Author's Note: So, I have absolutely no idea where this came from, it just popped in my head a few weeks ago and I had to write it. You know, one of those things.
This is seriously depressing. I'll admit, many tears were shed while writing this. Read at your own risk.
And please no hate, I worked really hard on this.
Enjoy!
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, Hope. I'm fine."
"If you say so." Hope said sadly.
Vanille smiled and held her old husband's hand with as firm as grip as she could manage. He had every reason to feel the way he did. She hadn't been doing well for the past six years, and she only got worse after Lightning died. He'd done everything in his power to care for her, and now...
He raised his free hand to gently tuck some loose strands of hair behind her ear. Vanille's red hair had lost it's brilliance years ago, and was now closer in color to his own, though her hair would never lose it's color entirely. His heart grew heavier at the thought, and he said, "I love you, Vanille."
Her smile never faltered, "I love you, too." she replied.
He attempted to return her smile, but it probably looked more like a grimace. Moments later, a chime rang through her house, indicating the presence of someone at their door. "That'll be Nora." he said. He stood and placed a kiss on her forehead before adding softly, "I'll be back."
The trek to the front door seemed to take much longer than usual. Perhaps the weight of their circumstances was finally taking a toll on his body, or maybe the dread of the conversation that would follow his next action was slowing him down. Whatever the case, he eventually reached the door.
On the other side of said door was his and Vanille's only child, Nora. The woman greatly resembled her mother, she even inherited her unique hair color. though her eyes, which were slightly wet from tears, matched her father's. As soon as Hope opened the door, she reached for a hug, which he gladly gave. His grown daughter practically buried herself in his chest, breathing deeply in an attempt to keep calm. He was reminded of when she was seven. She had been convinced that a cie'th lived in her closet at night. It didn't help that there was a draft which would ofter push her closet door ever so slightly open. Now, Vanille slept like a log, but Hope would hear her crying, and spent many hours rocking back and forth with his little girl clinging to him.
If only a cie'th in her closet was all she was afraid of now.
He could tell that she didn't want to let go, but she did anyway. She awkwardly stepped past so Hope could shut the door. Which he did. He turned to his daughter, who was doing her best to control herself. She sniffed once and asked, "How is she?"
"Fine. According to her."
Nora closed her eyes and sighed, "Dad..."
An indescribable feeling flooded Hope's insides like poison. "She has a few weeks, if she's lucky."
Nora just nodded. They stood for several seconds as she soaked that in. She had always clung to the childish hope that this day would never come, and Hope hated to be the one who dashed that, but as much as he hated it, neither of them could fight reality.
Vanille was dying.
Moving at all felt like breaking a spell, like if they simply stood still, Vanille would live. But reality once again showed it's ugly face. Almost mechanically, Hope led his daughter to the living room, where Vanille was resting on the couch.
Her face lit up when she saw Nora, and she motioned for her to join her on the couch. After a quick embrace, she asked, "How've you been?"
"Good." Nora answered as Hope sat on the chair opposite them, "Nothing ever changes much at my house."
"What about Sam? How is he?"
"He claims he's bored." Nora said with a slight smirk, "But considering he's out with some friend or another every other day, I doubt it. Dray's trying to hook him up with a job."
"Doing what?" Hope asked.
Nora shrugged, "He's still looking. I think Sam should do it himself, but you know him."
Hope smiled, "Yeah, he's just like you."
Nora blushed, "I don't know what you mean."
"Yes you do. If Dajh hadn't gotten you that job, you'd still be trying to figure out what to do with your life."
"I wasn't that bad."
"Yes you were, honey." Vanille said.
Their daughter let out a laugh, "Okay, maybe I was." she admitted. She sighed and turned to her mother. For a few seconds, she didn't say anything, but the question she so clearly wanted to ask burned behind her eyes. Inhaling this time, she asked, "How are you, Mom?"
"I'm fine, really." Vanille insisted. "You two worry too much."
"Aren't you scared?" Nora asked quietly.
"Of course I'm scared. But I had a good life, if it's my time, I need to go." She lowered her gaze a little, "And I miss your Aunt Fang."
Fang's name was like a dagger in Hope's chest. He misses her too, but never more than that moment. He wished she was there to help him handle this, he could really use her strength.
Suddenly unable to stand being in the house, he rose, and began to leave. When Vanille interrupted his action by asking where he was going, he replied, "To see Fang."
Oerba Yun Fang
The strong
one
Snow Villiers
Always the
Hero
Sazh Katzroy
Loving Father
Never forgotten
Claire 'Lightning' Farron
"It's not a question
of can or can't."
Hope didn't have to look at the headstones in front of him. He knew what they said, he knew every bump, every dip in their cold surfaces.
He also knew what lay underneath them.
His friends. His family.
Fang and Snow had gone together. They were struck down fighting off a behemoth. Snow, trying to protect Fang. Fang, trying to avenge him. Lightning had arrived in time to kill the behemoth before it got to anyone else, but not in time to save Fang. There wasn't even a chance. Lightning could only hold her friend's hand and try to keep her calm as she bled out. Hope would never forget getting the call, trying to make Vanille (who was four months pregnant at the time) stay home, which he failed miserably at. They'd showed up as they were taking the bodies away. He remembered spotting Lightning almost immediately, who'd been covered in blood, both from the behemoth and...and from Fang. She'd practically collapsed into him, and for the first time in his life, Hope saw Lightning cry. Poor Vanille had been too deep in shock to cry, and had helped Sazh attempt to console Serah when the two of them arrived.
However, her shock wore off. That night, Vanille cried herself to sleep in Hope's arms, where she'd pretty much stayed since Lightning recovered enough to tell them Fang's last words.
"Tell Vanille... I'm sorry."
Sazh died about ten years ago. He got sick one day, and just never recovered. The old man was sick for eight months, but only really suffered the last two weeks. Those were probably the longest two weeks of any of their lives. Especially for Dajh. He didn't remember losing his mother, he was only three years old when she died. But not only would he have to live with the memory of watching his father wither away, his daughter would, too. The girl was just old enough to mostly understand the concept of death, but not quite old enough to get that she would never hug her grandpa again. She was convinced that he would only be gone for a little while. It nearly killed Dajh, explaining that death wasn't like vacation, Sazh wouldn't be coming back.
Vanille had spent most of her time with the Katzroy's those last few weeks. Sazh had been the first real father figure in her life, seeing as she never knew her father. It was hurting her just as much as them.
As bad as the last two weeks were, nothing was worse than those last few minutes. Everyone around, saying their last goodbyes, even though Sazh couldn't hear them. The quiet beeping of the heart monitor, constantly reminding them of what was soon to pass. The few seconds before the end seemed to drag on for years.
But then it came.
Lightning certainly had the most painless death. She simply faded away in the night, passed without anyone knowing. By the time Serah found her the next morning, she was already cold.
Each death took a piece of Hope with it, but none left as much disbelief as Lightning's. It seemed stupid when he thought about it, but to him, it felt like she'd never die. Like she held on to life so hard that death gave up on trying. Even at her funeral, he kept expecting her eyes to pop open, for her to give them all an odd look and say, "Why the hell am I in a coffin?"
It didn't hit him until they started filling up the hole. Lightning was dead.
The only thing that kept him functioning at all was Vanille. He needed to take care of her, to be strong for her. And for Serah. He was the only one they had left.
That was four years ago now.
Hope looked up at the headstones and tried to forget that there would soon be a fifth stone added to the row. Reading the names, a part of him wished they were here to help him cope, but the other part of him was glad they weren't.
"There's one last thing I can do for her." he told them, "...Take care of her, okay?"
Almost like a response, a warm breeze flew through the air, caressing his cheek and patting him on the back. It was comforting, but also painful. It had been his job to take care of her for decades, he loved her. He didn't want to let her go.
"Grandpa?"
Hope turned to see Nora's son Sam standing a few feet off to the side. The teen's shaggy brown hair was blown askew by the wind, revealing his green eyes, which held a question.
Hope managed a smile, and while Sam joined him on the grass, he asked, "How did you know I was here?"
"Mom." Sam looked at the headstones in front of them, reading each in turn. His eyes passed over the first three pretty quickly, but they lingered on the fourth. On Lightning.
"It's not a question of can or can't."
"There are some things in life," Hope whispered, "you just do."
"Huh?"
"The rest of the quote." He nodded toward Lightning's stone.
"Oh."
"I'm pretty sure she hated me at first."
"Who? Lightning?"
"Yeah."
Sam looked confused, "Why would she hate you?"
"Because I was the wimpiest kid ever, and considering the... situation, she was stuck with me. It wasn't just her though, I, uh," Hope chuckled a bit, "I'm pretty sure the only one who liked me was your grandmother."
"...Actually, speaking of Grandma, um..." Sam began picking at the grass by his feet, pulling it apart or twisting it in his fingers. He opened his mouth a few times to continue, but couldn't seem to get the words to move there from his brain. Unfortunately, Hope had the same problem. He knew what his grandson wanted to talk about. He knew, but didn't seem to have the ability to start the conversation. They sat in almost awkward silence for a while. Not really awkward but... heavy. Weighted down with the words they both wanted to but couldn't say.
Eventually, Sam won the war. He sighed and forced out the words. "Is she really gonna... die?"
The last word hung in the air, softly yet loudly making itself stay longer. Until Hope went to answer. Then it slipped down his throat and cut off his air. He choked on it. It made it's way to his heart and sat there like a rock, leaving him barely able to form a thought. His body switched to autopilot, and he managed, "Yes."
Sam wilted. His fingers stopped their delicate dance in the grass and he turned away. The teen breathed deeply for about a minute or so, then faced his grandfather again. His eyes, which so very nearly matched Vanille's, burned with determination. "There has to be something we can do." He said.
Was there? No. Nothing could stop her death. It wasn't sickness that was taking her, it was merely life telling her her time was up. There was nothing they could do.
But...
Hope glanced up at Fang's stone. "...There is one thing."
"Can you do it?"
"Yes, of course. But Hope, can I ask why?"
"She hasn't been back since we were l'Cie. It's the last thing I can do for her."
"I understand."
"Thank you, Serah. I'll call you later, okay?"
"Wait! Hope..."
"Yeah?"
"Can... I come with?"
He heard the longing in her voice, and read all the layers of it. "Of course." He said.
"Thank you." Hope could hear someone in the background. "Oh, Sam says hi, by the way. He'll be over after he's done helping me out."
"Okay. Tell him I say hi, too."
"I will. Bye."
"Bye."
Hope placed the phone back in it's cradle and sighed. As he went to the couch and sat down, he prayed to whoever was listening that what he was going to do was good enough. It was the best he had.
"Was that Serah?"
He looked up and saw Vanille standing in the doorway. Her tired body was using the wall for support, and her eyes looked just as tired. Hope gestured to the seat beside him and answered, "Yeah."
"Okay." She took the seat next to him, and curled into him. He put his arm around her, and they sat in silence for a while, the only noise their breathing. While they sat, the dagger reentered Hope's chest as he realized how much he'd miss this, miss her. Without her, he was lost. He couldn't live. He'd tried. The years between the fall of Cocoon and when she and Fang returned were unbearable. In fact, if it weren't for Lightning and the others, he probably wouldn't have lived to see her return. They'd been there for him then, but now...
"I lied."
Vanille nearly choked on her confession as she looked up at Hope, emerald eyes pleading for him to understand. "I lied to Nora."
"About what?" He asked softly.
"I..." She lowered her gaze, stared down at her hands. "I let her believe I'm okay with this, but," her breath caught, "but I'm n-not!" The old woman burst into tears. The old man pulled her into a full hug, letting her cry. He cradled her close and said, "It's okay to be scared, Vanile."
"I'm terrified!" She sobbed, "I just-I don't..." A cough seized her throat.
"I wish there was something I could say." Hope told her sadly, "But there isn't. I don't know what comes next."
"It's not that." She choked out. "It's, I d-I've forgotten how to be without you. I don't know h-how I'll-" Another sob cut her off.
A twist in the dagger rendered Hope speechless.
"I-I love you." Vanille whispered.
Hope buried his face in her hair and ran his hand up and down her back. It took him a moment to find the words, it hurt to say them. Any time could be the last. "I love you, too." He mumbled.
"...Grandma?"
The couple pulled apart and saw Sam standing where Vanille had been several minutes ago. He awkwardly scuffed his shoe on the floor and waited for a response. Vanille didn't bother to hide the fact that she'd just been crying, and instead scooted away from Hope, offering the seat between them to Sam. He barely made it there, however, before trapping his grandmother in a hug and releasing his own tears.
*Four days later*
"Are you ready?"
"I suppose. But I'd be better if you told me where we're going."
Hope smiled, "But that would ruin the surprise."
Vanille rolled her eyes in defeat. "Fine. Then can you tell me what we're waiting for?"
"Sam."
"And why's that?"
"Because he's our ride to our ride."
Vanille laughed, "You make no sense."
"Hey, I'm not paid to make sense."
As Vanille released another laugh, a horn sounded from outside. Hope hoisted both their packs over his shoulder and made for the door, "Come on, let's go!"
When they reached the car, Vanille got in while Hope threw their stuff in the back. He joined them just as Vanille begged Serah to tell her what was going on.
"Sorry." Serah said. "My lips are sealed." She turned to Hope, "Nora and Dray are meeting us there."
"Sounds like a plan."
"Ugh. You guys are killing me." Vanille whined.
"Don't worry Grandma," Sam said as he began to drive off, "you're gonna love it."
Sam's parents beat them to the railway station. When Hope and the others arrived, they were already waiting outside their car with their bags at their feet. Serah got out and went straight into the station. Sam and Vanille went and met Nora, but Hope and Dray made their way to the trunk and began pulling out the bags.
"Hey, Dad?" Dray said.
"Yeah?"
"Well, I don't understand. I mean, why are we going to Oerba?"
"Vanille was born there." Hope said, slamming the trunk shut, "I'm taking her home one last time before she... Before it's too late."
Dray's brow creased in confusion, "But, people didn't live on Pulse back when she would've been born."
"Nora didn't tell you, did she?"
"Tell me what?"
Hope chuckled and placed a hand on his shoulder, "You'll have to ask her."
The next few minutes were filled with nearly pointless conversation, with the subject changing fairly often, mostly to keep Vanille from asking too many questions. That didn't stop her though. Thankfully, Serah returned, effectively interrupting that conversation.
"Alright, we're good to go." she said.
Hope responded with, "Great." while Dray and Sam just nodded and went to grab the bags.
Vanille sighed, "You guys really aren't going to tell me what's going on, are you?"
"Nope." her husband and daughter said at the same time.
The ride to Oerba took about an hour, and during that time, Hope paid almost no attention to what was going on around him. Though he appeared to. He responded when spoken to, laughed when necessary, stayed silent when not. But all of that was pure autopilot, his thoughts were miles away. In Oerba actually.
All he could think was, is this enough? Was this, all too possibly his final act of love for his wife, enough? As they sped toward her hometown, he suddenly felt insignificant. As if everything he'd ever done meant nothing.
He shoved those thoughts away.
After a while, the landscape started to become familiar. But only to two pairs of eyes. To the others, the rock formations and plant life were just that: rock formations and plant life. Though to a certain couple, those things were memories come to life. And to one, they meant home.
Vanille turned to her husband, emerald eyes open wide. Her mouth hung open as well, physically but not mentally prepared to ask the question, just in case she was wrong.
Hope chuckled and gave her the best smile he could manage, "Welcome home, Vanille."
The people of Cocoon had feared Pulse for centuries. So long had this fear been rooted into people's minds, that it practically became genetic. Even so, what had been left of the scattered governing body agreed that Oerba was a place to be respected, and now it was sealed off. No one had set foot there in decades.
Until now.
The family entered the ruined village, and silence fell upon them. Respect for the memories of the dead locked their mouths. They simply stood, waiting for permission to speak.
Except for Vanille. While silence claimed her tongue as well, her feet were not anchored by respect. They were fueled by it. She stepped silently through the remains of her old home, and soon her family followed like shadows. She took her time, absorbing it all. There was no limit to her stay this time. No Focus pushing her on. She was home, and nothing could make her leave.
Eventually though, her strength ran out on her. She stopped, and her legs began to wobble beneath her. Hope noticed, and stepped forward to steady her. "Let's stop for now." He suggested.
They set up lunch in the square. The spell of silence had been lifted, and as the food was consumed, questions were asked.
"So, this was your home?" Dray said.
"Yup." Vanille answered.
"Could you, I mean, I don't understand."
Vanille's eyes widened, and she turned to Nora. "You didn't tell him?"
"I meant to." Nora said defensively, "It just never came up."
"Wait, Dad doesn't know?" Sam said. "Serah told me ages ago."
Hope nodded slowly, "Ah, so that's how you found out." Serah smiled.
"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" Dray interjected.
"Well, I was born here in Oerba," Vanille told him, "over six hundred years ago."
"Wait, what?"
So Vanille began to tell the tale. She told of what Oerba was like, before she left. She told of her Focus, and how she and Fang failed to complete it. And she told of waking up on Cocoon. Hope began to speak then, telling of the Purge, how he met Vanille, and becoming a l'Cie. They told the whole story. Serah even added her own experiences. When the story was finished, the pink hues of evening were beginning to spread across the sky, the remnants of lunch long forgotten.
Dray just sat, taking it all in. His mother-in-law was over six hundred years old. Nora's parents had been l'Cie. And not just l'Cie, but the ones who had saved Cocoon from utter destruction. And the family that couldn't be there, the ones six feet under, they were former l'Cie as well.
There were a lot of things he could say, a lot of questions he could ask. But what came out of his mouth was, "Wow."
Sam started laughing. Then Nora. Then Vanille. Within seconds, laughter infected them all. And the funny thing was, it really wasn't that funny.
Nora got over it first. As she slowly began to calm down, she said, "Oh, what's wrong with us?"
"Everything!" Sam laughed.
All the laughter eventually subsided. The problem was, there wasn't really much to say. Silence covered them like a blanket once again, this time slightly awkward. Though no one felt the need to break it.
But when more colors began to leak into the sky, with the sun teetering on the edge of the horizon, the boys left to find a suitable place to pitch the tents they had brought along.
"So, Vanille, what's it like? Being home again." Serah asked once the three of them were alone.
"It's been so long." Vanille answered. "I don't really know what to feel. I guess I mostly wish that I could see Oerba the way it was."
"That would be amazing." Nora agreed.
There was a short pause as the memory of a lively Oerba surfaced in Vanille's mind, and as the other two tried to picture it.
"You know, I'll never get to see my old home again." Serah said. "No one's allowed up into Cocoon." She looked off into the sunset, "Not that I'd want to, really. I like it here."
"I'd go, if I could." Nora said. "Just to say I've been."
Serah chuckled. "It's funny. Back on Cocoon, everyone was afraid of Pulse. But we're so much better off here. I can't explain it."
Vanille nodded, "I understand."
Dray threw his hands up in the air, "I give up."
"Why is this so hard?" Sam complained.
"Because you're not getting the stake in deep enough." Hope explained, "Do you want to switch?"
"No, I got it."
"Good, 'cause this is the last one."
"Guys!" Serah shouted.
"Over here!" Hope shouted back.
When the girls found them, Sam had failed once again to get the stake to stay in the ground, and had to start over.
"Still not done?" Serah teased.
"Hey, it's not my fault these two don't know what they're doing."
"I beg to differ." Dray cut in, "I figured it out while you were telling Sam what to do."
Speaking of Sam. "Dad, can you help me?" He asked in defeat.
Nora chuckled as Dray went to help their son, "Those two..."
"An interesting pair, that's for sure." Vanille said.
When the time came to hit the sack, everyone retreated to their tents. Serah by herself, Nora and her family together, and Hope and Vanille. But not before saying goodnight, of course. After a series of hugs and a chorus of goodnights, the tents welcomed their occupants.
Except for Sam. He dawdled a little longer, purposely waiting to be the last to say goodnight to his grandparents. He accepted Vanille's offered hug and held on. The boy was afraid. Afraid of losing her. "I love you, Grandma." He mumbled.
"I love you, too." She replied.
Sam reluctantly let go a few seconds later, said goodnight to them both, and left for the tent.
Just before going to sleep, Hope said to his wife, "So, how'd you like your surprise?"
"I loved it." She said happily. "It's great to be back. Thank you."
"I just planted the seed. It was Serah who pulled the strings."
Vanille gave him a kiss, "Then thank you for planting the seed." She yawned, and laid her head down on her pillow. "What are we going to do tomorrow?"
Hope smiled, "Whatever you want."
"Hmm..." Vanille tapped her chin playfully, though thoughtfully. "Well, I don't know." She yawned again, "Mmm, we'll just have to come up with something, won't we?"
"I suppose we will."
She made herself comfortable, and stared up at the roof of the tent. After a few moments, halfway between yet another yawn, she said, "Goodnight."
"Goodnight." And the two of them drifted off to sleep.
When Hope woke up the next morning, the sun was just beginning to light up the tent, and the birds were talking loudly in his ears. He shook the cloud of sleep from his head, and wiped it from his eyes. It took him a few seconds to remember where he was, but once he did, he turned to see if Vanille was awake.
And his heart leapt into his throat.
She... most definitely wasn't awake, not at all. And she... never would be again.
He choked on his heart as he cautiously reached out to touch her shoulder. When his fingers grazed her skin, the heaviest weight filled the hole his heart left. She was already cold.
His hand traveled down her arm until it reached hers, and his warm fingers wrapped around her stiff ones. He sat. Not a thought crossed his mind, not a feeling entered his soul. He simply stayed still, eyes locked on her face. She was gone. He knew it was going to happen, he thought he had prepared himself. But he was wrong. He wasn't ready to live without her, it was stupid of him to think he ever would be. But it was too late now.
He sighed, and placed his hand on the side of her cold face. "Tell them I say hi, okay?"
Everyone else had left about an hour ago. He was glad. If he had to hear one more person say, "I'm sorry for your loss." he just might lose it. He personally knew everyone who had said that to him, and he believed them. But for once in his life all he wanted was for everyone to just shut up.
Once again he found himself sitting in front of a row of headstones. But this time, there were five.
Vanille, Fang, Snow, Sazh, and Lightning.
Not for the first time, he realized that he and Serah were the only former Pulse l'Cie left. Everyone else was gone. He never thought he'd be one of the last. He'd always thought that, well, he thought everyone else would outlive him. There were so many times in his life where he thought he was going to die, where he should have died. He should've tossed that theory out when Fang and Snow died. If they could be taken down, they were all screwed. Well, except him, apparently.
A part of him wished that he was down there with them. He wouldn't have to feel this pain anymore, wouldn't have to miss them. But the other part of him spoke louder. He still had Nora. Dray, Sam. Serah, too. He wasn't alone, not yet. But that knowledge didn't fix the hurt. Nothing would. Time would dampen the pain, but it would never go away. Not until he was gone too.
Hope sighed. They had all agreed to meet up later. Dajh hadn't been able to make it to the funeral, so they were all going to gather at Serah's place. They'd talk, they'd laugh, they'd cry. They'd mourn Vanille together.
But going would require him to leave. Would require him to stand, and turn his back on what was left of her. He wasn't ready for that, wasn't ready to leave. He had known her since he was fourteen years old, loved her since he was fourteen years old. Decades of loving her, and now she was gone. Just like that.
He sighed, and glanced down at his watch. He had a half an hour until he was supposed to be at Serah's. If he had a choice, he wouldn't go. But if he didn't, he'd never hear the end of it.
He somehow forced his tired old body up off the ground. He made no move to leave just yet, and stared at her stone. His eyes traced her name, probably a hundred times before he finally turned away, the image burned permanently in his mind.
Oerba Dia Vanille
"Everything is gonna be
alright, you'll see."