I did not like the start of the other one, there was too little gore, and I feel as though it was too short. Plus, I'm not so sure I got down just how bad of a mofo Kurayami is, or how deadly black chakra is. So with much thought, I am staring over. But Please still read and reveiw, and if absolutely necessary flame with contructive criticism.
Minato looked on, the cold touch of fear gripping his heart as he watched his comrades fall in battle. On the inside the awesome soul crushing fear was fighting with his unbriddled rage that wanted to rip the beast to shreads. Both were battling with everything they had to control the great 4th Hokage, and eventually the shear terror won. He could only stare at the terrible might that was the Kurayami no Ookami that was currently destroying the home he grew up in.
Crimson life rained down from the red stained heavens to the forest below coating the advancing shinobi in blood. Intestines found themselves onto gnarled tree limbs, hanging like Christmas trimming, sickly yellow blie dripping from them to the ground. Hearts and lungs landed on the ground painted the earth scarlet, only to be consumed by other animals after the ordeal was over. Claws of black steel tore into attacking bodies, pucturing them in vital organs so they were dead before they hit the forest floor.
Patches of skin flew to the ranks of the shinobi, and some even landed on the the Yondaime. Vomit rose in his throat, threatening to make him lose all of his stomach contents. Just as he was about to gain his composure he saw something that pushed him over the edge, throwing up over the side of Gamabunta. The scene replayed again and again in his mind, forcing it to be permenantly burned into his memory.
A woman, her pink trendrils matted to her forehead and neck with sweat, bounded toward the beast, determination etched in her eyes. Making her way to his face she was caught in his feral gaze, enchanted by his eyes. One, a chilling silver turned your very soul to ice. The other, a molten black set your frame ablaze with fright. So enchanted by their dangerous beauty, she didn't notice the jagged claws rushing at her... until it was too late.
Skewered to his paws, coughing up bile and blood, the woman was snapped from her daze, and executed her clans most famed genjutsu. She trapped the beast in a foreign world, allow a false sense of hope to fall over her just before his eyes glazed over with realization. Kurayami roared, enraged and glaring at her with pure hate. Again she was caught in that memorizing gaze.
His harsh breathe rolled over her from his blood drenched maw, as he opened his gargantuin mouth, rancid saliva plastered her clothes to her once desirable body. So this is my fate, goodbye Saukura, my baby, see you in the afterlife. Rows of glistening white fangs sunck into her back, rending her head from her shoulders.
Ribbions of arteries and veins released themsleves from her neck with a sick, squelching sound, falling down her back in a cascade of red strings, staining the purple battle kimono she had worn. The metallic smell of her blood was taken away with the wind. Another woman, her blue eyes wide in awe and disgust watched as Kurayami flung the limp, headless body of her friend without a care. It was pierced on a granite fang, the rock protruding through the chest, disembowling the heart from its owner.
The blonde woman placed her hands in front of her, screaming," Mind Transfer Jutsu!!" Her body fell upon the trunk of a tree, and her spirit soared into the mind of the giant wolf. She watched through its eyes as he destroyed the village, no her home. She watched as it struck the ranks of shinobi, hundreds of people in his blood filled mouth. They slid down his throat, and those who weren't lucky enough were plunged into the acid of his stomach.
She could hear there screams rise up from the creatures esophoguas, as the acid melted their flesh to the bone. Theie eyes rolled from their sockets, hands and arms withered to a bloody scalding pulp. On the outside she saw the monster crush countless numbers of her bretheren under giant paws.
The blonde felt what it was doing and could do nothing to stop it, she was merely a spectator to this gore fest, his mind was too great for her to control. She roared in pain as the creature began to force her out of his mind. She'd infuriated it further, and was going to pay the price. Her spirit was poured back into her body, numbed and pained. The creatured stared at her, groeing angrier and angrier at her prescence. His monsterous form was incased in a black miasma of chakra.
The chakra was darkness itself, made of the horrible nightmares and greatest fears that all humans had. Everything it touched withered away, choking out the last of its lifeforce and dying. It was precise and deadly, empty of emotion unlike its host, a ghost like calm that destroyed you from the inside out. Heading towards her, the blonde was frozen by the killing intent of the chakra, doing nothing to get out of the way of blackness, that in gulfed her.
Shrieking, her body was set ablaze and frozen at the same time, as Kurayami's chakra consumed her. Her flesh wither away, exposing the skeleton beneath, her bones crashing into a heap at the base of the tree she had stood in front of.
Still another human, a man, tried to stop the beast with his own clan technique readied himself. His dogs tensed and salivated in anticipation as the ten tailed wolf made his way towards them. He went through the required hand signs, and attempted to call out a justu only to be smashed under a tree thrown by one of Kurayami's tails.
Minato gazed on, trembling atop Gamabunta watching his friend fall one by one. The Toad King was yelling at him to do something, but his cries fell on deaf ears. He could only stare. The wolf was throwing trees pass him, and destroying homes in the village. The 4th turned his head to watch as they landed on homes and civilians. He kept watching, and felt his breath stop as he saw a tree crush the hospital were his wife was. The force of the throwbrought the walls crumbling down on each other and paitents. Kushina was gone.
White rage bubbled forth, obliterating the fear that was in him. This beast...no... this monster wouls pay for what he had done. It destroyed his home, crushed his friends, and killed his wife. He felt his sapphire eyes bleed red, blinded in fury. His voice deathly calm as he urged the great toad to bound toward his target.
He did hand signs with ease, even with the squirming bundle in his arms. The death god appearing beside him. He was so foucused he could see the blood drip from Kurayami's fanged smirked, and his miscolored eyes narrow at the Hokage. The beast rushed towards the three of them, impressed by one humans shear stupidity. Nothing was going to stand in his way of leveling this village, not even its leader and the Toad King. He would enjoy a meal of frogs legs tonight.
Almost upon them now, the beast roared in delight. Rearing his paw back he thrust it into Gamabunta's eyes, tering a vertical scar onto his face. He stood, glaring at Minato, fangs bared and glistening with spit, catching the man in his gaze. Only to be shocked, and a feeling swept through him that was alien. A feeling of shear terror. He was frozen by the killing intent of the man, amd saw not him but the eyes of the Shinigami.
" Dead Demon Sealing Jutsu!" The man snarled at the beast in a feral rage, and the death god ripped his soul from his awesome body. It crumbled down into nothing, and Kurayami felt himself being trapped in the wailing bundle in the 4th's arms.
The bars of his cage closed before he could tear out of it. Shackles shot out and cuffed him down. He couldn't move, and was forever trapped in this...this thing for however long. He raged and raged, but to no avail. The Fearsome Kurayami no Ookami was imprisoned for the rest of his days.
Minato, watch as his son went through a bodily change. His gloden locks were streaked with ebony strands and his cheeks developed three whisker like marks. He smiled, his legacy would be a hero. Fatigue overwhelmed him, and darkness ebbed at the edge of his eyes. The Hokage fell from Gamabunta, as the toad poofed away. Minato's body was fading, his soul being pulled into the death God's stomach.
The last few things he heard was the calm and oeace wash over the land, and the cries of his son echoing in the wind.
There, I think that is so much better. Again read and reveiw and tell me what you think. Bye!