I really just needed to get all my feels out after tonight's episode, so here you go.
Jane nuzzled into the hug, her body falling into Maura's in a way that it hadn't in, what seemed like, forever. She missed this; the way Maura's hand always circled her back when she pulled Jane in for a hug, how Maura's hair smelled like coconut, how it felt to be feel completely safe in someone else's arms... she was afraid to pull back but afraid to hold on, and when Jane felt Maura's hot breath against her own neck, a shocking trail of goosebumps trickled down her body.
"Stay with me tonight." breathed Maura, only loud enough for Jane to hear.
Jane gave a curt nod into Maura's long, honey colored hair. Finally she pulled away.
It took pleading on Jane's part before Angela, Tommy and Frankie left Maura's. Angela looked like she was ready to move into the main house and dote on Maura hand and foot, and Jane was quite certain that if it hadn't been for Maura's insistence that she could take care of herself, nothing in the world, not even her daughter's begging, would have stopped her. It should annoy Jane that Maura could so easily sway her mother into stopping whatever inane activity she had planned in her head, but she understood it – how could anyone really listen to Maura speak and not want to do exactly what she said?
Maura was lounging on the couch when Jane came back in from walking her family out. Not that she had much place else to go. She still wasn't doing well walking on her own and Jane had absolutely no intention of letting her try anytime soon. It was both out of worry and out of revenge. Maura had barely let Jane do anything for herself after the shooting.
She grabbed a beer for herself and a water bottle for Maura from the fridge, hesitating slightly to return to her best friend's side. This had been the first time they truly had been alone in a very long time. Even at the hospital, someone was always there when Maura was awake. Jane slept there some nights, but the only conversations she had were with herself. By the time Maura would wake, Angela would have arrived, or Frankie or Korsak or Frost. Even Constance Isles stopped by, although the meeting was brief and Jane saw the flicker of hurt in Maura's blue-green eyes when her mother said she couldn't stay long. What were they supposed to talk about now? They apologized to each other. They hugged. Maura asked her to stay.
But so much happened.
Summoning courage from somewhere deep within, Jane straightened up and sauntered back over to the couch, one hand extending Maura's water bottle and the other gripping her beer tightly. Her mouth was dry, but she wasn't very thirsty. She watched Maura open her water bottle and take a sip, and Jane slid down on the far opposite end of the couch. Maura eyed her.
"What's wrong?"
"Hm? Nothing."
"You're acting as though I'm contagious."
"I am not." scoffed Jane. "I just thought, you know. With your leg and all."
"With my leg and all?"
"Yeah, you might want some room." she uncapped the beer and took a long drink, avoiding Maura's gaze. But just as Jane knew she would, Maura wouldn't let up.
"My leg is fine. Jane, talk to me."
Jane took a deep breath, drawing her eyes from the bottle of beer in her hand up to Maura's. They stared at each other for a long minute. Jane got the impression that she wasn't the only nervous person in the room. "That's just it. Talking." The beer bottle was set on the table and Jane turned fully to Maura. "What do we talk about? I mean..."
"I thought our friendship would resume to where it was previously."
"Can it?" said Jane, the words slipping from her mouth before she thought them out entirely. She didn't miss Maura's surprised twitch. "I don't mean that we can't be friends again. Best friends."
"Then what are you saying?"
"I don't know. Everything feels different."
"Perhaps I should have elaborated with my apology."
"No, Maura." Jane reached over and squeezed her hand. "We're both sorry. I'm sorry, you're sorry. That's over."
Furrowing her brow, Maura pulled her hand away. "Then..." she said slowly. "I really don't understand what this conversation is about."
Jane threw herself back on the couch, brought her hands up to her face and let out a loud groan. "Me either, Maura. It's just... God, I missed you. I missed you more than I ever imagined I could ever miss a person. And when we were in that car, Maura, when I looked over at you and you were completely out of it and I thought we were going to die, the only thing in the world that I could think of was-" she stopped, taking a chance to look at Maura, who was looking back at her expectantly. "I think what I'm just trying to say is... everything has changed. Sitting here and talking with you as if nothing has happened doesn't feel right."
"What would make it right?"
Standing and grabbing her beer, Jane walked back to the kitchen. "I don't know." she replied, tucking the bottle back into the fridge.
At some point Jane had fallen asleep in her lap, but Maura was unsure when. Their brief conversation after the Rizzoli's had gone left them with little to say afterwards. They remained in a blissful conversational silence while the television ran in the background. Eventually Jane had stretched out on the sofa like she had done so many times before and found its way to Maura's soft lap. The medical examiner threaded her fingers through Jane's dark locks; she couldn't count the times before that she had done this, so innocently, so unaware of her actions. Now it felt different.
Jane was right. Things had changed. Because before their fight, Maura had never considered why spending every lunch with Jane, either in the autopsy room or upstairs in the café, was so fulfilling. She hadn't ever really thought about why she looked forward to their sleepovers with such inexplicable enthusiasm. There had never once been a time that she had given a second thought to why her stomach flipped when she received a call or text from her best friend.
Their fight had caused Maura to recognize how much of her life included Jane Rizzoli. Nearly every meal, every weekend, every after work cocktail. After the shooting, she went home every night alone, wishing that Jane would show up on her doorstep but knowing that she wouldn't. The horrifying realization that Jane was truly in every aspect of her life haunted her daily. How could she have let her happiness depend so greatly on another person?
But she had, and Maura wasn't sure that she regretted it.
She looked back down at Jane. Jane looked peaceful, a rarity in itself. It was a look that Maura wondered if anyone had seen but herself. The only time she saw Jane like this was when she was sleeping. Sometimes Maura would wake up in the middle of the night and find Jane next to her, her eyes fluttering with REM and her breathing slow and steady. It was truly a beauty that deserved no disturbance.
But everything had changed, and Maura couldn't wait any longer, and she sure as hell wasn't going to wait for Jane to make up her mind.
"Jane wake up!" said Maura abruptly, shaking Jane's shoulders.
"Wha – Maura? Maura, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
"Oh, yes. Yes. I'm fine. I was just wondering if you could assist me in going upstairs."
"Upstairs?" asked Jane, confused. "I thought maybe I could just make up the downstairs guest room for you. You probably shouldn't be going up and down stairs..."
"I can go up and down stairs with your help." Maura flashed her a smile. "I would be much more comfortable in my own bedroom, Jane. Though if you're unwilling to help me..."
Jane rolled her eyes. "C'mon." she grunted, digging her arm beneath Maura's, preparing herself to pull the medical examiner to her feet. Maura grinned to herself.
It took them a few moments to get settled, but Jane was soon helping Maura up the stairs little by little. She was a bit shakier on her feet than normal. Getting Maura into the house had been much easier with her brother's help. Even with Tommy or Frankie, Jane was sure that helping a crippled Maura up the stairs would be no easy task. She had half the mind to pick Maura up and carry her, but Jane was certain that Maura wouldn't appreciate being carried like a child.
Just as Jane and Maura reached the middle of the stairs, Maura stopped dead in her tracks. She wouldn't move her body in any way and, without even a little bit of help from Maura, Jane couldn't move her.
"What are you doing?"
"I need to talk to you."
Jane's mouth fell agape. "Here?"
"Yes, this is important."
"I think it will be just as important when we are at the top of the stairs and I don't risk dropping you and sending you back into the hospital!"
"I'm not moving until we talk. I assure you that as long as you pay attention to what I am saying and participate fully in this conversation, there is hardly any risk that I will be put back into the hospital. I can hold my own body weight for a fairly long time on my leg. However, if you fight me on this, the longer we stay here the weaker I will become and there is a likely chance of both of us falling down these stairs." she replied slyly. "So you can either shut up and listen to me, or let us both get hurt."
Jane wasn't sure what to say, so she merely nodded dumbly. Almost everything that had come out of Maura's mouth the past few weeks had been a great surprise to Jane, who was so very used to Maura being kind and practically allergic to rudeness. This took the cake. She tightened her grip on Maura. Though she trusted the doctor, she wasn't about to risk Maura being wrong about her strength.
"Things have changed." said Maura at last. "You're right. And I need you to tell me something."
"Okay..."
"What were you going to say earlier?"
"When?"
"When you looked at me in the car... what were you thinking? What did you think when you looked at me?"
"This is the conversation you want to have." said Jane dryly, though her stomach was turning over. She felt nauseous and instantly regretted ever saying anything at all. "Right now? Here? This couldn't have waited until-"
"Shush!"
"Don't shush me, I hate tha-"
"Tell me!"
"Maura!"
"Jane!"
"Why do you need to know?"
"Because!" yelled Maura. "Everything. Has. Changed." Her arms had come up to grip Jane's shoulders. It hurt to stand like this, with more pressure on her leg, but she needed Jane to see it. She needed Jane to see what she felt. Their eyes locked.
"I..." Jane couldn't tear her eyes away from Maura. "You kept mumbling about, about how I needed to tell my Ma that we were friends again. And I laughed, and you probably don't remember. But I laughed when you said that, because it just seemed so ridiculous telling her that we were friends again. It didn't seem right." She tried to swallow. She tried to look away from the woman in her arms, but Jane was frozen in place. "Because I don't think we've ever been just friends, Maura." said Jane quietly. "Have we?"
Maura slowly shook her head. "No." she replied softly. "I don't think we have."
"And everything has changed."
"Everything as changed." Maura repeated.
"All I could think about," Jane's voice had dropped to a whisper. "-was that if we died, you were never going to know that I was sorry. Really, truly sorry. For everything. But most of all, I was sorry for not realizing what you were to me a long time ago. You're my best friend, Maura." Jane took a step closer to Maura, though they were already so close that now their bodies were pressed together.
Maura smiled up at her, feeling her back being pressed against the wall. "And you're mine."
"And everything..."
"...has changed."
And finally, their lips met.
I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT TONIGHT'S EPISODE
What about you guys?