There is a sense of overwhelming auras floating through his mind that cannot be drowned by alcohol and soft, sideways glances of his betrothed. It's supposed to be a celebration of a long tradition passed down into well shaped, calloused fingers but he cannot summon the necessary joy to assure those now under his command that he is ready and willing to lead them into greatness. He is not their beacon, calm and rational to their loud and intrusive words but more than anything, Tokoyami Fumikage is concerned.
Typically the passing of the torch happened whenever his predecessor had expired and left this world to him – however his Father had taken him aside months ago with the news that this ceremony would be taking place a little earlier than he might have imagined. He was growing older and sicker, the revelation that he was suffering from stage four brain cancer meant that his light could be snuffed out at any moment and that would throw them all into a chaos that Tokoyami might not be able to handle himself. He doesn't want the men to have the memory of him as a frail, old man whose losing his hair and his weight as the last bits of himself waste away and so he wants to voluntarily give his position to a son who had long since known that one day this would all be his.
He would normally have tried to protest such a thing but there had been such a serious look in his old man's eyes that anything he might have said dyed in his throat – he had only nodded solemnly and accepted his Father's wishes as he had always done. That had been a month ago and now it was as final. He had become the leader of the Shadow Brigade and the kingdom, the legacy, everything that his Father had worked for was now his….but he's not very sure he wants it.
The clouds of his indecisions have been obvious in crimson orbs and he tries to meet each word of wisdom and congratulations with as much confidence as he can muster in his current state of mind; eventually it becomes too much and he has to get away from it all. He cannot share in their good spirits when his heart is this heavy and he doesn't want his emotional state to be seen as incompetence so he wills himself away. The boisterous laughter echoing all around him as the sight of his slightly hunched figure as he glides over the threshold of the balcony, away from the revelry of more than a hundred men and women combined.
The further away he skulks, the freer he feels in that moment. The sight of a full moon peeking from behind clouds casting everything in a monochromatic scheme, allowing him to fully absorb himself in the otherwise silent space. He knows that everyone is drunk enough to not be aware of his absence but he supposes that he should account for the one woman in this entire world that knew him better than he knew himself. The feeling of eyes on his figure isn't something he can just ignore, not when he is resting gently against the balcony edge as the wind slowly ruffles black hair. Is he a pitiful sight for her to see? What would he look through those curious eyes that hint concern for his solemn state?
"You don't have to lurk in the doorway." He eventually calls out after a few moments, the tone of his voice as thin as the wind because he cannot predict what he would sound like if he used the fullness of his words like he usually did. The subtle rustling of her dress assaults his ears but he doesn't turn away from the sight of a city that is bustling along despite the earliness of the hour. He can't stand to look at her now and show the very worst of his imaginings….she doesn't deserve to worry about him merely because he cannot accept a fact that had been lingering since his birth.
Though she doesn't seem to mind very much.
Instead she calmly reaches to stand beside his side, turning so that the small of her back presses lightly against an ornate railing and her eyes can stay focused on the happenings of inside. "I was wondering how long it was going to take you to sneak off." She tells him this with a hint of amusement laced behind piercing words. She sounds so calm, expectant with him and he cannot fathom how a woman who'd been raised as violently as he can stand to be soft and beautiful still.
Asui Tsuyu was as much of an enigma to him as the rest of the world….but this was one that he sought tirelessly to understand. She was not fragile but she was not a tungsten steel statute either. She was unfailingly loyal and kind, unable to let people take advantage of her but also unwilling to allow the world to step all over her as it did too many people. She was the incarnation of beauty and patience and she had been a staple in his world that he could never give up. Their betrothal had been written in books since her birth into this world but he'd never had the time to contemplate what it truly meant.
At least not until recently.
He caught himself staring at her when she was unaware of his presence – the gentle slope of her neck as it meets shoulders, the softness in a knowing smile that tells him more than her words ever could, the way her fingers carelessly brushed ebony strands over her shoulders as she worked tirelessly – all of it drew him in further and further to her. He can't explain the way his heart swells despite his moodiness or the way his chest tightens when she smiles at someone else that isn't him but he knows that she's not just his best friend of many years….not anymore.
"I just needed a few moments." Honesty fills the lines between his words as the rise and fall of his shoulders exposes the deep sigh he has taken. Her chuckle is breathy and soft and he knows that she is not making fun of him as he might expect someone else to do. It sounds of understanding and intimacy and he wants to bask in the sound.
"You're worrying yourself to death, you know." She interjects after a moment of comfortable silence develops between them and he involuntarily nods his head in agreement. He knows that he is overthinking every single aspect about what this meant – his father would not step down from his position if he didn't think that Tokoyami was ready but he still doesn't know if this is what he wants to do. How could he voice that worry to anyone else but her? "I couldn't allow myself to die so easily…you'd be lonely and I'd be guilty."
It's a soft tease, a rare gentleness that breaks up his moodiness but for a moment he allows his judgement to lapse and look at her – perhaps it's a mistake because as soon as his orbs land on her is entranced. The moon only manages to make her glow in its soft light, only barely drowned out by city pollution and steadily moving clouds. "Exactly, you can't leave me alone here." She admonishes him playfully, that subtle smile playing at the edges of her lips as she finally looks at him.
"I wouldn't-"
An electric current rips through him the longer he looks at her looking at him and his words die off before he can say anything else – an overwhelming urge to reach down and pull her closer, burying his head into her hair as he smells the familiar scent of peach shampoo.
"Fumikage…" She begins, her own voice thick with a subtle tension as she turns herself with the swish of her skirt that barely rustles his pants as the fabric brushes against one another. "I know that you're worried about all of this….." The arc her hand makes demands his attention, watching as fingertips reach the skin of his cheek and cradles against it as if he cannot hold it up without her help. It's a soft movement, a way for her to remind him that she will always be there and the storm suddenly quiets in waves crashing against a beach. "but this is what you were born for….this isn't the end of something but the beginning of your own story….you have to believe that no matter what happens here I will always be by your side."
She seems almost desperate in the way she wants her words to reach him, the softness of her fingertips carefully stroking against his cheek keeping him grounded as her meaning rattles around in his mind. "I'm worried that….I'm not good enough to run this place…to be by your side….don't you deserve someone who is sure of himself? What if it causes you to get hurt, my hesitation?" He wants to hear more of her voice, allow her own self-assuredness to smooth away his worries and he knows that he is greedy for her attention but he cannot let either of them go from here without knowing, truly knowing. "Silly boy..." She teases him suddenly, her other hand reaching out to rest against his free cheek before she's squishing him just a tad bit, dragging his head down just a little bit so that he was forced to look at her.
"Believe in yourself….I would trust you with my life, don't you know that by now? All of us here, especially me, we have seen you grow from a bratty little boy into the man you are today….do you think anyone would trust you if they weren't confident that this was the right decision?" Her voice is steady and there is conviction behind her words and he can feel his heart lurch at her reassurance – Asui Tsuyu would not continue to let him sit here and pull himself further into the darkness and he knows in that one instance that he couldn't let her go if he wanted to.
"Tsuyu…" Her voice carefully tumbles from between his lips as he looks at her, hands reaching out to gently pull hers from his face and place them against his chest instead. "Tsu…"
Her name is like a mantra, repeating with fever that was almost like a complete and utter worship. He cannot form the words like he wants to but there is a sense of relief playing behind his bright orbs – his hands find their way around her shoulders and in one solid movement he brings her close enough that her warmth permeates his skin through his suit. "I don't deserve you…" He murmurs softly, tilting her head up just barely so that the space between them is smaller than it had been before.
"But God….I'm glad to have you…" He has to take a moment to keep himself from choking up, the very feeling that he wants to never let her go so strong and utterly encompassing that he feels as if he's drowning in everything that is her. "Thank you….for being my rock…my lucky charm…." The love of my life, an unuttered sentence that hangs in the balance as he debates for a single second whether or not to give into the urge to press his lips to her and swallow her whole.
The moment passes in a single second when the sound of a gunshot reverberates through the hall and the sudden screams of the inside guests cause him to jerk away from her, hands immediately going to push her behind his taller frame when the familiar sight of his right hand man, Dark Shadow, emerging from the chaos inside lets him know that whatever it is, it isn't good.
"Fumikage!"
His name is almost unfamiliar to his ears as the others panting breaks it apart, causing every single soft feeling he had to break apart to allow the urgency of a quick decision to be made.
"It's your Dad…..they killed him!"