Disclaimer: I don't own anyone Edward or Bella. I wish I did because I would have some fun with that pair. "Let Me Go" belongs to the group 3 Doors Down. They rock and I love this song.
One more kiss could be the best thing
but one more lie could be the worst
and all these thoughts are never resting
and you're not something I deserve.
My Bella lies sleeping like the angel she is. I know that I am not the best thing for her, but I am selfish and I don't want to leave her. For that brief time in Italy when I thought I had lost her I realized I could never live without her. She begs me to turn her and no matter how many times I try to explain that I am a monster and not the perfect creature she thinks I am her mind never changes. I lean forward and place a kiss on her forehead and she stirs in her sleep and calls my name. I realize that I don't deserve her, but I can't let her go. Her thoughts never rest due to her fear that I will one day leave her.
In my head there's only you now
this world falls on me
in this world there's real and make believe
and this seems real to me
I realize I can never leave Bella. She is my world, my heart and soul, my everything. I play a part for the people in Forks. To them I am a normal high school student. To keep on appearances I make believe that I eat, sleep and even breathe. The sad part is that when I am around Bella this whole charade actually seems real to me.
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go.
Every day over and over again she reminds me that she loves me. She tells me nothing will ever change that. Even though I want to believe her I know that she does not truly love me because she doesn't really know or understand what I am. I am a monster. I am torn between my life with my family and my desire for a life with her. I am torn between my desire for a life with her and my desire to allow her to live her life. I am torn between leaving and risking breaking her so that she can be rebuilt by someone who can give her a life and help her to live. While she sleeps I silently beg her to just let me go.
I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin through.
I have often daydreamed about what her life would be like if I left. I can imagine her smiling as she watches her newborn sleep. I can picture her happy with someone who can give her a normal life including children. I think to the distant future and imagine her surrounded by Charlie, Renee and Phil as she introduces them to their new grandchild. I actually turn my back on my Bella begin to walk away. Suddenly she murmurs my name in her sleep. I can tell she is dreaming that I have left. It is like she can read my thoughts. I push her hair from her face and whisper, "I'm her Bella and I promise to never leave you again." I shake my head because I know this is not a good love that she has for me. She doesn't realize what it takes for me to resist the call of her blood. She doesn't know what I go through every day I am around humans.
In my head there's only you now
this world falls on me
in this world there's real and make believe
and this seems real to me.
I close my eyes and soon the only thoughts in my head are of my Bella. She is the love of my life and I will do anything to make her happy. I will carry the weight of my world upon my shoulders silently. I will fight to keep from allowing myself to believe that my mask is real. I will pretend for her, but I will always remind myself that I don't belong in this world in her world. I know that one day I will have to give into her wishes and bring her into my world. That will be the day that everything that feels real will end. Then there will only be what is real and nothing more to pretend about.
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just Let me go...
Let me go
I know she loves me despite the fact that I am a monster. What she does not realize is that she is asking me to turn her into the same kind of monster I am. She does not understand how hard it will be to be around humans and not kill them. No matter how much time passes she will never come to a point when she will not smell the blood and crave it. I have tried in vain to change her mind, but I am too weak to let her go because I know what it will do to her. I won't give up while she lives. Every day I will beg her to simply let me go.
And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I knowww..
When all the pieces fall apart
you will be the only one who knows
who knows.
The sad thing is I know I am only lying to myself. Even if she decides to let me go I won't leave. I can't lie to myself. I realize that if she leaves me than the pieces will fall apart and I will not be able to stop myself from giving in to the bloodlust. She is the only one who knows how to keep me together. Bella and Bella alone keep me together. She is my rock and my strength. She thinks I am so strong, but what she does not realize is she is really the strong one in the relationship. Who knows what the future will bring, but one thing is for sure as long as she is by my side there will be a future to live.
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know Who I am
So let me go
Just let me go
And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know who I am
And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know me.
Looking at the alarm clock I realize that my Bella will be rolling out of bed soon. Knowing her she will probably be literally rolling out of bed. I stand between her and the nightstand in hopes of preventing that accident. I smile as she opens her eyes and murmurs, "Edward I love you." Even though I am torn between giving her everything she wants and protecting her I realize that it is her love that will end up saving me. It is her love that makes want to go against my natural instinct to kill the humans around me. It is her love that saves me. The problem is what it always is. She loves me even though she does not know who or what I really am.