IMS

is online.

CaptainGorgeous is online.

CaptainGorgeous: Well hello Eyecandy!

: Oh shit.

CaptainGorgeous: Guess again!

: I know it's you Hart. No one else calls me something as stupid as Eye-Candy (Just for your information there is a dash connection both words)

CaptainGorgeous: Ahwww come on! You love it really!

: No. I don't.

CaptainGorgeous: Don't you think the name suits you though? The whole 'ook but don't touch' malarkey ;D

: No, not really. I hate that name and would appreciate it if you refrained from calling me it.

CaptainGorgeous: But Eye-Candy (See I added the dash!) It suits you!

: It does not 'Suit me' in the slightest.

CaptainGorgeous: Lighten up! Has Jack left his stick in your arse or something?

: I'm not even going to answer that question.

CaptainGorgeous: I take it you didn't like the innuendo then?

: I get enough of that from Jack.

CaptainGorgeous: All true, he can't bare not bragging ;)

: Oh I know that!

CaptainGorgeous: See were on the same side!

: I will never side with you. You are an egotistical, self-centred, vain, abomination.

CaptainGorgeous: Yet you still find me strangely attractive…

: I certainly do not!

CaptainGorgeous: Oh come on Sweet-Cheeks (see I do listen when you speak with that gorgeous mouth of yours) you can tell me, I won't tell Jack ;)

: I'm glad one of you listens when I speak. I don't talk for the sake of it you know! And Jack is probably monitoring this conversation right now, so id be careful with what I say If I were you…he doesn't take well to harassment.

CaptainGorgeous: I bet you do though ;)

: Your over-excessive use of the Winkey face is quite annoying.

CaptainGorgeous: What can I say, its hard to restrain myself around you ;)

: We are talking via Instant Messenger, your hardly 'around me' as you put it.

CaptainGorgeous: Ooooh I do love it when you speak all posh and intelligent! Your waaaaay outta Jack's league! Let me tell ya!

: Oh I know that ;)

CaptainGorgeous: See! Now who's flirting! Not that you should stop… ;)

: I am not flirting. Just agreeing with a declarative.

CaptainGorgeous: What's a 'declarative'?

: Oh god…it's a statement!

CaptainGorgeous: Ok, ok, no need to get your pants in a twist…if your wearing any that is ;)

: God help me!

CaptainGorgeous: I think youll find that's me, and ill be obliged to lend a hand, or a fist…or a coupla fingers, whatever you want gorgeous ;)

: No thank you.

CaptainGorgeous: Your loss.

: Not really because they were never in me in the first place.

CaptainGorgeous: Aha! See! You can be dirty Eye-Candy! And I LOVE IT!

: Thank you. Now if you would be so kind as to stop distracting me. I have very important work to be doing.

CaptainGorgeous: I'm distracting you am I? Mmm

: Poor word choice on my part. I apologise. What I meant is, your constant messaging every five seconds until I reply is rather annoying.

CaptainGorgeous: But I wanna speak to you! It isn't my fault you aren't replying!

: What would Jack say if he found that you had been preventing me from doing my work?

CaptainGorgeous: Threesome?

: I highly doubt that.

CaptainGorgeous: Ohhh come on! I saw your eyes when I mentioned an Orgy!

: It was an eye-roll! I wasn't considering it!

CaptainGorgeous: Oh no it wasn't! I was watching you the whole time! (It's very hard not to) and I saw that you were thinking about it! I know what an eye-roll looks like, and that was not one!

: It was an eye-roll. And that's final.

CaptainGorgeous: I like a man that take charge ;)

: Is there anything that comes out of your mouth that isn't an innuendo? Actually don't answer that.

CaptainGorgeous: Why don't you come over and see for yourself? I'll make it worth your while ;)

: 'Come over' where? Last I heard you were in some galaxy far, far away…

CaptainGorgeous: Oh, so you did check up on me then? Shows your interested. Good. 'Cos boy, am I interested in you!

: I was just making sure that you were nowhere near me. Or Jack.

CaptainGorgeous: Ohhh you're getting protective! I like it! Shame it wont be for long…

: What are you on about?

CaptainGorgeous: You know Jack. He never stays with anyone for long. He gets…bored, easily. Not that I'm saying I'd get bored of you because believe me, that is imposible!

: Well he's still here, and it's been two years, so I'm guessing he's staying.

CaptainGorgeous: That's what you think. I thought the same, and then one day he just up and left, no note, goodbye, nothing .

: I didn't know, I'm sorry.

CaptainGorgeous: Don't sweat it Eye-Candy, he was a bad influence anyway…what I'm trying to say is, he won't stay with you, just don't trust him. I wouldn't want you to get hurt.

: Well thank you for your concern, but he had assured me he is not going anywhere again without telling me first.

CaptainGorgeous: Oh so he has done it before then?

: Yes, but that's irrelevant. He had to go, he had no choice in the matter. It was a one-time opportunity.

CaptainGorgeous: You always have a choice, always.

: He didn't.

CaptainGorgeous: I know it's hard to face up to the truth, but he did, he could have left you a note, it wouldn't have taken all of one minute.

: I don't want to talk about it anymore.

CaptainGorgeous: Ahw I'm sorry, have I hit a nerve?

: You have no right to speak to me like that.

CaptainGorgeous: Yes I do. Its better you know now that later when your crying into that amazing coffee of yours. Speaking of…is there any chance I could get my hands on some?

: Selective word choice, I'm sure. And no, you haven't been very nice to me, so therefore you do not get any.

CaptainGorgeous: Pleassssseeeeee? I'll make it worth your while?

: You keep mentioning that, but what do you have in mind?

CaptainGorgeous: So you're interested then? Nice!

: Did I say that? No. I merely asked what it would entail. But I've lost interest now.

CaptainGorgeous: Ohhh come on Sweet heart! Don't be like that!

: Could you please stop using terms of endearment to address me. It's very off putting.

CaptainGorgeous: Ahhh so you were thinking about me then?

: Suprisingly enough, the world does not revolve around you, and not everyone thinks about you in that way. I've told Jack that very same thing.

CaptainGorgeous: Do I detect trouble in paradise?

: There is no 'trouble' and we most defiantly do not live in 'paradise'

CaptainGorgeous: Are you going to dissect every sentence I write or….?

: Just the ones that are impotent.

CaptainGorgeous: And there was me thinking we had passed the name calling…

: 1. I did not direct that comment at you, and 2. You keep calling me 'Eye-candy' 'Sweet-cheeks' 'Sweetheart' 'Gorgeous' ect. Are these, or are they not a prime example of name calling?

CaptainGorgeous: God I love it when you go all high and mighty on me, it's a turn on. And it's not name calling! Its pet-names! It's used in a nice way!

: I am not yours, or anybody else's 'pet'.

CaptainGorgeous: You mean you and Jack have never tried that? Role-Playing can be intresting…just a hint ;)

: Thanks but I'm not interested.

CaptainGorgeous: You sure? 'Cos my door is always open ;)

: Thank you, but I will politely decline your offer.

CaptainGorgeous: That's only 'cos you know Jack's listening in. Well let me tell you something, my wrist strap is very handy in situations where I want privacy…and this is one of them ;)

: Oh, so you've blocked Jack from seeing this?

CaptainGorgeous: Something like that, but believe me he will never know this conversation took place. Do you know how pissed he would be if he found out? Even I wouldn't want to be around for Angry-sex after that….and that's saying something!

: Right, ok.

CaptainGorgeous: Soooo Eye-Candy, anything you wanna say now that Jackie-boy can't see it?

: Yes. Fuck off.

CaptainGorgeous: Don't be like that…

: I'll act as I please. You fail to notice that I am with Jack now, and your constant ploys to win him back are feeble to say the least. So all that's left to say is Fuck off.

CaptainGorgeous: Who says I came back for Jack?

: You did.

CaptainGorgeous: Yeah, at first, but then I saw you, and let me tell you all interest in Jack is out the window. ;)

: Somehow I'm finding that hard to believe.

CaptainGorgeous: Well you better believe it gorgeous ;)

: Your only saying that to win me over. Once you've had me you'll use it to get Jack back. I'm not taking part in your preposterous scheme.

CaptainGorgeous: It's not like that, Eye-Candy, I swear. I've realised how much of a tool Jack can be. I've never forgiven him for what he's done. I can see you are in a similar situation, and I just wanna help. (And if getting you into bed is part of that then I'm definitely not complaining, in fact, I encourage it)

: I don't know whether to believe you.

CaptainGorgeous: Jack was the con-man. Not me.

: Wait…what?

CaptainGorgeous: Oh, so Jack didn't tell you…oh dear. Just out of intrest what DO you know about him?

: That he's a captain.

CaptainGorgeous: Lies. Next…

: His name is Jack Harkness.

CaptainGorgeous: Wrong. Next…

: That he loves me.

CaptainGorgeous: Did he actually say that?

: Not in so many words…

CaptainGorgeous: There we go then. Next…

: I don't want to play this game anymore.

CaptainGorgeous: Why? Because you don't know the first thing about him? Does it shock you that you've known him all this time and what little you know about him is a lie?

: Well…I…

CaptainGorgeous: I'm not doing this to hurt you Ianto, really. I just want to warn you so that you don't make the same mistakes I did. He's bad news.

: But I love him.

CaptainGorgeous: And he doesn't love you. He just wants you for the sex (which I assume is mind blowing) and that's it. Jack Harkness doesn't do 'love' or relationships, I know that from experience.

: Maybe then, but he's changed.

CaptainGorgeous: No one ever changes, they pretend to, but really they're still the same person that hurt you.

: Look if you're telling me this just to break me and Jack up then you can think again. I'm not leaving him so you can get your time-travelling mitts on him. D'ya hear?

CaptainGorgeous: I told you. I don't want him back. I'm just looking out for you.

: Why?

CaptainGorgeous: Because were more similar than you think.

: How?

CaptainGorgeous: Think about it.

: Oh.

CaptainGorgeous: You see, all I want to do is help you, 'cos believe it or not Jack's not the only one with a crush on the Tea-boy…Why do they call you that? You make coffee don't you?.

: You're the only one that's noticed :)

CaptainGorgeous: See, not all bad :)

: I guess.

CaptainGorgeous: Now, joking aside. If you ever need me, just call me, for anything, I don't care. I'll be there for you.

: Thanks, I guess…

CaptainGorgeous: My number is engraved on my sword that &Regualtions converscated ;)

: Huh! Shouldda guessed, your hardly discreet.

CaptainGorgeous: Would you love me if I wasn't?

: No one said anything about love, captain.

CaptainGorgeous: Aha! You're learning already :)

: If you say so.

CaptainGorgeous: So what do you say, me and you go for a drink sometime?

: Will this drink be spiked?

CaptainGorgeous: I'm shocked! As if I would!

: ?

CaptainGorgeous: OK, ok, you got me. Can't blame a man for trying…. How do you know so much?

: Didn't I tell you. I know everything ;)

CaptainGorgeous: If only I could see you winking…

: Don't get too hot and bothered. Your keys might stick together, then how are you going to talk to me?

CaptainGorgeous: Ianto Jones. You naughty boy! I think that deserves a spanking!

: Maybe another time ;)

CaptainGorgeous: Mmm, I can't wait for that! Have I told you that you have a great arse…and I mean, delicious!

: No, but thank you for the compliment :)

CaptainGorgeous: Aren't you gunna compliment me back?

: You're pushing it now.

CaptainGorgeous: If only…

: Do you ever stop?

CaptainGorgeous: Nope.

: Thought as much.

CaptainGorgeous: Soooooo, what you doing?

: Why do you wanna know?

CaptainGorgeous: Just curious…

: This is sounding too much like sexting for my liking

CaptainGorgeous: What are you wearing?

: Exactly.

CaptainGorgeous: Have you ever tried it?

: What?

CaptainGorgeous: Sexting?

: No. Its below me.

CaptainGorgeous: Huh! If only…so you top then?

: That's a very personal question, Captain.

CaptainGorgeous: I love it when you call me captain ;)

: You would.

CaptainGorgeous: What's that supposed to mean?

: I'm sorry, what's that? I can't read it because all I can see is your ego.

CaptainGorgeous: Oh that was a good one! You should make a joke book! Eye-Candy Joke Book. For those who have sexy arses.

: Guess you won't be reading it then.

CaptainGorgeous: Oi! That was un-called for….actually…so you've looked then?

: Of course. Purely in a professional manner.

CaptainGorgeous: How is checking someone out 'professional'?

: I've gotta see what I'm up against.

CaptainGorgeous: Oh you're good ;)

: I know ;)

CaptainGorgeous: Now who's being egotistical and using innuendo?

: What can I say you're a bad influence…

CaptainGorgeous: That I am!

: Well, it's been nice talking to you Captain, but I must get on with my work.

CaptainGorgeous: Oh, yes, of course. Woulnt wanna get you in trouble. Unless it was me that was doing the punishing…although, you could punish me if you want?

: Goodbye John.

CaptainGorgeous: Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee SEXY!

: Joy.

CaptainGorgeous: No, you haven't experienced joy until you've gone to bed with me ;)

: Right, I'm gunna go before this gets way out of hand.

CaptainGorgeous: Okayyyy, if you insist ;)

: Ok, bye.

CaptainGorgeous: No you hang up, no you hand up, ok ill hang up, no don't go!

: Give me strength.

CaptainGorgeous: Oh ill give you much more ;)

: Bye tease.

is offline.

CaptainGorgeous: Ohhhhhh FINALLY! Some flirting!

CaptainGorgeous: Eye-Candy?

CaptainGorgeous: And I didn't even have time to get in my joke about the quiet ones being good in bed….

CaptainGorgeous: Ianto?

CaptainGorgeous: I'll be in my sex-den if you want me…what am I saying, everyone wants me!