back against the mahogany wood. He heard soft footsteps coming from down the hallway, knowing the extra brooding time he had been seeking wouldn't be granted, and he immediately slapped on his trademark grin, dashing down to greet the Professor before she could turn the corner and act surprised at his being outside of Lloyd's room with the most sullen expression he had ever housed upon his face.
.