Oysters

Written by Kylara

Response to Sango-sama's fanfic challenge (in her fanfic, "Comfort Foods").

Standard Disclaimers Apply

Note: for the sake of this stories, please keep in mind that oysters are 'aphrodisiacs'.  Explanations at end, so if you're scientifically accurate, please keep that in mind…

The definition of aphrodisiac: derived from the name of the Greek goddess of love, Aphrodite, this word is a term for any thing (usually food or drug) that awakens or increases sexual desire.  Hmmm.

This is a piece of fluff.  It is not serious.  It's not even written well.  In fact, it's just… weird.  ^_^ Not horrible work, though, for an hour and a half.


~

It began so innocuously.  No one would ever think that the source of such … 'trouble' could ever come from such an innocent source.

Shippou poked it, with all his childish curiosity.  "Is it alive?" he asked suspiciously, peering carefully at it for a sign of independent movement.  Annoyed, Inu Yasha smacked him, twice: the first time, the offending finger was hit, and the second, Shippou's furry head.

Her face a brilliant shade of red, Kagome cut in through gritted teeth, "No, Shippou - I'm just hungry!"

Shippou rubbed his injured head, and made a mope-y, groaning sound.  "Sorry, Kagome," he said, with all due apology.  "It's just that I've never heard such a weird roaring sound come from anyone's stomach before!"

Seeing that Kagome's head would soon explode from all the blood that had to be rushing to it, Miroku hurriedly cut in, "Well, I think that it's getting late as it is.  We'll have to camp here for the night.  What do you think, Inu Yasha?"

The hanyou shrugged carelessly.  "Yeah, fine, fine.  But we're still out of food, so I'm gonna have to hunt something.  Anyone wanna come?"  He looked over at the girls, specifically at Kagome (who looked as if she was going to gag).  "Oi, Kagome, what's with that face?" he asked warily.

She made a rather unpleasant 'eh' sound.  Clasping her hands together, she said, "O-ne-gaai, Inu Yasha.   No more meat!  That, and instant ramen, is all we've had for the last two weeks!  Aren't you getting sick of it?"

He blinked at her, shocked.  "What's wrong with instant ramen?"

"Now, this is actually very simple," Miroku said, while Sango bodily restrained Kagome from banging her head on the nearest tree.  "The ocean is close by.  Kagome-sama and one of us can go fish or catch crabs or anything they'd like, and then the rest of us can go hunt.  How about that?"

Kagome made another 'eh' sound.  "But… Miroku-sama, that sounds good, but I can't fish, either!" 

Shippou jumped onto her lap.  "That's okay!  I'll go with you, Kagome!  I can fish for both of us!" he exclaimed brightly.

Inu Yasha gave him a 'light' slap on the back, and Shippou tumbled to the dirt.  "Ba-ka," Inu Yasha said mockingly, as Shippou spit up dust.  "If only you were fishing, we'd have two measly carp for dinner.  I'll go with Kagome, and you can go hunting with Sango and Miroku."

Sango clamped a hand over Shippou's mouth, effectively cutting off his now-ample (thanks to Inu Yasha) amount of swear words.  "That would be fine, Inu Yasha.  Shippou can come as the youkai, with Houshi-sama and myself.  Kirara gets bored with only us humans sometimes."  It also went without saying that with Shippou there, Miroku usually tended to cut down on the groping.  Usually.

"So," Miroku said, clapping his hands together, "shall we go?"

-

Kagome groaned.  "Oh, that isn't fair!  He got away!" she exclaimed, watching the happy carp swim and bounce away.

Inu Yasha made an odd sound under his breath, and she sent an evil glare at him.  "That wasn't a laugh, was it, Inu Yasha?" she asked darkly.

He raised an eyebrow speculatively at her.  "And what would you do if it was, Kagome?"

She smiled sweetly, and pursed her lips adorably.  "Oh, I don't know… maybe osuw-"

"Okay, okay!" Inu Yasha said nervously, backing away (as if that would help).  "Hey, if you can't fish, then look for crabs or something, alright?  Or we're all going to starve tonight."

Her eyebrows knitted together.  "But Miroku-sama and Sango-chan and Shippou are all hunting.  We can't starve!"

Silence.

"Oh," she said sheepishly.  "It's you who usually does the hunting, isn't it?"

"Feh," he replied, then waded into the ocean.  The sun was setting over the mountains, far behind the sea, and, added to the humorous sight of Inu Yasha with his pants rolled up, Kagome smiled happily.

"Ahh, it's so peaceful here… so nice and clean, and the ocean's nice too…" she said, stepping into the water next to Inu Yasha.  He looked at her briefly before looking back at the water.

"Well, your world smells like crap, so of course this smells better," he replied pointedly.  "Makes me wonder why you go there so often, when it smells so much better here."

She rolled her eyes, ignoring the blatant bait.  "At home, I also stand less of a chance of getting … oh, I don't know."  (Inu Yasha spotted a fish in the water, and reached out to grab it.)  "My head chopped off?" she continued dryly.

He scowled at her even as he dropped the fish, and it swam happily away (then got chomped on by another fish).  "You know I wouldn't let that happen, Kagome."


Kagome smiled cheerily.  "I know.  Just checking."

The next moment was spent in a peaceful silence.

And so was the next moment.

And so was the next.

And even the next.

That is, until Kagome let loose a blood curling scream.

Jumping in surprise, Inu Yasha hurriedly looked around, and, after finding nothing, looked at Kagome suspiciously, and asked, "Er, Kagome, what the hell did you scream for?"

Kagome kneeled down, then reached one hand down into the water.  After a few moments of struggling (during which Inu Yasha looked at her as if she was possessed), she triumphantly threw her hand above her head.  "Look, Inu Yasha!" she exclaimed.  "Oysters!"

Clasped between her thumb and index finger was indeed, an oyster, and a large one to boot.  Placing into a ziploc she had with her, she immediately dug back down into the water, obliviously telling a horrified Inu Yasha that she loved oysters and that she had accidentally stepped on one so that's how she found them and weren't they good and how much she liked them and didn't he like them too…

Inu Yasha's face was a bleached white as he looked from the oysters to Kagome, then back to the oyster, peering at him oddly from the ziploc bag.  "Er… Kagome… about the oysters…"

She kept babbling.  "Oh, but I haven't had these for months and months, not since the last time Hojo-kun gave them to me!"

It was amazing how quickly white can turn crimson.

"What?" Inu Yasha sputtered in horror.  "Some guy gave you oysters?"

Kagome nodded, and slipped another oyster in her bag.  "Hojo-kun.  I haven't told you about him, have I?"  Probably because you'd kill him, she added silently, with a twinge of amusement/horror.

Still sputtering, Inu Yasha asked, "What… what did that bas- GUY say when he gave them to you?"

Kagome hummed for a long moment.  "That he hoped that I got better from smallpox and to think of him when I ate the oysters.  Why do you ask, Inu Yasha?" she said, looking at him innocently.

Inu Yasha was at a loss for words.

-

Back at camp, Kagome was frying the oysters in a frying pan she had produced from her backpack.  As she randomly added sauces and spices, Inu Yasha felt the blood drain in quarts, then gallons, away from his face.  He could see it now – he could hear it – a vision of the group, driven mad by the properties of oysters…

That was a bit much, even for the strong-hearted (like him).

So, nervously swallowing saliva in an attempt to stay strong, he said it.

"Kagome?"

She looked at him with a smile.  "Yes, Inu Yasha?" she purred sweetly.  "The oysters will be ready soon, if that's what you were wondering."

Oh, hell no.  "Er, about the oysters, Kagome…"

She kept smiling.  "Yes, Inu Yasha?"

He could hear it.  The song of his death.  'O-su-wa-ri!  O-su-wa-ri!'

"I, er, don't-want-to-eat-the-oysters," he said in a long, flustered rush.

Kagome frowned.  "What do you mean, you don't want to eat the oysters?  What's wrong with them?"

He scowled.  "Nothing, I just… I just don't want to eat them!

A silky film of water formed over Kagome's eyes, and he instinctively flinched.  "You… you really just don't want to eat my cooking, do you, Inu Yasha?" she said in a choked voice.  "Is… is it that bad?"

His life.  Was flashing.  Before.  His eyes.

"No, no, Kagome, that's not it either, okay?" he added quickly.  Too quickly.

Kagome's eyes immediately narrowed in suspicion, suddenly perfectly dry.  Damn.  "Then tell me, Inu Yasha," she said icily.  "You've been acting v-e-r-y funny about these oysters.  What's wrong with them?  Tell me, or you're going to get it…"

His mouth was suddenly very dry.  "I… I don't want to!" he yelled.

Kagome sniffed angrily.  "Fine, Inu Yasha.  Sango-chan and Miroku-sama and Shippou and I will just eat it all by ourselves, then!"

Miroku and oysters.  That was wrong.  And Sango.  That was even wrong-er, if there was such a word.  And Kagome.  Given the correct situation, it wasn't bad, but since it wouldn't be him (no, he did not just think that), it was also, wrong.

He could see the white tunnel.  The singing of the chorus.

So he said it.  Or rather, he muttered it.

"What was that?" Kagome said sharply, looking at him carefully.

"Afdiziak," she heard him say.  Why, that wasn't a word, she thought.

"What?" she repeated.

Well, if he were to die, he'd die a brave death - far braver than any other man's death before, braver than any death he had almost died in before but didn't quite… die.

"IT'S A DAMN APHRODISIAC, OKAY?  AN APHRODISIAC!"

Kagome looked down at her oysters, then at a red-faced Inu Yasha.  "… An aphrodisiac?  Are you sure?"

He coughed.  "Yeah."

"Eeep."

They looked at the oysters, sizzling happily away on the frying pan.

She looked at Inu Yasha.  He looked at her.

Blushing furiously, Kagome said, "Ano… Inu Yasha… I don't think…"

He grunted.  "Yeah, I know."

There was a very long pause.

"I'm going to kill Hojo-kun next time I see him," she said, breaking the silence.  Inu Yasha shook his head.  "No, you won't."

"Why not?"

"'Cause I'll have already killed him by then."

She blushed.

At that moment, Sango, Miroku, and Shippou arrived, hauling a fairly fat bird between them.  "Looooook!" Shippou said dramatically, pointing at the bird.  "It's Inu Yasha!"  He blinked.  When he didn't get a reaction, he added, "Wow, Kagome and Inu Yasha are really red… wonder what they were 'doing'…"

Brought to attention, Inu Yasha yelled, "SHIPPOU!" and with all the furies of hell behind him, pounded Shippou into the dirt.

Face flushed scarlet, Kagome determinedly picked up the frying pan, and turned to Sango and Miroku with a sunny smile.  "Sango-chan?"

Sango looked curiously at Kagome.  "Yes, Kagome-chan?" she replied, noticing for the first time that Kagome could show a lot of teeth when she wanted…

Kagome beamed brightly.  "Sango-chan, I feel like eating meat after all.  Would you and Miroku-sama like some oysters?"

Sango's eyebrows hung together.  "Oysters?  Well, that's fine, but why –"

Miroku all but stepped on Shippou in his rush to get the pan.  "Well, Kagome-sama," he said, "we thank you heartily for this feast that you have given us.  I hope that you thoroughly enjoy the bird as much as we enjoyed catching it.  Sango-sama and I will now leave in order to appreciate properly this wonderful food you have given us.  Good bye!" and with that, dragged a bewildered, yelping Sango off into the woods.

Inu Yasha and Kagome winced.  "Food that can induce that type of reaction without even being eaten is some food," Kagome said dazedly.

Shippou didn't get it.


~ fin

Yay, that was fun to write.  Not very good, but fun.  ^_^ A nice change from the depressing load of crap I'm writing right now for my multi-parters.

For the record, oysters are not aphrodisiacs.  It's a very common myth.  At least, I think.  .  But it's fun to play with, ne?  (And it's not like Inu Yasha studies this stuff… or so we think…)  I would have used a real aphrodisiac, but the natural ones are all things like extracts from beetles and things like black rhino horns.  No joke.  Oh, and ginseng extract, but I can't imagine Kagome being all happy about ginseng.  (… Tastes weird…) Anyway, food is fifty percent mental, fifty percent physical.  If you consciously know you ingested an aphrodisiac, I'm positive you're going to be looking at your desirable sex in a fairly different light for the next few hours.  The fact that Inu Yasha thought that the oysters were aphrodisiacs is good enough.  ~_~


I actually think only clams, not oysters, are found in areas of water that shallow on a beach, but bear with me.  (According to my encyclopedia, oysters are found on rocks and other surfaces like that…)  For the record, I don't like oysters or clams.  They're just… slimy.  Ick.  (My parents like them though, and fail to see why I don't have the burning desire to shove them down my throat.  I wonder.)

If I was experienced in the whole – er, attraction factor (for lack of a better term) – I probably would have ended it with Kagome and Inu Yasha eating the oysters.  It would've been funnier, not to mention more, er, "fun".  But I'm not.  So out it goes.  (And what would they have done, one day after their, er, rendezvous, and found out oysters aren't an aphrodisiac?  Oh, I would pay money to see that…)

I like ramen.  I had some for lunch.  It was Sapporo-Ichiban Ramen.  It was good.  In fact, I want some now.  But I don't have any.  -_- Kagome should count her blessings.  (Then again, even I get sick of it three weeks straight.)

Chances are, it's believable that Hojo would give oysters to Kagome very freely, and without any idea of the connotations.  Myself, I only found it out recently ^_^ If you didn't know, don't be embarrassed – I sympathize with you.

The original challenge: Food can be a great source of comfort (and on some occasions, sensuality...), but it is something we largely take for granted. As for cooking, it can be a great stress relief for some and a harrowing experience for others. The greatest thing here though, is that Takahashi doesn't show very much in the way of cooking or eating (except Inu-Yasha and his Ramen...and some random campfire scenes...) And of course, what is the purpose of cooking without someone to enjoy the food? ^_^

^_^ Er, I don't know how much I managed to bring food into this (it's just such a random piece of fluffiness), but hey – it's fun.  As it is, I wasn't entirely sure what the challenge was, but I did my best.  And if I didn't answer it, then it's just a fanfic!  Yay!


~ March 13, 2002