Beetlejuice and all related characters and whatnot belong to Tim Burton.

This is just going to be my collection of oneXones concerning Beetlejuice and Lydia, probably from a combination of both Movie and Cartoon verse. I know, I know I should be working on Decision, but I was bitch-slapped with a major case of writer's block, and I figure if I get a few oneXones out while I fine-tune the very last few chapters, it may help.

She was out on a date. Again.

What social life did she really need outside of me anyways? I mean… if she wanted to go to the movies, I woulda taken her. But she had to go with some pimply-faced skeaze that probably didn't know up from down when it came to chicks.

No… wait! I mean, not that I would ever think of Lyds that way, but you gotta know that's probably what was on the hormonal little bastard's mind. But wasn't I more than enough? Why'd she feel the need for more guy friends?

I slouched against the mirror frame, the pinky on my left hand excavating its way through my ear canal when she finally came back. Instantly I was awake and alert, trademark leer in place.

"Hiya Babes." When she only sighed in response, even I knew something was wrong. "Wanna say those magic B-words kid?"

She stared at me thoughtfully for a moment, and then cast a longing glance at her heap of pillows. "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice."

Abandoning all my flashy tricks in favor of just 'popping' in and onto her mattress as she flopped down across it, I re-evaluated her expression.

Thoughtful, frustrated, and vaguely nauseous. "C'mon Babes. When I notice, it means somethin' really bad's usually up." Not exactly true.

I didn't know if Lyds had noticed, but I'd been noticing her a lot lately. She ain't exactly a kid anymore. She'd be seventeen in a few months, and damn had she grown into her potential. Tiny and thin to the point I was afraid she'd snap in half on one of our more dangerous adventures, but that face and that hair and those CURVES!

Snapping myself from less-than-just-friends fantasies and thoughts, I poked her side with one grimy red claw. "Tell me." I demanded in a teasingly demonic voice-over.

Lyds grimaced my way as she folded her hands behind her head. "Alex is a freaking moron, that's what."

I felt something boil deep in my gut, but I couldn't place what it was. "What'd he do?"

Then she got all weird. She shot up into a sitting position, and her face turned beat red as she glared down at her knee. "I… I kissed him. And not just… just a kiss…" She shot me a look that was somewhere between desperation, confusion, and disgust. "I mean… like kiss kissed him."

If I'd'a had a pulse and functioning lungs, both would'a stopped when I heard that. As it was, I was only frozen about a second before I cleared my throat and tried to act uninterested. Not an easy feat, I might add. "So uh… was the nerd any good?"

"No." She spat. "He shoved his tongue down my throat, made me gag, and then thought it would make it better if he invaded my shirt. By the time the bastard actually made me say 'ow', I was done." She let out a big sigh, which I was grateful for because I swear to god I think I just growled. "My first kiss. Totally ruined. That has to be one of the most horrid, embarrassing moments in my entire life Beej."

I didn't know what to do. I was glad she'd hated it, yeah, horrified she'd done it in the first place. I shouldn't'a felt these things, I know: she's still practically a kid, the little kid that used to look up to me and tag along on my pranks. The little kid I watched grow into a drop-dead gorgeous woman. And I always, always liked her more than a friend, which I know is wrong but I couldn't really help. It's only recently though that those more-than-friends feelings turned from BFF's or whatever to actual romantic feelings.

Having to hear about her first kiss going so friggin' wrong when it meant so much to her was practically torture.

And what was I supposed to say?

I reached out to awkwardly pat her shoulder. "Hey, s'just yer first kiss with this one joker. There'll be other guys ta have yer first kiss with Babes."

The smile that crossed her face brought one to my own, until we were both giggling at one another's goofy expression. "Thanks Beej. You're right. I just… wish my first first had been something I wouldn't look back on and not want to hide my face from the rest of the world because of."

I grimaced, actually felt the disappointment and sympathy rolling off me. "Was it really that horrid?"

"Yeah."

I shrugged, and pulled her into a one-armed hug while I gave her my best cocky leer. "Well Babes, ya'll just hafta find someone who can give ya a good first second."

Here head dropped onto my shoulder and one gloved arm snaked around my back, pulling me closer to her. "Thanks Beej. You're the greatest, you know?"

I couldn't help but grin even wider. "Well hell yeah. They don't call me the Ghost with the Most fer nothin'!"