A/N: First of all I was gonna do bloopers but then I remembered they've
been done to death so I decided to do an after show party instead. And I do
not own Squaresoft or any of the FF7 characters. Curse you magic beans! On
to the story.
Cloud ran out of the cinema where FF7 had just been test screened as fast as he could, Tifa hot on his tail. "Cloud you pervert, you were staring at my ass through the whole ending!" "Tifa. I swear the director told me too." "Then I'll just have to kill him too!"
The rest of the cast left the cinema and walked down the road. "To the party!" Yuffie screamed. They all started cheering and ran off to wherever the party was. Vincent walked silently behind.
Yuffie opened the door and ran into the villa at costa del sol going straight for the food. Cid sat down on the sofa, "Will someone £%$ get me some god'dam ^%$£% tea!" Barret sat down on the other end and Cid was lifted up into the air. "Barret you ^£%& get of the £&^% sofa, you £^%&." "Shuddap foo`" "Aeris get the £%^& over here and help me balance out Barret's £%$&ing huge @$$." Aeris jumped up and sat down next to Cid. The end came half a foot from the ground. "Oi Vincent." "Not now Cid." Vincent was chasing after Yuffie who had found something sugary and gone mad. As a result she had stolen Vincent's claw and was shredding everything with it. "Nanaki give us a %$&^ hand here." Nanaki jumped up onto Aeris' lap. The end touched down. "Good. Now where's my $%& tea!"
Cloud ran in through the door, got a claw across the face from a hyper Yuffie and then a stone hit him on the back of the head. "Cloud you're gonna pay." Tifa screamed as she ran up. "Hide me!" Cloud pleaded as another barrage of rocks sailed through the windows.
Vincent tackled Yuffie and whipped out Death Penalty. "Give it back. Now" "Hee hee." "Give it to me." "Okay!" Yuffie grabbed Vincent and kissed him." "Yuffie!" Vincent pulled away and took his claw back, he kept the death penalty aimed at her to make sure she didn't try anything as he backed away.
Tifa ran in. "Where is he!" "Where is who?" Barret, Cid, Aeris and Nanaki said innocently. "Oh. So that's how it's going to be huh." Tifa ran over and they all left the sofa in fear of the angry Tifa. Tifa stood on the sofa and jumped up and down violently. "Cloud get out of there you £%& git." "Tifa.you're.not.wearing.a.bra.are.you?" Cid said as he watched the bouncing, along with Barret, Vincent and Cloud who just came out of the kitchen after getting some food. Vincent stood staring jaw hanging loosely. Yuffie saw an opportunity and jumped on the turned on Vincent. "Sucker." Cloud mocked, unfortunately Tifa heard him. "There you are!" Tifa grabbed Cloud around the head and started choking him. Aeris quietly watched the commotion unaware that Nanaki had crawled between her legs and was looking up her skirt. Cid grabbed his tail and pulled him away. "What the %&&* are you doing you ^£**% dog. You %$& know I was gonna try and £^&*£* score with her." "Yeah I know. You're just scared of a little competition." "$^*^$* "£*&^%* £*(&^($% £^*^% £^*£%*%££!%$($" Nanaki rubbed against Aeris' legs attracting her attention. "Hey how about saving both our species?" "Umm. Okay." Aeris said in an air headed kind of way. "£**%^& 6%"£*( &$%"& "%$&!"%^&" Cid mumbled.
Cait Sith walked in rolling two kegs infront of him. "I got the beer." He looked up in shock to see Nanaki ripping off Aeris' clothes. Cid kicking a wall, Cloud being beat up by Tifa, Barret laughing at Cloud being beat up, and Vincent being sexually harassed by Yuffie.
Cloud broke out of Tifa's grip "Alcohol! It will ease the pain." Cloud started to drink out of the keg. "Aren't you going to keep hitting him Tifa?" Barret asked. "I'll finish him later." She said. Tifa sat down on the sofa. Barret also sat down, very suddenly catapulting Tifa up through the roof. "Barret you son of a bitch!" "Oops." Barret said as he went to hide from a once again enraged Tifa.
Vincnet came running in from one of the bedrooms his clothes ripped in places and his claw once again missing. He ran over to Cid. "Hold her off please!" he begged. "Oh Vinnie-poo!" Yuffie cooed as she came clawing her way into the room. "Ah you want Cid to join in too?" "No %&^& way man!" Cid yelled as he and Vincent ran like hell.
Cloud walked down the corridor still mostly sober to try and find Tifa so he could apologise. He listened through one door of one room. "Nanaki and Aeris? Alrighty." Vincent and Cid came tearing past him. Followed by a destructive Yuffie. Cloud pulled out a bottle of beer. "Oh well."
Barret edged around the outside of the house. Tifa sprang on him from the roof and started beating his face into the ground. Cloud wandered passed now absolutely drunk. Tifa kept pounding until Barret was unconscious then went after Cloud to finish his beating.
Cid and Vincent hid behind a wall both breathing heavily. "Where is your &$&* gun just "%&^ shoot her." Vincent checked his holster. Empty. A chunk of wood flew out of the wall next to them. "She's got it." He said. Then they ran.
Tifa walked into the Chocobo stable to find Cloud. He was there talking to Boko. "You know what. You're a real ass hole Mr. Chocobo I may be totally pished but I could still take you on. Yeah I'm talking to you, you rotting slimy Malboro." Boko tilted his head to one side in a 'What the hell are you on about' sort of way. "Yeah I'll show you exactly what I can do." Cloud lunged with a fist, missing by at least a foot. "Oh. So you want to do it that way huh? Well this.this time I'm not going to mish." He held up and empty bottle. "Beer 3" Cloud abruptly fell asleep on the floor. Tifa walked over and punched him in the face anyway.
Cid and Vincent ran into the stable. "You %£"!& Vincent. This is a £$&&*" dead end." "I was following you." Yuffie came around the corner. "Throw stuff!" Vincent yelled. Cid and Vincent started pelting Yuffie with rocks and Chocobo droppings and anything else that was on the floor. Unfortunately for him, Cloud was on the floor. Vincent picked up Cloud by the hair and hurled him at Yuffie knocking her out. "You "^&*%£ that was Cloud." "Your point being. It worked." "Fair enough." They returned to the house.
Tifa had a bet with Cait Sith to see who could drink more before passing out. Unfortunately for her Cait wasn't affected by alcohol and so she was on her 13th bottle and about to loose 20 gil.
Nanaki left the bedroom at the worst possible time; just as Cid was walking past. Cid looked through the open door to see a naked sleeping Aeris, then at Nanaki. Cid picked him up and rammed his read into the wall. "%& %!&%$& ^*$ *&^* *&^%*&£ %&^%*£^%*£!%$**£ 6£*£(%&%!^*£&"
Vincent walked into the room only to be knocked out by Tifa falling asleep and letting go of the lampshade.
Cid stopped ramming Nanaki into the wall after realising he was unconscious. Then abruptly fell asleep.
Cait Sith used this opportunity to steal everyone's money then headed off to the Shinra Headquarters.
End Chapter 1
Cloud ran out of the cinema where FF7 had just been test screened as fast as he could, Tifa hot on his tail. "Cloud you pervert, you were staring at my ass through the whole ending!" "Tifa. I swear the director told me too." "Then I'll just have to kill him too!"
The rest of the cast left the cinema and walked down the road. "To the party!" Yuffie screamed. They all started cheering and ran off to wherever the party was. Vincent walked silently behind.
Yuffie opened the door and ran into the villa at costa del sol going straight for the food. Cid sat down on the sofa, "Will someone £%$ get me some god'dam ^%$£% tea!" Barret sat down on the other end and Cid was lifted up into the air. "Barret you ^£%& get of the £&^% sofa, you £^%&." "Shuddap foo`" "Aeris get the £%^& over here and help me balance out Barret's £%$&ing huge @$$." Aeris jumped up and sat down next to Cid. The end came half a foot from the ground. "Oi Vincent." "Not now Cid." Vincent was chasing after Yuffie who had found something sugary and gone mad. As a result she had stolen Vincent's claw and was shredding everything with it. "Nanaki give us a %$&^ hand here." Nanaki jumped up onto Aeris' lap. The end touched down. "Good. Now where's my $%& tea!"
Cloud ran in through the door, got a claw across the face from a hyper Yuffie and then a stone hit him on the back of the head. "Cloud you're gonna pay." Tifa screamed as she ran up. "Hide me!" Cloud pleaded as another barrage of rocks sailed through the windows.
Vincent tackled Yuffie and whipped out Death Penalty. "Give it back. Now" "Hee hee." "Give it to me." "Okay!" Yuffie grabbed Vincent and kissed him." "Yuffie!" Vincent pulled away and took his claw back, he kept the death penalty aimed at her to make sure she didn't try anything as he backed away.
Tifa ran in. "Where is he!" "Where is who?" Barret, Cid, Aeris and Nanaki said innocently. "Oh. So that's how it's going to be huh." Tifa ran over and they all left the sofa in fear of the angry Tifa. Tifa stood on the sofa and jumped up and down violently. "Cloud get out of there you £%& git." "Tifa.you're.not.wearing.a.bra.are.you?" Cid said as he watched the bouncing, along with Barret, Vincent and Cloud who just came out of the kitchen after getting some food. Vincent stood staring jaw hanging loosely. Yuffie saw an opportunity and jumped on the turned on Vincent. "Sucker." Cloud mocked, unfortunately Tifa heard him. "There you are!" Tifa grabbed Cloud around the head and started choking him. Aeris quietly watched the commotion unaware that Nanaki had crawled between her legs and was looking up her skirt. Cid grabbed his tail and pulled him away. "What the %&&* are you doing you ^£**% dog. You %$& know I was gonna try and £^&*£* score with her." "Yeah I know. You're just scared of a little competition." "$^*^$* "£*&^%* £*(&^($% £^*^% £^*£%*%££!%$($" Nanaki rubbed against Aeris' legs attracting her attention. "Hey how about saving both our species?" "Umm. Okay." Aeris said in an air headed kind of way. "£**%^& 6%"£*( &$%"& "%$&!"%^&" Cid mumbled.
Cait Sith walked in rolling two kegs infront of him. "I got the beer." He looked up in shock to see Nanaki ripping off Aeris' clothes. Cid kicking a wall, Cloud being beat up by Tifa, Barret laughing at Cloud being beat up, and Vincent being sexually harassed by Yuffie.
Cloud broke out of Tifa's grip "Alcohol! It will ease the pain." Cloud started to drink out of the keg. "Aren't you going to keep hitting him Tifa?" Barret asked. "I'll finish him later." She said. Tifa sat down on the sofa. Barret also sat down, very suddenly catapulting Tifa up through the roof. "Barret you son of a bitch!" "Oops." Barret said as he went to hide from a once again enraged Tifa.
Vincnet came running in from one of the bedrooms his clothes ripped in places and his claw once again missing. He ran over to Cid. "Hold her off please!" he begged. "Oh Vinnie-poo!" Yuffie cooed as she came clawing her way into the room. "Ah you want Cid to join in too?" "No %&^& way man!" Cid yelled as he and Vincent ran like hell.
Cloud walked down the corridor still mostly sober to try and find Tifa so he could apologise. He listened through one door of one room. "Nanaki and Aeris? Alrighty." Vincent and Cid came tearing past him. Followed by a destructive Yuffie. Cloud pulled out a bottle of beer. "Oh well."
Barret edged around the outside of the house. Tifa sprang on him from the roof and started beating his face into the ground. Cloud wandered passed now absolutely drunk. Tifa kept pounding until Barret was unconscious then went after Cloud to finish his beating.
Cid and Vincent hid behind a wall both breathing heavily. "Where is your &$&* gun just "%&^ shoot her." Vincent checked his holster. Empty. A chunk of wood flew out of the wall next to them. "She's got it." He said. Then they ran.
Tifa walked into the Chocobo stable to find Cloud. He was there talking to Boko. "You know what. You're a real ass hole Mr. Chocobo I may be totally pished but I could still take you on. Yeah I'm talking to you, you rotting slimy Malboro." Boko tilted his head to one side in a 'What the hell are you on about' sort of way. "Yeah I'll show you exactly what I can do." Cloud lunged with a fist, missing by at least a foot. "Oh. So you want to do it that way huh? Well this.this time I'm not going to mish." He held up and empty bottle. "Beer 3" Cloud abruptly fell asleep on the floor. Tifa walked over and punched him in the face anyway.
Cid and Vincent ran into the stable. "You %£"!& Vincent. This is a £$&&*" dead end." "I was following you." Yuffie came around the corner. "Throw stuff!" Vincent yelled. Cid and Vincent started pelting Yuffie with rocks and Chocobo droppings and anything else that was on the floor. Unfortunately for him, Cloud was on the floor. Vincent picked up Cloud by the hair and hurled him at Yuffie knocking her out. "You "^&*%£ that was Cloud." "Your point being. It worked." "Fair enough." They returned to the house.
Tifa had a bet with Cait Sith to see who could drink more before passing out. Unfortunately for her Cait wasn't affected by alcohol and so she was on her 13th bottle and about to loose 20 gil.
Nanaki left the bedroom at the worst possible time; just as Cid was walking past. Cid looked through the open door to see a naked sleeping Aeris, then at Nanaki. Cid picked him up and rammed his read into the wall. "%& %!&%$& ^*$ *&^* *&^%*&£ %&^%*£^%*£!%$**£ 6£*£(%&%!^*£&"
Vincent walked into the room only to be knocked out by Tifa falling asleep and letting go of the lampshade.
Cid stopped ramming Nanaki into the wall after realising he was unconscious. Then abruptly fell asleep.
Cait Sith used this opportunity to steal everyone's money then headed off to the Shinra Headquarters.
End Chapter 1