The Way We Used to Be
Chapter 1:
This was what felt right, the hard casing of a gun in her hand, adrenaline pumping through her veins, her boot on the chest of the target, pinning him to the ground. This was home.
Natasha pressed her sole a little harder into the burly German beneath her, Herr Fritz Ackermann. The man was an associate of the Italian mafia, born to an Italian mother and German father. He was currently involved in a major smuggling operation involving illegal nuclear weapons between SHIELD enemy Hydra and Northern Pakistan, though Natasha did not care about this right now. Her objective was to take him in for interrogation by Fury, not to gather information.
She reached into her utility belt and pulled out a small syringe given to her by SHIELD's outfitters. "I'm not a doctor," she told the pinned man, "So you'd better hold still." Plunging the needle into the man's neck she counted ten seconds before he blacked out. Then she pulled out her small standard-issue radio. "Agent Romanov," she said, "Bring us home."
Returning home was often the hardest part of a mission. Over her the course of her entire career, which let's face it, consisted of most of her life, Natasha had found that she couldn't just slip from Black Widow to Natasha Romanov as easily as so many of the others could. It seemed so easy for people like Clint, Steve, and Tony who were essentially the same person both on the battlefield and off, or Bruce who literally became a whole different…well not a different person exactly…but something else entirely. They could basically just walk from war zone to their living room with the only difference being the shedding of a costume, or ironman armor (or in Banner's case, a few hundred pounds).
It was different for her. Though the differences between Black Widow and Natasha were sometimes difficult to spot, they made all the difference, and it was not a simple transition to make. It was a transition that had recently become a lot more difficult.
"MOMMEE!" shrieked a high voice as Natasha walked through the door to the small apartment Tony had given her in the Avengers' Tower. A little mess of red hair and yellow pajamas came running at her from within.
"Hello Sofia," Natasha replied somewhat stiffly, as she picked the little girl up.
From deeper within the apartment Clint emerged, a fuzzy blanket in one hand and a plastic tiara on his head. "Sweetheart," he said, "Mommy needs a minute to get settled in again, and it's time for bed. We need to finish your story."
"Hello Princess," she smiled at him.
He shot her the If-you-say-anything-about-this-later-I-am-going-to-do-terrible-things-to-you look, but ruined it with a small smile.
Sofia reluctantly allowed her mother to put her back on the ground and dragged her feet back to her father. "No fun," she mumbled as she was wrapped in her blanket and lifted into her father's arms.
"No fun huh?" asked Clint, "No I guess we never have any fun at all," he said tickling her belly and making her shriek and wiggle in his arms. "I guess there won't be any more stories tonight since they're all no fun…" He carried the little girl back into her bedroom, giggling and protesting the end of the story.
Natasha took a deep breath and the smile slid off her face. This was why it was hard to come home. She couldn't be Black Widow here, but she was never quite able to get rid of her either.
Exhausted, she flopped down on their sofa and waited for Clint to come back. It was amazing, she reflected, how fast things changed. Only four years ago she had come back from a mission with Clint and in a flurry of heightened hormones and a total disregard for common sense, little Sophia was suddenly brought into the picture. Now she was nearly three, and had changed everything. Clint had given up his role as Hawkeye, deciding that it was too dangerous when he had a little girl counting on him to tuck her in. Seemingly overnight, Clint had gone from her fighting partner and best friend to a diaper toting, plastic tiara wearing, Super-Dad, which was great for Sophia, but Natasha missed the old Clint a lot more than she'd ever admit.
Natasha hadn't given up her Black Widow role. She couldn't stand to stay home with the baby. She'd nearly lost her sanity while she was pregnant and unable to participate in missions. On more than one occasion (though she'd never tell Clint or Sophia this) she had considered just terminating the pregnancy altogether. Only the thought of how devastated Clint and the rest of the Avengers would be stopped her. He had been so thrilled when Natasha had told him, and had immediately told everyone. They'd all shown their excitement in different ways, from Thor who had delivered bone-crushing hugs declaring his happiness in his typical booming voice with a "MANY CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU"; to Steve who had shyly been handing Hawkeye America-themed baby clothes; to Tony who had initially expressed irritation for the two of them "going all domestic" on him, but by the next day was building a variety of contraptions that could be sent to school with the child and be used to kick the crap out of any bullies who bothered them.
Nobody had ever asked Natasha how she felt about it though. They'd just assumed.
In truth, Natasha hated this. As much as she loved her daughter, and had even grown to love Clint, she was bored. The monotony of her day-to-day life was getting to her. She hated being ordered around to wherever Fury decided he wanted her, she was sick of the responsibilities of parenthood, and was growing increasingly frustrated with the new domestic Clint. Their relationship was suffering because while she would come home with stories of espionage and action, there were only so many anecdotes about pabulum and diaper rash that she could handle. Clint was thriving on parenthood, but Natasha was suffocating.
She missed being free and impulsive, missed getting to pick and choose her employers as she had when she was younger. She was bored and trapped in domestic monotony, and as far as she could tell there was no way out.
Hello new readers! I hope you enjoyed this. It's my second fanfic ever so please leave any kind of reviews! I love feedback!