~ Flying Free ~

Andromeda/Ted

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

A/N: For Shira Lansys 'Speed of Lightning Competition'. This is my entry for Round One, for which the prompt was, "Why do you love her/him and not me?" Enjoy, and please review! :)

You saw me looking out of the window, and you knew exactly what was going through my head.

You were aware that I was thinking of him again, weren't you? You don't need to pretend.

It was true; he was on my mind, like he was every other second of my life, and I knew that broke your heart.

You loved me, but I didn't love you. It's him that has my heart, and you knew that.

I wished it was different, that I didn't love a man I couldn't have. I wished I loved you, and that with every second, I wasn't hurting you.

I did try. I tried so hard.

But you know it… You know how difficult it is to fall out of love.

I couldn't do it, and you couldn't either. I loved him, and you loved me.

And he loved me back. That's what made everything so much more difficult. If he wasn't in love with me, then maybe I could have eventually forced myself to stop. But I had hope, and that was a dangerous thing to have.

...

I sighed, and met your gaze, and it was a moment of aching, pulsating sadness. It was emanating from both of us, and it was a silent, almost physical presence in the room.

We have never said a word about it, but we both knew.

I turned my eyes back to the window, watching the clouds drift slowly through the sky, whimsical and free.

This was how our days always played out; me and you, the ballooning sadness, and the wishing that everything was different.

I did love you to an extent, you know. Idrin Max, pureblood, rich and noble. One of the kindest people I knew, too. But you can't force love, and so although I loved you as a friend, like a brother, I never loved you in any other way.

Ted, though, was different.

He was quirky, smart, interesting, and so very forbidden.

I wanted him so much.

...

Staring at the clouds let me feel free for a moment, like I wasn't the trapped bird in our soon to be arranged marriage, but instead a liberated, soaring eagle.

Looking into our room reminded me of how suffocated I felt, and how wrong our situation was.

And seeing your face, so perpetually sad and broken, made guilt pour into my soul, eating me up and drowning me.

...

But one day it was different.

Very different.

The sun was shining –that was unusual in itself where we lived- but more than that, the sadness didn't seem so thick.

It was as though there was a resigned feeling instead, like you had come to a sudden realisation about something.

I turned from the window, and caught your eyes, and you asked me, without a word, the question you would never dare ask aloud:

'Why do you love him and not me?'

No, you didn't ask aloud, but I heard you all the same. Your eyes spoke more words than your tongue ever could.

And all I could do was whisper back, "I'm so sorry."

I broke down then, and expected you to do the same, but you remained silent and stoic.

You moved toward me, placed your hand on my head, and spoke softly.

"Be with him, Andromeda. At least one of us should be happy."

I shot my head up, staring intently into your silent, screaming eyes. There was no deceit there, however, and I knew, I knew that you meant every word.

"What about you?" I squeaked.

"I will cover for you. Be with him, and I'll protect you from your family." Realising that you hadn't really answered my question, you continued. "And I will be fine. Just go. Be happy, and live your life with… with him."

Your voice faltered on the last part, and I couldn't bear to see you break, so I ran, and ran and ran, until I was out the front door and running down the warm streets.

I stopped when I could run no more, and I fell to my knees, both relieved but so worried. What would my family do when they found out? You might forgive me, but what of the others? Mother, father, Bella and Cissy? Will they hate me?

I didn't know, but there was only one person who could help me now.

...

I apparated to him, one twist and I was on his doorstep.

I knocked on the door but no-one came. I knocked again, and still no answer. So I knocked and knocked until my arm felt weak, and then I collapsed to the ground, heaving and sobbing.

A tamed bird couldn't survive for long in the wild, and I wasn't doing well.

I needed him. Ted, I needed Ted.

A familiar whistle made my ears perk up, and there he was, so perfect and pure, strolling casually up the street, holding onto his elderly mother's arm.

And then he saw me, and he gently took his hand off his mother, reassured her in a whisper, and ran down the garden path. He knelt down next to me and pulled me into his embrace and suddenly everything seemed so right.

I cried tears of joy then, and invisible wings sprouted from my back and I flew free…

…o.O.o…

…o.O.o…

Thirty-five years was what I got.

Thirty-five years of being with him, of being happy, and of flying free.

It was tough, especially throughout the wars. I always feared for our lives, and I had every right too. We had little Dora, and we were so blissfully happy.

Perfect, is what I called us.

A lovely little family, free from my prejudiced family, but not from darkness...

I always thought about you, but never heard from you during those thirty-five years. I heard you married a young woman who gave you three sons, and it seemed you were content, if not happy. But I never knew if you stopped caring for me. I guess you learned to numb your feelings after a while.

But you kept your promise, didn't you, Idrin?

You kept me safe from my family, from their wrath.

I never saw them again, though I exchanged letters with Cissy at first. She told me that mother had burned my face from the family tree, but that was a little consequence for my happiness. I missed Cissy, and even Bella and her insanity, but I never regretted marrying Ted.

My only regret was hurting you.

And now we're both alone.

...

Perfection can only last so long, and when the second war came about, my blissful mirror of life shattered into a million, burning fragments, that buried themselves into my body and soul. With every breath, the shards threatened to pierce my heart and destroy me…

Ted was gone. Dora was gone. Young Remus was gone…

At least Dora got to be with the man she loved near the end, and she got to experience the pure happiness that came with perfect love.

Perhaps I wasn't too thrilled that Remus was a werewolf, of all things, but I had known what it was like to fall in love with someone my family didn't approve of, and the heartache it caused me. I would never make our daughter experience that.

And she was happy, and in love, and soon pregnant.

Our Dora, a mum! I couldn't believe it.

Me and Ted, we were so excited. Our perfect family was going to have another member!

Ted was most excited…

But he never even got to meet him.

Little Teddy… So much his mother, and that smile so much like Ted's, and the eyes of Remus… He was everyone, yet none of them all the same. He kept me breathing, kept me alive when my heart was bleeding.

Ted died, and he never knew that Dora had passed. Or Remus.

I wonder if they're all together now? Teddy and I's guardian angels.

What a thought!

...

I look into Teddy's watery grey eyes, and feel a hand on my head.

And there's a voice I haven't heard in thirty-five years.

'Don't worry, Andromeda. I will protect you.'

I turn my head but no-one's there.

And I realise that we don't have three guardian angels, but four.

...I guess you never stopped loving me after all.