.: Mail Order Bride:.
By: RAR
Disclaimer:
(prance) I don't own this movie title, nor do I own InuYasha. I just own the idea and if there's a new character in there, I probably own them too. I don't fully know the whole plot for the movie, so I have to kind of make it up as I go. Have fun. This is my first Wild West fan fiction. I'm in l-love. X3
---
He had to do this.
That damn boy has to settle down or else he'll probably go crazy with it, never get the ranch, and marry some sleaze-bucket and…
God there is so many things that could go wrong. Myouga thought sadly as he shook his head, walking to the nearest pub.
"Hey, you, old man how's it going? The'wild boy'business, I mean." A rough looking bartender by the name of Ginta howled out above the loud room. It immediately quieted upon hearing the 'tender talk. It was all over the town how this one single man would get their rowdiest youngster to become a gentleman.
Or something akin to that, they hoped.
Little old Myouga heaved a shudder and a sigh, "Not so good. If anything, all I've tried has made him get angrier and more rebellious. I can't do anything with him and his set mind. It's like trying to teach a horse not to run."
Ginta nodded sagely and poured him a glass of brandy. "It's on the house. But say, how are you going to tame that beast of a man?"
I'm not so sure. "I was thinkin' marriage." Myouga smiled tiredly. "You know, a nice strong headed female should help him."
"And how exactly are you supposed to get him to agree to such a scheme? You know he'll not agree."
"I'll tell him that it is the only way for him to get the ranch. That'll get him." Myouga's smile widened. "Yes! That will work!"
Ginta chuckled lowly and poured himself a drink, chugging it quickly. "Let's pray that that will work. I don't think I can afford anymore brawls in this poor saloon. The costs are getting higher and higher each time that boy comes into town. Him and his cronies are pure monsters. And that Kouga Ookami! He's a bad egg as well. I suggest you try to get him away from InuYasha as soon as you can old man."
Myouga cocked his head.
"I used to run with him and his crowd. My brother, Haggaku, still does. I tried to get him away from Kouga but that fool wouldn't listen." Ginta sighed and Myouga patted his arm solemnly. "But anyways, I have just the thing you need to get that damn boy calm and ready for the world. Here you go!"
In his hand was a magazine.
Myouga scoffed, "That's supposed to help me?"
"Why yes. Look it through."
Myouga chortled and read it aloud, "Find the love of your life-Today! It's easy, it's fun, and it's free! Here's the latest in women ready for marriage to you!"
Myouga sniggered but flitted through the names, descriptions, and addresses of the women, keeping tabs on the ones he thought looked good for InuYasha.
"You win, I'm interested… I'll look this through at home and thanks for the drink, Ginta!"
Ginta waved him off and sauntered to the end of the bar table, helping a new customer.
"Now let's see about this…" Myouga whispered to himself, walking to his horse, and scrambling on.
The horse nonchalantly used its nose to help its master up, snorting when he nearly toppled over from exhaustion. "Shush, you fool horse."
The horse gave a glare and whinnied, bucking the poor man off.
"AIEEEEEE!"
---
"Goddamn, Kouga!" InuYasha growled out, slamming his cards down onto the coffee table. "What the hell! I'm not giving you my cows to you and your cheating cards."
"It was fair and square, Inu." Kouga smirked and scooped the cards into his hand, shuffling them with expertise. "But I'll be a friend and not take them."
InuYasha glared at him hard. "I hate you."
"The feeling is mutual." Kouga grinned and smacked Inu on the arm. "Let's go ride."
"That…would be nice." The handsome soon-to-be ranch owner replied, picking up his riding clothes and slipping them on. "I need to get my mind off of everything."
"Hey, Inu, what's going on with Mr. Myouga? You know, that whole, 'You can't get the ranch till you-blah blah blah." Stuff?"
"I don't know. He hasn't told me squat. I'll just have to wait and see what happens but until then, I'm basically under that old coot's control." InuYasha pouted, mounting his horse.
"Well, here's your chance to ask him." Kouga cackled and clucked his tongue, his spur digging lightly into the horse's flesh. In a flash, he was already half way down to the river, passing the (now dusty) Myouga.
"Brat! You pay your respects to your elders, you don't run them over!" Myouga cried out feebly.
InuYasha gently nudged his horse, trotting over, eyebrows raised at the old man. "What's up, Grandpa."
Myouga patted himself down and raised regal eyes to InuYasha. "I have news for you."
Inu groaned. "Nooo…"
"You're going to be getting married."
"NOOOOOO!"
---
"I'm off, InuYasha. You take care of my cows…" Myouga put on his scariest face. "Or you'll be sorry."
InuYasha scoffed and threw the man his luggage, amused when he toppled over from the weight. "Whatever."
"I'll be back soon with your newbride, young man. You keep your wits about you and keep sober." Myouga muttered. "I don't want to save your hide anymore."
"Get out of here, you old goat, before I skin you myself!"
Myouga sighed sadly and walked into the train to find himself a seat. He plopped himself into the nearest one, a nicely worn down one, and pulled out his flask.
"I hope this will be a good trip." He tilted his head back and downed the flask's contents.
Now. He thought. Let's see where this strange little adventure takes me.
The first suitor lived not but a few miles away in a busy little town.
'Ms. Yura Kami'
Myouga sighed and folded his paper neatly, shoving it violently in his pocket.
---
"Marry! He wants me to MARRY!" InuYasha howled out at the bar. Ginta listened, mildly interested (for he knew already of what was happening). "Can you believe that!? If he thinks I'm gonna go through with it then he has another thing coming!"
"Yes, I understand, InuYasha. But, what's the harm of having a woman in the house? It isn't that bad. Believe me, if I could have a wife I would." Ginta smiled at him gently, if not a bit annoyed. "So just breathe. It'll be fine."
"I'm not getting married to some…old hag."
"Myouga would never do that to you. I believe he'll pick out a wonderful woman for you."
"Shut up."
"InuYasha, just give it a chance ok? If you want the ranch, you're going to have to go and settle down. No more of this 'Wild Westerner' business." Ginta frowned, eyebrows rising unsympathetically. "Got it?"
InuYasha growled and stood, making the table rock angrily. "Why don't you shut the hell up and stop trying to tell me what to do. I don't care if you're trying to help me and my well being. I really. Don't. Care." He enunciated.
InuYasha stomped out of Ginta's saloon.
"Don't come back InuYasha!" Ginta called out jovially. "Have fun with your new wife!"
"Everyone!" Ginta looked about, "Drinks are on the house!"
The whole saloon cried out in happiness.
---
Myouga got to the front door of a sweet looking house. The trimmings were nice and tidy, the flowers were well kept and watered.
The whole house was just darling.
"Hey there, sweetheart." A cool, seductive voice called to him from above. Myouga lifted his head and looked up, his eyes meeting a pair of high heeled shoes, then shapely legs cased in fishnet stockings, a pink and black corset, a large bosom, and a innocent (Heh heh...yeah right) face.
"Are you Ms. Yura Kami?" He called out uncertainly, a blush staining his cheeks.
"Why yes I am!" She smiled, "One moment. I'll be downstairs after I dress." She walked off with an exaggerated swing of her hips. "You stay right there, sweetie."
Myouga choked. He'd never been called a "Sweetie" before in his life. So this…was kind of uncomfortable.
The front door opened and a fully clothed (Thank God) Yura stepped out. "And what do I owe to this visit, Sir?" She leaned against the doorframe.
She didn't look like a good suitor for InuYasha...
"You don't look like you want to get married." Ms. Yura's eyebrows raised and she gave him a cold glare.
"What are you saying by that?"
Eep! "Nothing ma'am."
"I believe you should go." She growled.
"I believe I should go too." Myouga quickly scampered off her porch and scurried down the road, heading towards the next suitor at an interestingly fast pace.
Back on the porch, Ms. Yura cocked her head. "Why does that always happen to me?"
---
InuYasha slipped to the other side of the saloon, walking up the stairs to a small door way. His knuckles rapped on the wood gently and he quieted, waiting for an answer.
"Yes?" A soft voice called out, a click informed him she had unlocked the door. "Please come in."
"Ms. Kikyou?" He smiled and opened the door. Ms. Kikyou yawned and stretched on the bed, having just awoken from a nap. "How are you this fine morning?"
"I'm just perfect." She rolled over and propped herself up on her elbow, watching him with sweet(eew)brown eyes. "And yourself?"
"I'm…" InuYasha's eyes glazed over a little, his hands finding the lock on the door and flipping it closed. "Just fine."
He crawled on the bed with her and she let out a small giggle. "My, oh my, Mr. Inu, how happy you are to see me today!"
"Indeed." He purred out, his lips descending on hers roughly.
---
Okay! Myouga, you can do this! Myouga cheered himself on as he reached the next house.
He knocked, hoping another brothel woman wouldn't answer.
"Yes?" A small voice opened the door, an adorable redhead greeted him. "May I help you, sir?"
"Why yes!" He smiled cheerfully, "You can. I saw your add for marriage."
The woman looked him up and noticeably cringed.
Myouga laughed. "No not to me, darling. There's a boy back home who is interested in marrying you. May I ask your name?"
"My name is Ayame Sukina."
"Oh," Myouga lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "Pleasure to meet you, Ms. Sukina."
"Oh no. The pleasure is all mine, sir! Please, do come inside." She ushered him in and set him down at the coffee table. Inside, it was filled with antiques and collectibles. "Would you like some tea?"
"Yes," Myouga looked around in horror. "That'd be nice."
Well I can see this isn't going to work.
Ms. Sukina came back in, a tray in her hands. "So tell me about this boy."
"Well. He is very handsome and loves the country. I'm from Missouri." Myouga said. (A/N: A famous skeptic said, "I'm from Missouri." Once. That made me giggle when I wrote that. I'm not even sure if they're from Missouri but oh well.)
"Oh dear." Ms. Sukina said. "…Missouri… Does he go to church? Because I've gone to church every Sunday and Wednesday every time for 7 years and I pride myself on that very much so. I enjoy a man who has done that if not longer. And I enjoy collecting. I dislike being outside much and…"
"I'm sorry Ms. Sukina." Damn it.
"You're sorry…?"
"Yes."
"Whatever for?"
"He loves to go outside, he has never been to church except for being baptized when he was born, he hates collecting and he's a rancher."
"Oh."
---
Last stop… Myouga sighed and dragged himself into the saloon named, Lady Kaede's Saloon.
The chairs were set upon the tables and the glasses were sparkling and clean on their respective shelves and holders. A "Closed" sign was perched upon the bartender's table.
"Hello there!" A soft voice called from up the stairs. "May I help you sir? If you wanted a drink, the saloon's closed for until seven."
"Oh no, I was looking for a lady." Myouga said contentedly.
"Really now." The lady, who looked around Myouga's age (around her 50's) came down the stairs, a smile on her beautifully aged face. "And may I ask who you were looking for?"
"A Ms. Kaede." He said, smiling back.
"I am her."
Oh…shit.
"Let me guess," She started. "You saw my ad for marriage."
"Ah yes. I'm trying to find someone who'd be willing to marry my godson. He needs a woman in his life."
"And your godson is a youngling. Isn't he?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"For forever, I've wanted to get out of this damned saloon. Every once in a while, when I tire of this place, I send an ad to be put with the rest of the suitors, hoping one day someone will come and take me out of this place." She smiled melancholy. "I thought the day had come, but I suppose not."
Myouga looked at the floor sadly and said, "I'm very sorry, Ms. Kaede."
"It's no problem. But, I have someone who you ought to want to talk to about this marriage to." Ms. Kaede laid a hand on Myouga's shoulder and turned him to the stairs once more. "Ms. Kagome! Please, would you come out here for a moment? There is someone who I'd like you to meet."
Someone shuffled from behind a door and slowly it opened.
"Yes'm?" A charming looking girl peeked down; she seemed around the age of 17 and was dressed haphazardly in maid's cloths. "Hello, sir."
"Hello there!" Myouga replied, grinning from ear to ear.
---
"So let me get this straight…You want me to go off to Missouri and marry someone who I don't even know." Kagome asked perceptively, albeit angrily.
"Oh but he'll be so happy! He's wanted a wife for so long. He really wants to settle down." Myouga nodded sagely. "You'll be very happy."
Kagome breathed deep, "It would help me. I suppose, it would help Shippou more. He needs a father figure in his life."
Myouga, on the inside, danced.
"We set off for Missouri tomorrow, then!" Myouga hugged Kagome (Kagome got a dirty look from Kaede) and thanked her repetitively.
"Missouri, indeed." Kagome growled, pushing away from the shabby old gentleman.
---
"A wife!" InuYasha roared at the poker table, his friends grinning at him, some even laughing. "You there! Shut your yap I'm not in the mood."
"Oh, InuYasha." Kikyou whispered seductively. "You'll be fine. A wife isn't that horrible. We can still sneak around it, can't we? But if you were looking for a wife, why didn't you come to me?"
She pouted and it looked awfully like a challenged fish…
His friends giggled more. (More at her, ha-ha!)
"Kikyou…I would have, if old man Myouga hadn't just upped and ran. But I bet he'll come back with an old, ugly witch of a woman." InuYasha groaned and flopped an arm over his eyes.
"I'd love to have a wife! A beautiful woman waiting for me at home to cook me delightful meals full of love and-.."
"Shut up, Miroku! Sheesh." Kouga laughed and rested his arm on Miroku's shoulder. "I pray that one day you will find a woman."
Miroku gave him a look as if daring him to make a cocky remark.
"…one that won't run from your wandering hand!" Kouga and all his followers laughed uproariously at the joke while the ever-sanctimonious Miroku pouted in his chair.
InuYasha snorted back a laugh and curled his arm around Kikyou's hips, dragging her to him, his cheek nuzzling her stomach almost lovingly.
One thought buzzed through his mind.
This is the life.
---
The next day…
"Now, darling, where is Shippou's father?" Myouga asked curiously.
"He…was an adventurer. He traveled and I followed him from town to town. He hated responsibilities and when Shippou was born, he couldn't take it. It was just too much for him. And he left us." Kagome's eyes grew cold, haunted. "A year later I found he had died. I'm not sure how, they wouldn't tell me. Someone just came up to me one day at Kaede's Saloon and asked me who I was and that was that."
"I'm so very sorry, my dear!" Myouga said downhearted.
"It's alright. I buried my feelings for that long ago. Please, don't be sorry." Kagome smiled. "I still have my little Shippou."
Myouga smiled and held an arm out to her. Kagome hooked her arm through his and they walked towards the train station. Kagome turned quickly and called out, "Shippou!"
"Coming, momma!" Came a little voice from a very small, redheaded boy. "I'm ready!"
Kagome held her hand down to her son and all three of them hopped aboard the train.
---
:.End Chapter One.:
Authoress Notes:
Kay, here is a new story for ya'll to chew on. Hope you like it. I love the movie this idea comes from. It's an oldies but goodie.
Please R&R!