This story is a parody of Metroid: Other M that uses Legend of Zelda characters. I'm not a big fan of writing in first person, but an Other M parody would seem to necessitate it. So, Link narrates the events in the story similar to how Samus does in the game. It's important to note that the Link in the story isn't a particular incarnation: he makes references to multiple games, making it impossible for him to be a specific Link.

Legend of Zelda: Other L

Baby's cry. That's what I heard coming from Goron City that day. Luckily, playing Goron's Lullaby on my ocarina was all it took to shut the kid up. I was enjoying the peace and quiet when more trouble found me. "Heeeey!" It was the postman with an urgent letter. I'm not sure how he found me in that remote corner of Hyrule since I hadn't told anyone where I was going.

"Neither rain, nor sleet, nor world ending cataclysms will stop the mail!"

I was shocked because I hadn't said a word. Had his discerning eyes seen right through me to the question in my mind?

"Heard a lot of legends about you, Mr. Link. Are they all true?"

I wondered if he'd even be fooled by my wolf transformation. Those beady eyes and the smirk on his lips told me that he would probably see right through that, too.

"I've delivered the letter! Onward to mail!" With his job complete, the postman jogged back across the bridge.

I looked at the letter I'd received. No sender was specified. I opened it, and found only a simple message saying there was a disaster at the Water Temple, and the people there needed to be rescued. No doubt the poor souls had been trapped by the water raising mechanics.

So I put my Goron Mask on and rolled out. When I reached Lake Hylia, I switched to my Zora mask and dove in. Reaching the entryway to the temple at the bottom was a cinch in Zora form; even easier than using the iron boots and blue tunic, and much faster. And of course, I had a whole arsenal of items to get me through the rest of the temple, so I was confident that this mission would be a breeze.

As soon as I got out of the water, before I could even take off my Zora Mask, I was surrounded by a group of soldiers, who all pointed their spears at my throat. I kept still and turned my eyes on all of the ones in the front. The band were all soldiers from the castle. Hyrule Warriors, I thought. I could have gotten out of it with a spin attack, but I decided to hold off and see what they wanted.

"Oooooh! Well, I'll be, Fairy Boy!"

I knew this voice. The soldiers parted to let the man through. The man had a big smile on his face. It was Beedle, one of my old comrades. At his command, the soldiers all lowered their weapons. I took my Zora Mask off and went back to my normal self. Everyone seemed to be more at ease when they saw it was me.

"Is that form a new power of yours? It really suits you!"

I knew Beedle from back in my days as a Hyrule Warrior. We were under the same C.O. As I looked around, I recognized some of my other former comrades as well, including…

"Commander!"

Beedle got out of the way as she came forward. It was the Princess of Hyrule herself: Zelda.

"I'm glad you're here, Link. We could use your help with this mission."

I couldn't help but feel a little irritated at the casual way she addressed me. Had she forgotten the reason I'd left the warriors? All the heroic deeds I had done while working under her, and she was the one who got all the credit. It wasn't as though it was her fault though; as princess, she naturally garnered all the attention even if it was her subordinates doing all the actual fighting. Her name was the one written down, and mine, just the name of some nobody from the knights, wasn't, and that was just the way it was.

No, she hadn't forgotten all that. She was just a big enough person to put it aside when people's lives were at stake. I guess I owed it to her to do the same and hear her out.

Zelda briefed me on the situation. Apparently, some scientists had been studying the mechanisms in the temple when chaos had ensued. The situation wasn't fully understood, but the bottom two floors of the temple were flooded.

"None of us can reach the water lowering mechanism, so we need you to do it! Got a problem with that, Fairy Boy?"

That took me back. I reminded me of my days as a Hyrule Warrior, when she would always ask that question. Whereas everyone else would give thumbs up to show they understood the mission briefing, I would give a thumbs down: both to show that I disapproved of being called Fairy Boy, and that I had no understanding of the mission parameters, and just generally no idea what was going on. Thinking back, I wondered why she had tolerated such insolence from one of her subordinates. If I had been put under Darunia's command, I'm pretty sure he would have bashed my head in for the attitude I'd had in my youth. Yes, even if she had hogged all the credit and even if I had disagreed with some of her decisions, I had to admit that Zelda had been a good C.O., and a good comrade. But those days were long behind me. I was a freelance adventurer now: I chose my own quests and took orders from no one.

"Should I take your silence to mean you'll do it for us? Well, good luck!"

With that, Commander Zelda shoved me down a fifteen foot drop into a pool of water. From up above, she called down some final orders to me: "Oh, I forgot! I'm forbidding the use of your masks and items. They're dangerous, so don't use any of them unless I authorize them! I think you understand why, but that goes double for the Fierce Deity and Giant's Masks!"

Once I started moving through the temple, I was cut off from the rest of the squad, but I soon found that Zelda had slipped a Gossip Stone into my pocket to keep in contact. She was pretty stingy with her restrictions on my items, so to start off with, she only authorized my Zora Mask; even she could see that it was pertinent to the situation. I put the mask on and began traversing through the lower chambers, searching for the water lowering mechanism.

As I drew close to the chamber where the mechanism was, something snagged my foot. I thought it was some kelp, until it cut into my skin and started dragging me backwards at high speed. The sharp pain made me clench my teeth. Through my blurry vision, I saw that Gyorg, a monstrous fish, had gotten ahold of me. When the monster opened its mouth to snap up the rest of me, I swam for it and got clear of its jaws.

I didn't know what Gyorg was doing in the Water Temple or how he was still alive for that matter, but there was no time to think about it: the evil fish was coming at me at high speed. I swam out of the way and Gyorg slammed into the wall. With the fish stunned, the time seemed ripe to electrocute him with my Zora powers, but then I remembered that Zelda hadn't authorized my Magic Meter. I tried to get in contact with her through the Gossip Stone, but she wouldn't respond. Was their trouble on her end, too?

In the meantime, Gyorg had recovered and was flying straight at me again. I launched off my Zora fins, but they just made a metallic clinking noise when they hit the fish's scales and bounced off its body. Gyorg opened its mouth wide to swallow me up, and there was no time to get out of the way. Thinking I was done for, I raised my arms up in front of me. A lot of good that would do against those razor sharp teeth.

Then a buzzing noise came through on the Gossip Stone and I heard a voice yell out, "Magic Meter authorized, Fairy Boy!"

I kicked off the wall behind me and flung myself into Gyorg's throat. An electric field formed around my body as I entered the fish's mouth. The evil fish convulsed from the voltage going through its body and then began to sizzle as the heat built up. After a few moments, a fried Gyorg was floating belly-side up at the top of the water.

After climbing out of the creature's mouth, I swam back to the bottom and did what I'd come to do. With my ocarina in hand, I played a song and lowered the water level. Then I made my way through the temple to rendezvous with Zelda's squad. When I found them, they were investigating the room where the scientists had been. Unfortunately, all the scientists were dead. They'd been drowned.

"We were too late," Zelda said. She had on a brave face for the troops, but I could see the scientists' deaths bothered her. But there was something else behind that troubled look. As I wondered just what had happened here, I began to suspect that Zelda knew something she wasn't telling me.

"Goro!"

A loud yell and splash caught us all off guard. When we ran over, we saw a Goron sinking into the waters like a rock. It was too late for him.

"How could this happen?" Zelda yelled. All her soldiers shrunk back in fear from her outburst, and from the furious glare she cast at each of them. With a snarl, she dismissed them into groups to search the other rooms. When it was just the two of us left, Zelda strolled over to a stone that had an eye painted on it and, in a fit of fury, kicked it.

The stone jiggled about, and then said, "Boing-oing! I saw the whole thing! The Goron was pushed in by a soldier!"

Zelda stared at the stone for a long time. Then she turned to me. "We may have a traitor in our midst. I'm authorizing the Lens of Truth."

We poked around the other rooms for a time with the Lens of Truth, until we found another of Zelda's warriors down. The guy had been stabbed in the back multiple times. When Zelda saw the new victim, she turned pale. She tried to get in contact with the rest of her squad, but nobody was answering. In despair, Zelda said to me, "They've all met with a terrible fate, haven't they?"

I didn't reply. Instead, I looked over the corpse. It was hard to say for certain, but to me, it looked like the wounds had come from a Lizalfos. The whole temple was probably crawling with monsters. Definitely no place for soldiers who were so green.

"Tingle Kooloo Limpah!"

A man dressed in a green body suit rushed over to us: an unfamiliar face who was apparently one of Zelda's warriors. His name was Tingle. "I rushed over as soon as I heard the trouble!"

Something didn't feel right about the guy to me. Then it hit me: I remembered seeing him earlier, when I'd been using the Lens of Truth to look through walls, hiding in a barrel in this very room. I hadn't thought much of it at the time, supposing that he'd been hiding from monsters, but now, with the dead soldier and his lie, something definitely didn't add up about the guy. I tried to tell Zelda, giving her an imploring look, but she didn't seem to notice, and instead she questioned Tingle for the whereabouts of the others.

Tingle hadn't said more than a few words before a giant water tentacle came out of a nearby pool and wrapped around him. I got Zelda out of the way, but Tingle was dragged to his doom before I could do anything. When the water tentacle came back up to get us, I saw a weird red thing flowing through it. I used my hookshot to drag the creature's nucleus out of the water and then finished it off with a slash from my sword.

After it was over, Zelda cast a bitter glare at me. "I didn't authorize your hookshot," she said. I had a feeling that it wasn't actually the hookshot she was so upset about. And after she had lost so many members of her squad, I couldn't blame her for being irritable. Still, she didn't have to take it out on me, and what happened next was just uncalled for. "I'm fining you fifty Rupees for disobeying orders!"

Before I had a chance to protest, the money was sucked out of my wallet. I had a flashback to the day I'd had to cross a field covered in Rupoors. The new hole in my wallet, and the resurfacing of that horrifying memory, was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

We didn't get much of a respite, however, for in the next moment, we heard a loud clamor coming from the next room. Could it be a survivor? Zelda rushed ahead and I ran after her. We came into a big room and, from atop a balcony, saw Beedle below fighting for his life against none other than the King of Darkness Ganon in his pig demon form. But it was impossible for Ganon to be here now! I'd defeated him years ago, so how could he be back? I turned to Zelda for answers.

Zelda bit her lower lip and wouldn't meet my gaze. "Not now, Link. We have to help Beedle! Light arrows authorized!"

I leapt down off the balcony and launched the arrow as I fell. Ganon was obliterated in one shot. It seemed a little strange that he'd gone down so easily, but I was just glad that I'd got there in time to save Beedle.

"Wow! You really saved me, Fairy Boy! How would you like a Complementary Coupon to show my gratitude?"

I took the coupon, because I always take everything that's offered to me. But at this moment, I was more interested in the truth of this place. I turned to Zelda, who had just finished climbing down. She rubbed her shoulder and had a guilty look on her face.

"I'm sorry for deceiving you for all this time. You deserve to know what's really going on down here."

Zelda started explaining something about how some bigshots in Hyrule had thought it was a good idea to weaponize Ganon clones, and how the Water Temple was the perfect place to conduct the research. All I got out of it was that they don't teach ethics or common sense at Hyrule Academy, and that these scientist types like to meddle with forces they can't control. But I guess that's Hyrule's dark and bloody history for you. After Zelda had prattled on for a while, I saw a weird shadow dart into the next room, and I dashed after it.

Behind me, I heard Zelda call out, "Wait, Link! You didn't understand anything I said, did you?!"

"He's always like that! It really suits him!"

I came into a room with moving elevators and a huge gap in the center that led to an endless abyss. Well, excuse me, Princess: the hover boots are authorized. Got a problem with that? I had to find that shadow, so I ran across the abyss and floated to the other side. When I opened the door and rushed into the room, I came face to face with something strange: in this watery mirror room with a tree in the center and several strange monuments about the place, was a shadowy version of myself. Just what was this thing? Was it another of the scientist's experiments? This was one of the few occasions where I regretted that Navi wasn't around anymore; I could have really used her help in figuring out what was going on.

The shadow drew its sword and circled around me. It wanted to fight, so I decided to oblige. I thrust my sword at it, but the shadow leapt right up onto my blade. For a shadow, the thing had quite a bit of weight, and I was horrified to find that I couldn't draw back my blade. I was completely helpless, but the shadow didn't strike. Instead, it mocked me with a backflip. I could move my sword again, but the shadow had shown just who was in control of this fight. We exchanged a few blows, and then I retreated a moment to catch my breath.

It was then that I noticed it: beneath my feet, I could see through the water to another room. In that room, there were hundreds of fake Ganons. My eyes widened at the horrifying sight. The shadow shuffled back and forth on its feet as if laughing at me for only now seeing the creatures. Just what was it this shadow was planning on doing with all those monsters? Was he going to let them loose in the world? Whatever his plan, I had to stop him fast.

Out of options, I pulled out my Fierce Deity Mask. Zelda had explicitly forbidden it, but we were out of time. I donned the mask and started sending magic shockwaves all over the room. But that blasted shadow somehow managed to copy my powers, and he blocked the shockwaves with his own. The whole building was shaking from the intensity of our clash, but I didn't have time to worry about that: I had to crush this shadow before he released those fake Ganons onto Hyrule. Well, if I had to crush him with something he couldn't copy, I guess there wasn't much choice: I put on my Giant's Mask and grew to the size of a giant. The shadow didn't stand a chance: I squashed him like a bug, and that was the end of him.

But in my panic, I may have miscalculated. With all the shockwaves from the fight, the temple was starting to collapse. There probably wasn't much time at all before the whole place fell down on top of us. The falling rubble bashing against my skull definitely gave me that impression.

"Link, you have to get out of there! I don't know what happened, but this whole place is coming down!" It was the Gossip Stone. It was a little hard to hear in giant's form, but fortunately my enlarged ears gave me superhuman hearing. "Link! Link, can you hear me? Just snap your fingers or something if you can! Please! I don't… I don't know if Beedle and I can make it out… But you have to, Link! You're the Hero of Hyrule!"

I clenched my fists and grit my teeth. She may have been an annoying glory hog, and maybe I was a little cross at her for not trusting me enough to tell me about the twisted experiments that were being conducted in this place, but there was no way I was about to let the Princess die. But I didn't know where she was. How could I find the Princess and get her out of here before all this rubble buried her alive? There was only one way. It was a little risky because of how much magic energy it would require, but I had to risk it. I downed a bottle of Chateau Romani and then used my Lens of Truth to search for Zelda and Beedle. I found them, and not a moment too soon. Using my giant's strength, I smashed through walls to get there, and then scooped them up in my hand. The rubble raining down on my head hurt worse than the crushing disappointment after killing a hundred Golden Skulltulas, but I pressed forth, smashing through more walls with my shoulder, being careful all the while to shield Zelda and Beedle from harm by holding my other hand over them. I got us outside to Lake Hylia, but my strength was spent, and my giant form didn't do too well underwater. I took the mask off, and floated helplessly at the bottom of the lake, until Beedle and Zelda took my arms over their shoulders and swam me to the lake's surface. They dragged me to the island, and then the three of us all just laid there and stared up at the cloudy sky for the longest time.

Zelda stood over me, her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. "That was extremely reckless." She extended her hand to help me up, as well as a warm smile. I took her hand and she hoisted me to my feet. "Thanks, Link; You really saved us back there. You're a true hero of Hyrule!"

Never before had I gotten such praise from my commander. I felt a comforting warmness inside. I wonder, for all these years I'd been adventuring, if that was what I had truly wanted all along.

Zelda sighed and put a hand on her hip. "But I do wonder what caused the temple to collapse like that…"

Recalling my fight with the shadow and all the dangerous tricks I had pulled out made my face feel hot. But Zelda didn't have to know any of that. No, as far as she need know, I had only pulled out my Giant's Mask afterwards, so that I could save them. So, I gave Zelda my most innocent look and hoped she wouldn't suspect anything.

"It really suits you," Beedle whispered into my ear. He winked at me and nudged me with his elbow.

Beedle was a smart guy, and it wasn't hard for him to discern what had happened. Fortunately, all it took for him to keep my secret a secret from everyone, especially Zelda, was a promise to buy him a round of milk at the bar.

"What's that about a bar? Count me in, too." Zelda wasn't normally the type to go to a bar. She was a princess, after all, and she could just get servants to get her a drink. But she looked worn out after our misadventures, so I guess she didn't care much about appearances at the moment.

After what we'd been through today, I thought we had all earned a drink. Though, if I had to pay for everyone, my wallet was going to be bled dry: Beedle and Zelda could both drink a lot of milk. Maybe it was time to cash in that Complementary Coupon. And come to think of it, Zelda still hadn't returned that fifty Rupees she had taken for using my hookshot.