Author's note: I got this idea when I was sitting in class, I got so excited that I started smiling out of nowhere that the teacher asked me if the smile was because I love her class. I said "yes, sure it is" *caugh caugh* xD I couldn't wait to come home and start writing. I hope you guys will like it! Enjoy reading! :D
Synopses: What would've happened if Lucy listened to her father when she got back home? A story about a girl who writes her feelings, frustrations, everything she can't tell anyone else in her diary. Will Romance & Drama.
15/02/2012
Dear Diary
This isn't my first attempt to start something like this. Writing a diary. I always start with things with a lot of excitement and just drop it in the middle of it. I'm going to use this diary to be able to let out my feelings and maybe sort them out.
Sometimes I'm thinking what would have happened if I didn't go back to my father. If I just stayed at the guild. Even now I consider Fairy Tail as my home. Gray, Natsu, Erza, Mirajane, Cana, Elfman, everyone at the guild, they are my family. Going on jobs with Team Natsu was making me the happiest girl alive. Being able to Laugh, have fun or even cry with them… *sigh* How much I miss it all. I still remember the first time I treated Natsu on food, he looked as if he hadn't eaten for days. he must have been edacious. I like to remember things that used to make me happy. It makes me feel that somehow things can get better.
Like the first time I went to the guild. Everyone was just plain crazy. Fighting with each other. Not one of them was normal. Fighting with each other like that. Even Mirajane acted as if nothing happened to her after her forehead started bleeding! But soon I got used to it all. The fact that they fight isn't because they hate each other, it's because they love each other. They say people pick on the people they like. That's the case right here. The more I stayed with my alleys, the more I loved being with them.
People might not understand why I did the things I did. They might be thinking I'm crazy, but honestly, if those people could stand in my shoes for one day, if they could feel the things I feel for just 24 hours, they would understand me. I felt so bad to tell Gray, Natsu and Erza that I was staying at my dad's when they came to get me home. I told them I had to do this, that I needed them to understand me and just go home. Natsu told me that he's not gonna leave it like this and that he'll come back. "You bet we will!" Is what Gray said. I had to push myself really hard to keep the tears inside. Fairy Tail… the place I want to be the most. The people I care about the most.
…
I wish my mother never passed away. I miss her so much. She could help me out. She could tell me what to do. I just can't leave my father. What would my mother think of me if I would abandon my father? After my mom died everything went downhill. He is lonely even now, if I leave him also he'll be too miserable. I do know deep down he loves me and wants the best for me. I have faith in him. If he thinks marrying Prince Sawarr of the Julenelle is the best for me, then I have to trust him in this.
Who am I fooling? I will never be happy with this guy. Not when there's someone else inside my heart... Yes. I'm in love with someone else. For quite a while actually.
First time I saw the black haired boy he didn't make a nice first impression. The guy was standing in front of me half naked! Not that I mind seeing him like that but still, it was a bit shocking. That's not everything, the worst part still has to come. After Natsu stole the only thing he was wearing, his boxers, he asked to barrow MY UNDERWEAR! Back then I thought he was some kind of perverted spoiled brat. I sold him a punch right into his face of course. I don't know how or what happened afterwards but I fell in love with him. Yes.
Gray Fullbuster has my heart.
But it doesn't matter. No one knows about this and I'd like to keep it this way. I'm being forced on marrying some kind of Prince from a place I've never been before anyways. I've been thought to always listen to parents. They always know what's best for their children. Isn't my dad the one who raised me? I need to respect him. He has done so much for me. I may be feeling miserable now, but who knows, maybe it'll get better when days go by, right? Maybe the feeling I have inside of me is just temporary. Maybe it will fade. Who knows?
*sigh* What I'm doing now is just lying to myself. Why did I start this diary? To be honest with myself. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.
I am desperate.
I don't want to leave my father alone, but I also don't want to marry someone that makes me feel at my worst only by being in the same room.
So now I'm actually between two choices. Fighting for my own happiness and causing others to suffer while doing so, or sacrificing my own happiness for others to be happy.
I'm thinking too much. It's making me get a terrible headache. I'm stuck in my own thoughts.
I'm wishing to escape from impasse. I'm in a situation so difficult that no progress can be made. The situation I'm in is like being in a labyrinth. Trying to find my way out but it's really difficult. Sometimes I'm thinking of giving up, if I haven't done that already. I don't even know what I'm fighting for. Am I fighting for something or have I given up?
Author's note: I realize that this isn't a very long first chapter but since I'll be updating this every day I thought it's okay to do it in short parts. It took me so long to write this but I really enjoyed writing. I do know that there isn't much Lucy x Gray in this part but there will be in the following chapters. :)
What do you guys think? Should I continue on this? :) Please review and let me know what you think :D
See you later! :)