Sixteen Important Things Valkyrie Cain Learned At The Aperture Science Testing Facility Last Tuesday
1. When Skulduggery says 'don't touch that lever' it's probably best to listen to him. Otherwise it's highly likely that you'll be pulled down a chute and sent into a tiny room where a female voice will inform you of the various fun ways in which you may possibly die during testing.
2. Although placing a portal above you and one below you, and falling down an infinite amount of times is initially fun, it's really painful and difficult to get yourself out of the loop. Even with those cool boots on.
3. Magical fire and portals really don't mix well.
4. Keep hold of your enchanted clothes. They're especially handy when cute white robots start firing lasers at you.
5. Said cute white robots may, indeed, look extremely cute, but the best thing to do to them is make them explode with cleverly applied air elemental magic. Alternatively, use Necromancy.
6. It's very satisfying to see cute white robots being torn to pieces by shadows.
7. Intelligence Spheres that speak with British accents are almost always bad news.
8. The Companion Cube isn't actually sentient, and you should never forget that. If you are forced to euthanize it in some way or another, you shouldn't feel guilty, because, as stated before, it isn't sentient.
9. Using the air to levitate storage cubes onto buttons is probably cheating, but it's the best way to get through the tests.
10. The cake may look amazingly delicious and moist, but it is a lie, and you should probably remember that.
11. Although a party might seem like a pretty good idea after all you've been through, don't assume the Party Escort Position on request. It's entirely possible that the party, like the cake, might turn out to be a lie.
12. Don't wait for Skulduggery to turn up and save you. It'll take too long and besides, you're a sorcerer who has a portal gun. You're pretty much invincible.
13. Destroying the robot-lady's morality core is a really bad idea.
14. Forget number 12. You're not invincible when it comes to deadly neurotoxins.
15. Artificial Intelligences without morality core scream really loudly when defeated.
16. When you meet up with Skulduggery after you get out of Aperture, and he asks where you've been... don't mention the fact that you kept your portal gun. After all, you're going to have a lot of fun with it later on.