Disclaimer: The characters portrayed in this story all belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I do not own any of such characters nor intend to make any profit from them
Despair and relief
"What is wrong with you?" furiously yelled Tenten from her spot on the ground "I thought I told you I have an injury on that side, you jerk! You couldn't give me a break this one time huh?!" Neji had just struck his team mate on the left shoulder, right where it hurt the most. He stood silent for a moment, then turned his back to her and walked away from the training yards. He was ashamed of what he just did, but his mind was too troubled and out of focus to apologize. How ridiculous, him of all people dealing with pain and confusion
"Neji-kun! Why did you treat Ten-ten like that? If you want to fight with all the power of y-" started the ever hot-headed Lee but he couldn't finish his youthful phrase before Neji knocked him down in two movements. Team Guy was in a vacation period from restoring villages and dealing with other tasks from the 4th Shinobi War sequels for almost a year, but so used to the hard working style of the team, they agreed on training every other day.
"Neji" and of course, observing from his wheel chair, Lee's back up, Guy "I can see you are feeling troubled today, so for this time you may leave, but you will make up for this incident"
That seemed fair "Hm" agreed Neji and continued his way
Some years ago, those incidents were really common but the reason now was absolutely different, for before, the bottom of his aggression was his resentment and anger to the clan and now it had happened because… he was feeling frustrated, consumed by sadness, sickened and tormented by jealousy. The whole story was such an utter stupidity, he was so mad at himself for letting it happen.
He wondered if he would've done the same, getting back to that moment when he forgave the main branch knowing it was the beginning of a new kind of sorrow.
He started training his cousin with no resentment but still laughing inside at her weakness, her fragility, her stuttering. It was just his style and one single event couldn't change him all of the sudden. He enjoyed so much watching her suffer that indeed he missed it when he was away on a mission. Maybe it was his way to care back then, maybe, he thought, that was the twisted start of all that story... Soon he started to regard at her perseverance; watching her beaten to a pulp and still rising to her feet produced in him a certain feeling, something breaking inside, it didn't hurt but it was uncomfortable. On top of that, she refused to hate him. He never knew how was that possible, but her eyes transmitted great admiration for him and also concern about his well-being. She was with him the way she was with everyone and everything: kind, gentle and caring.
Then, puberty gave her curves, her hair grew to her waist making her look more like a woman and less like a child, and some unknown factor gave her grace, maybe it was always there, just waiting the proper time to bloom out. All puberty gave to him was some extra inches to add to his height and an uncontrollable and unknown desire that attacked at the least unexpected moment. He appeased this impulse through meditation, which unexpectedly resulted on the vanishment of the last trace of his anger and most of his arrogance. He was no longer able to enjoy watching her suffer. He realized that he genuinely cared for her and genuinely enjoyed her dainty company. Somewhere around his fifteenth year, he found himself out on a mission, constantly thinking of her through all of his time away. Could she possibly be doing that to him on purpose? Was she being so beautiful and sweet to make him fall in love with her? At that moment, feeling his heart broken as he walked back to the Hyuuga compounds it seemed that she had the perfect revenge on him. He deserved it, after all, he almost killed her. Was all he had come to love a vicious lie?
He had reached 19 years old and she, 18, they had passed through a war together. He remembered the dream he had while being trapped in the Infinite Tsukuyomi cocoon, it would've been nice to die in that dream, die without even knowing it and having Hinata all to himself for the eternity although only as an illusion.
He reached the compound feeling psychologically exhausted but he still needed to pretend to be happy for the news he surely would hear that night. He secluded in the safety of his room waiting for her return. He reminded the summer of the previous year, the summer when Hinata started dating Naruto, he knew it was the beginning of the end, their regular training evenings became more and more scarce and she hardly ever talked to him, to anyone who wasn't her sweetheart anymore for that matter, she got totally consumed by her relationship.
Finally, the day before, he spotted Naruto walking to the jewelry with Shikamaru and a strange hunch urged him to follow them and find out what they were up to, with his reliable kekke genkai Just to make sure he won't behave deceitfully to her he told himself. He maintained a prudent distance and proceeded to read their lips
"You have to help me, dattebaiyo! I don't know which one she would like!" the blonde looked desperate
"But why should I know which ring you should give her?" the pony tailed asked
"C'mon Shikamaru everybody knows you're really smart"
"Well, yes, but not with that kind of stuff. I can't even understand my own girlfriend"
"Well, someone's gotta help me with this. I mean, it's the ring she will wear as my wife! I can't do this alone" Neji stopped right there feeling crushed by reality.
That trouble-maker was taking his delicate flower away from him forever. He almost regretted getting a pretty severe injury to save him during the war. He knew it wouldn't be too long until he proposed, but he wasn't ready for letting her go. Of course, he owed the fox boy quite a deal since he released him from his bitterness, but this was a price too high to pay, especially when he had already taken a large punch for him
She came back a little later after the sunset without her fiancée, he discreetly followed her steps, again with the help of his eyes; she didn't gather her father or her sister or anyone to announce anything. She dragged her body straight to her room in the same fashion he did earlier that day. Something was off
Hours later, long past the midnight he found her training alone at the dojo in her night robe "Hinata-sama, is everything alright?" she was really submerged in her thoughts by the look of that big jolt that made stumble in a comical way
"Nii-san!… I…w-well…" she tried to lie at first but quickly gave up "no, it's not" she looked really weary with her hair tangled, dark circles on her eyes already
"I was heading to the kitchen to have some tea. Would you like some too?" he offered casually, of course, it was a lie and they both knew that
"I would love to join you" she accepted with a sad smile
Once they were in the kitchen, Hinata decided to make the tea Neji was supposed to do for them "Allow me, nii-san" she insisted when he tried to handle the kettle; he understood that she was too used to be servile to feel at ease anyway different.
He took a seat on the porch. She joined him a few minutes later and placed the tea service between them. They both abstracted on their drinks at first. Hinata looked anxious while waiting to be questioned. Neji waited until they both had their first cups half empty before asking "What happened?"
"I realized things about myself that I should've noticed sooner and because of my unawareness I hurt Naruto" said with her eyes set in the tea cup between her hands
"Why do you say that?" he was expecting quite the opposite. It was sort of a disappointment; he was already making plans to beat that bum
"Naruto proposed to me today. I thought that was all that I ever really wished for. I was delighted in that moment but still…. I said no and just ran away from him" a fresher air entered Neji's lungs at the same time that those words entered his brain "I ran away from him without knowing why did I say no. I thought I got too nervous and tried looking for him and withdraw my answer, but I realized I really don't want to marry him." She turned her eyes to him "Neji, I don't love Naruto" he felt the urge to laugh from relief then and there, but fought it back "I even risked my life for what I thought it was love. I feel so stupid! How did I fool myself for so long? I have dated him for almost a year now. I've never felt comfortable around him, I thought I would get used to him, but it is like trying to hold still in the middle of a hurricane, he is too much for me to handle. But I never wanted to hurt him. As if he hadn't suffered enough already" she placed a hand on her forehead, a lonely tear rolled down her cheek "I want him to be happy, but not enough to commit my life to it…Neji…he saved us all, he deserves to be happy"
"So do you, Hinata-sama" said in earnest. Neji had drunk her words like medicine. He felt so much lighter
She hid her face from him, shyer than ever "Neji, can I ask you something?"
"Anything"
Her cheeks reddened and her lips trembled "I know it's not your style, but I really need you to hold me" he got a little shocked by her request, he took a few seconds before gingerly pushing back the tea service and coming close to hold her tightly, she held him back and let herself cry all her guilt to his shoulder. He began to stroke her hair without knowing if it was to comfort her or to please himself but it had that double effect.
"You have such a warm embrace. I wish I could stay like this forever" it was bizarre for him to listen to emotions spoken out loud, especially emotions that matched his own
"Forever would be difficult. But you can come to me whenever you want it" he assured politely. She raised her head to look at him in the eye. He got nervous under his stoic face
Hinata's eyes reflected the moonlight "What if I want it although I don't need it?"
He knew it was time to let go the truth "Hinata-sama, I will always be there for you. You can come to me anytime, even if you don't need me"
"I thought you didn't like physical contact"
As much as he was capable of verbally smash anyone, he just wasn't a good liar "Not from anybody else"
He wondered what that eagerness in her face was. It was not confusion, it was eagerness of hearing...something "What are you saying?" she said making room between them with piercing white eyes. He separated from her, raised from his place and began picking up the cups and the rest of the service
"We better leave that for another occasion, it might be too much for you to process right now"
"Wait…Neji…I need to tell you the other thing I realized this day" he heard from his back
"And what is that, Hinata-sama?"
She began shaking like a leaf. She covered her mouth with her hands like she used to do when she was a child "I realized that…I...I… love…y-y-you... Neji"
For the second time in less than two days, he felt crushed by reality, but this time felt completely different "What?"
"I love you!" she upheld as firmly as her shaking allowed
Why was she suddenly saying those things? That was not possible, he never had a piece of evidence on that. Neji froze in his thoughts looking at her, thinking what should he say next, but nothing came from his mouth
"When I said no to him I asked myself why I really didn't want to marry him. My answer was that I don't want to quit my life as it is, I don't want to get away from home, from you"
He looked insulted "You did that without marrying anyone, you got away from me, from everybody"
"I was trying to find the same comfort I have with you in him. I felt guilty for wanting to be with you instead of the person I longed so much for so long to get closer to, so I avoided your company. I just thought I should feel at least as good at his side as I do with you, I became obsessed with that and the more I tried, the more I failed and the more I forced myself into that relationship, but I can't keep going, you are the only person that brings me the peace I need" her face was asking for him to believe
He wanted with all his might to fall into her words but... "What if you're mistaken again?"
Hinata didn't seem to even contemplate the possibility for a moment "Help me find out then"
"How? " he asked intrigued
She went so desperate to convince him it wasn't a lie that she lost all of her trademarking shyness when she spoke again "If you kiss me I will make sure, if I feel nothing, then I will know I was wrong on this too"
Neji warily pinched the bridge of his nose, he was certain that she was just confused and he would suffer if she later regretted his kiss; he walked towards her nonetheless. If this was his only chance to kiss her, he would take it even if it hurt later.
He approached her slowly, she pinned her glance on his without flinching even slightly. He cupped one cheek in his hand and Hinata embraced his touch holding it into her face. His face tilted getting closer and closer to the girl he loved until his lips found hers. He pressed them feeling her moves and her breathing that turned into a soft sighing, she started caressing his lips with her own, he tried to make it a soft kiss but the feelings were too powerful to contain this time and his mouth danced into a passionate kiss that she replied with the same intensity, they fused into the moist and the heat of a love they both had kept in secret. Maybe she wasn't mistaken this time. She held him and leaned onto him. He caressed her back, her waist and massaged her nape so she couldn't escape; she ran her fingers through his silky smooth hair and squished the muscles of his shoulders, his arms, his back…. When they parted, their lips were notoriously redder.
"Hyuuga Neji, there's no doubt about it. I love you, I love every part of you and this feels right, I feel that I want to be with you as much as I can" she whispered to his ear as he held her like a life saver on an open sea
"Hinata…" for the first time in his life, he was getting something he wanted, the only thing he really wanted
"I need to know if this is mutual, that you feel the way I do being together"
Neji hoped to escape that request, deep inside, he was a little shy "Hinata-sama, there's not much point in saying what is obvious now"
"I want to hear you say it…I need it" she said determined looking at him again
Neji felt a heavy veil falling down from his head to the ground as he showed her his bare feelings "I love you. I've been in love with you for years now. I love every part of you" he confessed resting his forehead on hers "I would've died inside if he took you away from me" he added.
She gave him a quick kiss "I'm sorry I made you suffer, but that won't happen, nobody will take me away from you again, I'm yours now, Neji"
He never even allowed himself to imagine those words coming from her, it was such a strange overwhelming feeling "my princess…Do I deserve this happiness?" he asked bluntly more to himself than to her as he kissed her hands
"Of course you do… I want to make you so happy"
"You already have"
Life was perfect right then and there, two sincere lovers in each other's arms, the present too perfect to fear of the future or look back to the past pain. If another war was to come, they felt capable of going through it. Together as always, finally
Author's Notes
So, here's my first fanfic in English, I'm sure it is not perfect in neither style nor use of language, but I really needed to publish this, to share it with someone somewhere in the world (NejiHina is not very popular amongst the fans here in Mexico) and to actively join the fandom of this non-canon couple that I just can't get over, I mean, it has been at the very least three years that I ship them like a lunatic.
I would most appreciate your constructive criticism even in a harsh style and whatever you like to comment in good will, it will sure help me with part two since I'm taking baby steps here. Thank you so, so, sooo much for reading