Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah. They're mine. Everyone knows that except Marvel and their opinion doesn't count.
Archive: WRFA, Mutual Admiration, Dolphin Haven. Or just ask I guess...
Feedback: Sure, bring it on.
Author's notes: This is the fault of two things: A rather distasteful writer's block and Challenge in a Can. I got the words "Jean Grey", "Hollow" and "Cigarettes" and just had to do this...
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What a week this have been! I'm a wreck in every conceivable way there is. My body's been
on the receiving end of some severe beatings from just about every member of the Brotherhood
there is, Rogue's blaming me for causing Logan to get hurt in the fight and I can't concentrate
on anything.
The worst part is that Rogue's right. It is my fault. I couldn't concentrate on anything
during the fight just because I'm such a weak weak woman. I really could have chosen a
better week to finally try to quit my smoking habit. A much better week.
I know, I know. Those cigarettes will kill me if I don't get my act together and finally
quit but why do everything have to happen when I have to fight my own mind to keep
the cravings at bay?
Come on, how hard could it have been to keep Logan in mid-air for him to claw that piece
of machinery to pieces? Normally, I wouldn't even need to think about it. Or as little
as I need to think about how to breathe in and out. Not even when Sabretooth decided
to try to take me out.
Creed may think of himself as the best warrior there is but I know better. He's not
thinking, he just acts with no thought of the consequences. Which is why I normally
have no trouble keeping him at bay with my telekinesis. This time though, everything
was different.
The lack of nicotine made me nervous, careless, jumpy and edgy. I even tried to find
a pack a cigarettes in my costume knowing fully well there's not even a pocket there
to keep it in the first place.
To make a long story short Creed caught me by surprise and I got clawed up pretty
badly and dropped Logan in the process. He hit his head very hard against the wall
several times on his way down and got knocked out cold. If it hadn't been for Scott
and Remy coming running to our defense we might not have survived Sabretooth's fury.
Like I said, it is my fault and I don't know how to deal with it. I wish I knew
but the only way I can think of is to calm myself down with a cigarette but I
refuse to do that. Nothing more can happen now that requires me to be in tip-top
shape can it? Not down here in the medbay.
But damn how I long for a smoke. I feel so hollow. Not only because of the lack
of nicotine. No, that's not even the main reason.
It's the guilt. It's eating me up from inside. I know Logan will recover so that's not
it. And I know Rogue's aware of that too.
No, the guilt is because he got hurt in the first place. Because of *me*.
Am I really cut out to be a part of the X-men?
I don't know. Maybe I never will know.
All I know now is guilt.
Archive: WRFA, Mutual Admiration, Dolphin Haven. Or just ask I guess...
Feedback: Sure, bring it on.
Author's notes: This is the fault of two things: A rather distasteful writer's block and Challenge in a Can. I got the words "Jean Grey", "Hollow" and "Cigarettes" and just had to do this...
-------------------------
What a week this have been! I'm a wreck in every conceivable way there is. My body's been
on the receiving end of some severe beatings from just about every member of the Brotherhood
there is, Rogue's blaming me for causing Logan to get hurt in the fight and I can't concentrate
on anything.
The worst part is that Rogue's right. It is my fault. I couldn't concentrate on anything
during the fight just because I'm such a weak weak woman. I really could have chosen a
better week to finally try to quit my smoking habit. A much better week.
I know, I know. Those cigarettes will kill me if I don't get my act together and finally
quit but why do everything have to happen when I have to fight my own mind to keep
the cravings at bay?
Come on, how hard could it have been to keep Logan in mid-air for him to claw that piece
of machinery to pieces? Normally, I wouldn't even need to think about it. Or as little
as I need to think about how to breathe in and out. Not even when Sabretooth decided
to try to take me out.
Creed may think of himself as the best warrior there is but I know better. He's not
thinking, he just acts with no thought of the consequences. Which is why I normally
have no trouble keeping him at bay with my telekinesis. This time though, everything
was different.
The lack of nicotine made me nervous, careless, jumpy and edgy. I even tried to find
a pack a cigarettes in my costume knowing fully well there's not even a pocket there
to keep it in the first place.
To make a long story short Creed caught me by surprise and I got clawed up pretty
badly and dropped Logan in the process. He hit his head very hard against the wall
several times on his way down and got knocked out cold. If it hadn't been for Scott
and Remy coming running to our defense we might not have survived Sabretooth's fury.
Like I said, it is my fault and I don't know how to deal with it. I wish I knew
but the only way I can think of is to calm myself down with a cigarette but I
refuse to do that. Nothing more can happen now that requires me to be in tip-top
shape can it? Not down here in the medbay.
But damn how I long for a smoke. I feel so hollow. Not only because of the lack
of nicotine. No, that's not even the main reason.
It's the guilt. It's eating me up from inside. I know Logan will recover so that's not
it. And I know Rogue's aware of that too.
No, the guilt is because he got hurt in the first place. Because of *me*.
Am I really cut out to be a part of the X-men?
I don't know. Maybe I never will know.
All I know now is guilt.