To Protect the World from Devastation?
By Strife
That good ol' fashioned 'pre-fic' crap:
Ownership Disclaimer: Not mine. WB's and Nintendo's, ya dig? I'm only playing around with em and I'll put em back when I'm done.
Rating: R for drug use, coarse language and tonnes of sexual inuendo. What can I say, I've got far too much time on my hands. This fic is a parody.
Pairings: Butch/Cassidy
Pokemon Sex: None. But don't think I'm not capable!
^*^
Jessie was not in high spirits; standing in the hallway of Team Rocket head quarters, she felt the sudden urge to take her fist and plant it through a framed photo of Botch and Cassidy; she smiled at the thought of the visual statement it would make. But the smile did not last, and hearing footsteps behind her, she turned, trusty fan at the ready.
"What do you want?" She asked flatly. She saw James approaching her and was not in the mood. The little shit. He opened his mouth to speak, but Jessie had already grabbed his head and shoved him into a wall. With a scowl as James slid into the floor, she turned on her heel and headed out towards the carpark. One more tv dinner with him and Meowth and she would lose her mind. Did they not know the preservatives that went into that crap!?
"What's your problem?" She shuddered at the croaking voice sounding behind her. What was it today with insignificant numbskulls creeping up on her from behind?
"What do you want, Botch?" She said, a bored look on her face.
"I take offence to that!" He snapped. She rolled her eyes and walked towards her blue R.T Cruiser, jingling the keys in her fingers and ignoring the other rocket.
"I don't have time for this, or you." Opening the door of the car, she slipped into the driver's seat and slammed the door. Butch's face hovering at the window was not what she expected. With a sigh, she rolled down the window. "Is there any reason for you to be hanging around my car like this?"
"I...I need to talk to you." Butch stammered.
Jessie looked around suspiciously. "Where's Cassidy?"
"Why should that matter?"
"I'm just making sure she's not waiting to jump me." It was said matter of factly, as Jessie leaned out of the window. Satisfied she was not lurking around any poles or parked cars, she gave the best 'evil face' she could muster. "What do you want from me Butch? Honestly."
"Can you get out of the car?"
"Oh hell." Swinging the door open, she got out with a flick of her hair and slammed the door shut. "Okay, I'm out of the car. Talk!"
"Can you come back to my room?"
"If this is a pick up line, you're doing a really tragic job at it, you fairy." Jessie said, her hands on her hips. "However, seeming my night couldn't really get any worse, why don't I waste more of it hanging around with you?"
"Is that a yes?" Butch asked hopefully. Jessie's face was still scrunched up tightly as she locked the car. She turned to face Butch.
"You get twenty minutes with me, tops." She looked uncomfortable. "Then I have...things to do." Butch nodded enthusiastically and they left the carpark.
*^*
James had known if was a bad idea, even before Meowth lit the joint. Of course he was bored, and Jessie wasn't around to keep him in line -- actually he didn't know where Jessie was, only that she was in a bad mood. James wasn't stupid, an angry Jessie is a lethal Jessie, and he figured he'd give her a few hours to cool off before going back to the motel. He and Meowth were sitting beside each other in the now desolate Team Rocket changing room. A lone Pokeball was sitting on the floor and James couldn't help stare at it, thinking it looked as hopelessly bored as he felt.
"Here Jimmy, your turn for a drag." Meowth said.
"I really don't know if I should." James replied, looking at the joint in Meowth's paw nervously.
"Who's gonna know?" Meowth said. "You're scared dat Jess is gonna find out about it, aint yer?"
"No." James said defensively. Meowth rolled his eyes.
"You and me's are da only guys dat are gonna know. And I won't tell if you won't." He reassured James. James sighed and took the joint, putting it to his lips and inhaling. He immediately started coughing.
"Not like dat, yer numbskull!" Meowth hit himself in the forehead. "Yer don't breathe in yet, keep it in!" James obeyed. "Okay, now exhale."
James did so. Immediately, the changing room at TR H.Q took on a whole new meaning. Smiling to himself, he slid rather half-assed down the bench, his hair bunching up on the cold metal of a locker, not remembering the last time he had felt so cozy.
"What yer thinkin about?" Meowth asked, inhaling the joint deeply. James shrugged.
"Eh, nothing." He took the cigarette off Meowth and breathed in on it again. "I can't believe I didn't do this with Butch. He was so totally right!"
"And all dis time we thought yer were gettin high on Weezing's smoke screen." Meowth looked suddenly sad. "Butch was my best pot buddy, da bastard."
"What happened between you guys?"
"Don't say dat like we were dating!" Meowth quipped. "He got a promotion. Dey do drug testin in da higher leagues. Den he started workin with Cassidy and suddenly he was too good ta hang out with Meowth anymore." He hung his head.
"That's too bad." James and Meowth were both silent for a few minutes before James spoke again. "So, is Meowth your last name too or what?"
"Huh?"
"Is it Meowth Meowth, or Me Owth?" James asked seriously.
"I'm a Pokemon, dey don't have no last names. It's just Meowth."
"That makes me sad." James sighed, before sliding completely from his seat and crashing face first upon the floor. Meowth gulped, jumping from where he was sitting.
"Get up! Get up!" He said in a panic. He kicked James as hard as he could. "Yer can't pass out, we gotta be back at da motel in an hour. Unless yer want Jessie playin hockey with yer nuts. For da love of Meowth, get up!" Looking around anxiously, he spied an open locker and bounded towards it, extracting one of Mondo's dirty gym socks and forcefully stuck it under James' nose. James shuddered and sat up.
"Jimmy!" Meowth shouted, not caring if the volume of his voice attracted any wayward Rockets.
"Not right now," James' arm moved spastically to the left and pushed Meowth. "Ha ha, you know what you look like? Cassidy's Ratticate!" He broke down into giggles. "Ratttti-caaaaaate?"
"Dat's swell." Meowth managed to prop him up against the bench. "No more pot for you. Yer just can't handle dis kind of spiritual enlightenment. Eh," He shrugged and puffed on the almost finished joint. "More for Meeee-Owth. So James..."
"Yeah?" James said unevenly.
"What's da deal with all da women's clothing?" Meowth asked, moving towards his locker and grabbing a beer from the three cases he had stashed there. "Yer want one, Jimmy?"
"Nah." James rose, slightly more steady on his feet. "Whattaya mean what's the deal with the women's clothing? They're just disguises."
"Yeah, but why are YOU always da woman?" Meowth shuddered. "And why is Jess always da man?" This made James pause; scratching his head, he sat down on the bench. "I'm tellin yer, it's weird. Next thing yer know you're gonna be goin after dat kid and his Pikachu on a big rainbow float..."
"Shut up, Meowth." James groaned, holding his head. He suddenly began to sniff the air. "Hey, what's that smell?"
Kicking Mondo's sock away, Meowth replied sweetly "I have no idea."
^*^
Jessie was bored. Fidgeting to find a comfy spot on Butch's couch, she found herself staring at the cover of a book on his coffee table. It read 'How to deal with problems in marraige, and squinty eyed, horny Gym Leaders. A guide by Proffesor Ivy.' She lifted it up and stared at it as Butch walked into the lounge room, a case of beer in his grip.
"What gives?" Jessie said, holding the book up. Butch suddenly dropped the case, sending beer spewing all over the carpet. He didn't seem to notice.
"Where...where did you find that?" He demanded.
"Coffee table. Nice hiding, Botch," She crossed her legs. "You gonna explain?"
"Um...no?"
There was no avoiding the bitch slap. Jessie was faster than she looked and within seconds Butch was on the floor, caught up in a hammer lock. To Jessie's surprise a girly scream came from her fellow Rocket, bringing a smile to her face as she continued with her perfected wrestling hold.
"Okay, okay, I'll tell!" Butch wheezed. Jessie's hold did not loosen. "Cassidy drugged me and took me to a casino Chapel in Vermillion! I woke up the next morning in a hotel room in my underwear! Then what does she do, she starts sleeping with the boss! He wants to kill me! Jessie..." Jessie released him. "Help me!"
"This is what you wanted to tell me? This is what you dragged me here for?" Jessie stood up, waving him off. "Botch, do you ever consider why you have so few friends?"
"What's that got to do with anything?" Butch covered his face with his hands and tried not to cry. Things always went from bad to worse when Jessie was involved. "And don't call me Botch..."
"Okay, okay." Jessie sighed, grabbing a beer that hadn't exploded, cracking it open and guzzling. "Let's start with an easy one. WHY?"
"Cassidy liked me..."
"Yeah and I like pickles, but I don't drug them, marry them and have my way with them in a cheap hotel." Jessie said matter of factly. Butch looked unimpressed.
"Cassidy is not a pickle."
"Well duh," Jessie replied flatly. "Alright, so Cassidy likes you so much she marries you. Here's another one, why the hell is she having a Jerry Springer level affair with the boss? Apart from the obvious that you'd drive any woman to cheating..."
Butch scowled. "For the money. Whoever is in Giovanni's pants is in Giovanni's wallet. She could make a dress and jacket combo with matching handbag out of Visa cards the way she's going." He sighed dramatically. "She'll do the bad thing with Giovanni but she won't do it with me!"
"Then why did she...in the motel room...was it just for the sake of tradition or what?" Jessie wasn't liking where the conversation was going. "Or was she just feeling particularly desperate that evening?"
"So I couldn't anull the marraige." Butch's lip quibbled. Jessie rolled her eyes, and finishing her beer, crushed the can and threw it behind the couch, ignoring Butch's look of dissaproval.
"Hey, she's smarter than I gave her credit for." She suddenly noticed that Butch had been inching closer to her on the couch since they had started the conversation. It was a mistake. Jessie kicked Butch as hard as she could. "Quit taking up the couch, Botch!" Looking at him on the floor, her mood immediately becoming serene again, she once again crossed her legs. "Did she get a boob job?"
"You could tell?" He rose. "So how about it Jessie? You gonna help me?"
Jessie sighed. "What do you want me to do?" Although, she knew she was willing to do almost anything to spite Cassidy.
"I want you to er...try and seduce Giovanni."
And suddenly, he was pissing her off. First, he had dragged her back to Team Rocket Headquarters when all she wanted to do was go back to the motel, shovel a tv dinner in her mouth, and crawl into bed. And second; he had just insulted her intelliegnce. No one did that.
"You want me to do what?!" She growled. Butch sensed the danger.
"Er...I didn't say you had to seduce him! I just want you to...um, distract him from Cassidy. Think about it, having free access to the boss. During that time you can get whatever you want. Chocolates. Money. Diamonds. Cassidy fired." Butch knew how to appeal to Jessie's love of cash and hatred of Cassidy. He was feeling extrodinarily pleased with himself.
Jessie's eyes filled with glee. "Really? Cool!" She paused. "I'm not seducing him. Understood? You manipulate me to do that and what I do to James when I'm mad will look like affection compared to what I will do to you." Butch's nod indicated the power shift. With a final cold look from Jessie, she walked towards the door.
"Where you going?" Butch asked.
"To the motel." Jessie replied. "Oh, and I gotta go grab some stuff from my locker."
"Can I come?" Butch said hopefully. "Pleeeeassseeee?"
"Oh god." Jessie rolled her eyes. "You're such a girlie man."
^*^
Meowth slammed down a small red piece on the Poke-opoly board. James groaned; it was now the second hotel Meowth owned on Mew Avenue. Rolling the dice, James watched warily as they landed on a four. He had already found himself on Pokedex Chest where he had picked up a card that read 'fried to a crisp by Pikachu. Pay $1500 in hospital fees', and now, four moves later, he found himself on Mew Avenue.
"Two hotels. Dat will be $3000 big ones." Meowth smirked.
"It's so not fair!" James whined, unhappy with having to hand over the fake money. "I hate you Meowth!"
Meowth's paw came crashing through the board. "Dat's it! I've had it! I aint playin dis game with you anymore."
"You cheat!" James accused, beer burping as delicately as he could while keeping a straight face.
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Do not!"
The fury swipe was imminent. Beer splattered everywhere as James came crashing into the table. Meowth was now pleased with himself, and drunkenly staggering from his chair, he began scooping up houses and motels, and throwing them at the back of James' head.
"What is that smell?!"
Meowth froze. Tottering to the left slightly, he turned to see Jessie standing at the door of the locker room. Behind her was Butch. James raised his head slowly.
"Jessie?!"
Meowth spat some tobacco juice onto the tiled floor. "Whattaya doin here Jess? And why are yer here with Botch?"
"It's Butch." Butch managed to force through clenched teeth. "And I might ask you the same, Meowth. Find a new pot buddy did you? Replace me will you?"
"I didn't replace yer!"
"I thought you said you guys weren't dating." James quipped. "Sounds like it to me."
"Shut up Jimmy!" Meowth growled. "Why don't yer go frock up?"
"How dare you replace me?!" Butch cried.
Jessie had had enough. This was turning out to be a night from hell, already heaped onto her bad mood. Striding fowards, she clunked Meowth's and James' heads together. That took care of them. That left Butch, who was edging towards the door. Apparently he'd at last taken a hint and went running from the lockers, back to his own room, as fast as his legs would carry him.
"Alright, let's go." She looked down at James and Meowth, before grabbing the last case of unopened beer from the table. Meowth and James rose and sheepishly walked out, Jessie following, the beer tucked neatly under her arm.
*^*
The Next day:
"Hurry up with that hole." Jessie demanded, watching James and Meowth toss dirt with their shovels. "The twerps will be here any minute."
"Jessie, why don't you help us with the hole?" James whined. Jessie's face scrunched up as if she had just sucked a lemon. How dare that little shit even suggest she even help with the hole?
"Oh shut up." She said, not bothering with an explanation as to why she was standing, watching the operation. Meowth scowled.
"I've had it! I aint doin any more diggin for you! Not when yer won't tell me what yer was doin with dat back stabbin biatch Botch last night!" Meowth threw his shovel down with as much force as a small cat type Pokemon could. Suddenly, Jessie had a mallet. But Meowth wasn't going to back down. "I'm da top cat here! You wanna get personal, yer jacked up she-male from da pits of hell?"
Jessie's mouth formed a perfect 'O' in surprise. "You wanna get personal?!"
"Maybe." Meowth snapped. "Jimmy, I once saw Jessie here out shopping with da bitchy twerp!"
"You little.." Jessie's face was turning red, and her eyes were bugging out. "Meowth likes to knit!"
Unknown to Jessie or Meowth, Ash and Pikachu had happened to stroll up and now were standing, watching their cat fight, amused.
"Skank!" That was from Meowth to Jessie.
"Hairball!" That one was from Jessie to Meowth. "You watch the cable network for women when me and James are out!"
A vein in Meowth's forehead seemed to be near explosion point. He huffed and puffed and stuck his chest out, prancing around Jessie with his claws bared. Jessie smirked. "Whattaya gonna do Meowth?"
"I've had it! I'm outta here!" The cat type Pokemon kicked a pile of dirt, sending it flying into James' face. He whimpered.
"Are you guys okay there?" Ash finally broke up the fight. Jessie was momentarily stunned, but catching sight of Pikachu, she regained some composure. Reaching down into the hole, she grabbed James by the shirt and pulled him next to her.
"To protect the world from devasation."
Elbow from Jessie. "Oh...to unite all people within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jessie!"
"...James..."
"Team rocket blasts off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight."
"Fuck off!" Meowth suddenly said. The moment was broken and Jessie literally fell out of the pose she had struck. Now she was pissed off. That cat was not only questioning her about her own personal affairs, he was now ruining the motto. She eyed Meowth from where she was standing, and pondered exactly how fast she would have to run and how much strength she would have to use to crush him with her mallet, before deciding to just go with it.
Meowth never saw it coming. For someone who usually stated the blatently obvious at every point, Ash didn't do much to warn the Pokemon of the impending danger. Her forearm met with the back of his head with enough force to make him stumble and lose his footing, before he was hammered into the ground from the blow of the mallet. He staggered fowards and with a "Me-owwwwwth!" went tumbling down the hole.
"Whoah." Ash said. "You just pushed Meowth down a hole." He stated as blatently as ever. Pikachu, who had been standing, watching the whole thing, was now staring at Jessie with what could only be described as a look of pure devotion.
"Looks like Team Rocket is fucking up again." Jessie said. She then jumped up and down twice, saluted Pikachu who surprisingly didn't shock her, and turned to James. "James, I've got some stuff to do. Why don't you go cause some chaos for me?"
"Thanks Jessie!" James said enthusiastically, grabbing her mallet.
"Remember, if they're bigger than you...run!" Jessie said as she walked off.
"Of course silly!" James replied dutifully. He then turned to Ash. "Wanna cause some chaos?"
"Okay!" Ash said, and they merrily skipped off together. Jessie watched them leave, then reached down into the hole and pulled Meowth clear. Taking her impressively heeled shoe, she nudged him slightly until he opened one eye.
"Why don't you stay here and play with Pikachu for a while." She suggested, before turning and walking off. Meowth rolled onto his side.
"You're goin ta see Botch, aint yer?!" He demanded. But seeming Jessie wasn't paying attention, he turned to Pikachu. "Yer wanna come back ta my place for a toke?"
"Chu!" Pikachu nodded happily.
^*^
Butch only half listened to Cassidy as she whined in his ear about having to go and steal a Rapidash last week for the boss. He was utterly bored, and while listening to Jessie talk to the boss in the joining room, he laughed out loud. It was a bad mistake on his part. Cassidy immediately assumed he was laughing at her and started to get all loud and in his face. Butch hated it when that happened.
"Are you listening to me?" His wife demanded.
"Yes." Butch replied.
"Then what did I just say?!"
Butch was afraid, but fortunately, he knew how to bail himself from these situations. "Have I told you lately that you're brilliant and much better looking than Jessie, and how all that makes me incredibly happy?"
Cassidy smiled and twirled a lock of bright orange hair around her finger. "Oh Butch!" She paused. "But...what was I talking about?"
He decided to take a stab in the dark. "Er...pool cues?" Butch was not really the creative type. Cassidy's face darkened.
"That should be grounds for a divorce!" She shouted. Butch cringed as she lifted up a plate of fruit and sent it whizzing towards his head. It struck him and sent him flying backwards, a slice of strawberry sliding lazily down his cheek and plopping onto his immaculate Team Rocket uniform. That bitch!
He watched his wife trash the room, and sighed. Being married to Cassidy was killing him! But she had oh-so-much money. If he left her, he'd be screwed. If he stayed with her, he'd be screwed. Both were tempting, and he silently hoped Jessie was doing well in the other room as a lamp came flying towards the wall and shattered into a million pieces.
"Nice shot dear." Butch said, flicking the piece of strawberry away.
*^*
Jessie sat opposite to Giovanni in his office, her eyes wide at the sound of the lamp exploding on the wall.
"You don't love me!" Cassidy's voice sounded through the paper thin plaster. Giovanni rubbed his eyes and stroked the Persian at his side. He looked tired.
"Now Jessie." He said, gesturing her towards his desk. In a well calculated move, she grabbed a chair and sat next to him. "What is it you're here..."
"I'm thinking of a briefer outfit, sir." Jessie said bluntly, standing up and throwing off her coat to reveal and tiny white bikini, complete with little red R's on the cups of the bra and her thigh high boots. "And perhaps a boob job. I mean, seeming I heard you're giving them out and all." Within seconds, she had lost the top of her bikini, the white fabric with the little red R's fluttering to the floor. "I mean, look at them. Would you look at them?"
Giovanni's mouth was dry. He reached for his glass of water and chugged it in one gulp. "I...I think they're fine the way, they, er, are." Giovanni fumbled over his words. "But, Jessie, if you want to do something to your breasts I don't think it is any of this organization's business."
"Are you kidding? Cassidy's tits are like two fucking Team Rocket beacons!"
Her language caught his ears. He loved women with no tact! "Miss Cassidy was, an...er...special acceptance. Although..." He tried to pull his eyes away from Jessie's chest, but couldn't. "Say, would you like to go to lunch, Miss Jessie?"
"Damn right." Jessie replied, smiling sweetly. Hook, line and sinker.
^*^
Giovanni picked at his salad as he stared at Jessie across the table, now wearing her usual Team Rocket attire, and tried not to pay attention to the voice coming from the other side of the phone.
"Cassidy...look, sweetheart, I'm kind of busy right now." He gave an exasperated look. "At lunch. With an assosiate. Why do you care who it is?" He threw a suitably guilty glance across the table. "Jessie? Don't be ridiculous. No, it's not her girlie partner either, look, I have to go." Click.
Girlie? Jessie thought. No one calls James girlie but me!
Jessie kept a smile plastered to her face as Giovanni laid the cell phone on the table. "You could have told her, after all, we are just two business assosiates, sitting here, discussing my breasts."
Giovanni looked around, then whispered "Stop saying 'breasts'. It's making me nervous."
"Sorry boss."
"Call me Giovanni."
Jessie was giggling inside at her major victory. Major score! She suddenly spotted something at the window which ended her self gloating session. Rising quickly from her seat, she smiled as widely as she could. "Would you excuse me for a moment, Giovanni. I must, uh, go powder my nose."
"Of course." He said, not really noticing she ran towards the exit to the resturant and not the bathroom. Upon reaching the sidewalk outside, she charged towards James and the twerp loitering outside and laid them both out with her fan.
"What the HELL are you doing here?" She demanded.
"Um, causing chaos?" James replied hopefully. Jessie hit him again.
"You're not supposed to be causing chaos for me, you mentally deficient cretin. Now get lost!"
"But Jessie!" James whined. The twerp was lying on the footpath, obviously unaccostumed to blows such as what Jessie had dealt, and she seriously was wishing at the moment James had the same impairment. "What are you doing in there with the boss?"
"Nothing...oh hell."
Jessie groaned as she saw Butch running towards the resturant. "I thought you said we were gonna meet in the ladies toilets." He admonished. "Who do you think you are, going and changing our plans like that?"
"Are you dating Butch?!" James demanded, his lip beginning to quibble. "Are you gonna have your way with him in the toilets or something? Jessie, I demand an answer right now!"
"Both of you be quiet!" Jessie demanded. "I need to think."
"What did you score off the old man?" Butch asked, ignoring Jessie's request for silence. She sighed, reaching into her shirt and bringing out several items.
"His watch, his Visa card, a packet of Just for Men hair dye, shade no. 57 and the waiter's tip." She stated. Butch shook his head.
"I didn't say you could steal off him."
"You encouraged the notion of 'gotta score em all'." She shrugged. "James, you repeat anything that was said here, and you, my positively girlie friend, will be sorry. And now, if you would excuse me, I've got a lunch to attend. Don't you dare try and stifle my thievish ways again, Botch!" She bitchslapped him for good measure.
"My name is...forget it." Butch looked tired. "You wanna go grab some burgers James? Then I gotta be at a tupperware party for the little woman."
Disregarding the entire mystery surrounding the second half of Butch's sentence, James replied enthusiastically "McDonalds or Burger King?"
^*^
Pikachu and Meowth were in virtual stoned oblivion when Jessie returned to the motel. Waving the strange smelling air from her nose, her eyes narrowed at the pair of poigant Pokemon.
"Did you actually succeed in stealing Pikachu, Meowth?" Jessie questioned. Meowth giggled, threw his arms around Pikachu and then began to cry.
"I can't do dis anymore Jess!" Meowth sobbed. "I've had a spiritual reawkening. I just can't be chasing dis Pikachu, yer big palooka. It's like a brother to me, meeee-owthhhh..." Pikachu hugged him back.
"Pika pi! Pika-Chu! Chu, chu, chu. Pi pi, pi ka chuuu!"
"Dat's right." Meowth wiped his eyes. Jessie rolled her eyes in frustration, casting a glance to the heavens, or be it, the light bulb, and pantomimed the word 'why?'. Pikachu looked at Meowth.
"Chu, pikachu, pi pi, pikachu." It said earnestly.
"Hey Jessie!" Meowth slurred. "Pikachu wants a bedtime story."
Jessie opened her mouth to send across a slab of abuse towards Meowth, but pausing, she shrugged and sat down next to the two Pokemon. Taking a deep breath, she began. "Once upon a time in a far away land, there was a Team Rocket Diva. Princess Cassidy hated this Diva, and after she married the prince, she had her way with the wicked wizard in the tower. The prince didn't like this one bit, and so he started making odd demands of the Diva, such as 'You must stop this at once, go and visit the Wizard in the tower and beat the princess at her own game.' This wasn't enough for the Diva though, and in an effort to assert her own dominance, she took the Wizard to lunch and robbed him for everything in his pockets. The Diva then had a date with the Wizard at next week's Team Rocket Annual Employee party. If things went well, the Princess would be cast from the kingdom and the Diva would be rich for years. The end."
"Chu, Pikachu."
"Pikachu thinks you're a gold digging slut."
Jessie stared at the Pikachu. "That may be true, but at least I'm not the gay looking yellow rat."
*^*
The Next week:
Giovanni sat next to Jessie, a blissful smile plastered over his face. With Cassidy's walking papers in his coat pocket and Jessie next to him, invitations for the Annual party on his desk and a list of people to fire beside them, life was good. He was saving the walking papers as a surprise for Jessie when he stuck them in Cassidy's face later tonight. His little red headed muffin had such good ideas! Eyeing her up and down, he wondered if Jessie would ever let him spank her.
Jessie was eyeing Giovanni herself, wondering why he was so sensitive around the coat pocket today. Normally she would have scored everything in there by now, but every time she made a move towards him he would tense up. She sighed in frustration.
"You look like you could use a massage, Boss." Jessie said, tugging at the coat. "Why don't we take this off, huh?" Giovanni considered this, and concluding it was only Jessie, complied. He placed the coat on the couch as Jessie went to work.
"So, Miss Jessie. How's work?"
"Oh you know, getting blasted off again, working with a dim wit and a smart ass, having to tolerate the twerps, that kind of thing." She shrugged. "I could use a raise."
"Right away dear." Giovanni said, without even realising he had spoken. Jessie blinked. That was some powerful mojo she held in her hands.
Cassidy opened the door to her bosses office, and seeing Jessie giving her cash flow a massage, squealed as loudly as she could in disgust. She was just about to threaten Jessie that she was going to tell Giovanni what she was doing, but then realised that Giovanni was the one she was doing it to! "I am so telling..." She paused, and exited. Jessie stifled a smile. Cassidy's little interruption was the perfect distraction and as quick as a wink, she swiped everything in Giovanni's pocket, not bothering to look at what she had taken.
"Jeez, look at the time." Jessie said dramatically. "Gotta go get ready for tonight. Takes a while to do hair like this, you know." She bent down and kissed her boss on the cheek. "Bye, Giovanni."
Giovanni blushed. "Goodbye, miss Jessie."
^*^
The party.
Jessie shifted uncomfortably at the booty still shoved down her cleavage. Not having time to check out what she had swiped due to James spending three hours in the bathroom, she was still carrying what felt like a Visa card, about $200 spare change, a bracelet and a slip of paper. She huffed at Meowth, who was dancing around James with Pikachu. They still smelled funny, and they seemed to be pissing her partner off.
"Chu, chu, pika pi!" That electric rat was starting to look almost demonic. If she wasn't so indifferent, it might freak her out. "Pikachu! Pi! Pika, pika pi! Chuuuu!"
James waved his arms around in a rage. "What does that mean!"
"It means numbskull, if yer want yer wallet back, it'll be $100 big ones." Meowth informed. James' jaw dropped.
"I've only got $100 in my wallet!" He whined. Pikachu shrugged, took the notes from the leather wallet, and handed it back to James. "What does a Pikachu want with money anyway?" He sulked, and stomped off. Jessie sighed, her attention diverted when she saw Butch and Cassidy enter the room. Cassidy was strutting with her usual 'I'm better than you' attitude on high. She also noticed Butch was gawking at her like...well, an idiot.
"But-CH" She said in her whiniest tone. "Go and get me a wine spritzer right now. Where's Giovanni?" She wiped her nose on an extremely expensive tissue and then threw it at James. Jessie was just working up something insulting to say, until Pikachu leapt at her chest and hung on for all it was worth.
"Pikachu?!" She said in horror. "Meowth, what is this thing doing?! Get it off!"
Seeing Cassidy smirk at the situation, she decided to take matters into her own hands. Pikachu's head rocked backwards from the force of the unexpected slap, and dropping from her shirt, it scampered off with a piece of paper in its teeth. How dare it put its filthy paws in her bra?! The little bastard. She began to wonder why she, James and Meowth even bothered chasing it.
"Whattaya doin?!" Meowth demanded of the Pikachu. It pulled a face.
"Pika pi."
"I am not an idiot!" Meowth pouted. "You're an idiot."
"It IS an idiot." James added.
"Shut up, idiot." Meowth bared his claws at James.
Jessie stopped the fight in its tracks. "You're all an idiot."
No one saw the thundershock coming, except of course, for Pikachu.
"My face, my beautiful face!" James sobbed, holding his face and running around the room. Jessie's entire look was ruined and slightly charred, and with nothing but anger governing her, she took a run up and kicked Pikachu was the force of her impressive boot. It shot fowards and the little piece of paper fluttered down at the Cassidy's feet.
"What's this?" She said to herself, lifting it up...
*^*
The party was going well. No one was questioning Pikachu walking around with a pile of wallets, and James was tipsy. Jessie was sitting next to Giovanni, fanning herself, occasionally shooting a glance towards Butch and Cassidy's table. Shit. She thought to herself as she saw Cassidy rise and start to walk towards them.
"Excuse me boss." She said, smiling sweetly and handing him a slip of paper. "I think you dropped this."
The boss stared at the piece of paper, then checked his pockets. "Where are all my things?!" he demanded.
"I think it was the Pikachu." Jessie tried to shift the blame.
Giovanni sighed and rubbed his eyes, before taking the piece of paper. Suddenly, his eyes widened as he recognized what it was. "Oh...Jessie, this just reminded me. I have a big surprise for you tonight. You too, Cassidy."
"Really, Boss." Cassidy smirked.
"Would you mind coming onto the stage?"
"Of course, boss." Cassidy pushed in front of Jessie as they followed Giovanni onto the stage. Jessie was perplexed as Giovanni called for silence, putting on a pair of reading glasses and unfolding the sheet of paper.
"Members of Team Rocket, I have an important announcement to make." He began. "We are going to be saying goodbye to a Team Rocket member this evening. One who is standing on this stage."
Jessie was jumping for joy inside. Goodbye Cassidy! Oh, this is too cool. Butch, I could kiss you for this gig.
"Get the hell out of here..." Pause. "Jessie?"
Jessie's face fell. She turned to Giovanni. "Boss?"
Giovanni was confused. He couldn't remember writing Jessie's name on the dismissal paper. But there it was staring him in the face, so he must have written it. Maybe it was because she wouldn't let him spank her. He made a mental note to check his memo pad when he got home.
"You heard me Jessie. You're apparently fired." He pointed at the door. "Get out."
"You can't DO that!" James shouted from the crowd.
"You're fired too!."
"Yes you can! Yes you can!" Giovanni pointed at the door and James stamped his feet like an irate toddler, before guzzling another bottle of extremely expensive wine from Butch's table, shrugging, and leaving the room.
"Defend my honor!" Jessie shouted at him as he left. "You'll defend all people within our nation, but you won't defend me?!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!" Meowth added his two cents.
"You get out too!" Giovanni shouted at Meowth. Meowth, in a panic, lifted up Pikachu.
"But, boss! Look, I've caught da Pikachu!" He danced around in a circle. "Meowth caught da Pikachu! Meowth caught da Pikachu! Meowth caught da..."
Biggest thundershock of the night.
"Fine!" Jessie sniffled, stamping her feet much like James and stomping down from the stage. Grabbing the smoking Meowth, she happened to bump into Butch. He was still staring at her like an idiot.
"Jessie! Be my wife!"
It was the wrong place and definately the wrong time. Butch was not expecting a nipple twister, and to his mortification, he girlie screamed in front of the entire Team Rocket.
"Dat's inhuman." Meowth quipped as Jessie released and stalked out. Cassidy watched, snuggling up to Giovanni and circling her magic marker between her thumb and forefinger....
^*^
One month later:
Butch sighed as his BMW convertible crept up to the drive thru of the Rocket Burger. Ever since the marraige drive thru's had held an unmistakeable sense of doom for him. Sighing, he rolled down the window and turned to his wife.
"What do you want, Cassidy?"
"Er, um...oh blast, this is going to go straight to my thighs." A pause. "You know what, I don't think I feel like this any more. Let's go."
Butch cursed silently. "Honey, we can't just go. There are cars backed up behind us and in front of us."
"I don't want anything. Don't you listen?!" His wife was starting to get all loud and in his face. He shuddered.
"Hi, welcome to Rocket Burger, can I take your order?" The slightly fuzzy voice of the Rocket Burger employee sounded from the speaker. Butch groaned, and fumbled with his wallet.
"Just gimme a Blast off Burger and a large pepsi."
"Will that be all?" The disembodied voice asked.
"No, a divorce." Butch said without blinking.
There was a pause. Cassidy was working up something particularly cat-like to say to her husband before the voice came through the speaker again. "Sir, this is a family resturant, we do not serve divorce papers. Now will you please drive through."
"Wrong drive thru." Butch said apolegetically, before obeying and driving up towards the food collection window. Cassidy had her arms crossed and had gone all huffy. Butch knew he was going to get an earful any moment. Sighing, he leaned towards the window, wallet in hand. "How much will that...?" He froze.
"What?" Jessie said, batting her eyelids innocently under the visor of her work hat. Opening a side door, she stood before the car, her Rocket Burger uniform ruffling in the breeze.
"To protect the world from devastation."
James suddenly rushed out the side door, also in what appeared as the female version of the uniform. It was only to be expected. "To unite all people within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend out reach to the stars above!"
"Jessie."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light."
"Will your Pepsi be regular or diet?"
"Meowth! Dat's right!" Meowth suddenly appeared at the collection window, and turning his visor around ala twerp, he grabbed a Pokeball. "Arbok, I chose you!"
"Chose you?" Jessie said in disgust.
"Whatever." Meowth shrugged and tossed the Pokeball into the front seat of the covertible. Cassidy squealed as Arbok came from its home in a flash and immediately wrapped itself around her. It didn't need to be told what to do when Cassidy was involved. Jessie sighed and wiped away a tear.
"That was beautiful, Arbok."
"Char-bok!" The Pokemon said agreeably.
Within moments Cassidy was out cold. Butch sat next to his wife and the happy looking Arbok, the former Team Rocket trio standing before him.
"So what about these divorce papers?" He asked hopefully.
Jessie produced the required documents from her bra. Butch reached for them and was immediately rewarded with a bitchslap. "No, no." Jessie scolded. "Presuming you'd like to keep your nipples where they are, you had better work on getting us our jobs back."
"Yer palooka." Meowth sniggered.
"And then you can have your precious divorce papers. You'd better hurry though. Arbok can't keep the squeeze on your wife forever."
Butch looked around the Rocket Burger carpark frantically for a second, before opening the door of his car and speeding off by foot. Jessie, James and Meowth all laughed in unison before jumping into Butch's BMW, Jessie reving the ignition.
"I feel like dropping off Cassidy here with the twerps for a few hours." Jessie suggested.
"Me too!" James said enthusiastically.
"Me-owth!"
Smiling, Jessie floored it and left the carpark in a squeal of rubber. With James bopping along beside her to Madonna, Meowth in the back having a Toke, and Cassidy unconcious next to him, life was good. Looking at each other, they knew exactly what to say.
"Looks like Team Rocket is blasting off again!"
End.