I Wonder
By Cherished Dreams

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Sometimes I sneak a peek at you all the way across the hall or in the classroom and I wonder.

Do you ever miss me? Like I miss you?

Maybe I'm weird or something but its been six months since its been over between us and I'm still not over you. And I guess us talking once or, if I'm lucky, twice a month, fries me. We had, and I hope still have, so much in common and that's what drew us together enough to have such a friendship… scratch that … relationship.

Are you over 'you and me'?

I guess it was hard for you too. After we decided to be 'just friends' again. My friends even commented on your behaviour once or twice the same month of our relationship demotion. It was hard for me. Still kinda is, I suppose.

Do you ever wonder what we could've been if we were still together today?

I do. At times thinking about it makes my eyes water. You know how my imagination works. Sometimes the scenarios are so vivid, I can almost feel you holding me in your arms again. But mostly, I think about the great friendship I lost. We lost. I don't have you to talk to anymore.

Do you miss what friendship we had before 'like' snuck up behind us?

We only talk to each other anymore, to keep up our friendly façades. When no one sees us alone together, we don't talk, we pretend the other doesn't exist. I know it hurts me to act that way.

Does it hurt you too?

When my side of the world is having problems and is in total chaos, and I feel like I need a shoulder to cry on, have someone hold me or to just listen, I think of running to you. And the fact that I would run to you, instead of another whom I can depend on and go to without a second thought, is what makes me cry.

Because a part of me says that you're the only person whose arms I wanna be in, but a stronger part of me tells me that you should be the one to make the first move. Damn this pride of mine.

Do you … no. It was my fault.

Instead of just trusting you and what my own heart felt, I had to think about people other than you and me. 'Forever the people pleaser' you once said. A follower rather than a leader, someone who's their own person.

You were right, of course. And after … I took to heart all the things you said. The words that would let me be me. And I've changed and I just hope it was for the better. I wonder if I'm a girl that could turn your head now, had our past not happened.

Do you know how much of a better person you've made me?

I'm grateful for every day I was able to spend with you. I'm thankful for the time of 'us'. I thank God everyday for bringing you into my life. Even through our current situation, He keeps you here within my reach allowing me every chance to break through the walls I've made and just talk to you. Through all this, you've let me experience love and allowed me to realize appreciation for things in my life.

Lastly I wonder if you know I'm still sorry for hurting you.

But I had to do it.

A/N: its a Hermione/Draco ficcie. This has been swimming in my mind for a while so, I'm glad to have finally fished it out. A bit of release.

16 May 11: A little explanation because a reviewer has advised me that this is a little confusing. :) Reading back on it now, all the feelings I had when I was writing this, are now coming back to me; they WERE confusing at the time, and I thank God I keep notes on my stories! LoL! So here you go: Hermione and gang stay at Hogwarts for their final year as spies to the Order of the Phoenix. Hermione and Draco become Head Girl & Boy. Hermione befriends Draco for information and forms a bond and later a relationship. Real feelings are involved and in the end Harry finally notices her growing attachment with the enemy. Hermione is then forced to choose between love and loyalty.