A.N. Post-ep for 'The Tall Man'
"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:21
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He'd begun to worry about her when he'd gotten the text about the case, and seen where they were headed.
His reasons for worry had been confirmed when she'd volunteered to interview her sister's old boyfriend, now reassigned into the role of father to a missing girl. She'd done so with the stoic façade he'd been certain she would put into place, trying to convince herself she was not being affected by where she was, and what she was doing. But he knew, from long experience, that she had to be roiling within.
He'd worried more when she'd insisted on confronting their unsub, holding the precious links of gold once given her by her sister. And now, three days after their return, he was worried still.
She wasn't herself. She'd come in for work each day, participated in conversations, read through files, answered phone calls. But, by Reid's calculating eye, she'd read through less than a quarter of her usual volume, and he'd noticed her slip a few folders back into the pile, obviously too distracted to give them the attention they needed.
He'd waited her out and given her the time he was so sure she would have demanded, had he approached her earlier. But that time had passed, and the opportunity of an empty bullpen had presented itself. So, he made a run to the coffee bay and brewed her a mug of her favorite tea, bringing it over to her desk.
"Present for you." Setting the mug down.
JJ looked up distractedly, though he hadn't seen her turn a page for a full ten minutes.
"Huh? Oh, thanks."
She turned her face back to the file on her desk, as a means of dismissing him. Most days, that would have worked. But never when he was on a mission. So, today, Reid moved around her and perched on the edge of her desk.
JJ heaved a sigh and closed the file. Grabbing the mug, she leaned back in her chair and looked up at him.
"What's up?" Making it about him.
"Nothing. Just…we haven't talked since we were in Pennsylvania. I know it was hard for you, and I wanted to make sure you're okay."
"I'm fine."
As she lied to him, her fingers reflexively went where they always went, especially when she was upset or stressed. Reid watched as a fleeting expression of surprise crossed her face, when her fingers encountered the foreign object.
"That's a new locket, isn't it? I don't remember seeing it before."
She would never cease to be surprised by the things he noticed about her. But this wasn't one of those surprises. She'd worn her sister's necklace nearly every day that she'd known him, and he was well aware of its significance to her. Of course he would notice that it had been replaced.
"This? Yes, Will and the boys gave it to me. It's got their pictures, see?"
She opened it for him, and he bent forward to look at the two beloved, smiling faces.
"It's beautiful. Now you can carry them with you wherever you go."
Just like you used to do with Roz.
"I've always carried them with me, in my heart. Now I get to wear them, too."
He smiled. "So, back to my question. How are you doing?"
"Do you mean, what was it like to find out my sister fell victim to a serial pedophile?"
"Ephebophile. He only went after adolescents."
She made a face at his correction, and he apologized.
"Sorry. Reflex."
"I can't even believe it, Spence. All these years…..all these years….I've been angry with my father because I thought he pushed her into that bathtub."
"What? You don't mean that literally, do you?"
"Of course not! But I've always had this vivid memory of him bellowing at her through her bedroom door, forbidding her to see her boyfriend. Until I went back there in the cognitive, that's exactly what I thought had happened. And I thought he'd made Roz so upset that it had worsened her depression, and she'd killed herself over it."
"But…"
"But I get it, now. He was forbidding her to see her boyfriend because he'd found out that the boyfriend wasn't a boy. He was trying to protect her, and all this time, I blamed him."
Reid was silent, remembering when he'd gotten it wrong himself, about his own father. Remembering the pain of it, even though they'd been estranged. Sorry to see someone he cared deeply about in the same pain.
"None of our fathers are ever quite who we think them to be, for good or for bad. You're not alone in that."
"I only wish he was still here to forgive me."
"He's long since forgiven you, JJ. You were only eleven. How were you to know?"
She shook her head. "And the necklace. That goddamn necklace! I can't even touch it now."
"But Roz gave it to you. It was important to you. You've always said that you treasured it."
"Yeah, well, I don't, now. Now that I know who gave it to her."
Reid watched his best friend closely. Her features told him they were getting close to her center of pain. Regretfully, he knew he had to lead her all the way there.
Best if she does it now. At least I'll be with her.
"You've always said that wearing that necklace made you feel closer to Roz. That it reminded you of how much she loved you, that she would give you something that meant so much to her."
JJ looked off, shaking her head.
"That was before I knew where it came from. Why it meant so much to her. It's just….it was sick."
"It was sick on his part, JJ, not your sister's. Roz was just a girl, falling in love. He used her to suit his own needs, but that doesn't mean her love was any less genuine. Not her love for you, either."
The thought of Rosalyn, innocently duped by her teacher. The image of the necklace exchanging hands between them. The memory of the day Roz had given it to her. The knowledge that it had been the last day of Rosalyn's life. All of it overwhelmed JJ in the moment, and her hands went to her face, even as her features crumbled.
Reid was beside her in an instant, squatting down next to her chair. Gently, he lifted her hands away, and brushed the wetness from her cheeks.
"It was the only thing I had from her," she cried. "I wouldn't take anything else, after she died, because it felt ghoulish. But the necklace….she'd given that to me, and told me she loved me. And now… now I have nothing!"
"That's not true," he spoke gently. "You have your memories. You have the fact that she loved you enough to tell you so. That chain wasn't your link to Rosalyn. The love between you was, and you still have that."
"It just all feels so tainted."
Reid settled down on his knees, and drew her chin up. He wanted her eyes.
"Do you believe that his evil overpowered her love?"
She felt pierced by the idea. "No!"
"Good. Because yes, he gave it to her for all the wrong reasons. But Roz didn't know he'd meant it for evil when she gave it to you, JJ. She gave it to you, because it was important to her. She wanted to show you how much she loved you by giving you something she valued. Just like Will and the boys gave you the new one."
"But…"
He held her gaze as he tried to drive his point home.
"No buts. It was never about the necklace. It was always about the gift."
JJ looked deep into the familiar hazel eyes, seeking truth in them. She'd found wisdom there before, and solace, his own gifts of love. She needed all of three of those things from him right now. After a long moment, the kindness in his eyes penetrated, and she sensed a calming of her turmoil. She'd been gifted once again.
She gathered herself with a heavy sigh.
"I still don't think I can touch that necklace. But I guess I can carry her in my heart, right?"
"Like you always have." Smiling his encouragement. "You don't have to let go of her."
JJ's hands went to the new locket again. "I just can't wear her around my neck." Symbolically, or otherwise. "Maybe it was time, anyway. I needed to make room."
Reid's eyes narrowed in on the hand fidgeting with the locket.
"Speaking of room.." He began to reach out, and then thought to ask permission. "May I?"
"What?"
His hand turned the locket sideways, and his long, agile fingers worked the mechanism.
"I think…yes. Look."
She could barely tilt her chin enough to see. But there it was.
"Another compartment? There's room for two more pictures!"
"Uh-huh. So, if you want, you can still carry Roz there, with the boys. And you'll have room for Will, too."
Standing once again.
JJ looked up at her best friend, smiling for the first time in five days.
"I've got just the ones in mind. Thanks for finding that, Spence. But.."
She stood as well.
"….I heard what you said. And you're right. I don't need to wear any of them around my neck to remember that I love them. I hold them all in my heart. Just like I do someone else."
Whom she pulled in close, and hugged.