a/n: so. so. so so hey. first of all, happy (late) birthday piri! 元気ですか？お誕生日おめでとう！いつもありがとう！！遅いからごめんね。誕生日プレゼントどうぞ！！

okaaay so this was originally supposed to be a songfic of Patirchev's RinLen song, Alcano. It's a really great song, where Rin is Len's maid and Len rolls his r's like a Real Spanish Boy and doesn't wear his shirt properly and it's so so wonderful. :D the original song had this kind of joking tone to it though, like it was supposed to be funny. kind of in that gigantic OTN way, you know? and I wanted to emulate that in this story, but, well... it kind of didn't come through. this is way more serious than I wanted it to be! and I kind of didn't do enough with the master/maid dynamic, I feel. but that's just me, I guess. I hope you all still like it!

especially you, piri! orz the thing about birthday fics is you're writing for one person, so if that one person doesn't like it, then it's very very sad... uuu I'm actually not very confident about this story, especially the ending, the ending is shit waaahh okay I'll shut up now

I should've just finished the truck driver!len fic for you. I think you would've liked that one. *looks at truck driver fic* yeah, I'll finish that one eventually.

cover art by soriku, from the PV for Patirchev's Alcano!

She sits straight and stiff, not meeting his eyes. A part of her wants to reach out and touch the beautiful instruments littering the desk between them—a quill and inkpot that could probably buy her food for a year, a Newton's cradle made of gold and sparkling jewels (so impractical, she thought, it could break so easily!), and various other things which are definitely pretty, but wholly unfunctional. They're all scattered in a big mess and it looks so unfortunate, like a naughty kid was let loose in an antique store. On the other side of the desk, he flashes his boyish grin, looks at her lovingly like she's the next wonderful thing he's bought for his collection. Absolutely a child, she thinks.

Her expression is controlled but her hands are clenched tight on the layers of her new dress—her new maid uniform. There are two reasons why she took on this job. The first is simple: the generous pay. The second is that after all this time and after all that's happened, this is the first opportunity she's got to finally be alone. She'll pass as much time as she needs sweeping floors and watering flowers in the tranquil, affluent atmosphere. In peace. All alone.

Little does she know, though, that her new master intends the complete opposite for her.

"So, Rin," he says, voice like light, "I hope you'll feel at home here!" He's both serious and playful, flashing his palms to her as he talks like he half expects her to reach out and touch them. "I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me just because I'm your master, okay? We're friends! If you're uncomfortable with something, say so. If there's something you want from me, say so! Got it?"

She stares at his hands, making a mental note to avoid him at all costs from this point forward. "Yes, Master."

The whole avoiding thing works for about two hours. She's just finishing with hanging his laundry up outside when he approaches, a spring in his step and summer in his scent.

He's sneaking up from behind, and she senses him but doesn't turn around, which was a very, very bad idea, because next thing she knows his chin is propped on her shoulder.

"Good morning, Sunshine. Or can I not say good morning if I've already seen you earlier?"

His presence is heavy, but she doesn't make a move to shrug him off because she can tell he'd just plant his head right back again, firmer than before. She lowers her arms and lets the clean bedsheet in her hands pile on the grass. "A 'hello' would suffice. And please just call me my name."

"But you get to call me 'Master'! So shouldn't I get to give you a nice name, too?"

"That's not how it works, Master."

"Huh, is that so?" He rolls his head into the crook of her neck, probably pouting. He sighs into her skin, the prickling sensation he leaves a lasting imprint of his presence long after he's pulled his head from her neck, looping his arms there instead.

She gulps. Her job is to— "Um—"

"You forget who the master here is, my Sunshine."

She doesn't know how to respond. He set off warning bells the moment she laid eyes on him. She shouldn't have taken this job, she should've known this would happen… Because he's so young, after all, and lives all alone in this mansion, and pays more than is normal for a mere maid… She should've seen the signs that he wasn't hiring solely for housework.

Staring hard at his dress shirts fluttering in the wind, she says solidly, "You said I could tell you when I feel uncomfortable."

His arms loosen slightly, but his voice is still light. "I did, didn't I?"

"So please let go of me."

He does. Honestly, she expected him to be more petulant, but he's surprisingly gracious and she's thankful.

At least, until he spins her around and presses his forehead to hers. Smirks. His eyes narrow, but his expression is still so open. His shirt is hardly buttoned halfway, she realizes, so his collarbones are out for clear viewing.

"Rin. I love you."

So horribly close. She takes a step back. "W-We just met today!"

He steps forward and puts his forehead to hers again. "So? It doesn't take long to realize these things, you know. Usually, I decided if I like or hate someone in about five minutes. And I decided I love you."

"That's…" He's a child, such a child! She takes another step back. "...not very good. People take time to get to know."

And then he steps forward again. "I have a very good sense for people." He brushes the backs of his fingers on her cheek as he brings his forehead down. "You're warm."

She ignores his comment. Steps back. "You can't know someone in just a day!"

He closes the gap between them one more time, and this time holds her to him to keep her there. "Heh. With all the stepping around, it's like we're dancing, huh?" He winks. When she doesn't crack a smile, he sobers. "And nah. Unless you're some kind of master con man, I'll know everything I need to know about you in five minutes. You can't hide things from me." He pauses. "How do you think I got this rich this young?"

She tells herself to remain impassive, but her lip is trembling. She wants to laugh at him, because what he's saying is so vain and ridiculous, but she can't because one, she's holding her breath because she doesn't want to breathe on him, and two, he does have the money to back up his claims. Those kinds of words are only scary if either the speaker is a movie character, or if they're true.

He presses a single fingertip to her lip. "You're scared. But don't worry. Soon, you'll trust me completely."

She does something she didn't expect of herself. She pokes her tongue out and licks his finger, just slightly.

"But I don't trust you now. And please, button your shirt up."

And she picks up the empty laundry basket and stalks away, and Len smirks because those were the exact kinds of unexpected depths he was expecting.

He approaches her in the yard at night. The light from inside the house makes his shadow long and dark, and he likes how it tangles with the whiteness of her bare ankles. She stiffens and he can tell she hears him coming, but she doesn't turn around. He stops two feet from her.

"So do you prefer being hugged from behind, then?"

She looks at him. "I don't like it particularly more or less than being hugged from the front."

"So you've accepted it either way. Smart girl."

"That's not what I meant at all." But her voice is weak for what she's saying, because she's tired, and perhaps curious what he'll do next. He thinks she thinks he'll grab her and embrace her, so he smiles and simply sits on the lawn, inviting her to join him.

"I don't trust you yet," she says as she sits down, close enough for them to be able to say they're sitting together.

"I didn't expect you to," he assures. "But you sat down anyway, didn't you?"

"It was either I sit down, or go back to my room and sleep. And I'm not really sleepy yet."

"You could go to your room and not sleep, couldn't you?"

At her silence, he smiles. "It's okay. It's your first night here, so of course you're not settled in yet. Take as long as you want. Explore the house. Touch everything. Make it yours."

She inches closer to get a better look at his face. He leans back, still smiling.

"You're always smiling, huh."

"Am I?"

"Mhm." She pulls away again. "But it's strange. I think you think you're giving off a warm impression, but I don't really think so. There's something kind of chilly when I see you. Like you're… frozen."

His first instinct is to laugh, and that's a prime example of exactly what she meant. "That's…"

"It's okay. I intend to keep my distance." She gazes off into the sky, and seeing her there, staring hard at the stars as if willing them to take her away, Len feels something striking his heart, only for a short instant, and then it's gone.

"But, if you're lonely…" she continues, then looks at him with guarded emotion. "I don't mind."

He takes a breath. "Mind…?"

"Because I'm lonely too."

"What are you—"

She touches his face. He freezes.

"You're cold."

"You…"

"I'm sure you know what I mean by now. But just to be clear, as I'm sure you've guessed, my heart isn't really in it. But that's enough for you, right?"

He's absolutely shocked, but he only has a few seconds before she changes her mind. So, falling back onto his instincts, he pulls her into his arms and kisses her.

He distracts her with all the motions that've been hardcoded into his system, hands and tongue and pulse and heartbeat. Her body responds like fluid. Melted and molten, flowing between his fingers—when he touches her it's like his hands go right through her. In his mind, a deep tunnel where she couldn't reach, he thinks to himself, this isn't enough. He tries to fill himself up, but he's been trying to do that for years and he knows he can never do it on his own.

It's her who pulls away first. She almost looks dizzy as she straightens and looks down at him, back against the moonlight. But she smiles. "I've never done that before."

He tries to focus and take in the beauty of her against the stars, the perfection of the moment, but his mind is too hazy, full of thoughts and dreams and hopes. "Was that your first kiss…?"

"No, I meant it's the first time I've ever lost myself like that. I feel like I've just gone somewhere far away."

He nods. "Yeah. I could tell you weren't really… here." He pauses. "Where did you go, then?" he asks quietly.

"Where? Huh. Who knows. I don't know. A place I've never been before. But it was kind of nice. I'd like to go back."

He repeats her words under his breath, tasting them. A place she's never been before. Then looks up with new resolve. "It's scary to go to new places alone, isn't it?"

"I—"

"So I'll come with you. Or if you won't let me, I'll chase you there."

Her voice is a little too loud in the night. "I don't— Don't tire yourself out. Just leave me alone."

He feels a tug at the corner of his lips, but he forces his expression into seriousness as he says, "Then chasing it is."

In the distance, they hear the expanse of the lake behind his house. It's a big lake, one that stretches all across the horizon. Some days, the light plays this awesome trick that completely blends the horizon, so the sky and water are completely indistinguishable. The cold endlessness of the sky and the harsh depths of the water become one, just for that moment.

He goes boating there sometimes. He'd like to take her down there one day.

"Dreams only last for a night," she says.

"What?"

"It means, forget about this in the morning. This won't happen again."

He feels sadness wash over him. He pulls her back down to the ground, and holds her at arm's length. His shirt, mostly unbuttoned again, has ridden up and the moisture of the grass is cold against his bare back, but he doesn't mind. "I can't."

"I can't work here if—"

"I really do like you, you know."

Her lip twitches but she knows he already knows what she wants to say, and she knows that he doesn't agree, so she saves them both an argument and stumbles to a stand.

"I never meant to stay here long."

When she looks at him again, he's shocked that she looks like she's about to cry. She stands and stares at him for one single moment and then she runs, feet pounding against the grass, presumably to her room, where she won't sleep for a while.

He's starting to shiver from the cold but Len can't bring himself to sit up, because if he moves now he'll feel the wind and all the secrets stacked within him will spill out and he'll be emptier than before.

He seems to be giving her her distance for the day, and she's relieved. She's outside, sweeping the walkway. The sun is setting in the distance.

It's strange. It's so, so strange because two days ago, she didn't know him, and according to the principles of life she's carefully built up over the years, he should still be a stranger to her, and yet… She understands now. What he meant when he said some people don't take time to get to know. Sometimes you just… know. Because looking at him was like looking into a mirror, and once she recognized that, he became almost transparent.

She feels opened, all of a sudden. Like someone made a cut in her flesh and prised her apart so everything inside was plain to see. It's the first time she's ever felt this way. She's been so careful to never let anything out. She'd never had thought that someone could just reach in and pull her out of herself as easily as scooping a fish out of a fishbowl. She's been so careful to sever ties before they become bonds, but this time, it happened too fast and now, she's helpless.

He's there again. She can feel his eyes from the second floor, staring out the window at her. And this time, she turns to look at him.

He's still for a second, as if thinking about whether it's all right, and then he smiles.

He's attractive in his own way, she's come to realize. There's a crisp, aristocratic beauty to him, like an old city dressed in snow. And he tries so desperately to melt it all, but he can't, not by himself. He tries too hard, like he's never known loss. She dismissed him as a child, and he really is. But maybe that's the kind of person she needs. Someone to chase after her—because secretly, she wants to be caught.

She smiles back, just a little. He probably didn't see it.

(He does—or maybe he doesn't, but he definitely knows it's there.)

She knows if she goes out to the garden tonight, he'll know and he'll come there. So when she leaves her room and stands against the garden wall, she knows she's not there to take in the fresh air at all. She's waiting for him.

When he appears, she forces herself to keep looking ahead. Wordlessly, he takes his place beside her, and, leaning heavily against the wall, places his hand on top of hers.

"Have you ever thought about just throwing it all away?"

"What?"

"Everything. Everything you're carrying that's holding you back, dragging you down. I think sometimes we forget we're not tied to those things. You can let go at any time."

She shakes her head. "It's not that easy. I'm sure you know that."

"It isn't easy because we don't really want to. Inside, none of us really want to change." He squeezes her hand. "But what I'm saying is, if we really want to, we can."

She smiles. She likes him most when he's like this—serious but not. "Then I guess the hard part is making yourself want to change."

"Yeah. Yeah, I suppose that's it." Then, gently, like he's handling glass, he takes her shoulders and pins her to the wall. It's beginning to rain lightly. "But sometimes, other people can do so easily what you've been trying and failing to do since forever."

"Hm."

"When I think of you, I feel like I want to throw everything away. It's not a lie." He's beginning to feel the rain beneath his clothes, so he leans closer, until their bodies are flush against each other.

She lets out a shaky breath. "I don't know a thing about you, you know. What do you even do for a living? What's your family like? What's your favourite colour?"

"White." He laughs a little. "But does that even matter?"

"If we're being practical… yes, it matters a lot."

"I don't do practical," he says, and as he kisses her he smiles.

They go on, feeling warmth in each other as the rain soaks them to the bone. He finds Rin is responsive when he provokes her, but she always takes a bit of coaxing to try new things on her own. Somewhere along the line, his shirt came unbuttoned, and Rin's nightdress is nearly see-through.

He smirks and says, "Might as well just take it off then, huh?" but then she pushes him off.

"Le— Master."

"You can call me by my name. The whole maid thing is just a pretense, honestly."

"Yeah, okay, Len. Listen, I…" She stops when he starts kissing her neck. She shivers but pushes him off once more.

"What?" he asks playfully. "Are you cold?"

"No. But I just… have to tell you…"

When he leans in and bites her earlobe, she pushes him again, this time with force to punctuate. "Just listen!"

"Sorry. I—"

"Whatever. Just put your clothes back on."

He suddenly realizes his shirt had fallen off his shoulders onto the ground. He picks it up—it's dirty and sopping—and says, "You expect me to wear this?"

She chews on the inside of her cheek. "N-No, but…"

"You have a problem with me being shirtless?"

"W-Well, it makes it harder to talk, okay?!"

He realizes teasing her makes him feel warm, and his smile comes completely naturally. "Well, you're the one who took it off in the first place, weren't you?"

She turns completely red. Len laughs.

"I only undid the buttons! You're the one who freaking threw it off like a bullfighter cape— Ugh, never mind! Just listen to what I have to say, will you? Jeez!"

He lets himself laugh for a few seconds, then says calmly, "I'm listening." His eyes look so soft, and suddenly Rin's throat closes up. But she has to. She has to.

She takes a deep breath.

"I can't do this."

It takes him a moment to realize what she just said. When he does, he slowly stands up straight, his hand rising from her shoulder. "Can't…"

"Be involved with you like this anymore. Please just leave me be."

She had to, she had to, she keeps telling herself, but it doesn't make it any easier seeing him deflate in her hands like a balloon.

"Rin, I—"

"You kept talking about how you were prepared to throw everything away for me. And that made me happy, you know. Who wouldn't be happy to hear that? But I can't accept it. I'm surprised you didn't predict that."

He shakes his head. "Maybe—maybe I did. I probably did. But I guess I ignored it. Because…" He'd been too hopeful.

"The passion of the moment is sure to wilt," she says softly. "You won't always feel this way. It might feel like you're tied to me by fate right now, but if you're willing to 'throw everything away' so suddenly, who's to say you won't feel like throwing me away? And I…"

"You don't have to be scared. Please, just trust me."

"I'm not scared. Don't worry." She sighs. "We're from different worlds. I have my own life and things I have to do that you have no idea about, and you have things I don't know about. Because we never bothered with those worldly things. It's like… we're connected in spirit, you know? But only in spirit. The reality is that we're still practically strangers."

He doesn't say anything.

She slips from between him and the wall, and makes to walk away. "It's so strange. The feeling I get around you is so powerful, and I don't understand it at all. Isn't love supposed to take time? Aren't I supposed to date you for at least six months?" She can't help smiling. "You and I were in an instant. But we'll be gone in an instant more."

She leaves before she can distinguish his tears from the rainwater.

He bursts into her room early the next morning.

"Good morning, good morning!"

She's fully clothed in bed, but it's her instinct to pull her covers up all the way like a shield between them. "What? Why the hell are you in here?! What if I was changing?"

He waves her off. "Doesn't matter."

Her jaw drops in outrage.

He waves her off again. "We need to talk."

"I don't want to listen to—"

"By the time I leave this room, you'll have changed your mind."

"So you're planning on holing yourself up in here?" she says sarcastically.

He just shakes his head and smiles, and sits at the edge of her bed. She glares at him, but he holds a finger to his lips and says, "Don't worry." And her glare kind of just melts away—that's the power he's always had, and she's not sure she could find anywhere else.

"So," he says jovially, "I really like cats."

She glares.

"When I was a kid, I couldn't have any, though, because my little brother was allergic. Even now, though, when I have enough money to buy a thousand cats and their families—I still can't. Because of the furniture."

She can't believe this. She can't believe he's invaded her morning privacy to talk about cats.

"Yeah, well, I hate cats!" she growls. "They're lazy and ugly and—"

"So are you a dog person then?"

"No. They're worse."

"Really?" he says pleasantly. "Well, I don't really like dogs. They're so clumsy."

"I really couldn't care less what you think."

He's a little aloof as flicks his brows. "Aw, really? But you were all over me last night."

"Are you really… going this way again…"

She thought she'd broken through this seamless exterior of his, after all the serious conversations they had. But she supposes they're different people, Len by day and Len by night. She realizes she's kind of different, too.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"I-It's nothing."

He gives her a reassuring glance and says, "So, my favourite kind of music is classical. I look the type, don't I? So I guess that's something you already knew about me. I listened to Debussy a lot when I was a kid, because my dad had a CD of his stuff."

"Claire de lune."

"Exactly! That's his most famous one, isn't it? When I listen to it, I start to feel kind of melancholy."

She raises her head to look at him, at the exact same moment as he turned to face her. Realizing this, she blushes. "I-I don't really hear it as melancholy. It's just… really calming."

"And that's the difference between me and you, isn't it?"

"What?"

"I could take a leaf from your book, I really could."

"What are you talking about?"

He smiles as he looks away. "It doesn't matter."

There's silence. Len realizes she's waiting for him to say something, and she'll absolutely destroy the calm between them if he doesn't say anything in five, four, three, two…

"Please."

He hears her breath suck in that instant, and if he were to meet her in the eyes, he'd be able to hear the monotone buzz of thoughts rushing from one end of her mind to the other.

She wants to bury herself in the blankets and just die, but with that single word, Len passed all the weight of the conversation onto her, and now he's waiting, and he won't leave until she answers. He won't leave for years if that's what it takes.

"I… do kind of like you, you know."

It takes all of his strength to keep still as the electricity sabotages his heart.

"Then why—"

"But, I mean, that's not enough, is it? There are so many other things that you have to keep in mind, and I just don't think that we…"

"Are you afraid of me?"

"What?"

"I told you. I've already told you. You don't have to be afraid! So…"

In one extravagant motion, he leaps up and rips her blanket from her and tosses it away. It billows in the air like a bullfighter's red cape before crumpling up on the floor. He stands above her, and one look in his eyes tells her he's positively exhilarated.

"JUST LET YOURSELF LOVE ME ALREADY!"

He stares at her, and if she didn't know any better, she'd say he was murderous.

She laughs. It starts off mostly internal, but eventually she can't help it and soon she's clutching her stomach and rolling around by his feet, completely unable to control herself.

He just stands there, puzzled.

When she comes to, she takes his hand, tentatively, and when he doesn't shake her off, she gently pulls him down to sit with her.

"You're so stupid. You looked so stupid saying that. I almost wanted to die."

He looks completely confused. She grins.

"Hey. Did you comb you hair before coming here?"

And before he can say anything, she smooths his bangs away from his face. He's completely frozen, but not from cold—from warmth.

"Obviously not," she chuckles.

"Rin, uh, what—"

She lets her hand drop into her lap. "I'm sorry. I just—you're right. I was scared. And I couldn't quite trust you when you said not to be. But…" She cracks a grin. "I don't know. You're so stupid. And so I've realized it's alright."

Len's eyes widen. "I don't understand. At all."

She shrugs. "I just thought that if I were in your position, I'd feel the same way you do. And maybe I can sympathize with how you feel because I feel the same way."

He smiles slowly. "Rin…"

"We're very similar, me and you." She rests her head on his shoulder. "I realized I don't have to give you my forever just yet. But if it's enough for you, I can give you my now."

He rests his hand on the back of her head. "Now is enough. For now."

.

"Oh, yeah," Rin says. "And I lied. I actually really love cats. Let's go buy one."

hi hi thanks for reading, pls review

/lies down and dies

I'll probably do another maid/master fic one day