Constantly Conflicted
Author's Note: I do not own the Fosters. This is just a short drabble.
Connor:
In many ways my life was simple before Jude. I knew who I was...or thought I knew. Now I'm constantly conflicted. I've never known anyone like him before. He's true to himself to a fault, one that gets him into trouble on more than one occasion weither it be himself with others or with me. Now I can't find myself staying mad at him even for more than hours. He's also kind, never talking bad about others even when they deserve it. He's lived a life I can never imagine yet come out for the better. I've been through a lot too, with my dad and his abuse and homophobic rants and ways of thinking.
Which is why i'm so conflicted. I want to stay in my dad's good graces and not be bullied at school for who I like. Jude is fearless that way and I'm just not. I've tried to stop my feelings for Jude and pretend I'm just like other guys. Kissing Daria was nice but it was nothing like even a simple touch from Jude. Just holding his pinkie felt like my body was waking up, my heart racing. That's why he con fronted me about not getting me I kissed him again, I had to. Why didn't he get it? Couldn't he see it in the way i looked at him? I don't know what this is, what I am but I need him in my life. I don't know what I do with out him. Time will tell, I guess.