Disclaimer: I own nothing, but I wish I did. Anyone in Japan willing to sell Kakashi, Iruka, and select others to me in exchange for labor? I make a mean cup of coffee.

A.N. : Hello! I am a huge fan of IruKaka, and thus I have written this. Inspired by thoughts of my "Aneki," Rowanashke, Watching Chris Rock on Comedy Central, and listening to Banana Phone on loop. Don't do it. It makes you think wierd things. ON TO THE STORY!

Sometimes, Kakashi wondered why he let the other shinobi talk him into these things. All he wanted was to go home, make a nice pot of tea, read the last chapter of his new Icha Icha book, and finish off the leftover eggplant miso. Maybe after that, he would've put a movie and fall asleep on the couch. But no, he had to let Asuma talk him into going to check out the new performer at Number Four, the alternative men's club buried deep within the shadier side of Konoha. He hadn't wanted to go, but Asuma had pestered him for nearly half an hour, making reading that last chapter of Icha Icha very difficult.

Finally, after reading the same page for the fifth time, he closed the book with a sigh, and Asuma grinned in victory. The silver haired jounin stood from his perch on the couch and walked towards the bedroom to change. No one in his right mind would go to a place like Number Four in their shinobi unifrom. People might recognize you, and if they recognized you, they talked. And Kakashi definitely had a reputation to uphold.

He'd emerged from his room in a pair of tight black pants and a tight black tee shirt, tucked in to his pants. Asuma grinned, he looked pretty good, but he would be recognized, because Kakashi refused to remove the mask and hitai-ate. He grinned, and pulled two items form his pocket; a scarf (black) and an eye patch. Kakashi took them, turned his back on his friend, and changed his 'accessories'. When he turned, Asuma grinned. Now he just looked like a freak with a cold.

-&-&-&-

The scene inside Number Four was very different from any atmosphere Kakashi had ever been in. Men, and some women, sat at small tables, talking softly and enjoying a variety of alcoholic beverages. Asuma spoke to someone at the entrance, and both shinobi were led to a table near the left side of the stage. The tables in their immediate area were empty, and Kakashi turned his chair a bit, so that he could keep an eye on the people streaming in and out of the establishment.

Asuma ordered them both drinks, one that Kakashi didn't touch. As the lights went down in the audience, the crowd cheered softy, and the lights outlining the edge of the stage came to life. An announcer's voice from an undisclosed location made welcomed them to the club and then announced the first performer. The crowd cheered again, and a loud pumping beat began, and a man dressed in a pair of tight leather shorts and a matching vest slipped from behind the curtain. A few people in the crowd cheered for him, and he grinned, beginning his routine.

Kakashi looked away disinterested as the man performed, and slowly took an inventory of the people in attendance. Four women, one that looked a bit like Anko, but with bright red hair and warm green eyes. She was focused on the dancer and nothing else. He passed on to the next person that caught his eye.

Ibiki?!

Kakashi blinked his eye, praying his mind was playing tricks on him, but the burly Interrogation specialist was there, watching the show, albeit a bit less interested than the Anko look-a-like. As the audience cheered and clapped again, Kakashi turned back to the stage to see the first performer had finished and was taking a bow before exiting.

A pole lowered from the ceiling, and two attendants quickly fastened it to the stage. They left, and the announcer introduced them to the nest performer, a young woman. Kakashi watched, barely interested. Asuma sure seemed into it, especially when the girl slid into a split, bending backward to grab her ankle, stretching her body. For the first time, he noticed some young girls walking around in sheer dresses with baskets. Asuma fished some money from his pocket and deposited it in the basket as it passed him. Kakashi raised an eyebrow at the man, and Asuma explained the patrons were not allowed to touch, and they had other performers walk around with baskets so that anyone wishing to tip the performer could still do so. Kakashi shrugged and turned back to the stage.

He wished Asuma hadn't brought him here. He wasn't enjoying himself, and he wanted to just lay on his couch and read.

"Why did you bring me here?" Kakashi asked. "This isn't even remotely interesting."

Asuma just grinned and pointed to the stage. The lights dimmed, and a slow, seductive rock song began to play. A figure crawled from between the curtains, hair hanging, blocking the performer's face. Bored, Kakashi decided to actually watch the performance. The figure didn't get very far, a leash was attached to a collar around his neck. The person holding the leash emerged from the curtain as well, wearing a pair of tight leather pants held to his hips by a studded belt. The man matched his slave, who wore a pair of tight blue shorts. Kakashi's eyes widened.

Izumo was holding the leash. But who was he restraining? Kakashi couldn't see, even as the figure, a man, stood and approached the pole, a hand gripping it lazily, his legs coming up to grip the cold steel, using his legs to push himself up the pole, legs wrapping tight as he let his body hand upside down, head facing the entrance. Izumo reached up and removed the leash, slinking to the front of the stage dancing sensuously, hands roaming his body. Kakashi watched his friend dance, and leaned back in his chair. Suddenly, Izumo walked back to the pole, spun around the base a few times and reached up, running his hands over the upside down man's body before slipping back through the curtain.

The man on the pole slowly slide down the pole, still upside down as his shoulders hit the stage. He rolled back, to his knees, sinking down flat, before slinking to his feet, grabbing the pole and swinging around it, legs out straight. He swung to the bottom of the pole and then using only his arms, pulled himself back up the pole, swung his legs up, locked them and spun around the pole, sinking halfway before he gripped his legs tight, stilling himself. From this position, Kakashi could finally see the man's face.

It was Iruka.

Kakashi swallowed and sat forward in his chair a bit. He watched as Iruka pressed his hands to the floor, and flipped off of the pole, slipping into a split. He swung his legs around and lay flat on his back, slowly spreading his legs and arching his back to sit up. His gaze was seductive, and his eyes focused on Kakashi's face. He winked at him and returned to his routine. He stood back up, body rolling, and swung around the pole as the music picked up.

Kakashi watched the peformance, enraptured as Iruka moved, his body telling a story as he moved on the pole. When Iruka slid to the floor and did not move, for a second, Kakashi panicked, thinking that something had happened to Iruka, but the lights came up a bit, and the audience broke into wild cheers. Kakashi sat there somewhat blankly, and when the performer with the basket came by, he placed a large amount of ryo into it and reached for his room temperature drink and knocked it back quickly, sitting back in his chair.

Asuma sat back as well, and grinned at Kakashi.

"What did you think?"

"Unn..." Kakashi stared at the empty stage, and Asuma laughed, patting his shoulder.

"I thought you might like that. Didn't think he had it in him, did you?"

Kakashi shook his head, finally regaining the ability to speak.

"Izumo was his.. His handler? That's a little odd. Isn't he with Kotetsu?"

"Yeah," Asuma conceded. "But Izumo's a performer, and Kotetsu doesn't mind. In fact, he's the one that taught Iruka how to do that."

Kakashi shook his head again and stood up to leave when the first performer of the night approached him.

"Um, sir..." He said, a small grin on his face. "Iruka-san would like you to join him backstage, sir, if you'd follow me?"

Kakashi passed a bewildered glance at Asuma and followed the man. What did Iruka want with him? The two rarely associated, and the last time he'd actually talked to Iruka was when the chuunin had gotten upset at him for putting his team up for the Chuunin Exams. Stepping up to the door of Iruka's dressing room, the dancer knocked and grinned at Kakashi before walking off.

"Come in," Iruka's voice bade, and Kakashi pushed the door open uneasily, stepping into the room. It was warmly lit, and Iruka sat in front of a mirror, brushing out his hair. He smiled in the mirror's reflection, eyes locking onto Kakashi's approaching form.

"I must say, Kakashi-sensei, when I saw you in the audience tonight, I was rather intrigued." He turned from the mirror and leaned on the vanity table, still dressed in his tight shorts, but he'd added a robe. "What is Sharingan Kakashi doing in a seedy little place like Number Four on a Saturday night?"

He stood up and walked towards Kakashi, pulling him into the room and shutting the door behind him. Kakashi turned immediately to keep his eyes on Iruka, slightly suspicious, as Iruka resumed speaking.

"I bet you were surprised when you saw me. After all, this is probably the last place you'd ever expect to see an Academy teacher. I have to admit, this was supposed to stay Izumo's and mine's secret, but Asuma came by one day, and then the next week he brought Ibiki. They've been coming for about a month now. But tonight, you were the first, other than them to recognize me."

He stepped closer to Kakashi, a sultry smile upon his face, and he put a hand on Kakashi's shoulder, gently directing him towards a chair. Kakashi slowly sat in the chair Iruka offered, and the chuunin sat down across from him, crossing his legs, smirk still on his face.

"Why, Kakashi, you haven't said one word to me..."

"I honestly don't know what to say. I came here, not knowing what to expect. And then, you and Izumo come out, and you started to dance."

Iruka laughed and stood back up, shedding his robe and stepping closer to Kakashi, so that he could slip into Kakashi's lap. He ran his hands over Kakashi's chest and scarf covered face.

"Did you like my dancing?" He asked, voice a mere whisper as he leaned close, mouth a hair's width from Kakashi's ear. His breath puffed across the delicate skin that resided there, and Kakashi shivered.

He hissed, and grabbed Iruka's hips, attempting to push the smaller man from his body. But when Iruka's tongue flickered over the shell of his ear, Kakashi hissed, and pulled Iruka closer. Iruka smirked to himself and pulled down the side of Kakashi's scarf to lick down Kakashi's neck. The silver haired jounin hastily pulled the scarf back up, and Iruka slid from Kakashi's lap, reaching towards the vanity table, pulling a dark silk scarf from the surface and securing it over his eyes.

"Kakashi," He whispered huskily. "Kiss me."

Kakashi stared enraptured as the tanned chuunin for a moment, hands gripping the man's shoulders, and he leaned forward, one hand deserting Iruka's waist to pull down his scarf. Lips free, he leaned forward slowly, pressing firm pink lips to Iruka's. He kissed Iruka slowly, and the dancer leaned forward, pushing Kakashi back in his chair, mouth furiously attacking the jounin's, tongue slipping from his mouth to run across Kakashi's lip.

Kakashi opened his mouth, allowing Iruka to slide his tongue in, searching, fighting with his own. The kiss was furious, heated, and it excited Kakashi. He hadn't ever really been with a person so passionately before, except for once, with his sensei, Namikaze Minato. But that was a long time ago, and Kakashi was nearly double his age; a long time to go without intimate contact. He let Iruka dominate him because, even though he barely knew the chuunin teacher, he trusted the man.

Just as Iruka made to slide his hand over Kakashi's growing erection, there was a persistant knock. Iruka groaned and slipped from Kakashi's waist, walking to the door, as Kakashi pulled his scarf back up and put on an air of nonchalance. Iruka pulled the scarf from his eyes, played with his hair and opened the door, a bored look on his face.

"Yes?" It was Izumo. And he didn't look happy.

"Nobu-san wants to see us."

"Can't it wait?" Iruka asked impatiently, glancing over his shoulder at Kakashi, who was watching the scene, unsure of what to do or say. Izumo gave an apologetic look and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"It's about our contract, Ruka, we've got no choice." And in an added whisper. "I can buy you a few minutes to say goodbye and change."

Iruka nodded and shut the door, turning back to Kakashi. "Kakashi, I'm sorry. I have to go meet with the boss." Kakashi waved a hand dismissively.

"Maa, it's alright. I'll just head home. See you around, ne?" Kakashi's eye turned up in a grin, and he headed towards the door.

"Kakashi, I'd like to see you again. For dinner?"

Kakashi stopped moving and turned his head to focus his eye on Iruka's face.

"That'd be nice."

"Monday night, seven?" Iruka walked to his travel bag, and set it on the vanity. Without any shred of insecurity, he stripped his clothing away, reaching for a pair of tan pants and stepping into them. Kakashi thought for a moment, eyes glued to Iruka's skin. He swallowed, hand glued to the door.

"I'm free."

"I'll stop by your apartment to pick you up." Less likely to be late if I come find you. "Is that okay?"

"Sure, I'll be ready." Kakashi turned his hand to open the door, but Iruka grabbed his arm and pulled the taller man back, pulling him down for a lips-to-fabric kiss. Iruka stepped back a bit, eyes sparkling.

"It's a date, Kakashi."

End Notes: This chapter is extremely censored, as is mean, and I don't want to get into trouble. If you'd like to read the uncensored version, a link can be found in my profile!

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