Hey. So this is a one-shot about Merlin's character. The show 'Merlin' was a great show, even though it had its faults. But it gave us some wonderful, complex characters, and in my opinion Merlin is the most interesting of all. This is just my thoughts on how his character developed, and why he did the things he did. I might do another one about Arthur, and I might not, but anyway, I just wanted to write this for the beautiful, but tragic character that is Merlin.
-_-_-_-_In a land of myth, and time of magic…-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
When Merlin first met Arthur, he hated him. That much was clear to everyone around them. Maybe he didn't hate him so much to wish him dead. But he wouldn't have lost much sleep if Arthur was to suddenly drop dead. And when he found out that his destiny was to protect him… Well he had mixed feelings about that. As he got to know Arthur, he began to see that maybe Arthur wasn't as big of a clotpole as had originally thought. He was a stubborn ass, of course, but there was something really good inside him as well. Someone who had that kind of good inside him couldn't be that bad.
The whole destiny thing was pretty hard to come to terms with. And it wasn't just the part where it concerned Arthur as well. That was the easier part actually. Once he had seen that there was some good in Arthur, it became easy to believe that this good can grow and develop. The thing that bothered him was that his destiny was so tightly connected to the life of another person. To protect Arthur, and to guide Arthur to his destiny, these were noble things, but it was all for Arthur. Not one thing about this destiny thing was about Merlin himself. Even the part about his powers, the one thing that was truly a part of him, was about Arthur. It seemed that everything he had and was, was to serve Arthur. So when the task of saving Arthur from threats became usual for him, he started to wonder if this is all he would ever do. When it seemed that Arthur never noticed his struggles, all of his sacrifices…. He wondered why destiny had chosen him. He gave so much, and Arthur never said thank you. He knew that he had to protect Arthur, and he never thought about abandoning his destiny… But sometimes he wondered if this was all that destiny had to offer. A life of power and magic, filled with pain and uncertainty, and all of that for another person. He wondered if his destiny would ever be more than just Arthur. He wondered if there would ever be anything more.
He had struggled with this, but during his struggles, he never gave up on protecting Arthur. Even when he wondered if this was all fair, protecting Arthur always came first. And in time, it became easier. He got used to never getting the gratitude for his actions. He even got used to the lying.
The lies came easy in the beginning, when it was the simple matter of choosing to lie and live, or tell the truth and die. And in the beginning it was easy. It was oh, so simple. But in time, it became harder and harder.
As time passed by, Merlin grew very fond of Arthur. And not just the destined Arthur, Prince Arthur, The Once and Future King who would unite the lands. He grew to cherish and love Arthur, the blond clotpole with bad jokes and a short temper, who was none the less always there when someone needed him. When Merlin was sad, Arthur would try to cheer him up, even if he didn't always know what caused Merlin's sadness. In time, he realized that he no longer protected Arthur only because of his destiny. He would always respect the King that Arthur was destined to become. But he would do anything for his friend, Arthur. And the moment he realized that, it became much easier to come to grips with his destiny.
As he and Arthur grew as people, their lives changed. They were sometimes filled with happiness, but more often than not, with pain with suffering. Merlin lost a lot of friends and loved ones during the years. But he never once blamed Arthur, or his destiny for this. He despaired, but he only ever blamed himself. He should have done better, he should have protected these people. And that only made him more dedicated to his destiny, and more ready to protect that destiny no matter what.
The dedication to his destiny took a toll on him. Merlin had always had to lie to Arthur of course. And he always felt bad when doing so. As their friendship deepened, the guilt that Merlin felt grew heavier. Arthur trusted him more every day. And Merlin lied to him more and more every day. It was the one thing that was in the way of their friendship. And although Arthur didn't know this, Merlin did. It never stopped bothering him, even though he understood why it had to be so.
Unfortunately, over the years, lying became second nature to Merlin. He lied to Arthur, to Gwen, the knights. He lied to everyone, and on occasion, he even lied to Gaius. It hurt him every time, but as the years passed, it became easier convincing himself that this was how it had to be. He felt less guilty about it every time. It still pained him though. Every time that Arthur would joke about how bad Merlin was at keeping secrets, it was like a small dagger made its way to Merlin's heart. It was easier to tell the lies. But the guilt was always there, however small it was.
His magic grew stronger as he grew older. He learned new spells, and most importantly, he learned more about human nature. He became smarter, more cunning and more confident in himself. He believed in his instincts, even when others warned him against it. And often, his instincts were true. But sometimes, they weren't.
Sometimes, he made mistakes. Horrible mistakes that cost people their lives or their good character. He had so many things he regretted doing. And because of that, he tried to undo many of the wrongs he had done. That often resulted in even more catastrophic results. More lives had been lost, and Merlin's soul suffered so much more.
The remarkable thing was that he never lost his goodness. He never went to the side of evil. But he did cross some limits. Limits that the younger Merlin would never even dream of crossing. His naïve ways were gone, and his trusting nature was replaced by a more skeptical one. He still believed there was good in people. But he wasn't so fast to dismiss that there was bad in them too.
The young boy Merlin was slowly transforming into the man Merlin. The side of him that loved to use his powers, to learn about them, and to protect people was still there. He was always there to help those who needed help. The years gave him a wisdom to know how to react in certain situations, when magic was needed, and also, when the situation called for a solution different than magic. He made Arthur a better man, and without intending to, he let Arthur influence him into becoming a better man as well. Their friendship made Merlin braver than he ever thought he could be.
But with the years, another side of Merlin developed as well. A side that hadn't been there before. He became more dedicated to his destiny than ever. He became more patient, and much more calculating. He had to kill some people, in order to protect the ones he loved. It always bothered him to kill, and he always tried to find another way. But he years hardened him. And as a true warrior, he learned to recognize that sometimes, people were going to die. He never liked this. But he became more confident that this was something he had to do.
His destiny changed Merlin. It changed it him in good and bad ways, but it changed him none the less. He truly became the greatest warlock that has ever lived. And all of that because of Arthur, and thanks to Arthur. He no longer felt that his destiny wasn't enough. Helping Arthur fulfill his destiny was now an honour for him, something he had to do, but also, something he wanted to do. He was proud of everything that he and Arthur had accomplished together. He was proud that he had Arthur as a friend. And he was proud that Arthur considered him a friends as well. He was truly happy to serve Arhur until the day he died.
But of course, destiny had other plans. As much as he tried to save Arthur, in the end he failed. They had built so much together. They had been through so much. And now because of Merlin, Camelot lost its king. The people lost their leader, the knights lost their champion, Gwen lost her husband, and Merlin lost his friend.
His destiny was over now. Even though they had achieved everything that the prophecies said they would do, Merlin felt cheated. This became so much more than just a prophecy for him. This became his life, his meaning, his everything. They could have done so much more. He dedicated his life to this and now…. It was all gone. All because Merlin couldn't protect his friend.
He knew he was supposed to move on. His destiny was fulfilled, and Arthur was dead. But he couldn't. Something inside him encouraged him to keep hoping. It wasn't just hope. It was faith in Arthur. The man who was his destiny. The man who was his master, his prince, and later his King. The man who he followed everywhere, always sacrificing everything for him. And most importantly, it was his friend. Just his friend, Arthur who always tried to save everyone, and who noticed when Merlin was sad. That was the man who Merlin believed in. And that was why Merlin would never give up on Arthur.