Heyy :) This is my first story so be harsh! Tell me what I did wrong and what I did right so I can fix it. Please review and give me some feed back as well. Also tell me what you want to happen in this story. It'll hopefully be considered and put into the story. I'll try to have a chapter done each week. Also, additional story information would be on my profile as well.

September 24, 2010

Dear Diary,

I'm not sure what I should write in here. I mean I'm only using this right now to please my mother and make her happy. I don't know why I don't like to make friends and avoid others. I'm probably the exact opposite of what she wanted for a kid. I'm no beauty queen, singer, or social butterfly. I'm the kid that a nerd would be delighted to have. I ace my tests, do my homework, and study hard. But she could really care less about grades. She wants the looks and people skills. I don't know how I turned out like this while she was the one who raised me. Maybe there's just something wrong with me. Maybe I'm broken, or dysfunctional...maybe I'm just a freak.

-Bella

I'm Bella if your kinda stupid and haven't figured that out. I looked out my window and sighed. Sunny. If you've ever been to Florida, you know what I mean. It's just about always sunny here. I've always been kind of negative but I have a positive side. I just figure if I wanna waste my time to please everyone else then I'll just be like Jessica or Lauren. Honestly, why should I waste my time trying to please people that I don't even like?

Living in Florida I know exactly what you expect, bronzed tan that's perfect, big blonde puffy hair that's 1 foot tall, and big boobs. Wrong! I'm the odd one out, the one with pale skin, long brown curly hair (in the natural way), and a normal sized chest. I slipped on my black t-shirt and my jean shorts. I tied my hair into a pony tail and grabbed my bag as I ran out the door and started to head for school.

I could take the bus, but I don't like being tripped and made fun of while some big tacky yellow thing is taking me to my own personal hell. I'd rather walk and take my own sweet time getting there.

I smiled slightly as I walked by the beach and due to the fact I left an hour earlier just because every morning, I ran to the water. The beach was deserted like every morning it was at 6:30 am on a September. I changed into my swim suit quickly behind the large boulder that's rested on the beach just about forever. It wasn't the type of stuff I normally wore. It was a black string bikini that fit me perfectly. Sure it was skimp, but it worked. I ran out into the small wakes in the water and started to swim. I loved swimming because I could lose my mind in the water and swim for miles forgetting about the whole world.

I swam for a little longer just floating a bit until the sun started to rise. Then I started to swim to the shore. I changed quickly and made sure that I was dried and I looked like I'd never even drank something this morning.

When I got to school I took a deep breath and trudged up to where I was sure to face a place that was meant to torment kids like me. I know exactly what you're thinking, over dramatic much? But I'm one hundred percent serious. Being around this place made everything more miserable.

I went through the entire day without seeing Edward, who was just a measly crush, and nobody even looked at me. I mean I know I'm unpopular but normally people at least look at me like a loser and teachers call on me and talk to me about stuff after class. But not today. No one so much as glimpsed my way, but what really bothered me was that it was like they were all trying to make sure that they didn't see me. It's like there was something that made them feel that if I was near they had to look anywhere but me. It was suspicious to say the least.

As I walked home I felt especially isolated today and even more so hurt. I got up to my small house that mom and I shared. I felt bad sometimes that I wasn't the daughter she was proud of and she'd always made excuses on why her friends and co-workers only saw me in pictures but never whenever they came over or there were mother daughter outing things. I know it was hard to be the prom queen in school and end up with a daughter who was practically a hermit.

It must've been difficult for her to wonder what she did wrong when raising me. Maybe it's like my dad said when he was around, maybe I'm just crazy. I sighed as I looked at the pictures she had sitting on the walls. Dad would always be with me and in my heart even though he was with the best doctor in the world trying to fix his disease. I guess we got lucky cause the guy is like family to mom and dad as well as his wife.

I went down to the basement and turned on the music. I grabbed a book and opened it up to where I'd left off as I started to lounge on one of the bean bags in the room with Willma laying in her little corner piled a mile high with pillows. I kicked off my shoes and set my book down and turned up the music up and checked my phone that said mom wouldn't be home for at least another two hours.

I liked the music and the beat was kind of contagious so I started to move my hips and slide them back and forth then I started to walk to the beat and goof off a little as the music played on and into the next song and eventually I was singing along in my tone deaf voice when I started to attempt at dancing more and failing miserably as I did so. I didn't even realize that the door had opened and closed because the music was so loud. And I had programmed the iHome to shut off half an hour before mom got off work. That's the time she'd call if she was working late. But then I heard someone trip. I stopped dancing to Good Girls Go Bad and ran upstairs after shutting off the music and saw my mother was home early.

There was a worn look to her. It was odd, normally she was always exuberant and looking her best. She had bags under her eyes and her eyes themselves were bloodshot as well as her bright blue eyes looked dull and lifeless. Her hair was frizzy and she wore no makeup. I don't know what happened but I knew that right now, all she wanted was to be alone. I headed up to my room to give her some space.

I sat in my room for hours til finally at 9:00 pm she came upstairs and said "Bella, we need to talk."

"Okay, what's up?" I respond trying to seem nonchalant.

"Well, I got a call today. Your father...he's had a relapse in his progress. The doctors say it's not looking good and they thing I should come to be with your father and see if I can help him get through the many tests and surgeries ahead of him." She said tentatively.

"Well then we'll both go to the hospital and help dad get through it." I said.

"No. Charlie said that he doesn't want you seeing him like this. It'll be to much." She shaid nervously.

"What? You want me to stay behind while you go and help dad? No. No mom!" I said slightly hysterical.

"Yes Bella! I'm your mother and you're my daughter. I'm the parent and what I say goes! Now get packed! Dr. Cullen said you may stay with his family while I go to with your father to get all of the surgeries and tests." She yelled. She'd never yelled at me before and it was freaky to say the least. "Please Bella. Don't make this harder than it already is." She whispered. That was the first time I'd ever seen my mother broken. I got up silently and started to pickup my things.

Isn't it ironic how much moods can change in one day. First I'm negative, then I'm happy, then I'm worried and confused, and now I'm just resigned and hurt.

How a parents can abandon their children I'll never understand. Or maybe it's just me and I'm not exactly the ideal daughter. Or the loved one.

I guess I was gonna be living with Dr. Cullen's family for a while.