a/n: This is my first fic for FanFiction. I know that it's not the best one out there, but a girl's gotta start somewhere right?
I don't own anything in this fic, except the story. I don't own "I'm A Fake" By The Used, or Harry Potter and friends.
If I did, I wouldn't work fast food. xP
Enjoy!
The Begining Of The End.
This is not a small cut
that scabs and dries
and flakes and heals.
As soon as I walked in the front door, I knew that something was off. I knew as soon as I walked into the room that we had shared for years. I knew as soon as I saw your lips touching his, that you didn't love me. I knew that as soon as you saw that I was home, you'd give me your patented smirk. Just like I knew that your eyes would be begging me to do something. Something to help your concious kick in. I knew it, but I didn't. I didn't know that on our ten year anniversary, you'd be in my bed fucking someone half our age. I didn't know that it would even hurt like it did. I didn't know that my eyes were just spilling over with the unshed tears as I stood there while you fucked him. All that I knew was that you would be the one to end us. And in essence end me. So I left, making sure that I was as quiet as possible as I walked away.
I know that I didn't stick around for you to explain. Would you? I didn't want to see you, looking all beautifuly flushed. Like you always do after sex? I didn't want to hear your explination as to why you were fucking someone else in my bed. I didn't want to hear you say that you wanted to leave me for someone else. Someone that was younger and prettier and paid you the attention that you feel that you deserve.
Didn't you know that you could've told me that you wanted more attention? Didn't you know that you could have told me anything? I don't even want to believe that you were trying to save me the heartbreak of you telling me that you didn't want to be with me anymore. I don't want to believe that you wanted something else. I gave you all of my love and affection. I gave you my time, and this was the last time that I will ever give you my tears. I don't want to cry for you anymore. I don't want to love you anymore. I don't want you to feel like you have to love me, because we both know that you don't. In fact, I wonder if you could ever love someone other than yourself. And don't try to kid yourself. We both know that you didn't love me.
I'm not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to bleed and fuck and fight.
After defeating Him, do you really think that I care about my life? My whole life I was told that I was the only one that could save the entire planet. Do you really think that after doing all that they expected me to do that I would have anything to live for? I hate the fact that the whole world only wanted to use me, use me for their own personal gain. All he wanted to do was get back on the world for abandoning him, and instead of dealing it with themselves, they left me to do what they couldn't. I was 17 at the final battle. It was the 16th anniversary of the day that I had destroyed him the first time. Figures.
When I first met you, I was steadily on my way to dying. There was no one left that I trusted. I hated everyone around me. Resented them even. Hermoine, the Wesleys, Siris, Dumbledore; my entire family, gone because of one pointless, stupid vendetta. I was willing to die, to end my own life because of the guilt and pressure I felt. I felt like it was my fault that everyone around me died, while I went on to life a normal life. Well, as normal as it could be, being the boy who lived to defeat him. Then you had walked into my life and made me decide that it was worth living again. There was nothing that you couldn't do to make me get better. I wanted to get better so that I could be with you. I felt like I was letting you down by not accepting the fact that sometimes people die. I mean, you had lost almost your entire family too. You knew that you just had to cut your losses. Some people lost their entire family, some families were completely wiped out. Just because I had lost everyone that had ever been close to me died, didn't mean that I had to die too. You used to tell me that all the time. I would wake up all funked out, and you would say the right thing to help me get out of that funk. You helped me get on with my life. So I will.
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart.
Love is not like anything. Especially a fucking knife.
I just wanted to say this to you. My lover, my confidant, my best friend, and yes, my whole life. You made my life worth living again. I had lost everyone that I had ever loved, and then you came strolling into my life again. I knew that it would be a mistake to make you my whole life, but then you looked at me with your beautiful eyes. Eyes that were begging me to give you a chance to help me heal all the wounds that I had. And you did. You healed all the holes in my heart, and then you ripped them open again. I hate myself for ever giving you the chance to be around me. To help me heal those wounds. I hate myself for not being strong enough to sort throught this. And most of all, I hate myself for loving you.
You took my life after the war.
I'm taking it back.
By the time you get this, I hope to be gone. Gone to somewhere where you'll never reach me. I hope that you and your new boy toy are happy. At least, until you get bored with that one, and leave him for someone younger and prettier. Like you did to me.
Goodbye, Draco.
Remember that I will always love you. Until the day I die.