I was shaking like a leaf. This was such a big opportunity for and I just couldn't mess it up, not this time anyway. I'm lucky enough they let me in theatre after what happened last time, I cant even bare to think about it. Its Sahira's last day at work and she has let me in to observe a heart transplant she's doing and somehow got my mentor to agree to it. That's another thing. My mentor will be in theatre assisting in the operation, no pressure then. I don't know why I'm making such a big deal out of it, all I have to do is observe and not get in the way of course.
"Nervous?" asked Jac Naylor, head consultant on Darwin ward. She took over Elliot's position after he was practically force to retire for reasons that I don't know and we now have a new consultant, his name is Tobias Forrest and is a really nice guy, knows what he's doing. Oh, not to mention the romance between him and .
"Nope, I'm perfectly fine," I wish I could stop shaking; stupid adrenaline. "You?"
"Me? Of course not, I know how these things work and unlike you I have experience," she really does need to work on her people skills.
"Yes, but you were like this once which is why I am very grateful for such an opportunity," what is wrong with me? It never goes down well when people talk back to Jac; especially junior doctors.
"Don't mess up and you might get another opportunity," the wise words of Naylor.
"She must like you," Sahira had turned up out of nowhere.
"Who Jac? Nah, I doubt she likes anyone, being queen bitch and all," I had been told I was one of few who wasn't scared of Jac Naylor, well they thought I wasn't scared of her anyway. She absolutely terrified me sometimes but I suppose one of the advantages of also studying drama is that you learn how to control your facial expressions.
" You would be surprised, you still have a lot to learn, not only about medicine, but about Holby too," Sahira replied. I liked Sahira, despite her annoying flaws. She is one of those people who you like once you get to know them a little, I can see why Greg likes her so much sometimes. Everybody on Darwin knows about Greg and Sahira's affair now yet no one has bothered to tell her husband Rafi. "Right. Let's go and do a heart transplant. Ready?"
"As ready as I ever will be," I took a deep breath and followed her into theatre.
There were a lot more people in here than there was in all the other operations I had been in, it just showed how serious it was. I'm doing my best to look like I know what I'm doing (of course I know the procedure and how everything works but I'm trying to look like I'm apart of this big operation). Jac was telling the team the plan and how everything is going to take place (shouldn't it be Sahira doing that? I thought she was the lead), I payed attention to every detail to make sure I definitely knew what was happening this afternoon. Everybody took their positions and got stuck into what ever their job for today was and we were starting. I watched carefully as Sahira made the incision, talking me through what she was doing which is all part of the learning process.
Time seemed to pass so quickly and before I knew it the donor heart had been placed in, attached we were taking the patient off bypass which is when things started to get tricky. There was a bleed, somehow someone had managed to damage the donor heart, who ever did it is unclear but the main thing is that we find the source of the bleed and fix it before Mr. Smethels dies on the table.
"You found it?" Jac asked Sahira who is searching for the bleed
"I think so it's in a tricky spot, can't quite put my finger on it," struggles Sahira
I watch the monitors as both of the surgeons are busy and someone needs to tell them when he's dyeing. "BP's dropping"
"Do we need to go back onto bypass Sahira?"
"No, we cant, we had enough trouble getting him off it, and we can do this. I need your hand Beth"
I panic as she wants me to help her save this mans life which is a huge burden but then I remember I'm a doctor, I trained 3 long years to do this and now is my chance to make a difference and save a life, "where?"
" Right here. Yep that's the spot now just put pressure on there, it will buy us some time"
"Sahira, we need to hurry, were losing him."
"Yes, I know Jac, I'm on it."
She is too. Somehow Sahira manages to stitch up the hole and were all done and ready to close up. I watch Jac and Sahira look at each other and then Jac says,
"Beth, would you care to do the honour of closing up."
Yes! I have practised so many times at doing this and every time I get it perfect. I swap places with Jac and work my magic on Mr. Smethels.
"Well done. You did a good job in there today," Sahira praises me as I'm scrubbing out
"Thank you. You weren't too bad yourself," I smile, Sahira laughs.
I walk out of theatre with Sahira after Jac had disappeared and walked to the ward with her where we were greeted by Greg Douglas and Oliver Valentine.
"How did it go?" Greg asks, I know it's aimed for Ms. Shah so I don't bother to reply.
"It went well. A bit touch and go at times but with Dr. French's help we managed to get through," I was so glad she mentioned it
"Nice one, good job Beth," Greg held his hand up to high five, I didn't turn down the offer as I was enjoying all this attention.
"It was nothing really compared too what Ms. Shah and Ms. Naylor did. Only a few stitches afterwards and a hand for pressure"
"ahh, those are the best jobs if you ask me," Greg's Irish accent made that sentence sound so much better. Greg was quite hot I suppose, can't really blame Sahira for not saying no.
"Well done. Did you enjoy it?" Ollie asked me.
"It was brilliant! Such an amazing experience and I'm so happy I was involved in theatre apart from the usual questions." I knew I was boasting but I just couldn't help it.
"It's the best isn't it," he smiled back. Ollie had more experience than me because he was an F2 but we didn't let that effect us in our relationship, we left work at work, everybody's equal. I know I forgot to mention Ollie was my boyfriend, all the doctors seem to be couples on Darwin but they are all irristable to who ever they're with so why not do something about it? I think that's how everybody thought up here as they had all followed through with that theory.
Everybody on Darwin had been gathered in theatre 1 (where the operation took place this morning), it was Greg's idea to cram us all I here so we could all say a proper goodbye too Sahira, who has no idea of what's going on and has been paged to get her here.
"Everybody hush!" Greg ordered about 10 seconds before Sahira came rushing in.
"Surprise!" everybody shouted at once on her arrival.
"What's going on?" a shocked Sahira asks
" We all thought it would be a good idea just to gather everyone together and say a proper goodbye and a thank you for everything you have done since you have been at Holby," Greg explains
I'm pushed out the crowd with a big bunch of flowers for her, "everybody has contributed to these for you, thank you for everything and we all hope everything goes well for you in the future." That's the problem about being the youngest, you get given all the jobs no one else wants to do.
" Thank you, all of you for the flowers and the surprise, its lovely. It has been a pleasure working with every single one of you and I will miss you all."
Lots of hugs and kisses are given out then and Jac pulls me out to take her too her office which has been temporarily relocated downstairs whilst hers is being re decorated.
I walk into the office, I have no idea who's it is or was before Jac and Tobias moved down here, I also have no idea why I'm here, I haven't done anything wrong so I find myself standing there feeling quite out of place.
"I've brought you down here today to congratulate you on your performance in theatre today. It's safe to say you have redeemed yourself from your previous experience and I think you will be having a few more opportunities like you have today in the near future. That is all, you may go." Dragged all the way down here just for that? Jac really does have a problem with showing emotion.
" Thank you," I say politely and exit the room.
On my way back up to the ward I come across Greg standing there gazing out the window and I'm not sure why until I look down and see Sahira leaving the hospital.
"Why aren't you down there saying goodbye?" I ask
"I've already said my goodbyes, too many times in the past. I cant face another" he sounds so sad.
"How can you just let go of her like that?" I know it's nosey but I just can't understand
"I cant. That's the problem. We both know it's easier this way, not having to face our true feelings. Or should I say her not having to face her true feelings. Plus, Beth, she has a loving husband and two kids and I just want what's best for her." He pauses for a minute or too continuing to watching Sahira. "That's love you see, you will learn eventually"
"I'm not twelve Greg."
"Neither are you my age or with my experience. Don't you have to be somewhere?"
Not particularly but I can sense I am not wanted, " yes, ill catch you later."
I leave it at that, walk back to the ward and wonder if ill ever have to do such a thing as what Greg is doing now.