I walked down the dark, concrete hallway. The lights were dim. My feet echoed. The quiet was eery. I fought off unwanted memories. Memories of what I'd done, what I'd seen. How I survived? I don't know. I could see blood stains, left behind from the battles, from the chaos. It changed my life. It took everything in me to forget. It was easier to forget, the closer I got to the pit. Laughter filled the room, along with music and light. Normally the room was filled with black, the color of Dauntless. But now, that didn't matter. There was real color now.
"Hey, smiles." Christina teased as I walked in, the resentment had finally left her voice. She was learning to forgive the forgiving was going around, she sat next to Peter.
"What's up?" I grinned bigger.
"The cake." Christina sighed as she stared at the dark chocolate cake covering her plate. "It's different."
Peter moved the food on his plate around. "A lot of things are different." Caleb passed us and avoided eye contact. I knew they were right. Things would never be the same.
"Tell me about it." Christina nodded.
"Kill joys." I took a fry from Peters plate, smiling a little. "So.." I stopped with fry hanging out my mouth. "I thought you were with Four." I looked at Peter with my eyebrows raised.
He shrugged. " He was having a good day." My fist slammed against the table.
"Idiot." Christina scoffed.
"He was fine! He was sleeping!" I heard Christina smack Peter hard in the arm. I ran instinctively down the dark halls. The smack of my feet warned people out of my way. I ignored all calls. I was on a mission.
"Tobias." I knocked on the door hard, tapping my foot. "Tobias."
I banged harder. "Tobias!" I ran in the door. His IV looked like he had ripped it out. His night gown lay on the floor. His drawers were thrown open. He was going somewhere.
"Have you seen Four?" I asked, running all over the I was getting was shaking heads.
"Four?!" I yelled. People watched. I didn't care.
"Tobias! Four! Tobias!" My yells were turning to screams.
"Has ANYONE seen Four?!" I yelled at everyone in the pit.
"I thought I saw him going towards the chasm." Someone said. I'm sure I knew them. But I wasn't paying attention. I was running so fast I hardly could see anything. People were calling my name. I pushed past them. Nothing mattered. My boyfriend had lost himself. Through the war, and the death, he had broken. The drugs and the tests they had done on him, had made his brain permanently mush. He was convinced he was in a fear landscape, and he had to solve some huge puzzle to get out.
"Tobias!" My scream was raspy. "Tobias!" The ramp over the chasm shook. The metal was loud. It screeched against the rock it was attached to. I heard the rushing of the water,loud and violent. There was no one near. Not in the chasm. Everyone avoided the chasm. I could feel it. I turned my head and there he was. Hanging on the edge of the ramp. I could only see his knuckles, covered in water, burning red.
"Tobias!" I fell to my knees. "Come on." My hands gripped his wrist. "Come one lets get you up." I pulled, but for all the strength he taught me, I couldn't lift him out.
"No." He said. I could hardly hear It over the water. I knew him. He wore the blue shirt that was my favorite on him. It brought out his eyes. As I stared at him I could see the veins on his arms strained through his muscles. I knew his so well. I knew all his good parts and all his bad parts. I knew what he meant when he said that one word. I knew he was broken. I could see it, clearly on his face. As clearly as I could see the tears in my eyes. I could see he wasn't the Tobias I knew anymore.
"Tobias." I whimpered. "Don't do this."
"I've tried everything." He stated. He was still brave. He was still determined. Just like always. I couldn't say the same about me.
"Well we can try something else. Together. You don't... You don't have to do this." I held on to him with both hands. I'd never held on to anything as tight as I held on to him then.
" I love you." He said with a smile on his face.
"No!" I yelled at him. "You will not act like this is goodbye." I cried and my tears mixed in with the water already on his face.
"Don't. Do this to me." I rested my head on his hand. He only held on with one hand, so he brushed the tears off my cheek with the other. "Hold on to me." I breathed out.
"Always." He kissed my hand holding his. It just reminded me of how strong he was.
I could feel his hand slipping. I looked him in the eyes and screamed as his hand was no longer in mine. "No! Tobias! No!" I was pushing myself after him, but had hands holding me back. Who's? I don't know. I just watched as he slipped away from me. I'd lost him twice.