Disclaimer:Seeing as how Avatar is getting as big as it is,some of my ideas may very well be similiar to other people's,although I haven't read a lot of Aang/Toph fanfics.Just wanted to say,that every idea is 100 percent my own design and always will be.And no characters in this story are mine;anyone I make up,however,are.lol.
A silent,bitter night had fallen over the desert on their second time without Appa.Everything seemed to have ceased their normal activites in the wake of the Avatar's earlier burn out and hadn't bothered to resume;perhaps because they were too afraid to try when in fear of being blighted by one of his swift,unholy gails if they so much as made a peep or maybe they were secretly mourning over the loss of such an important creature.Toph allowed forth these random ideas and thoughts to tumble through her mind.As she stared up to the sky,which while it had never bothered her on how darkened it's depths were,could not compare to the very depths of her guilt.I'm the one Aang left in charge of Appa,I'm the one who he trusted to guard the outside and keep watch...well,I couldn't actually watch.But still...
She rolled up from her back into a sitting postion,her legs curved in and ankles resting on her knees.Wanting to try to dispel some of her ever stacking up burden,Toph turned to the side of the blanket she was sharing with Katara and proceeded to outstretch her hand until the slightly grainy feel of her small,light brown sack met her fingers.Her mouth was dry and her stomach suddenly tightening in knots of hunger from turning down supper.Toph had refused to partake in anything that would have added to her health,while Appa's health could have been taken away easily.But figuring that since it was probably midnight anyways that no one would awaken and with that much to assure her it was alright,she began to scrounge around for a large lake peach she had put away for a special occasion when she was sure she was in the clear.
Toph had been to a small town once a few years ago for some reason she could not recall and the people had had what her mother had described to her as a huge and beautiful tree that had been abundant with some of the wild lake peach blossoms.In the end,they had allowed her to take a few seeds and with her expert earth bending skills,had managed to grow a lovely,little rendition of the same tree.Now,finally taking the soft,smooth pinkish-yellow fruit out and feeling some satisfaction in clasping it's spherecialness between her rather coarse hands,Toph nearly surrendered her problems over to it's two-and-a-half week's worth of ripeness.But something halted her from continuing,something that made her feel like she wanted to curl up in a ball and weep...the accusing tone Aang had used againist her that Toph had managed to put aside,reverberated suddenly in her head and made her drop the fruit on her blanket,as it had only been inches from her parched lips.He's right.she thought as self-resentment bridled her every last nerveof her somewhat scrawny body.He's right,darnet.The only way I'll ever make it up to him,the only way I'll ever show him I'm a good friend...is,is to find Appa myself.
It hadn't occured to Toph before to do this,though she knew her luck at succeding at it might be completely to no avail,she wanted so badly not to feel like she had let down someone she had quickly grown attached to.So picking up the lake peach to where it now laid just about to the edge of her strong fabric and crawling over to place it back inside,she had almost gotten her knotting just right,when a gurgle of famine twisted her bowls and knowing what she was going to attempt would be foolhardy enough,took a large chomp greedily of it and then went immediately back to work at re-knotting the rope into a rough,bulgy knot.Sighing deeply as the treacles of taste from what she might as well have considered forbidden fruit,finally did the trick and dissolved to lessen the strain in her throat,which on and off had been thickened with emotion.Before she got to her feet,she turned her small face to where she could sense Katara just two feet away.Feeling a pang o faffection for the older girl,she came over and lowering herself down to where she could hear her breathing,brushed some of her dark brunette bangs back and whispered softly into her ear.Knowing by how long and the length of time that passed between each intake and outake of breath,that she was restingly in a good trance of sleep at the moment.
"I know you were trying to do you're best to make me feel like this whole thing wasn't my fault and I would have saved you guys even if I had to go through that sort of heck all over again.But the truth is,I won't feel better until I make it up to Aang.To Appa."
Unsuprisingly,Katara did not stir an inch and Toph was glad.This mission was hers and she on her own would find Appa,she would find him and then they could continue to Ba Sing Sa with the ease of knowing all was forgiven.They would actually think of as competent again and if she managed a little something else during her trek,it might even fall under her jurisdiction the next time they picked vacation spots.But with a bigger aim on her mind,if nothing else to get them to trust her again,Toph gathered what few things she had and rose to her feet.With some tenaciousness forming in the center of her chest but also a hint of uncertainity at the back of her mind,the eleven-and-a-half year old started off and felt the now relaxing feel of cooled off sand push upwards between her toes.This is it,she thought with endeavorment toward the people she was leaving behind for now and began out into the lonely,stagnat night.
"If you're going to leave,then don't you think maybe a farewell note would have been nice?"A solemn but familiar voice rose from the high cliff edges of desert rocks that shot up jaggedly all around them,their choice of protection for that night."Katara is going to lose it if you don't."
Without warning,Toph had to find her bearings hastefully before she slipped on the sand and would have collasped,had she not dug her feet hard into the ground and struck down with her fist just enough to cause it to solidify the sand to harden at her ankles.Normally,the sometimes ornery girl would have taken out a person who had tried to surprise her but the note that was held in the male figure's voice had startled her unintentionally.Biting her lower lip,she turned her face up in the direction where she had heard it come from and felt the contracting of her heart.It was Aang whom had spoken out to her,not out of spite but just out of what she knew was observation.He had been spying on them all from up above and had seen every last action Toph had performed,at the moment it wouldn't even be a total shock to the girl if the very next thing he he said was that he had been reading her mind and knew what she felt.Knew of her heartache.
"I'm..."she said back up to him bravely but faltered slightly as she had to pause to think up something,in the end she knew she shouldn't lie to him after what happened,couldn't lie to him even if she tried."I'm going to find Appa by myself and I didn't want anyone to know until-"
"Can you come up here for a moment?"Aang cut her off suddenly,though it wasn't curt or cold the way she had remembered him speaking off and on the last few days."I want someone to talk with and you just happen to be up.I mean..."his tone turned a little disappointed."No one is holding you back and you haven't been here very long...I'm just getting sick of thinking."
She momentarily wondered if he was just using her because of the fact that she had proven to be nothing short of unhelpful when it came to the the absence of a vital member of their group but not wanting to see him burst into his admittably capricious stage again,Toph found herself spryly scaling up to just under the top of the stone range that curled up like an large wave and perched atop of it was the Avatar,where Toph could sense through her powers and made it quite easy for her to keep her distance.Without knowing what words would be exchanged next,she sat down onto the rough floor and pulled in her legs to her chest,which had welled down it's growing determination and was replaced by that of a more anxiousness to get under way with what she had already decided.This is something she felt she needed to do.Aang now knew what she was planning on doing,but did he know her reasons for wanting to?
"I know my leaving is really sudden."She finally spoke up after what what felt like forever had passed between the two of them,her face and words marked by a hint of apology."But I felt like I needed to do this because...um,because it's just something I feel like I need to do."
"So..."He protracted for a moment,clearly trying to make sense of all she told him."You use to feel like finding Appa was something you had to do,then you didn't and now you do again?"
His way of putting what she had told seemed even stupider when he repeated it in his own paraphrased way and she might have even laughed,had she not felt uncomfortable with being around him and not being dead set on trying to find Appa."I,"she began and tried to think on her toes."I know that sounds pretty lame but I've been thinking a lot about whats happened..."
"Yeah,"Aang agreed absentmindedly and fell to his back in a sprawled postion."That's all I seem to do now...is think,think,think.I guess I'm just really tired of worrying all the time.I mean,I am worried but it seems to be driving me nutts just putting all my energy into being fustrated all the time.Sometimes I feel like that's all I ever am with being the Avatar and everything."
"Why didn't you just wait until Katara got up?"Toph inquired him,not wanting to leave him completely but wanting to get at least a head start."Don't you two usually talk more?"
"Well..."Aang replied after some thought correspondingly but with a little halting to his words."I do really like to talk to her but she gets kind of sentimental sometimes,even nagging.It's kind of nice to talk to someone else for a change who doesn't turn all gushy on me,unless..."his tone shifted into unsureness."Unless you mind or anything?I'm okay if you are."
"No,it's okay."she told him in a quiet vocie but for some reason a mental image of Katara came to her and she chuckled a little in spite of herself."Can you picture this?Okay...she goes to a cabage stand and the vendor gives her the smallest and wimpiest head of cabage for half price but when he gives her the change she curses him out because it's missing one leaf and she complains that that makes it one percent less the half a cabage,even though it's weak."
For a moment he didn't say anything but then she heard him release a small laugh."Hey,that's actually kind of funny.I could see that...I-"he paused when she had turned mute and inquired her with concernedly."Are-are you okay,Toph?You seem different right now then you usually are."
Caught off guard,she glanced up at him warily."Why would you say that?I'm fine."
"I don't know.You just seem like you got alot on you're mind."Aang replied causally.
"What?I'm not capable enough to have more then one thing on my mind."Her voice rose at his discovery,she didn't want to talk about her feelings,didn't want to be yelled at again."Because I think I am more then capable of being entilted to my own oppions without you're consent."
"I never said you weren't."Aang inserted quickly,trying to calm her down."All I meant was-"
"Forget it!"Toph snapped at him without reason,the aggresive repentance she had held within was boiling over and she felt she would go insane if she didn't let him in."Don't you know that I would have done anything if I could have saved you guys and Appa.Don't you know how much I wanted to prove that I was good enough to teach someone like the Avatar and don't you know..."she gasped in shock,her tirade vanishing and she was left feeling exposed,it wasn't right...she didn't know him that well and now she was letting him know what she had wanted to keep to herself;especially from him,so she haphazzardly tried to recover."I...I think you're stupid for trusting someone like me.I think this whole mission and whole thing is just really dumb."
"You don't mean that."he told her disprovingly,hopping down from his place on the ledge and floating gently to the ground near her."You just said...look,I know you're mad they got away with Appa but it's not stupid that you came along.I'm learning earth bending because of you."
"Right,"She agreed sorely,her face feeling hot from all that she had just unveiled."That's all I'm good for,that's all I supply..."her normal stubborn pluckiness seemed forced to her and was replaced by the fact that she felt she had failed;betrayed her word to watch Appa and keep an eye out for things,because of her they were possibly going to die because she had lost the only one capable in their group of assuring them safety and when every last ounce of their lifes were gone...she would be the only one to blame."I...I can't believe I couldn't save him."
Her words faded,as heart-wrenching incarceration feel upon every last muscle and nerve of the pre-teen's body and she had to wrap her arms around herself to keep from shaking.Though she felt Aang's widened eyes on her body,she refused to look at him.It had been a mistake to tell him what had been tortouring her the last two days.She would take every word back and turn around to go home if she could but all she could do was sob uncontrollabley into her hands.For the first time in her life,everything seemed unclear to her.Toph couldn't yet comprehend the idea that they were going to die,it was new to her and she wondered if it just went without saying for all of them.She wasn't surprised they didn't find her worthwhile enough to tell,she...
"Listen to me."A strong and unwavering voice told her,as she felt someone's arms encircle her shoulders and press small body to their chest."I don't ever want you to feel this is you're fault because it's not...you couldn't have done anything differently,shouldn't have..."his words were now softening and his warm breath misted on her forhead."If anything or anyone was stupid,it was me going off like I've been doing,Toph.I...I never meant to scare you if I did or Katara or Sokka or anyone...I just-I just lose it when I'm angry sometimes.I wish it didn't but it-"
Toph pulled away from Aang's arms,feeling a strange tingling sensation running through her body and suddenly her guilt didn't feel as surmounting as if had but she only looked at him though the mask of shadow that isolated her from seeing his face,which she could probably have made out somewhat if she was allowed just a little light.How was it that when she didn't even want to make eye contact with him just twenty minutes ago,she now wanted to take him in with all she had,as he was for some reason trying to do for her.Something about the way he had just held her,sent an urge she had never experienced to her.This thirteen-year-old boy had just caused such a rush to come to her and she found herself wanting to see him.To see him would be the most ultimate way she could ever be able to interact him for however much it was worth.But she still wondered how he had,how had being in his arms make everything seem so attenuated?Her mind was racing and she had to think fast,so wiping fierecely at the the frozen tears that had streamed down her still burning cheeks,she scrambled to her feet and began rambling fitfully.
"I...I didn't mean to lose it like that either."she explained,her body felt heavy and yet fluttery."I know I shouldn't have gone off on you like that but I guess you're right...I guess it just happens..."
Aang reached out to grasp her arm lightly and she would have yanked away but a calm and single-hearted statement made her freeze in her tracks."There's two kinds of blind,Toph.The kind that happens to a person like on the outside and then the kind that happens on the inside when a peron's stupid enough not to see that what he does is driving everyone else into fear."his tone suddenly lightened and he released her."Well,no more...I'm not going to let my anger get the better of me.That is,if you promise me you won't feel like this is all you're fault anymore."
She turned to him,hearing him was one thing but she wanted to sense him in a different way,it was something she was wanting even more then to find Appa for just the moment."I can hear you."she told him and wondering what would happen the second time she let him into her soul where she rarely let anyone venture,Toph said optatively."I just want...I just want to see you. too."
It was out and it was out this time because she had permitted it.There was a long,tarrying time after either of them had spoken,sometimes it felt like an eternity,though Aang never left where he was just a foot from her and neither did she.The coolness of the night seemed to lessen as the odor of a small storm filled her senses after what she guessed had been about an hour and it was like it had unlocked her from her daze,allowing the forthcoming of an ever demulcenting weariness that was settling over her and she nearly let sleep win over her weakening body,but she felt someone reach out to take her arms before she tilted over while still on her knees and almost protested.However,the next moment,the smoothness of someone's face met her touch.
It was strange to her and she almost dropped them but since no one had ever let her do this before,curiousty had won out in the end and while she was mindful at first,let her thin but still slightly rough hands move inward with only her finger tips pressing.Swallowing hard,she almost didn't make another but his hands hasped her fingers just barely and moved them up to his eyes in which he closed and allowed Toph to move her fingers down.They flicked a bit but she didn't want to stop yet,so she moved only her right hand to where his nose was and felt it as a very tiny hump in the middle of his face and then feeling braver,continued down to the place where she knew a man's mustache was at.She was nearly there...she was nearly to the place where the encouraging,the angered,the joyful,the saddened,the joking,the everything she ever knew about him,moved out and entered her,confirming his presence even when she already sensed.Feeling courage flooding through her,she almost made it to the part of his lips,which were partially chapped,when he caught her by her wrist,hailing her from making anymore movements down.
"This is one way of seeing me,"he told her,the simplicity of his words rapturing her,though it became apparent he didn't want to move any father with the subject of lips."This is another."
Before she could reply,Aang took hold of her right wrist and moved both of her hands to his head.Which was bare and soild but that wasn't what took her back,for the blindfold of ebony that sheeted her glazed eyes,suddenly bursted into a great radiance of white.Hurtling her into a portal of some type,she caromed from side-to-side,before she found herself in what appeared to be a midnight blue universe that was suspensed in time.It was like she was floating,weightless as large and obscured objects drifted passed her.At first she didn't feel too out of place,only that she wasn't in the same place as she had been but it seemed as she moved foward,the large objects she glanced around at started to grow with cylinder edges and curves.
This occured until they turned out to be dark and rather glossy,distored shapes.Toph found herself gawking,it had been so long since she had taken in such fine and detailed figures.Although there was some foreboding to them,she found a sort of careless frivolity pass through her and almost caught the image of herself smiling in one of the reflective surfaces of a nearby mishapened object but feeling a strong,almost demanding feel to turn forward,she found herself wanting to ignore it.For some reason,she thought that if she faced front,that she would lose it all.
That her world would once again be casted into an endless gulf of shadow,however,a more firmer and then puissant force came into her;almost as if to tell her that although had the right to cling to this strand of hope,she needed to try to listen to common reasoning.So with her nerves jittering,she scrunched her face up as her only means to brace herself and shifted her weight by moving her arm.Only then did she see a bald,young boy a little older then her with an elaborate cerulean arrow going down his head,he was smiling at her and his light hazel eyes shined when he did,beaming at her now as though he,himself,was experiencing the same type of joy she had just felt return to her after so long of being away.Just the simple joy that people took for granted.
"Aang...?"Toph inquired him softly after a while,bringing out a tan hand to where he was and finding herself starting to drift slowly up to him."Aang,"she said again,her eyes and voice marked by the need to know it was him,to know it was really him she was seeing."Aang...is-is that you?"
However,the young teen monk did not speak but simply allowed the enthusastic grin he had had plastered on his face,to take on a more heartening appearance.Then when she knew for sure that he wasn't going to speak,couldn't speak,did she let a slow smile creep onto her face as well and as soon as she did,the boy reached out to take her hand and then in a flash she felt herself jolted back onto the soild fragment of the rock they were sitting on.It had been almost as if she had jumped from the inside-out and although there was a layer of darkness that fell over her,terror sheathed through her when she realised she only still had her eyes closed.But for a moment,she hesitated to open them;seeing again had filled her with such mirth that to open up and be welcomed by her usual blackness,she felt wouldn't fill complete.For shameless as she had always been about it her condition,she felt that if she found herself back in her current state it would hurt and her all over again.And I wonder...that boy I saw,was he really Aang?
"Do you know why I showed you that Toph?"Aang's calm voice asked out to her,it was then that she realised his hand was still in her own and he helped pull her to her feet."Can you guess?"
But Toph only shook her head,dumbfounded."I thought you hated me after I lost Appa but..."she felt her lacquered eyes gather cool tears to the sides,gratefullness filling her voice."You-you didn't have to do that Aang.If there's ever a way I could repay you...Aang?Aang,what's wrong?."
"I know..."he awnsered her wearily,as she felt him fall to the ground and release her hand."I think I just found a way you can...hurry,c-come closer...Toph.That's right.Now,listen very carefully."
"Okay."She replied with worry edged in her words,kneeling down again to where he lay,as she proceeded to lean down in order to hear."Please tell me.Are you weak from helping me see?"
"Well...yes.Now,there's two things that would make me really happy right about now."
"What's the first?"Toph asked him with subtle curiousty this time.
"First,"Aang began slowly,lifting his head up to her ear."I'd like you to not feel so insecure now that I've shown you what you only thought you were missing.Because out of all of us,you're the one who probably see's more clearer sometimes."his voice lowered."And two..."
"Yes?"She prompted him eagerly,beginning to take in the levity returning to his words.
"I want to know..."he whispered and then asked her in his normal,slightly shrill voice."Were you planning on finishing that lake peach?I haven't had anything to eat in forever and I'm starving!"
The End.
LP