When Lily Isn'tHome
"You sure you lot will be alright?" Lily asked skeptically, throwing her purse over her shoulder.
"Ah, come on, Evans. We'll be fine, won't we Harry?" James received a happy but unintelligible gurgle from the chubby child in his arms.
"Okay, then. I'll only be gone a few hours. You boys behave yourselves." They each got a peck on the cheek before beaming up at Lily angelically. With one last warning look, she shut the door behind her.
"Harry, Harry, watch out, look –"
Crash
"I swear to Merlin, Lily's going to string up the lot of you," Remus warned while attempting to mend the latest of the objects that the youngest Potter had managed to break, shatter, tear, or otherwise destroy.
"Oh, come off it, Moony!" Sirius was lounging on the couch, his feet on the coffee table, wearing a cocky grin, looking for all the world as if they weren't all at major risk of being crucified by Lily when she returned from her lunch date with Marlene McKinnon. "What Evans doesn't know won't hurt her, after all."
"Yeah, mate," James interjected, sticking his head out of the refrigerator and speaking between mouthfuls of chocolate cake. "She's not due back for hours, so stop fretting, would you?" Just then, little Harry zoomed past his father's head, missing him by a hair's breadth, squealing all the while. Peter, who had been chasing Harry around the house frantically for quite some time, finally threw himself down on the couch, out of breath and red in the face.
"Prongs – control – your kid – mate," he panted out. "Doesn't he – ever stay bloody put?"
"He needs his practice if he's gonna grow up to be a Quidditch legend like his old man," James beamed. "I mean, look at the enthusiasm, the agility, the –"
"The right mess he's made of the place." Remus, who had just finished repairing a shattered vase, sighed exasperatedly upon witnessing Harry knock over the fish bowl. With a flick of his wand, the bowl, water, and goldfish froze in midair, then resumed their original positions. "Alright, that's quite enough of that," he said firmly, slowing the hyperactive toddler's broom down with another wave of his wand, then plucking the child from it.
This, of course, elicited an uproar from James and Sirius. "He was just having some fun!"
"Remus Jane Lupin, you will not impede my godson in his Quidditch practice –"
"My middle name is John, you twat."
"Guys," Peter spoke up tremulously.
"That's that then," said James dramatically, pretending to swoon and draping himself on the couch. "My son, the only son of the James Potter, deprived of following in his father's glorious footsteps on the Quidditch pitch."
"Alas!" cried out Sirius, clutching his chest and raising mournful eyes to the heavens. "Such a pity. And YOU! Remus–Jacqueline—Lupin are to blame, for your party-pooping ways!"
"You horrible monster!"
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Um, mates?" tried Peter again.
The other three rounding on him with a "what,"Peter silently pointed to Harry sitting forlorn on the carpet of the living room, his lower lip quivering alarmingly.
Silence, then a quiet: "Oh God, please, no." The toddler took his father's plea as an invitation to open his mouth and begin wailing as if his life depended on it. The four friends scrambled to placate him: Remus summoned a stuffed bear, Peter made faces that were meant to be funny (but were actually quite scary), Sirius desperately began to sing a bawdy song he learned fourth year because it was the only one he could think of under pressure, and James simultaneously conjured bubbles from the tip of his wand and smacked Sirius upside the head ("don't corrupt my kid, you pervy git"). Meanwhile, Harry's shrieking, if anything, had only increased in volume and intensity, and his beet-red face was soaked with tears.
Then, all of a sudden, before any of them could react, the four friends' worst fears were realized. In through the front door barged an agitated Lily, closely followed by a confused-looking Marlene.
No one moved or spoke for a full ten seconds until Harry, whose tears had miraculously ceased, broke the silence with a jubilant cry of "Mama!"
But Mama, seeing that her baby was not in any mortal danger, had eyes only for the four men frozen in the middle of an utterly destroyed living room. Marlene, surveying the open fridge, the walls covered in crayon, the shattered picture frames, and broken window, whistled in awe. "Well," she said in an amused voice. "I'm off, then. May God have mercy on your souls." And she let herself out, a smirk playing on her lips.
The sound of the door shutting behind Marlene seemed to snap Lily out of her trance. Her blazing eyes never leaving those of her understandably terrified husband's, she addressed their equally petrified friends: "Out."
They didn't need to be told twice. "Nice knowing you, mate," Sirius muttered as he passed James on his way to the front door. "But, Evans, in our defense—"
"OUT!" Remus, Peter, and Sirius had sprinted out the door before she had finished the word. Now the redhead turned on the elder Potter with flames in her eyes. "As for you," she began in a taut voice. "You will not rest until this house is spotless. You will clean every last nook and cranny." James could only manage a nod.
Lily then turned her attention to Harry and her expression changed dramatically. Her eyes lit up with joy and she gave him a warm smile that melted James' heart (and perhaps inspired a tinge of jealousy). "Oh, my baby, Mama missed you so much!" she crooned, picking the giggling child up in her arms. "Did Daddy and his silly friends give you a hard time?" Seeing Harry's pout, she again looked daggers at James, before making her way upstairs with the child.
"Oi!" James called out after them. "A little help would be appreciated. It's all your son's fault, after all!"
"Have fun!" he heard Lily shout back in a singsong voice. And so, the great James Potter, Quidditch legend, daring member of the Order of the Phoenix, and extraordinary wizard, set to work on the household chores.
By the time James had finished cleaning the first level of the house from top to bottom, it was three hours later and he was beyond exhausted. He slowly dragged himself up the stairs, rehearsing his apology to Lily in his head. Hopefully she'd accept it and he wouldn't have to sleep on the (now practically sterile) couch. Passing by their bedroom, he saw that it was empty. He made his way over to Harry's nursery, and sure enough, there she was.
Harry, now clean, was fast asleep in his crib. Lily, who had been reading in her favorite chair next to the crib, bookmarked the page and closed the book. Looking up at James with a stony expression, she asked whether or not he had finished all his chores. James couldn't help but grin at her ridiculous attempt to look intimidating. For all her fury, she could not change the softness of her emerald eyes. She could not repress the inherent kindness that emanated from her every pore. Her angry expression clashed with the loving details she had added to Harry's nursery and how carefully she had tucked him in. Hoping to cool her temper, he became flirtatious James from seventh year again. "Yes, your majesty, everything is as you requested it."
"Good," she replied, ignoring his attempt at banter and opening her book again. As much effort as she was putting into appearing nonchalant and oblivious to James' presence, her eyes were not moving across the page and she visibly tensed when he made his way behind her chair.
"Watcha reading?" he asked innocently.
"A book," she replied frostily.
"Watch it Evans, that sass could get you in a lot of trouble."
"Oh yeah, trouble with who?" she responded, turning around in her chair.
"Why, with me of course," he said in a mock-serious tone, making as stern a face as he could.
At that, Lily couldn't help but burst out laughing, and stopped abruptly at a whine from Harry's direction. "No offense, Potter," she said quietly, "but you don't scare me."
"Is that so?" He approached her slowly, a devilish grin on his face. Lily rose slowly from her chair and now it was her turn to be backed up against the wall. When he was close enough, she whispered a challenge in his ear: "catch me if you can."
And she was off. James made sure to gently shut the door to the nursery behind him, and then sprinted after his wife. He had heard her bounding down the stairs, so he made his way down to the first floor and searched for her. "Oh, come on Evans, we both know I'm gonna win. I always do."
Then, right on cue, came the scoff he was expecting. Giggling to himself, he crept up to the pantry where the sound had come from. Quickly, so as not to give her a chance to react, he swung the door open. Lily squealed and tried to get past him, but James grabbed her and effortlessly threw her over his shoulder. "Potter, I swear to God, if you don't put me down right now—" but she broke into a hopeless fit of giggles before she could threaten him properly.
He threw her down onto the couch and held her down. Looking up at him through her lashes, she smiled at him seductively. "What are you going to do to me, Potter?"
"I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, Evans" he answered in as low and gravelly a voice as he could manage. Then, replacing his sexy smolder with his signature goofy grin, he got up real close and said: "I'm gonna make you beg for mercy." And he proceeded to tickle her mercilessly. She shrieked so loud he could swear they could hear her from Hogwarts.
"POTTER" she screamed. "STOP IT RIGH—" But she couldn't get two words out for how hard she was laughing.
"What was that, dear?" James teased. "I didn't quite catch that." And poor Lily squealed and squirmed under her husband's relentless fingers, unable to utter anything in the least comprehensible. Now James was laughing too. He missed this. Letting go with the love of his life and, for a short while at least, forgetting all the evil and danger that lurked just outside their door. While he was lost in thought, Lily caught him by surprise. She kicked him in the stomach and, in the blink of an eye, straddled him on the floor, securing both his wrists with her hands.
"I've got you now, you git." The triumphant glint in her eyes, coupled with her messy hair, red face, and overall disheveled appearance, caused James to let out a chuckle.
"I love you, Lily Potter," he told her, his eyes never leaving hers. And he meant it. Whenever she let her feistiness come out, he remembered what made him fall in love with her in the first place.
Lily couldn't help the huge smile on her face. "I love you, too, James Potter."
"Oh, thank Merlin." He let out a relived sigh. "You know, I had my doubts."
Lily hit him on the chest lightly, giggling. "Oh, shut up." Her expression darkened and she said, in a much lower voice, "Now, how about we continue this upstairs?'
James decided that all the housework was worth it in the end. "I like the way you think, Evans."