A/N: Hi! This is my first time writing a One-Piece fic. I was recently dragged into the One Piece bandwagon and I was instantly hooked! This fic is inspired by the conversation I had with my sister. We were discussing how cool it was if our favorite characters were units that we can buy so this was born!
Warnings: There's implication of things and mentions of shounen-ai or boyxboy. So if you don't like it, please stay away now.
Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece! All of them belongs to Oda-sensei.
RORONOA ZORO Owner's Guide and Manual
CONGRATULATIONS! You are now the proud and lucky owner of a RORONOA ZORO unit! This unit comes with an owner's guide and manual as this is your only example of unlocking the full potential of your smexy swordsman.
Technical Specifications:
Name: Roronoa Zoro (he will also respond to 'Roronoa', 'Zoro', 'Aniki', 'Zoro-kun', 'Swordsman-san' and 'Marimo', though it is highly recommended that you do not call him with that last one. If you still want to, tell us in advance so we can send you flowers at your funeral)
Age: 19 years old (The manufactures are still working on the two year later version)
Place of manufacture: The Blue Sea, East Blue division
Height: 178 cm of pure hotness
Weight: Unknown
Length: We will let your thoughts decide that
Personality: Grouchy, Stern, Serious
Specialty: A user of Santoryu. Plain green hair smexiness.
Your RORONOA ZORO unit comes with the following accessories:
A black bandana
Three identical gold earrings
A wardrobe full of plain white shirts, black trousers, black boots, green haramakis, a varied collection of colorful shirts and for a limited time only, formal black and white tuxedos with matching cufflinks for any special occasion.
Three swords which includes Wado Ichimonji, Sandai Kitetsu and Shuusui.
An extra sword which is Yubashiri
A barrel of sake
A tranquilizer gun and darts
How to Remove:
You may have some difficulty in removing your unit from the box as the unit has a large ego. He would probably bite you if you try to remove the chains for him (be very careful. He doesn't use Santoryu style for nothing) If that happens, you can either 1) watch him struggle furiously like an animal for a few minutes or 2) you could use the barrel of sake as a bargaining chip. Once you remove him from the box, he will glare at you and gruffly greet you.
Programming:
After removing your unit from the box, you can use the tranquilizer gun to sedate him in order to program him as he is not the most cooperative unit in our line. You would be amazed as the unit comes with a variety of amazing features.
Swordsman: This is his default feature. Do not be surprise if you come home to find your house in shambles or your neighbors calling 9-1-1 because there is a sword slashing demon destroying their prized petunias. Take note that you should not leave your unit alone for a long time without some sort of distraction that would keep him preoccupied.
Big brother: Although he is serious, stern and can be a total jackass sometimes, he can be a relatively normal and nice big brother. Once he warms up to you, he will protect you at all costs. Plus, he can be your teddy bear to scare away nightmares in the middle of the night. Just make sure you don't irritate him.
Bodyguard: With his bandana tied around his head and his three swords tucked safely in his haramaki, he is an amazing bodyguard. Fret not as your unit will slice and dice the living daylights out of any stalkers, ex-boyfriends or peeping toms that may be unlucky enough to cross paths with you.
Best friend: Your unit can also become your awesome best friend, providing you bribe him with plenty of alcohol, preferably rum or sake. Just don't irritate him.
Boyfriend: Yes to you fangirls out there, he can also become your boyfriend. Since he is one of the hottest males in the One Piece Manufacturing, he would be an awesome boyfriend. Not only can your boyfriend intimidate other boyfriends with his smexy looks, you could also show him off in front of other girls too. They would be green (not the green color of your unit's hair, a darker shade) with envy.
Personal coach: Need some muscles? Want a healthier life? Then this unit is the best personal coach out there! Very strict exercise regimes and lifting weights that are probably heavier than your house, you will have bulky muscles and a six pack in no time! (Providing that you do not die first.)
(This can also be taken in a completely different way. We are raising our eyebrows suggestively)
Training partner: Want someone to practice awesome karate skills or whatever that you learned from YouTube? Your unit would be an excellent test dummy – we mean training partner. Do take note that your unit does not know how to hold back so expect the doctors at the emergency room to know you.
Your RORONOA ZORO unit comes with the following modes:
Stern, serious and grouchy mode (default)
Pissed-off mode (easily mistaken to be the default)
Prepare-to-die-by-my-swords mode
Smexy seme mode (locked)
School-girl-uke mode (locked)
Out Of Character mode (locked)
The stern, serious and grouchy mode is the default because, that is just how he is.
The Pissed-off mode can easily be mistaken to be the default because just like the mode above, that is just how he is. Also, this mode may be triggered if a SANJI unit is within a twenty meter radius, a LUFFY unit is continuously whining about meat or you just annoyed him enough.
The Prepare-to-die-by-my-swords mode is the upper level of the Pissed-off mode. This is triggered when someone is threatening you or a SANJI unit is within a ten meter radius and insulted the unit. Expect destruction within a ten mile radius and complaints from neighbors.
The Smexy seme mode is only unlocked when either the SANJI, LUFFY or maybe the NAMI unit is in the opposite mode. For the yaoi fangirls, you are advised to bring cameras or camcorders.
As for the School-girl-uke mode, it is only unlocked when either the SANJI, LUFFY and ROBIN unit is in the opposite mode. Prepare for an overload of uke-ness and nosebleeds.
Out Of Character mode is triggered when the LUFFY unit is in the same mode or when the unit is attacked by viruses. You will be horrified by his LUFFY unit like smile and proper manners. (Yes, he does have manners. He just purposely ignores them)
Caring For the Unit:
Feeding: The unit eats practically anything edible but prefers white rice, sea king meat and anything that goes with ale. Oh and alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.
Cleaning: He is partially a slob but will clean up when you order him too (just think like the NAMI unit). He would not admit it but he secretly likes someone washing his hair or scrubbing his back.
Resting: He would need about eight to ten hours of sleep at night. In the day time, he would probably take naps ranging between two to six hours. NEVER, EVER for the sake of living long enough for you to see your grandchildren, disturb him from his sleep. If you do, the doctor would find it odd and horrifying that a sword had impaled you near your crown jewels.
If your unit is attacked by viruses: When viruses attack, it will trigger the unit's Out-of-Character mode. If it does not trigger it, the unit will suffer from something similar to a cold. If that happens, hurry and call us at 1-800-Eiichiro Oda and we will send you the anti-virus software. Take note that this unit is a terribly difficult patient to handle.
His Relationship with Other Units:
MONKEY D. LUFFY: Your unit is this unit's loyal and trustworthy first-mate. If you have any problems with your unit, place a LUFFY unit in front of him, let the unit deploy his cute charm and your unit will begrudgingly follow your orders. Do not forget to feed the LUFFY unit afterwards. (It is highly advisable that you already have spare food locked somewhere safe)
SANJI: This unit is the official antagonist of your unit. Expect yourself to learn lots of new, highly colorful swear words and destruction in a grand scale when these two are around. Also, do not be alarmed when you find the closet of kitchen locked in the middle of the night. It is also unsurprising if you hear…noises coming from inside. Shrug it off if and think nothing of it (or you could just say, "Meh, they're doing the meow meow in there. Big deal.") if you value your life.
THE STRAWHAT CREW SET: This play set is like your unit's happy, dysfunctional family. He is thought of as the father of the family.
FAQ's:
Q: Instead of smexy green hair, I got a unit with smexy RED hair.
A: We are extremely sorry. The red haired RORONOA ZORO unit is actually an error in production because one of our manufactures had mistaken 'marimo colored hair' with 'tomato colored hair'. If you'd want the original, we will exchange the unit as soon as possible.
Q: Instead of a muscular and tall green-haired teen, I got a kid one! What happened?
A: You got a chibi marimo! That unit is from our chibi line. If you want the original, we will be happy to exchange the unit.
Q: Instead of swords, I got a unit with swords and a pair of magnum revolvers. Is this for real?
A: Congratulations! You are one of the few lucky buyers to receive the limited edition, STRONG WORLD set! This set comes with the guns and a formal suit.
TROUBLESHOOTING:
Problem: My unit is suddenly being NICE with a SANJI unit! What's wrong?
Answer: Uh-oh. Something must be wrong with his head. Did he receive a kick from the SANJI unit? If so, whacked his head hard, run like hell was chasing you and blame the SANJI unit.
Problem: Why does my unit still get lost even when I point at the right direction?
Answer: Uh…There's nothing wrong with the unit if he acts that way. It is actually normal. Even our manufactures are stumped by his lack of orientation and they are the ones who created him. Do not be surprised if he got lost in a paper bag or something.
Problem: Why is my unit cuddling me? It's not that I have any complaints but still!
Answer: Your unit is probably in Out-of-Character mode. Just enjoy every minute of cuddling with the fuzzy teddy bear while it last.
Problem: My unit suddenly told me that I was his before he placed hickeys on me!
Answer: Congratulations! Invite us to your wedding alright?
That is your complete guide to the RORONOA ZORO unit. We hope that you will enjoy your unit and please keep your unit satisfy. Keep reading this manual and you will ensure that you would not die a horrible and painful death by swords but to be on the safe side, prepare a will ahead of time!
So, how do you like it? I am planning on making guides for other units if I have the time and inspiration. I hope that the characters weren't too OOC. As for the guns, I just thought that maybe Zoro would look cool with guns and the Strong World movie popped up in my mind. Reviews and constructive criticism is highly accepted. Have a nice day!