Towashi's rant, an astro boy fanfic

It's not bigotry, it's the law.

My thoughts on robots

Inspector Towashi

By Dan Rush

" I (name) do swear to uphold the law to the highest integrity with strict conviction and dedication as due my trust by the people. To put the general safety and security of and for the people as first and foremost. To resist corruption, deplore and abhor evils and tolerate no sanctuary or protection of both for in the end, peace is my utmost profession."

Every law enforcement officer in our city takes that oath from my office down to the lowest paper clerk. Peace is our profession, which is why we're normally called "Peace Officers." I have a right to be a little boastful when I say our city, among all the other major metropolis in Japan, has the lowest crime rate per cappa population. It comes with being a tight master over a very tightly run ship. I'll also say that I don't win popularity polls, I'm not here to make friends.

Criminals hate my guts, the time span between a criminal act and arrest in Metro City can be measured by the "5 Mississippi" rule, count 5 seconds and the perp finds themselves looking down the barrel of a tank cannon. Like I said, efficiency pays off.

Now I do give robots their due, I mean you don't get an excellent response to crime without good citizenship and indeed they do make excellent citizens. But I prefer to keep my blue line human because of the visual presentation dilemma of having a robot arrest a human. It just doesn't look normal to me. There's things robots can't do that your average flesh and blood cop excels in. I fight the complaints every day that I'm being a racist or that I'm violating some robot's civil rights for not letting them go from desk clerk to patrolman but as I said before, I'm not here to win popularity polls.

I'm not keen about a certain small robot, let me get that one right out front. I tolerate Astro because he does good for the city but that's about it. If you were the one having to sit through an ass chewing session between the mayor and some angry people over collateral damages, you'd understand me better. I always stress that Law Enforcement should be accomplished by the most unobtrusive means available. Not by throwing things through walls, wrestling matches that turn Ginza into a pile of rubble and certainly not inciting brawls with mass driver cannon armed brats!

I mean wouldn't it be better for someone to carry his toys out of the city "before" he plays with them? For instance…a 30 ton out of control army tank can't move very well when its tracks are off the ground…why did you have to toss it through a new car lot?

"Because it was in an unpopulated area of the city." Isn't a good answer Astro! The city paid 3 million dollars for those cars! We could have used that money to upgrade the cannons on our police tanks you know.

"But what difference would a 120mm gun make from a 105mm gun, sounds kinda ridiculously over killing isn't it?" Little smart ass misses the point completely.

My current problem is this Atlas kid who showed up a year ago. Since then the level of Astro created destruction has expodentialled significantly. I'm convinced Astro's helping him or hiding him for job security. Crime is crime even if Atlas does things we can't legally charge him with, he's still a menace to the city!

I'm either super tolerant or super foolish, I have come in a hair's breath of deputizing Astro under the "Criminal Deterrence Statute" which would give that bot no wiggle room, he would have to hunt down and arrest Atlas in whole or in pieces but I sizzle away from my best judgment.

It's some sort of robot mind control. Some how that robot couples all the good he does with kabuki theater looks and I'm compelled to let him have his way….damn him, I'd like to strangle the guy who decided to give innocent looks and charm tricks to robots! And if it's not him doing it to me, it's his sister working her sick silly cuteness on my wife!

"Now dear, give the sweet thing a chance. At least that mean robot isn't using permanent spray paint. See…they remembered your birthday" You got to my wife you conniving little…robots don't need to look like people, they're supposed to be impersonal beings who just do what we tell them, a simple yes, a bow and "hutt two' three' four!" is all they should be capable of…but damn these cookies Zoran sent me are to kill for….SEE WHAT I MEAN!

I tell Doctor O'Shay over and over that Astro needs to stop watching NCIS, CSI or whatever has him on this junior sleuth complex and leave law enforcement to the real police. When I need help, I'll make the call and my officers will do their jobs first. It's not conducive for my department to be upstaged all the time by some know-it-all metal brat!

And about Skunk Kusai, do you always have to do some stupid meaningless act of cruelty every time you apprehend him Astro, I mean come on…stuffing him in a huge ball of taffy? Do you know how much of a mess that caused in my station? I know you're trying to shame him strait but have a heart for the people who have to clean up your shenanigans will you?

Just one day, one day I wish that bot would stay quiet in school, pretend he's learning something and go home. I'm sure you have more than enough homework to keep you quietly entertained don't you?

And yes, I am very thankful for the gift of sushi platter. It offsets the smoldering still coming from the Ginza.

Towashi-San