Hello everyone,
This is a story that hits close to home for me. I deal with severe anxiety and have been struggling a bit with it lately. I wanted to write a story with it, and these beloved characters seemed too perfect.
First off, I identify very well with Kotoko in her affections, or at least I did for a time. I held affections for a boy for quite a few years, but he was unobtainable, just like Irie-kun. He is so intelligent, I feel idiotic whenever I'm around him, and for so long, I did my best to impress him. Well, with what I know of him, I could see him having a panic/anxiety attack. Though I don't feel as strongly for him as I did, I want to be able to help him through it because I still deeply care for him.
Side trivia: Coldplay's song Fix You helped a lot in writing this.
I don't own Itazura na Kiss or its adorable characters.
I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it.
His hand clenched the fabric of his pajama shirt as he gasped for air. He couldn't move more than what was required to bolt straight up from his laid down position. Sweat beaded on his brow, soaking the tips of his bangs. His steel colored eyes stared ahead, completely unfocused. His heart pounded in his chest. His mind was so incredibly scattered, he felt as if it would never return to its normal collected state. Though he was in his own bed, he felt lost as if he were very far from home.
Naoki Irie was not a man who was familiar with the feeling of being out of his element, but right then he was. He was rarely frightened, but he knew that's how he would appear to anyone looking in. To put it simply, he was scared out of his mind for no comprehensible reason. It was so intense that it was evoking a physical reaction. All of the books he had read or would ever read couldn't have prepared him for this in a million years, but he took small comfort in knowing what he could call it. A panic attack, brought on by an accumulation of subconscious anxiety. It was almost comical to anyone who knew him and knew how cool his demeanor usually was. Still, it was happening.
It came out of the dark of the night, violently yanking him from what he thought was a peaceful sleep. His eyes opened and it gripped him by the throat. As he thought back on it, his neck began to ache, along with his chest, as an invisible hand was strangling him and another was pressing something sharp into his lungs. He had no way of knowing how long it really carried on, but it felt like an hour had passed by before he felt pressure on his left wrist pierce through the fog. His mind began to clear slowly, and after a couple of minutes, he could think straight once again. It was then that he noticed that there was light pouring into the room that he shared with his little brother from the hallway. It shone in on his little brother and… Kotoko.
She smiled softly at him and released her grip on his wrist. "There. Are you okay now, Irie-kun?"
He was stunned, a reaction that only she could earn- a fact that he was not willing to divulge to anyone.
"Onii-chan?" Yuuki questioned. He turned his head to what many had referred to as the miniature version of himself. It was enough to bring him back to normal enough to respond, and he nodded.
"Yes, I'm fine," he answered before getting up and walking out, leaving the pair staring after him. A trip to the bathroom and a good cold rinse of his hands and face returned him completely to his typical self. When he opened the door, their redheaded guest was there waiting for him. His expression remained blank as his feet paused. "What is it?"
She gave him yet another soft smile. "I just wanted to hurry and show you something."
With that, she stepped forward and took his right wrist in her hands. With three fingers, she measured down from the bottom of his own hand. "If this ever happens again, you can press this point for a few minutes. You have to press it hard enough to cause some discomfort to interrupt your blood flow a bit, but not so much that you cut it off. It will alleviate some of the stress."
Her warm eyes shifted up to meet his, not saying anything more. He felt like he had stepped into an alternate universe. Maybe that's what had caused his reaction. Here Kotoko was teaching him? Not just in matters of the heart, but something actually educational. How did she know?
"Being in Class F for so long, not knowing what it would do to my future has given me plenty of experience with this kind of thing," she explained, choosing to believe that he was curious about her. "Satomi taught this to me, and it has been really helpful."
Her hand still held his wrist as they gazed at each other, as if silently communicating. It took Yuuki clearing his throat from the door of the bedroom to snap them out of the exchange.
Kotoko blushed as she let go and stepped back, turning to go to her room. "Goodnight, Irie-kun, Yuuki-kun."
Both boys looked after her, thinking the same thing.
"Is it just me, or did Kotoko seem smart just then?" The younger Irie child spoke up after she had closed her door.
Naoki faintly smirked and gave a slight nod. "It would seem so."
"Huh, I guess everyone has a brief intelligent moment. Even her," Yuuki mused. "But if she makes it down the stairs without falling in the morning, I'm going to think someone replaced the real one with a clone."
The elder's smirk deepened and he made a small noise of agreement. Yes, there was something different about tonight, but it would return to normal. He still had to wonder, though, if their roles would reverse again.
There you have it. That was the most basic way I could describe an anxiety/panic attack. If you don't understand or want to learn more, I suggest a lot more research.
Please review, but please also follow the rule that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all (constructive criticism is nice).
'Til next time, my lovelies.
-stmew